Forlorn Words
by Akisame Moonlight
Summary: I have no need for things like friends, family or love. I was content with living my life like a doll, plastering a smile over my face, but when Fate forced me into a video-game, just how long can I keep up this facade? Dark, OC Self-insert.
1. Choices

**Forlorn Words**

**A/N: **Hey everyone! This is my new story, Forlorn Words. I've always wanted to write a self-insert, but I didn't know which series to insert into. Also, there isn't a lot of ToA self-inserts, so I wanted to try writing one. Hope it turns out well! :)

To all those who have read my other stories and want to know if I'm updating or not, look on my profile page because I just updated. I will (for the most part) continue my other stories unless I feel that I simply cannot write it anymore because of major, major writers block.

Note: To those who want to give my new story a try, please do, but I thought I'd give a little warning first. Unlike most self-inserts, that are mostly humour stories, but my story is more serious (as noted by the angst genre), but most of angst parts probably won't be until much later. Of course there will be a few humorous scenes to lighten the mood as well. :D Hope you enjoy Forlorn Words! No flames please, but criticism is welcomed.

**Disclaimer:** I sadly do not own this marvellous game known as Tales of the Abyss. :(

* * *

**Chapter One: Choices**

Sometimes in life, you are given choices: tough choices, easy choices; choices in which it will change everything you had ever thought of about life. Everyone is given a choice, though some people will consider the choices carefully, while others will waste no time following down a path blindly just because.

And I was one of those people.

I was like a lifeless puppet. I had bought back straight A's, cook, clean, and smile like everything was perfect. I had never thought about rebelling before or even voicing my opinions. I didn't want anyone to hate me so that was why I had never shown anyone the real me. Actually, I wasn't one hundred percent sure what the real me was really like. Essentially, I tried to be someone whom everyone could be satisfied with: kind, caring, hardworking, smart, and a complete and total sweetheart.

Basically a fake.

But life was easy that way. Although I couldn't help but feel distanced from those I called my friends and family. I couldn't help but feel… empty. I never shown them what kind of person I truly was, call me a coward if you will, but that was how it had always been. That's how _I'd_ always been.

Lonely.

So, so lonely…

That was why, on that night, I walked down a foreign path for the first time. I had never thought much of it passed only after a few hours, everything will be back to the way it had always been, but that wasn't the case.

Who knew taking one simple step in a different direction could change everything drastically. Change how I view this world and other worlds, the people around me, and most of all, myself.

* * *

"Hey! You came!"

I swiftly turned my head to the owner of the voice, having only faintly heard her voice over the loud beating of the music. A pretty, blonde girl came over tumbling slightly, drunk. I quickly put on my best smile and waved.

"Yeah, awesome party by the way," I said, tucking a piece of my long, dark brown locks behind my ear sheepishly.

She giggled, "Though I didn't expect you to show. You didn't seem like the type who'd like to party."

She was right; I wasn't a partier. This was actually my first party, but there was no way I was telling her that. "Oh, really? Actually, I love to party! It's a great way to relax from all that studying, you know?"

"Oh… I see," she nodded, completely buying my lie.

"Then you should come more often," a guy spoke, wrapping his arms around the blonde, and started kissing her. Biting my tongue, I tried not to turn away in absolute disgust. Suddenly, he looked up at me, curious. "Hmm, how come you're still sober?"

"Same could be said to you," I answered innocently, changing the topic.

The girl giggled, "He's the world's best drinker. Hee hee…"

"I can hold my own pretty well, too."

Actually, I had the worst alcohol tolerance, but once again, they didn't need to know that. After all, what was one more fib going to do? It wasn't that hard for me to tell a lie with a straight face, since I had been lying all my life. I was the good girl, pure and honest to the core to the eyes of everyone whom I had ever met. So, having said that, you may be wondering what such a person, even a fake, was doing in a party full of teenage boys, alcohol, and no rules?

Well, to put it simply, I was sick of it. Everything.

Just a couple of hours ago, I came home from school, only to have my parents waiting for me with a disapproving look. As I found out later, one of my teachers had called to inform them that I recently failed my test. I mean, I was extremely shocked as well. I, who had always excelled academically, failed a test. I was really hoping that they wouldn't find out, but _apparently_, my teacher thought that they should know. This led to a huge argument between the three of us for the first time. My parents were enraged, and so was I. Eventually, I stormed out of the house. That was when I remembered about the party, and without a second thought, I headed straight over to drink my problems away.

Now here I was, feeling like an outsider. I drank a little to my utter distaste. I mean, really, alcohol was disgusting! It took everything I had not to regurgitate it back up.

"Here, have some more." The girl tossed me a bottle of beer to my dismay. She took out the one she was currently drinking and took in a huge mouthful. When I didn't start drinking alongside her, she motioned her hand to the bottle in mine, and to my horror, my body compelled. I drank and drank and drank until the bottle was completely cleaned of any liquid.

Bad move on my part.

The moment my lips were free from the glass container, it felt like my head got shot by a rubber bullet. I gasped and accidentally dropped the bottle, shattering it, but that was the least on my mind. My head ached to the point where I couldn't even stand. The couple didn't even notice me, as they once again began making out, this time a little more aggressively.

"Bathroom…" I muttered, getting up, wobbling to the stairs and towards the bathroom on the upper level. About twenty minutes later, I was cleared of everything I ate today.

"Stupid, stupid! I just had to drink the whole thing! Now if only I could find some aspirin…"

Not another second had passed before a wave of nausea hit me. I staggered a bit, clinging to the wall for support as I made my way over to the corner to rest, but before I could reach my destination, I suddenly felt myself falling over to the side, through a door not yet fully closed.

"Whoa! Are you okay?" A male voice suddenly made his way over to my side. "You look awful, maybe I should—Milee?"

At the sound of my name, I looked up. "You! What are you doing here?"

Of all the people I just _had_ to run into, it just had to be him. He was a couple years younger than me, but we were in the same band together. My music teacher had always been telling us to be a good role model for the younger students. If she hears about me being here… I couldn't help but shutter. I pray he'll keep his mouth shut.

"Um… I live here… but more importantly, what are _you_ doing here? Please don't tell me you're here for my sister's crazy party." I could tell he wasn't too pleased with the current events in his home.

"Well, you see…" I paused. What was I going to say? I kind of ran away, drank until half my brain cells were destroyed, and now I just want to curl up into a corner and die? Pfft, no! That would ruin my image! "It's just that—"

I was interrupted when I felt a sudden headache coming. I started to curl into a fetal position, rocking slightly back and forth. "Water…" I moaned softly.

I didn't expect him to hear that, but he bolted out the door as he yelled, "We'll talk later; don't die on me, Milee!"

Easier said than done.

As I waited for him to return, I tried to calm down but all I could hear was the blasting of the music downstairs, and people's voices yelling at each other. I sighed and started scanning the room.

It was messy to say the least. Clothes and food were everywhere, and on the walls were posters and displays of certificates and awards he had won in the past. Finally, my eyes landed on the television screen. In the middle of the screen was the word "Pause", and the background showed some kind of ship, flying things, and a bit of red.

Hmm… Why does that look so familiar to me? I noticed from the PS2 that it was some kind of game. Usually, I see my brother playing games since he always glues himself to his game consoles. I tried to think of the possibilities of what game that might be.

Let's see; ship, flying monsters—I presume, and red… ship, flying monsters, red—"Luke! Tales of the Abyss! Duh!" I would have hit myself in the head, but it seemed my poor head already had enough abuse for the night. I found it kind of ironic that it just so happens to be the only game I had ever played in my life. "Looks like they're on the Tartarus when the God-Generals attacked… Huh? Wait a sec—what's that?"

I never really noticed it before until now. Actually, I wasn't even sure it was there in the first place. There was a speck of white on top of the Tartarus, and no, it wasn't the clouds. It almost looked like a person. No, that wasn't possible but…

I signed, gathering what was left of my strength and crawled towards the television screen to get a better look. Soon, my face was against the screen. My eyes widened. I was right! It was a person. A woman with long, white hair from what I could tell. But there wasn't any female with long white hair in Tales of the Abyss, right? I looked over to her once more.

"That's so weird," I spoke under my breath.

"And it's about to get even weirder," a familiar female voice answered.

I reacted violently to the sound of the voice, and started choking on some of my own saliva. The woman in the screen was looking back at me, smirking. Without a second thought, a strong wave of nausea hit me, and my head started spinning once more. The last thing I heard before I blacked out was the sound of my name being called.

* * *

**A/N: **Yes, if you're wondering, the name is pronounced as Milly (just thought it looked better as Milee because Milly is just too common). So that's chapter one (or a prologue if you like). And yes, I know, she's being a bit emo there, but she gets better (eventually…).

Please review! I would really like to know what you think so far! It'll only take about a minute. :P Next chapter will be updated soon, I hope…


	2. Blood

**Forlorn Words**

**A/N:** Sorry it took a while to update, I was planning to update in a week or two after the first chapter, but sadly, I was bombarded with schoolwork and other stuff, which I should be doing. Though I'm not really in the mood: just a bad week… :(

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Tales of the Abyss for if I do, I would make plenty of changes. :)

* * *

**Chapter Two: Blood**

_Thump-thump-thump_

What was that?

"A-ahh!"

Voices. I heard voices… but whose voices?

It was warm and wet. Why?

Why was it so hard to breathe?

Why was I panicking?

Why?!

My eyes flashed open to the sight of red and blue. "Agh…" I groaned softly as my head pained, and body felt stiff. I tried to shift my body over to a comfortable position, but no matter what way I laid, the pain kept coming. Memories of the day before flashed through my eyes, causing me to let out another groan. "So this is what a hangover feels like. Note to self, never drink again… Now, where am I?"

The first thing I expected to see was maybe a bed or something the reminded me of still being inside a house, but to my horror, all I saw was a certain red liquid and bodies everywhere. I felt a chill go down my spine. So that was why it was so hard to breathe, I couldn't help but shuttered once more, and one very important question came to mind yet again but this time, much more urgently. _Where was I?!_

I slowly picked myself up, stumbling from side to side, and walked over to the first thing I saw, which happens to be a mangled corpse. Parts of his body were disembodied, and his face looked as if it's been crushed and partly eaten. For once, I was glad I already threw up all the contents in my stomach.

_Okay Milee, calm down._ I kept telling myself that, but my body wouldn't listen. I had never seen so much blood before, and the only time I ever had was cooking or accidentally giving myself paper cuts. Now that I had seen all of this, I definitely realized how spoiled I'd been about the horrors of the outside world.

I went and scanned the other corpses. There were a lot of people wearing some kind of uniform and many weapons lying around. Maybe they were from the military? But since when do they use swords in this day and age? And why did I suddenly wake up in the middle of what looked to be where a battle recently took place? My eyes shifted over to the bodies of some kind of strange creatures. They looked kind of like tigers except white, and their faces had purple and blue-green markings on them. Strange… they looked quite familiar, but I just can't seem to figure it out….

I reached over and pinched myself as hard as I could. My body reacted violently, and I pulled my hand away. It hurt. It hurt like hell.

"Okay, so this isn't a dream," I laughed. I think I finally snapped. "There's no way this isn't a dream."

I walked over to the wall and banged my head against it. I recoiled and fell to the floor, holding my throbbing head in my hands. I bit my lips, hard, drawing a bit of the same substance that was scattered across the hallway in hopes of easing the pain.

"Okay, that was a bad idea," I mumbled, before glancing over at the dead bodies once more. "But, there's no way this isn't a dream… right?"

I was left to ponder about this matter. The little voices in my head lingered to battle it out between dreams and reality. But what if this was real? What if I was really in some foreign country or something? But the question was: how did I get here?

"I should've just killed that reject!" Huh? Voices?

I stopped my internal battle and walked down the long, bloody hallway. I was curious and hopeful, although cautious if the people weren't as friendly as I hoped they'll be. Making my way through the dump of bodies, I came upon a room that was slightly open, and sure enough, there were people in the midst of a heated argument inside. I quickly covered my mouth from the soft gasps I let out. My two eyes almost popped right out of their sockets at the sight of the two people in the room: Asch the Bloody and Sync the Tempest.

"That's why those creatures look so familiar," I hissed to myself angrily before banging my head against the wall yet again. "Agh! How can I be so stupid?! Of course I should have noticed right away since I was staring at the damn Tales screen when I blacked out! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Wait—if I'm right… then that means I'm actually in—"

"Ahem."

My blood froze. Oh shit, how could I have forgotten? Slowly, I turned my head around to face a certain red-headed God-General. My first thoughts of him—if I wasn't scared shitless right now—would be that he was actually quite handsome to my surprise, since I was never really an Asch fan, but at the moment, he had quite a menacing glare and a deadly aura that screamed: "Who are you, and if you don't answer me in three seconds, I'll rip you to shreds". In short, Asch was scary.

"What's someone like her doing here? She doesn't look like a soldier," Sync commented from behind. I felt another chill run down my spine. To think that Sync had the face of cute, little Ion; I was almost positive he was glaring at me as well.

"Hey, answer! Who the hell are you?" Asch demanded, swinging his sword to my neck. "And what the hell are you doing on this ship?!"

"I—I," I stuttered. What was I supposed to say? 'Hey, I'm from another world that somehow ended up on the ship after passing out at a party, drunk. Care to help me get back to my world?' I'll be lucky if he didn't kill me on the spot. So now for Plan B. I looked at Asch with the biggest, most innocent eyes I could muster. "I don't know… I—I…" With that, I forced down some big, fat tears.

As calculated, he lowered his sword and looked absolutely horrified at the situation. Thankfully, he didn't forget the fact that he grew up as a noble and learned the mannerism of one as well; a.k.a. don't make girls cry.

I heard Sync snort. "This looks troublesome; so I'm leaving this to you, Asch," he said as he began walking away.

"Hey! We're not done yet!" he diverted his attention from me to the youngest God-General.

"Yes, apparently we are. Oh and here's some advice: open your eyes and look closer. I'm willing to bet that those are fake tears."

_Shit!_ I cringed, and I now regained the full attention of Asch the Bloody. Fangirls are just dying to be in my place right now. Note the sarcasm.

I felt cool metal touch my neck. My eyes instantly shifted to meet Asch's. "How dare you make a fool out of me?!" he grabbed the front of my shirt and glared. I meeped quietly but panic rose in my voice. He snorted, and thankfully, his tone came out less harsh. "Well, before I decide to kill you off, just for the sake of it, how much did you hear anyways?" he asked; his emerald eyes narrowed dangerously.

"H-hear?" I stammered, backing up as far as I could—which wasn't very far thanks to the wall behind me and Asch's hold. "I didn't hear anything. Honest."

The sword drew in closer until I felt the tip dig into my skin, and something dripped down my neck. "So you were just standing right outside the door, and you didn't hear anything?"

"That's right!" I shouted, trying not to show fear. If I can't win using innocence, I may as well look fierce. I glared at the red-head, remembering why I didn't like him that much in the first place. "Such a prick; an arrogant, replica obsessed hot-head," I rolled my eyes as I muttered quietly under my breath, not expecting him to hear that, but soon I felt my body hit the wall with an enormous force and a fist came crashing down to the left of my head. I quickly looked up. Big mistake, Asch was pissed.

"What was that? I thought you didn't hear anything," he mocked, leaning down so we were eye to eye.

I didn't know what came over me, but I completely regretted what came out of my mouth next. "Not outside the door, down the hall, Asshole."

Before he could retaliate, I heard a familiar voice rang throughout the Tartarus. Honestly, I couldn't ask for a better timing. "By my name as Necromancer, heed my command. Initiate emergency plan, "Corpse Hunt"." Jade, I love you.

I took this as a chance to make my escape. I got to find the party if I wanted any chance of surviving. Taking a deep breath, I slammed my head forward, smashing Asch's head—and sadly mine as well. I saw his forehead turned bright red. That was definitely going to leave a bruise! I would be laughing, but my forehead probably looked somewhat similar, to my dismay. I quickly pushed him away the moment he lowered his guard and ran for my life.

"Shit! After her!" I heard him shout, but I didn't bother turning around to see who was chasing me, because frankly, I didn't care. I just wanted to get as far away from him as possible.

I rounded a corner, only to have a liger burst through the wall. It glared at me, bearing its large, sharp fangs. I slowly backed away and grabbed the sword of a slain soldier I saw through my peripherals. I was so glad that my family was one of those odd families that own swords for whatever reason. As a child, I often played with them and tried to imitate moves I saw on T.V. But to say that I was rather good with swords… was quite the overstatement…

"Good kitty, kitty," I whispered, lightly swinging the sword side to side, trying not to drop it. It eyed me carefully, looking ready to jump at any moment. "Come on. Turn around and walk away." Somewhere deep inside of me, no matter how silly this sounds, I hoped that Arietta trained that monster well. To answer my prayers, it bared its fangs at me.

"Found you!" A soldier cried as he rounded the corner.

It all happened so fast. The moment I turned away, the liger lunged. I narrowly avoided its claws though; I can't say the same for part of my blouse. I stumbled back, falling on my rear end, but I hurried to get up. The Oracle Soldier charged, bring his sword down, slashing my right leg. I felt nauseous as the same red liquid pour hungrily down my leg. He swung again, this time, I managed to counter it. My arms got stiff and heavy in a hurry from that one blow.

_Wow, this guy is strong, or maybe I'm just a lot weaker than I originally thought… But what am I supposed to do now? Kill the guy? No, thanks; I'm only seventeen, and _supposedly_ sweet and innocent, not one those hands are stain with blood. But then again, what are my other options? Keep running until I find Luke and the others? They should be at the emergency hatch, but where hell is it?!_ I mentally ranted.

"Ah!" I gasped as he knocked me up against the wall. _Oh crap, I'm dead!_ My eyes widened as he lifted his sword above his head and swung. I closed my eyes and pulled my sword up in front of me, but the force knocked me off my feet. Literally.

I wasn't sure what happened, because as I fell, I felt my leg go up and hit something hard. Soon afterwards, the soldier collapsed, grunting in pain while holding his crotch.

"Oh my god," I mouthed. What incredible luck… this must be a bad sign. You were probably thinking 'What?!", but trust me when I say this. My luck sucked beyond compare, and when something good actually happens, it _always_ mean something bad was coming.

I heard a roar behind me. _Shoot, forgot about him! _

I swung my sword as it attacked; I managed to slash its cheek. Apparently, it wasn't too happy. It charged at me, and I thrust the sword head on, stabbing it in the eye. It hissed in pain, but I had no sympathy for it, and repeatedly stabbed it until it stopped moving. I took in many deep breaths, leaning on the bloody sword. "Awesome! Now, time to get moving."

"N-not yet!" My eyes widen at the sound of the fallen soldier's voice. Without realizing it, I reacted to the first thing that came to mind and swung my sword violently.

My sword slashed the soldier from below his heart upward to his shoulder blades. Instantly, I dropped my sword, along with the now fresh corpse among the many onboard.

"…" I stared, trying to process everything that came to mind. I reached my right hand over to my wrist and pinched it as hard as I possibly could. It hurt. It flipping hurt. "I killed him…"

I shivered and breathed hard, but the only thing I was able to smell was the thick, fresh scent of metallic and salt. This wasn't supposed to happen. No, I refused to believe that I was now a murder. No, I was not a murder! He wasn't even real, just some unimportant fictional character! "That's right, this is just a game," I managed to choke out, trying but failing, to convince myself. The pressure was choking me, and all of a sudden, it was like the temperature dropped ten degrees. I shook my head. "Snap out of it! I have to find Luke. Remember, this isn't real. Once I'm back home, it'll be as if this was a distance, very, very realistic dream…"

Quickly, I ripped a piece of my blouse and wrapped it around my bloody leg, picked myself up and ran. I didn't know where I was running to, since all the hallways looked the same. I forcefully killed every monster and soldiers I saw, constantly reminding myself that it didn't count as killing. Suddenly, a soldier appeared in my field of vision. Once again, I charged at him. He dodged and elbowed my sides. I fell and my sword went flying several metres. "Shit…"

That was when I ran like hell. Blood flowed to my cheeks, and I was getting very, very tired. My legs burned, especially the injured one. "Can't r-run… any… more…" I hissed, leaning against a wall for support. "I'm going to die… but I can't move. Oh god, they're going to kill me. I'm going to die in a fictional world."

"As if I'll let that happen."

Before I could have time to process what was happening, a hand grabbed my shoulder, and I was forcefully shoved inside a room. "Wha—"

A hand covered my mouth. "Shhh! Do you _want_ to get caught?" I immediately shut up. Whoever she was, she just saved my ass.

My eyes scanned the room, it looked to be a weapon room but most of the weapons were gone. After a moment, when the footsteps had long passed, the hand released me, and I turned to face my saviour. I nearly choked. "You!"

Sure enough, even in the dim room, I could clearly tell who my saviour was. Long, white flowing hair, pale skin, and smiling red eyes: it was the girl I saw on the television screen just before I passed out.

"Hey," she grinned, not being fazed by my glare.

"It's you! You're the reason I'm in this game!" It wasn't a question. I was deadly pissed.

"What makes you say that?" she asked innocently, but I growled at her in response. "Do you really think I have nothing better to do than to trap teenagers inside video games just for fun? Come on, you know I'm not like that."

"I don't even know you! Besides that, you were smirking at me just before I passed out; what do you have to say to that?!" I barked, grabbing the front of her shirt. But she just stared at me, wide in shock. "What? Why are you looking at me like that?" Okay, now I was officially creep out.

"You mean you really _don't_ recognize me?" she spoke with complete disbelief in her question.

"N-no…? Sh-Should I…?" I slowly let go of her shirt. Should I? I asked myself once more. No I shouldn't but… I looked back at her.

The girl's confused look suddenly changed to one of pleasure, you know the one you usually see on the faces of sadists. "Oh this is absolutely yummy!" she giggled, eyeing me like I was her new toy. I stared back at her like a hawk. Now, I really don't trust her, even if she did save me.

She went to the back of the room and grabbed something before she kicked the back wall, knocking a huge chunk out of it. I jumped, not expecting this kind of strength from her. In the light, I could see the outline of a long, thin sword. "Here, you'll need this. Now, hurry and catch up to Luke and the gang. If you don't, I can't guarantee your safety," she sang, still freaking me out with that smile.

I blinked, before her words sunk in. "What? Wait a sec! I'm not going anywhere but home! Take me back!" I demanded, but she put the sword into my hands and smiled—a really, really disturbing smile. "Why are you looking at me like that…?"

She reached her hands out and cupped my face. I opened my mouth to yell at her again, but she quickly placed her lips onto mine. I gagged and pushed her away. "What the hell?!" I screamed, face flushing, but it was rapidly cut short when a pain shot up my body.

I fell to the ground, wrapping my arms around it, but it didn't help. It was like being stabbed over and over again. I was shaking tremendously. "What did… you do… to me?!" I demanded; my voice sounded rough, but the pain eventually subsided.

She grinned and bent down to my level. "Don't die," she whispered into my ears, sending shivers down my spine before walking towards the door.

I stood there for a moment, before the words sunk into my mind. I quickly spun around. "Wait—huh?"

She was gone, disappeared into thin air. I was sure she didn't go out into the hallways. I didn't hear the door open… but how? I tried to contemplate over the situation before realization hit me. I was stuck here, with no way of getting back. The one who brought me here was gone, and even if I could find her again, what were the chances she'll listen and take me back to my world?

I sighed. I didn't understand anything, but what I knew was I can't stay here. She was right; I had to find the party. It was the only way to survive in this world until I can find my own way back. I looked around the room in searched for a sheath, a couple of small knives, and whatever gald and gels I could find before I went through the opening at the back on a hunt for our protagonists.

Even though she brought me here, did something freaky to my body and stole my first kiss—curse her; maybe she wasn't that bad after all. I mean, at least she left me a way out.

* * *

Okay, scratch that. I hate her.

The moment I walked out of that 'doorway', all the ligers and griffins looked at me with a very heavy murderous aura.

"F…," I hissed, tossing around all the curse words I knew in my head before turning in the other direction and sprinting for my life. And once again, I was being chased. Had there ever been a time I was _not_ being chased, irritated and, or almost killed since arriving to this freakish place? I think not…

"Run, run, run, just run dammit!" I told my legs as it started to burn. I looked to my right and noticed a ladder that reach towards the upper level and a door right behind it.

"That must be it!" I cried in delight. "Now, I just need to make it there! Hurry you stupid legs—Gah!"

I felt someone yank the back of my shirt, and I abruptly fell backwards. Luckily, that person was still holding onto my shirt, which saved me the agony of another bruise on my butt.

"My, what do we have here?"

Oh. My. Gosh. Why does this voice sound so familiar? Please tell me it was him. Slowly I turned my head, and I forcefully choked down my excitement. Standing before me—and holding on to me—was none other than Jade Curtiss.

* * *

**A/N: **Well as you can see, next chapter is the meeting with the party! :) And if you are wondering about the kiss, to clarify, there is no romance going on between the two! Actually, I pretty sure there won't be any romance at all in this story.

Oh and I apologize if I just a horrible battle scene. I'm definitely not good at fights parts…

Anyways, please review! I'll try to update sooner next time! :D


	3. Fights

**Forlorn Words**

**A/N: **I know I haven't updated in a while. I've just been so busy, but I made this chapter a little longer than the other ones plus I added in a little preview of next chapter. :)

By the way, I know I said at the end of the second chapter that there would be no romance at all, but what I meant was, there are no serious relationships going on between characters, just like in the game. **However**, there will be cute fluff, as I love fluff and romance, and some scenes I plan to put in (if I ever make it that far…) might suggest some things between Milee and another character, but to be clear, there is no serious relationship at all. I want this to be more of an adventure story rather than romance. Hope that clear things up a bit. ;)

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Tales of the Abyss :(

* * *

**Chapter Three: Fights**

Wow. He was better looking in real life.

I know, I know: he was eighteen years older than me. So sue me. Just because I was a fan of Jade, didn't mean any more than that.

I could see his red orbs looking down on me, calculating. Behind him, I could see Luke and Tear, who, also, held questioning looks in their eyes. I had to admit, Luke and Asch really do look alike, unlike in the game, in which you could easily tell between the two. And Tear: wow, she was drop dead gorgeous! I suddenly felt very self-conscious about myself, tearing away my gaze.

"Just who the hell are you?" I heard Luke ask rather rudely, crossing his arms and tapping his foot.

"I," I began but quickly remembered something. "We'll talk later, right now, run!"

The three looked confused—though Jade didn't show it—before I pointed to a horde of monsters coming right at us. They finally reacted, and Jade let me go before we all ran to the emergency hatch. We just barely made it in time, as Jade made sure to lock the doors to the hatch so the monsters couldn't get in.

"That was a close one," Luke sighed, sliding down to the ground.

"Mieuuu."

If I had dog ears, they would have probably perked up at that sound. Hastily, I faced the owner of the voice. Frankly, I'd always wanted to meet Mieu. He was just so adorable! I spotted a blue thing with the Sorcerer's Ring around his tummy. He turned around, and I caught sight of him for the first time.

He was just so… not as cute as I thought he'd be… No seriously, I thought he'd be the newborn puppy kind of cute that I had imagined for the longest time, but really, he wasn't that cute. I mean, he was cute in his own way, but he was kind of a disappointment for me. He looked cuter in the game…

"It looks like we made it in time: there they are," Jade spoke after glancing out the portholes. He turned to me with suspicion circulating within his eyes. "I don't have time to interrogate you, but I assume you have nothing to do with the Oracle Knights."

"Well, from the looks of it, those monsters didn't seem to think of her as a friend either," Tear pointed out, but she, too, was suspicious of me.

"They kind of want me dead," I told them bluntly and slightly pouting, flashing my arms out so they can see the damage done.

"So I can count on you to help us?" Jade smiled—noticing my sword—but I saw a gleam of sunlight reflected on the surface of his glasses. The hairs on my neck stood. "Unless, that is, you would prefer to stay on the Tartarus instead? Though, I doubt the God-Generals will let you live."

_Wow, Jade may even be scarier than Asch…_ I forced a smile with that thought in mind. "Of course not. I don't know what's going on," I lied, gripping the hilt of my sword. "But I'll do my best to help out."

"Good. Get ready, though more importantly, we can't use fonic artes. There's no time for casting," Jade said, keeping a close eye on the soldiers outside.

"It's not like you can use any decent fonic arts, anyways, with that fon slot seal," Luke muttered.

"How can you say things like that? The Colonel's been working hard to undo the fon slot seal," Tear scolded.

"I don't mind. It's the truth."

I looked back between the three and blinked. Wow, this was even cooler than in the game. I tried to suppress a smile as I heard someone coming up the stairs. I quickly pulled out my sword, grabbing the hilt a little _too_ hard. I bit my lips. I was going to have to kill humans again. I know I said that it wasn't real but the more time I spend in this world, the more I start to doubt myself.

So what if a few unimportant soldiers die? Would it make much of a difference story wise? Not at all! So why do I have this deep, painful feeling in my heart like I'd done something wrong? Like I committed a serious crime? And that I was going to sin once more.

I shook my head. It wasn't like I hadn't killed fictional characters before, what was a few more going to do?

The hatch opened, and an Oracle Knight appeared. "Fire! Now!" Luke commanded, and Mieu blew a huge flame out of his mouth.

"Whoa!" _Okay, I'll admit, that was awesome. I'm sorry for degrading you, Mieu._ I thought with a grin.

I saw Luke and Jade run out of the hatch and attacked. I took that as my queue as well and went out. Soldiers came charging from all sides. It was now or never, I guess. I swung with all my might at the soldiers nearby. Just like on the Tartarus, they were very strong, the only difference – there was _a lot_ of them here.

Though, on the plus side, it seemed like this sword was incredibly strong, sharp, and not as heavy for someone like me, who had absolutely zero arm muscles. With the help from Luke and Mieu, all the soldiers around us were either dead or unconscious.

"Tear! Your fonic hymn!" I heard Jade command.

"Tear...? Tear Grants!" I turned to see what was going on. I spotted a pretty, blonde woman with a surprised look on her face.

"Major Legretta!" Tear, too, was in a state of confusion.

Hey, wasn't this the part when they all let down their guard and—My eyes widened. "Look out!" I cried, but it was too late. A liger came out of the hatch and attacked Tear. On top of the liger was… really a girl with pink hair… I didn't honestly expect that; I thought it was just for show, you know, having girls with pink hair, but her hair was really _pink_! For crying out loud, you had got to be kidding me—"Ah!"

I dropped to the ground and hissed in pain before I noticed the tip of a sword pointing at my neck. Shit…

"Master, we're surrounded..." Well, thanks for stating the obvious. I think you just lost all the bonus points you'd recently won, Mieu.

"Arietta! What's happened to the Tartarus?"

"It's still inoperable... I was only able to get this far because my friends tore open the wall," Arietta said, holding her doll tightly.

"Good work. Restrain them and—" she paused, looking up at the sky before lowering it to continue, but suddenly, something came down from above.

A blond haired man knocked the soldiers away who were holding onto a green haired boy, who I'll admit looks like a girl, grabbed him and ran. Legretta pulled out her guns and started shooting, but he easily blocked them with his swords.

"Enter the amazing Guy!" he announced. _Guy! You don't know how happy I am to see you right now!_

"Aah!"

"Arietta!"

My turn! I took advantage of the stunned Oracle Knight and pushed away his sword, before knocking him down. He grunted and glared at me.

Jade moved his spear closer to Arietta's neck. "Now, drop your weapons once more and go back inside the Tartarus." Legretta glared hard at the Malkuth soldier before doing as he asks. The Oracle Knights compelled as well. Jade then turned to the girl he held captive. "You're next. Take your monsters inside."

But she looked over to Ion. "Fon Master, I... I..."

"Please do as he says, Arietta," Ion said.

With a dejected look, she went in with her monsters. Then Jade started pressing some buttons. I got curious and moved slightly closer without realizing. "Interested, are we?" I heard Jade's mocking voice. It took me several seconds to figure out that he was talking to me.

"N-no. Not at all," I turned away, slight blushing. Though, I could see from my peripherals that he was smirking, this in turn caused my face to redden even more.

"All of the hatches should stay closed for a while," Jade announced while walking back to the group, secretly enjoying the mind games he was playing with me.

_Must he be so cruel?_ I sighed, and I liked him because he was a sadist, too. Life never does work out the way you wanted it to. That was why I got stuck in the game, and why I was starting to mentally conjure up some sort of twisted plan to get back at Jade. Though, that was probably not a good idea…

"Whew. Thank goodness... Good timing Guy!" Luke cried to his long time servant and friend.

He smiled. "I looked all over for you, never thought you'd turn up in a place like this!"

"By the way, Ion, where's Anise?" Jade turned to the pale Fon Master.

"The enemy stole the emperor's letter. Anise went to get it back, but a monster knocked her out of a porthole," Ion answered, looking sad but brightened up again. "But I heard soldiers say that they couldn't find the body, so I'm hoping she's all right..."

Oh, she was alright. I sniffed a giggle as I conjured up an image of a cursing Anise as she was thrown out of a porthole. I love Anise. I really hope I stay long enough to meet her. Wait! That brings up a good point. What reason did I have to stay with the party? _Think, Milee, think! I have to stay with them! Maybe, just maybe, if I complete the game, I'll be able to get back? Seems reasonable enough… than again, I could be trapped here forever. Grrr… I should just hunt down that girl and interrogate her…_

"Let's get going. If we get caught here, the way that follows will claim the lives of many more," Tear spoke, and the others agree. When I didn't move, she looked over at me. "You, too."

"Oh—ah, r-right…" I nodded dumbly before following.

* * *

And once again, we ran. I swore with all the running I'd been doing in the past few hours, I bet can run a marathon twice by now…

The sun slowly came to its highest point by now, and thick layers of sweat covered us all—expect Jade of course. I glanced over at the most frail member of our group. He definitely looked exhausted, poor thing, but he probably didn't want to be a burden for all of us healthier people.

_Okay Ion, you can stop now._ I screamed in my head, feeling bad for him. But he didn't seem like he was going to speak up until he collapsed. I opened my mouth to say something, but Luke was way ahead of me.

"Hey, you okay?" We all stopped and stared at Ion, who was holding his knees for support and breathing quite heavily.

"Ion... you used Daathic fonic artes aboard the Tartarus, didn't you?" Jade questioned. Grrr, leave him alone Jade! He had already been through enough!

"I'm sorry. My body just isn't built to use Daathic fonic artes..." Ion said, his breathing finally sounding much better. "A fair bit of time his passed, so I thought I'd recovered, but..."

I honestly just want to reach out and hug him right now, but I quickly shook off that thought and spoke up, "Then let's rest for a while, all that running can't be good for you in your condition."

"I'm sorry…" I heard Ion apologized once more.

The party agreed, and we headed off the main path to somewhere with more cover to rest. While we were resting, Luke started explaining to Guy about what had happened so far, I slightly tuned him out, as I was aware of the situation. I leaned back against a tree, as for the first time since I had been here, I was finally able to relax. Now that I was able to clear my mind, I started going over some things I learned so far.

First; I was in a fictional world and sadly, this was _not _a dream. I talked to, fought against and even _killed _fictional characters. Secondly, the person who brought me to this world kind of disappeared on me, and I had no clue as to where to start looking for her. She was probably the only person who knows how to get me back home. Third, I somehow pissed off a very dangerous person, and he knew that I knew about the whole replica situation. In short, he—or Van, if Asch ever decides to tell him about me, which he might since he didn't know Van's plans just yet—will want me dead so that their little secret would not be exposed before the right time. Forth—Wait a minute!

That was when it hit me. Someone was going to be after my head. My life was in danger, and the one after it will probably be our crazy, final boss friend. Joy. I groaned, rubbing my temples. So, that means I somehow have to survive long enough until they didn't give a damn whether I know about the real Luke or not, though that probably won't be until after Luke destroys Akzeriuth. Damn, still too far away!

"Are you okay?" I looked up, and my hazel orbs met bright, blue ones. Tear knelt down beside me and brought her hand up. I gave her a questioning look. "You're injured. Let me heal it before it gets infected."

I felt a warm glow on my neck before she moved to heal my other injuries. I was surprised that there were so many. I usually have zero pain tolerance, but I guess with everything that had happened, pain was the very _last_ thing on my mind.

"Thank you," I smiled after she finished healing me.

She nodded. "We should head back to the others. Even though we are within hearing distance, it's best not to stray too far from where monsters could be lurking."

I agreed, and together, we walked back to where the guys were talking.

"By the way," Ion spoke up as soon as Tear and I were right beside him. "Who are you?" he asked, directing his question at Guy and me.

"Oh right, I haven't introduced myself, have I? I'm Guy. I'm a servant in Duke Fabre's manor," Guy introduced himself cheerfully.

"And my name's Milee. It's nice to meet you although, under better circumstances could have been nicer," I sighed.

The guys—minus Luke—started shaking hands, until Tear walked up to Guy. Guy, sadly, didn't notice until she was right beside him. He gave a short cry and jumped far away from her. I must say, the game company didn't exaggerate at all when it came to Guy's phobia. I mean, he was _really, really_ terrified of Tear right now.

"…What?" Tear asked in confusion and advance a bit.

"Aah!"

"…"

"Guy doesn't like women," Luke spoke up monotonously, lying on his back, enjoying the sun.

"I'd say it looks more like a phobia."

"I concur," I, too, was surprised and amused at the same time by his behaviour.

"S-sorry... It's nothing personal... It's just..."

"If it helps, you don't have to think of me as a woman." Tear advanced, but of course, Guy backed away. I tried to sniff a giggle that was threatening to escape my lips. Just the looks on Tear's and Guy's faces were priceless. Finally, Tear gave in. "Fine. I'll be sure to keep my distance. Will that take care of it?"

"Sorry," Guy mumbled, before looking at me with apologetic, almost begging, eyes.

"Uh, I'll _try_ to stay away as well," I said, though note the word 'try'. The inner me laughed hysterically while the outer me tried to maintain that angelic face.

"Thanks."

"If you serve House Fabre, you must be from Kimlasca," Jade spoke up, facing Guy. "Did you come looking for Luke?"

"Yes, under orders from Duke Fabre. We knew he'd disappeared into Malkuth territory. I went by land from Chesedonia, while Dorian General Grants crossed the sea and started searching from Kaitzur," he explained.

"Master Van's looking for me, too?" Luke suddenly got excited like a child; though I guess I couldn't blame him since he _was_ technically seven. It was kind of cute in a way.

I observed the red head. Even though he was in the body of a seventeen year old, the look in his eyes screamed 'kid'. It was weird now that I think about it. I'd met Asch and his replica, but Asch was dead scary, and Luke was so cute—when he wasn't whining and being annoying—yet they had the same face and DNA basically. I shuddered, it was like they were one person but with some kind personality disorder…

I paused. What was that? I could have sworn I heard something. I listened again. Footsteps…? What was supposed to happen next? My eyes widened, and I turned my head to the direction we just came from. Sure enough, men in silver armour—and holding giant, sharp-looking swords—were approaching.

"Oh dear, it looks like we've run out of time to chat." _Jade, could you look at least a _little_ concern?!_ I mentally screamed, resisting the urge to hit him over the head.

"Th-those are people…" I looked over at the royal Kimlascian, and a wave of pity came over me. Now, he really did look like a child.

"Luke, stay back! You know you won't be able to kill them!"

"You won't get away!" the Oracle Knight yelled as he lunged towards the closest person, which sadly, was me…

"Agh!" I cried as I dodged his blade and rolled over. Hey! I was definitely getting better at this. I silently praised myself for not getting hurt this time. Nevertheless, it was still too early to be celebrating.

I drew my sword as the rest of the party attacked as well. I went to attack the shortest of the knights, yet he still came a few inches taller than me. I was surprised that I managed to hold my own. Well, I was losing, but after all the running and fighting I'd been doing, I think I was doing pretty well.

"Take that!" he laughed, as sparks flew from his heavy sword onto my petite one. In the frenzy, I managed to kick him in the shins and slashed the side of his torso. "Aah! You bitch!"

_I think I made him mad…_ He got up and started hacking away at my sword. It took me everything I had not to let go. Ultimately, I fell and landed on a sharp rock. I gasped as the rock pierced my sides. The Oracle Knight did not hesitate and swung his sword. I closed my eyes, and my hands flew up to shield myself, but I heard the sounds of metal clashing instead.

When I opened my eyes, a certain blond swordsman came to my rescue and blocked his attack. Guy countered and thrust his sword into the soldier's body, killing him.

"Are you okay?" he asked. I could only nod dumbly. "That's good to hear. Wait, you're hurt!"

I blinked and look down to see blood running down my right side. "Oh… Ah, it looks like it's starting to clog up though."

"But you should get that healed quickly. A scar wouldn't look good on someone so adorable," he smiled. I felt my face heat up. Did Guy just call me adorable? And once again, there was no exaggeration from the game company; he really was a sweet-talker.

"I—ah… um…" I tried to say something but nothing came out.

"Luke, finish him."

Jade's voice rang throughout the battlefield, and my eyes shifted from Guy to the terrified Luke.

"Luke, snap out of it!" Guy cried, running to his master. I got up and followed.

In a way, it was like slow motion but everything just happened so fast. The soldier raised his sword above Luke's head. Tear, Guy and I came running towards Luke. Just before the sword could hit Luke, Tear took the sword for him, and Guy slashed the soldier from behind. I ran to Luke and Tear. Her body laid on the ground bleeding as Luke could only stare.

"Luke, snap out of it!" I scolded, and ripped a piece of my blouse to stop the bleeding.

"Tear… I—I…"

I could hear her sigh quietly. "You idiot…" she murmured before passing out.

* * *

It was a long night, to say the least, for all of us, especially Luke. I took charge of tending to Tear since I was the only female; although, I did ask Ion for help many times since my bandaging skills weren't… as good as they should be. I didn't think Tear would mind all that much, after all, better him than those guys.

As Ion finished bandaging our healer, Ion glanced slightly over at me. When our eyes met, he swiftly turned back to Tear.

I frowned at that. Ion wasn't supposed to be a shy person in the least. As I looked at him again, the procession repeated itself. I knew something was up, but Ion probably won't bring up the topic, so I guess I'll just have to take the initiative.

"So, Fon Master," I began, breaking this awkward silence.

He turned around fully to face me, "Yes, Milee? Is something wrong?"

"Ah—um yes, actually," I stuttered a bit, taken off guard by this innocent expression. "I was wondering why you were looking at me like that? I mean, not that there's anything wrong with that but… it feels kind of… uncomfortable?" I questioned my choice of words mentally before looking back at the Fon Master, who had a stern look in his eyes. I internally panicked. "Ah, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. You know what, just forget about it."

"Oh no, it's okay," he quickly replied; the look disappeared from his eyes. "I'm the one who should be apologizing for my behaviour but it's just that…"

"Yes…?" Okay, something was definitely up.

"Aren't you aligned with the God-Generals?" Say what?! I chocked on my saliva, suddenly having a coughing fit. I heard Ion got up, rushed over to me and patted my back. "Are you okay?"

"Cough… yeah—cough, don't worry about it, but what was that about the God-General?" I finished with my cough attack and fired my question at the Ion replica. I mean, why would he think I was with those bastards?

"Well, you were at Shurrey Hill, talking to Major Legretta and—"

"Whoa, wait! _I_ was at Shurrey Hill?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, today, when they took me away from the Tartarus," he answered. "Though I was a little surprised that you managed to return so quickly, and that you suddenly decided to help us… Huh? Milee?"

I heard his calls, but my mind chose to ignore him. What did he mean that I was at Shurrey Hill with the enemy? I'd never been to that flipping hill before! Many possibilities flowed through my mind, and some of them made me tremble with anxiety.

"I," I began, still unsure as to how to answer him. "I—"

_Rarrr_

My stomach rumbled, and my face reddens.

Ion smiled, "Why don't you take a break? I'll look after Tear while you go get something to eat," Ion suggested. "And don't worry about it. I must have mistaken you for someone else now that I think about it."

I slowly nodded, still embarrassed and left. However, I couldn't help but glance back at him. I wanted to ask him more about the person he saw, but I shook my head. _That would seem somewhat suspicious on my part…_

I sighed and followed the sweet smell of food. I quickly slapped my cheeks before putting on my usual smile. "Hey Guy!"

The blond swordsman looked up from the stew he was cooking and smiled back at me. "Hey Milee. How's Tear?"

"She's fine. The blood has finally stopped," I replied, looking around the campsite. Luke was nowhere to be found, and Jade was on guard duty last time I checked. I really wanted to check up on the red head, but knowing him, he'll probably just chase me away. I couldn't help but sigh again.

"That's good. Oh, by the way," Guy began, leaving the stew and walking over to his bag. He pulled out something—a navy blue tunic, I think—and tossed it me. "It's going to be a little cold tonight," he nodded over at my ridiculously ripped and blood-stained blouse, causing me to blush once more.

"Thank you." I could feel my face heat up even more as I looked at him. He was sweet, handsome, a great swordsman, and he was a total gentleman. Why didn't I ever notice him before now?

I pulled the shredded piece of cloth over my head and threw it to the ground. I shiver from the cold as the only thing between the cold air and my skin was a black, not very thick, tank top. I frowned upon seeing just how badly destroyed it truly was. There were rips from claws and swords, as well as my own abuse upon it, and blood smears all over the blouse, almost dying it crimson red. I grabbed the tunic and tried to put it on but was rudely interrupted.

"Whoa! You're a guy?!"

"Excuse me?" I asked, lowering the tunic and gave Guy a questioning look.

Guy just stared at me wide eyed with a look of shock over his face. I could hear the sounds of footsteps coming closer, and Luke and Jade appeared.

"What's up Guy? What happened?" Luke asked, grabbing his shoulder before looking at me, or rather a part of me. "You're a guy?!" he screeched as well.

I could see Jade shaking his head with a smile forming on his face, probably trying to stop a laugh from escaping. I was pretty sure I returned a strange look before I realized just where they were looking at.

"You perverts! I'm a girl!" I cried, putting the tunic up in front of my chest. My head felt lightheaded from all the heat rising up to my face in a short period of time. I know that I didn't have the most enormous sized breasts but… I looked down at the miniscule bumps known as my breasts and frowned. Okay, fine. Maybe it was a bit _too_ small to be normal but still...

Luke snorted, "It's not like there's anything to see anyways. You're just a kid."

"Then stop looking!" I hissed. "And I'm not a kid; I'm seventeen!"

"Whatever," he rolled his eyes and walked away.

I glared at his back, hoping to be able to burn a hole in the back of his head. As soon as he was out of slight, I slipped the tunic over my head. It was a size or two too big, making my chest look even smaller. I groaned.

"I'm sorry," Guy whispered before looking away, ashamed, before going back to cooking.

I shook my head, but I noticed there was still one more person left. I bit my lips angrily before turning to the Malkuth soldier. "You're enjoying this, aren't you?"

"Of course."

Screw you Jade. Screw you.

* * *

**A/N: **So I just added a little bit of comedy to lighten things up a bit. I actually didn't plan this at first, but I thought I should add a little bit of _bonding_ between the characters. :)

Please leave a review! It is very much appreciated! You'll even get an imaginary cookie! :P Review please!

Next chapter preview:

"_This is definitely a dream."_

"_Congratulations. Maybe you're not as dumb as I originally thought," someone snorted from behind. I can tell straight away who my visitor._

"_How the hell did you get inside my dream?"_

_She continues to smile, "Perhaps I spoke too soon."_

_I growled, "Answer the question or better yet, get out of my head!"_

"_Hmm, I'll pass thanks."_


	4. Fake

**Forlorn Words**

**A/N: **Hey everyone! I'm so glad it's the break! School has been so stressing, and now I'm sick. I hope to be able to update all of my other stories by the end of the year. I should have more time, but I make a list of all the things I have to do this break. Sigh… Can't wait until my second semester starts, I hate this semester…

So I made this chapter longer than the others ones (it seems like each chapter gets longer and longer…). And this is also the start of a bit of angst, and you find out a little more about Milee.

Anyways, Merry Christmas and happy holidays!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Tales of the Abyss :(

* * *

**Chapter Four: Fake**

My eyes opened.

I turned my head in all angles, but all I could see was white; pure, pure white. There were no walls nor a floor nor a ceiling. I instantly frowned.

"This is definitely a dream," I concluded, tapping the 'floor' with my left heel.

"Congratulations. Maybe you're not as dumb as I originally thought," someone snorted from behind. I was able to tell straight away who my visitor was.

"How the hell did you get inside _my _dream?" I turned to face the source of all my current troubles. She was still the same as ever: her features blend perfectly with the white surroundings, with her red orbs as the only anomaly among the lack of colour in the room.

She continued to smile, "Perhaps I spoke too soon."

I growled, "Answer the question or better yet, get out of my head!"

"Hmm, I'll pass thanks."

"That wasn't a choice. Get out!" I tried to grab her arm, but she swiftly evaded my action.

"But you have such a _lovely_ mindset. Let's take a look, shall we?" she smirked, and the room started changing at a fast pace. We were now inside a house that seemed oddly familiar to me. I shivered for some reason I couldn't explain. I did not like this feeling in the least.

"Where are we?" I growled.

"You'll see."

"Mommy! Mommy!" a shilled voice cried out.

I whipped my head to the source of the voice. A little girl about five or so with brown curls smiled at me. Her bright hazel eyes shone with eagerness, and she held something in her hands. For some reason, she seemed disturbingly memorable; I swore I knew her.

"Mommy!" she ran over to me but didn't slow down.

"Hey! Wait a min—" I called out, but my eyes widened as she ran right through me. A cold, nostalgic feeling sent me to my hands and knees. "What on Earth—?"

The little girl ran up to an older woman, who was lying on the couch. The woman opened her eyes and smiled at her. "Milee," she whispered, and I felt the room temperature drop once more.

"Now I remember…" I whispered, breathing hard like there wasn't any oxygen in the room. "This was after my first day of kindergarten…"

"Look Mommy, look!" she cried as she held up a piece of paper with a smiling, orange fish in the centre. "Teacher said it was cute, and that I should show you it! She said that I have a walent!"

"Talent," she corrected as she sat up and took the picture into her hands. "And it's lovely Milee, but what else did you do? I know it's the first day and all, but you have to make sure to focus on other things besides painting."

"But I love painting!" the younger me pouted.

The woman sighed, "Well, I guess it can't be helped: you're still in kindergarten after all. But listen Milee, as you get older, you're going to have to make very important choices for your future, and you can't paint for the rest of your life."

"Why not?!" she frowned, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Stop."

I felt my hands go up to my ears and cover them. I didn't realize I was the one who just spoke until I heard a laughter escape from the white haired girl. "Stop it please," I felt the tears threatening to come. "No more!"

But the scene continued, and even though I closed my eyes and covered my ears, I knew exactly what came next.

"_Because, it isn't a very good job; wouldn't you want to be a doctor or maybe a lawyer, like your cousin Annie, instead? You'll make a lot of money, and you'll be happy. You'll also make Mommy and Daddy proud, and Mommy and Daddy will love you a lot!"_

"_Then… Mommy and Daddy won't like me if I want to be a painter?"_

"_Uh… It's not that we won't love you but…"_

"Stop, just stop it!" I begged once more. I thought that I locked up those memories far away in the back on my consciousness and threw away the keys. The shock, the disappointment, and the tears: I want them gone, all of it.

"So naïve," she giggled from beside me. Her breath was hot in my ears, but her words were like ice. "You do know what happened next, don't you?" I gave a soft cry. She sighed. "You have much to learn."

"_Milee, don't be like that. Oh, my little Kamilla."_

Don't call me that!

"_I hate you!"_

Just shut up!

"_Milee!"_

"_No!"_

Please… just stop…

"_Milee!"_

I'm sorry, Mom. I'm sorry.

"_Milee!"_

"Milee! Wake up!"

I could have sworn my heart just stopped right then and there. Large beads of sweat slowly traced my body from head to toe. I did not move but stared at the dawn sky. My eyes shifted from side to side. I could see Tear, Ion and Mieu at my side with worry looming in their eyes.

"Mieu, is she okay?" a squeaky voice asked.

"Milee?" Ion touched my cheeks and brushed something away. It flickered in the sunlight. Dew? No.

I quickly sat up and rubbed the bits of tears away. Was I just crying? No, that was impossible. I couldn't cry. I shouldn't have.

"Milee?"

I looked up with a forced smile, "I'm fine! I'm fine! No worries! Just still a little tired, that's all," I rubbed my eyes once more to feign fatigue, but they didn't seem convinced. _Damn, I can't believe I let that happen! My mask is perfect. I will_ not_ let it happen again. _"By the way, isn't it kind of early?"

The sky was currently pinkish and red as I saw the source of light rise slowly over the forest from afar. I got up and tried to stretch but ended up wincing instead. My body ached badly from the events of the previous day, and so I collapsed onto the ground with a sigh.

"Here," a bowl of stew from last night was handed to me.

"Oh, thank you—Ah!" I shrieked upon seeing who it was. I backed up all the way until my back touched a tree. Thankfully, I wasn't the only one who looked absolutely shocked as everyone else—besides the sleeping Luke and my humble guest—stared with their mouths wide open.

"J-Jade…?" I stuttered. He smiled at me. I totally wouldn't have minded if not for the surface of his glasses gleaming like a madman's. _He's being nice. Something is _not_ right!_

"May I sit?" he asked, still wearing that creepy smile.

_No way in hell!_ I mentally screamed. "Of course," I forced myself to say as sweet as possible.

Jade sat down beside me and handed me the bowl. I took it, still weary like he poisoned it or something. He then turned to the rest. "Why don't you wake up Luke?" he 'suggested'.

They nodded slowly, unsure of whether to leave me to his mercy or not. I did, however, caught Ion's glance from me to Jade. I cursed in my head. Ion must have told Jade about the incident at Shurrey Hill! And he said to forget about it!

"I rather you not collapse due to starvation."

"Oh right," I chirped, realizing that it must have seemed like I was staring off into space. I paused before staring at the stew. I swear, if he poisoned it, I'll come back and haunt him for the rest of his life. As I ate, I glance over at the soldier. "So… what's up?"

"Oh nothing really," I blinked at that statement. So Ion didn't tell him? I stopped eating and looked at him directly. This couldn't be nothing! This was Jade we were talking about! "Except," he began. "I was just wondering, how did you get onboard the Tartarus in the first place?"

I choked. I swore he forgot all about that. I honestly wasn't able to think of any legitimate excuse. I was dead! I was so dead!

"Well?" He was no longer smiling. "Just who are you anyways?"

"I-I told you! My name's Milee—"

"I didn't ask for your name," he interrupted.

"I'm just a civilian," I replied again. Technically that was true, so he can't argue with that.

"Oh? Then what about my other question? How did a mere _civilian_ get onboard a _military_ battleship?" he retorted. I paused again. "Is there a reason you can't answer?"

"I…" What do I say? "I don't know."

"Pardon?"

"I don't know," I repeated more confidently, even though I was still panicking on the inside. "I don't know how I got on the ship. I just woke up, and suddenly, I was on!"

"What were you doing before you found yourself on the Tartarus?" he questioned once more. His eyes were hard.

I shook my head, "I-I don't know! Honest!" I lied, giving him an innocent look. _You can do this Milee! If anyone can fool Jade, you can… or at least throw him off track for now!_ I added in the end, not wanting to jinx myself. "I must have bumped my head really hard when I passed out. I genuinely can't remember!"

"Amnesia?" he muttered, talking more to himself than to me.

_That's right Jade: it's amnesia! Nothing like coming from a completely different dimension: it's simply a state of forgetting the events of the past… _I grinned evilly in my head before I glance over shyly at Jade before the grin turned into a frown. _ Oh don't look at me like that! _ I cursed when his eyes turned back to me.

"Jade?" I looked down a bit, trying to use my baby face to my advantage. "I know you might not believe me. I mean, the circumstances are a little _different _but…" I paused for a dramatic effect; my bottom lips quivering a bit. "I—"

"Oh, looks like the young master's up," Jade interrupted and stood, completely ignoring me.

_Curse you Jade! Bastard!_ I glared, definitely not use to being ignored like that. I shook it off, mentally putting Jade at the very top of my blacklist before following him—with a phony smile of course.

"Tear, Guy and I will take up a triangle formation," Jade spoke once we were in front of Jade. "You'll stay in the center with Ion and Milee, and defend yourself if necessary."

"What?!" Luke and I cried, and we both looked at each other.

"Why are you complaining? You're weak and useless, like Ion!" Luke cried, looking down upon me.

"Luke!" Tear hissed from beside him.

I felt my cheeks heat up, but I tried to remain calm. Luke was seriously getting on my last nerves. He'll probably be second to Jade on my list if he keeps this up. "Pardon me, um… Luke was it? Last time I checked, it seemed that you weren't very fond of killing, and you kind of well… froze," I said as calm as I could, but I swore I felt my teeth grinding together as I spoke.

"Shut up!" Now it was his turn to anger. "Why the hell are you coming with us anyways?!"

I paused. Oh shit. I looked back at the red head, who was still waiting for an answer. I bit my lips; my mind when blank. Stall, I need to stall! "I'm not," I answered. "I just _happen_ to be going to the same place."

I saw out of the corner of my eye that Jade raised an eyebrow. Shoot, I forgot about the whole amnesia thing! It was really starting to become difficult to remember everything I told them about 'me'. Just when I thought he would start questioning me again, his words came out the opposite.

"I'm sure it's not a problem if you tagged along. Especially after seeing that _interesting_ performance from last night, I would feel bad for leaving you on your own." _Liar!_ I screamed in my head, and as if he heard me, his eyes landing in my direction. "Actually, if you don't mind, I'd like you to stick around for a while. I think you have potential."

_I do?_ "She does?" Luke, once again, commented to my dismay, but I couldn't deny the fact that he had a point—for once.

"Enough chit-chat, let's get moving," Jade ignored the two of us and walked on towards the direction of St. Binah, and the others followed.

"W-wait! I want to fight too!" Luke cried out.

"Aren't you afraid of killing?" the sadist asked.

"Of course not!"

"You shouldn't force yourself, Luke," Tear turned around and faced the boy with a frown.

Luke frowned as well, "I'm serious! I mean, okay, yeah, I'm a little scared, but... If I have to fight to survive, then that's what I'll do. I'm not gonna hide in the corner!"

My eyes widened a little as his words struck me deeply. Hearing this speech from the television versus in reality… was so different. I felt the chills come again, and my hands shook. Not gonna hide in the corner, huh? He had a point: all this time I'd been hiding behind the fact that this was— or supposed to be—fictional.

But it wasn't.

I felt pain, I'd experienced mixed emotions, I put a fictional character on the top of my blacklist for crying out loud!

However, I couldn't help but admit… that hiding was just so easy.

To hide meant to protect yourself from things you don't want to experience.

To hide meant to not take that single step that might change your entire life—for the better or for the worst.

To hide meant that I could preserve my perfect, little world and not step out into this unknown.

It may be hypocritical, but I wanted to continue to hide.

As I looked at the backs of the retreating figures, I held up my two hands and stared.

I couldn't help but feel… so fake.

* * *

"Why are the Oracle Knights here?"

We finally reach St. Binah after a week's worth of travel, only to find that the Oracle Knights have caught up to us and surrounded the city with guards posted everywhere.

"St. Binah's the closest city to the Tartarus. They probably expected us to stop here," Guy explained.

"For a Kimlascan, you're certainly familiar with Malkuth geography, Guy," Jade observed, pushing the glasses up the bridge of his nose.

"I like reading about vacation spots."

"Oh, I see. How nice," I rolled my eyes at his remark. During the week, he just became more and more irritating, mostly because I'd been trying to avoid him, but he hanged around me like a lost little puppy—no wait, scratch that, that was an insult to puppies everywhere.

I know I said this _many_ times, but I needed to say this again. I hated Jade. During our route, I confronted him about the 'having potential' thing—of course, it turned out he wanted to look into my 'amnesia' a bit more, saying something about it peaked his interest. Like, really!? Why look into it?! Did no one in Auldrant have amnesia before or something?!

I swear, I was _not_ going to last the _entire_ journey with him…

"Colonel, look!" The melodist pointed to a carriage that was coming our way, interrupting my rant.

It stopped short of the guard, and the man spoke, "We're from Engeve. We're here to fulfill a purchase order for food supplies."

"You may pass," the guard replied in a bored manner.

"There's one more wagon after this one."

Now we go back and hide in a small and cramped wagon—joy. I started walking off with Jade and Guy while Tear stayed behind to scold Luke for being an idiot.

We ran about two minutes or so before we came across a plump woman, about forty to fifty or so, driving a carriage.

"Stop the wagon!" the woman obeyed and abruptly brought it to a stop and stared at us with a surprised expression.

"Colonel Curtiss! And you're... Luke was it?" she asked.

"Sorry about this, but do you think you could hide us in your wagon?" Whoa, hold it! Was Luke being polite just now?

"You might want to close your mouth unless you want to catch something," the colonel whispered, and I immediately shut my mouth, not knowing it was opened.

"We'd like to enter St. Binah, but a group of malcontents chasing Fon Master Ion are guarding the entrance. Could we ask for your assistance?" Guy came up front and asked.

She chuckled, "Goodness. My birthday Score didn't say anything about something like this happening."

"Please," Tear walked up from behind Guy, unexpectedly scaring him and causing him to quickly move away, but as a result, he bumped into me.

"Careful," I spoke, holding my hands in front to stop the impact.

"Uh, sorry about… that…" Guy turned and stared at me with wide eyes before he screamed and scrambled behind his master, shaking tremendously. I frowned, couldn't help but felt rejected even though I knew about his _condition_.

It wasn't long until we got inside the tiny wagon—and by tiny, I meant miniscule. I just had to be the unlucky one that gets shoved into the small space between two crates, as Luke deemed my—quote—'laughable, tiny body' could feel right at home between the inhuman gap. Somehow, I got the feeling he was talking about more than just my petite frame. I glared at him throughout the entire ride. Thankfully, it was short as I felt the wagon stop not long after it began moving.

The moment I stepped out of the wagon, I lightly gasped at the sight. The city was like a scene from a medieval film with a tint of the modernization. People were everywhere: shouting from stands to attract customers, kids playing by the fountain and young teenage girls giggling from a restaurant nearby. It was quite lively to say the least.

"Milee?"

"Huh?" I looked over at Ion who touched my shoulder.

"We're going now," he answered, and I replied with a brief nod, just before follow the rest of the party. Though, I kicked myself mentally for missing Tear's assault on Guy after witnessing a twitching Guy lying on the middle of the road.

I continued to admire the craftsmanship of the town as we walked. This was, after all, the first time I'd been to a town since I'd been in Auldrant. It was so different from Earth. The atmosphere and the people here seemed so much more… I didn't know, carefree maybe? All my worries of my parents and school seemed to disappear.

"What's with that goofy face?" Luke interrupted my thoughts.

"I just thought this was a very nice place," I answered, disregarding the adjective he used.

"Oh, is this your first time in St. Binah?" Guy asked from a distance, not wanting the incident to repeat itself.

I looked over at Jade briefly. I opened my mouth and chose my words carefully. "If I have, I don't remember…" I paused before my eyes drifted over to a building, and an idea struck me. "Actually, I was hoping maybe I could look around town for a bit, and maybe I could get us a few rooms at the inn?" I pointed to the building I saw and smiled. "Besides, I'm just a civilian, it doesn't seem right to get involved with whatever it is you're doing."

"She does have a point," said Tear before she turned to me. "But on the other hand, it seems that you have already gotten yourself involved with this affair. I don't think we should let you out of our sights at any moment."

I mentally cursed, but surprised that Jade came to my rescue. "No, it's fine," Jade smirked. "She's not going to run off… I guarantee," I definitely did not like those words and neither does Luke, it seemed.

"Well I don't trust her," he declared. "How do you know she's not some kind of spy or something?"

"Mieu, Master, Milee is a nice–"

"Shut up! I didn't ask you!"

"Mieu…" Mieu's ear flopped downwards as he floated into my hands.

Tear sighed. "Well, Fon Master, what do you think?"

"I agree with Jade," Ion smiled at me. "She's been through a lot for a civilian; I think it's best if we give her some rest."

"Thank you, Fon Master!"

"Fine," Luke snorted. "If you're leaving, you may as well take Thing with you."

"His name is Mieu," I shot back, hugging the blue cheagle to my chest.

"Whatever."

I forced myself not to roll my eyes and gave him a sincere smile. "Well then, I'll be off," I chirped while taking some gald Guy handed over to me. The moment the party disappeared from my view, my smile disintegrated. "That stinking, rich, spoiled little—"

"Mieu?"

"Nothing!"

After booking three rooms, I opened one, threw my sword on one of the beds, and set Mieu down on another—since he fell asleep on the way—and went straight to the shower. I turned the tap to all the way to hot.

"Ow!" I hissed at the sudden heat but then relaxed as the steam filled the room. I love hot showers, as much as it hurts, it was nice. I groaned in disgust at all the dirt and blood that had washed out of my hair. Being a clean freak, I didn't know how I managed to stay dirty for a week.

By the time I started to scrub my body, the steam completely shrouded the room, leaving me temporary blinded. "Maybe I shouldn't have turned it up that high…" I mumbled, scrubbing the surface of my skin but suddenly, frowned. "Huh? When did I get all those scars? Did I suck _that_ badly?"

True enough, I moved my fingers along my figure, feeling some shallow, fading scars and some deeper ones that gave me shivers just to touch. I shook my head, "Whatever. I guess I'm just an accident magnet. I hope it's not permanent though…"

After my body was cleaned, I started washing my clothes. My undergarments, tank top and Guy's tunic wasn't that hard to wash, but my capris were a different story. It took a long time until I got most of the blood stains off, stopping once my hands ached and declaring that it was 'good enough'.

I sighed, as I waited for my clothes to dry. It felt extremely awkward to pace around the room in a towel to be honest. I would sleep, but sleeping naked was even more awkward.

I started to rub Mieu's ears. He had such soft fur! Apparently, he was ticklish because the closer my hands got to the inner parts, he started to giggle.

"Miieeeuuuu," he cried, waking up. "That tickles!"

"Oh, I'm sorry," I said but in a way, not really meaning it. I held a hand to my lips, trying not to laugh at the pouting cheagle. "I guess you can be cute, huh?" I poked him on the forehead.

"Miieeeuuuu!" he cried once more, putting his hands up to where I poked him.

"Anyways, I want to head out now," I announced, getting up off the bed and checking to see if my clothes were dry yet. To my dismay, it was still soaked.

"Want me to blow fire over them?" Mieu asked, getting ready to let out a ball of flame.

"No!" I cried, quickly grabbing my clothes away from him. "I mean, not that I don't trust you or anything but…"

"Mieu…"

"Sorry…"

I sighed, sitting back down. I guess I was stuck here for a while. I lie down on the bed, rolling over to face Mieu. I reached over and scratch his belly. And once again, he started giggling, while cutely crying out loud. Just then, I stared at the white bed sheets I was sitting on and stopped tormenting Mieu.

"Mieu? What's wrong?"

A smile suddenly formed on my face. I suppose I can go out after all. I just hope the inn manager didn't notice the disappearance of just _one_ bed-sheet.

* * *

I hummed. I was happy, not in any danger, no Luke, free of Jade and surrounded by a beautiful city. What more can a girl ask for?

I smoothed out my newly made dress – well no, not exactly. It was more like a cut-up bed-sheet wrapped around my body with two of the ends tied around my neck, with another strip tied in a bow around my waist to make sure it stayed on.

"You look pretty," Mieu spoke, sitting on my head.

"Thank you!" I replied, hugging him.

During my investigation of the town, I discovered three things. One, I realized I didn't know the fonic alphabet, and neither does Mieu, making it kind of hard for us to shop. Two, Mieu needed to shut up because he was scaring all the people around us, astonish that a monster could talk. Finally, three, we were lost.

"Mieu, we're lost."

"No, we aren't. I'm positive it's this way," I pointed to the right of the intersection.

"I think we already been that way," he said, starting to float away, but I quickly grabbed him before anyone saw.

I sighed, this was getting nowhere, "I'll just ask someone then," I said, spotting someone passing by. "Excuse me."

"Yes?" he turned around. I mentally frown for choosing someone about a half a foot taller than me, but he looked young, about my age. He looked surprised for a moment and grabbed my arm.

"Hey!" I cried, surprised by his actions. "What do you think you're do—"

"Kamilla? Is that really you?"

"Huh?" I started at the guy. He knew my full name, but no one other than my parents and siblings did. I had never told anyone, for I despised that name. I didn't know why, but I really, really hate it for some reason. I looked back up at him. I had no idea who he was, and he shouldn't know my name, bring from the game and all.

"It is you! It's been so long!" he cried, pulling me into a hug.

"Wait!" I pulled him away, a little red from the contact. "You got the wrong person!"

He just looked back at me, studying me with a serious face. _This is awkward…_ I shifted my eyes nervously, but he smiled once more.

"Oh I get it! Well, I'm not going to fall for your tricks again. Man, you never change," he laughed, patting my back as I stared at him in disbelief. "Still up to your old jokes, huh?"

"I really don't know you—" I began, but he grabbed my wrist and pulled me along down the street.

"Oh, by the way, there's something I wanted to give to you for the longest time. I think I still have it," he said as we ran, and I grabbed onto Mieu to make sure I didn't lose him. "But you suddenly moved away. Where was it again? Daath? Yeah, that's it! You could have at least told me, geez! I thought we were friends!"

I did not understand a word he just said as my head was spinning. "Sl-sl-slow down!"

"Huh? Oh yeah," he suddenly stopped, and I crashed right into him. He laughed, "Sorry about that."

I panted, trying to catch my breath. God, what was wrong with him? "Look," I began. "I'm not—"

"My house is right over there!" he pointed to a clothing store and pulled me along again.

"Will you listen to me?!"

"I'm listening, but I'm not falling for that again! Last time you did the whole amnesia thing, I didn't figure it out until half a year later, remember?"

"No, I don't."

"Whatever you say, Princess," he opened the door and called out. "Mom, I'm back! Guess who I just happened to meet!"

A plump lady about fifty or so looked up from the cash register. She squinted her eyes a bit but then, they widened. "Oh Lorelei and Yulia, is that really you Kamilla?"

I frantically shook my head, "No, you're wrong!"

"She playing that game again," the guy whispered to her, rolling his eyes.

She smiled and pulled me into a hug. I tried to push her away, but she was a lot stronger than I anticipated. She pulled away but still held onto my arms. "My, you've grown into such a beautiful young lady. Sigh, I remember my little Gavin had the biggest crush on you."

"Mom!" the man, Gavin, blushed.

But she laughed in turn. Just then she spotted my clothing. "Just what are you wearing?" she picked up one end and studied it. She raised a brow.

"Long story," I muttered, extremely embarrassed to have been caught.

She sighed, "This will not do. You know what? Pick something from this store."

"Ah—no that's alright, really!" I panicked. Great, first I get mistaken for someone else, now she was giving clothing to me because she thinks I was this girl with the same name as me.

"I insist," she began looking at some clothes for me. I rushed over to her, trying to convince her to stop, but she persistently refused.

"I'll go get that present I was talking about," Gavin suddenly spoke up, heading behind the counter.

"No wait!" I cried. Not him too. I groaned and fell to the floor. Great. Just great.

"Mieu… are you okay?" he tugged cutely on my dress.

"I'm fine," I lied with a smile.

I felt the lady lift me up and handed some clothing over to me. "I apologize, we don't have a large variety of women's clothing, but you always were such a tomboy. I hope you don't mind," I lifted the clothes. It was a black, fitted pant, a white belt and a long sleeve, baby blue top with silver linings that reach to my mid thighs, and in the front, it parted to the sides, making an upside-down V shape in the middle.

I was impressed. I really liked the outfit, but I shook my head once more. "I really can't accept this." _Or else I would feel really guilty… _I added in my mind.

"Nonsense!" she scolded, pushing me into one of the changing rooms.

"You could run away when she's not looking," Mieu suggested once we were inside.

"She's guarding the door," I whispered, taking off the dress. "May as well get this over with. Mieu, don't look. You may be a cheagle, but you're still male."

I grabbed the pants first and put them on, surprised that they were extremely comfortable and easy to move in. Though just as I was about to slip on the shirt, my reflection caught my eye.

"What on Earth…?" I dropped the shirt and stood in front of the fully-body mirror.

"Mieu? What is it—Mieu! How did you get all those scars?!"

That was exactly what I wanted to know. When I felt all those scars in the shower, I didn't think it was this bad, but now, seeing them clearly—something was definitely amiss.

I touched them again. There were many faint scars, but I ignored those, instead focusing on the bigger ones. "I don't remember getting attacked here… or here…" I whispered, tracing the long, ugly gashes on my side and stomach, but there was one that stood out above the rest. It was a gun wound, directly where my heart was located.

"But I never got shot… even if I did… I wouldn't have survived that…" The words trailed off my lips and my eyes widened. I brought my arm to my face. "Not here…"

I quickly pulled down my pants and brought my knee up as well. "Not here either!"

"What are you looking for Milee?" Mieu floated to my side, looking tremendously worried.

"My old scars aren't there!" I cried. _Okay, calm down Milee. Think this calmly through. You suddenly gained scars you never had, and the ones you had disappeared… I thought something was wrong at first but…_

I looked in the mirror. This girl with long, brown hair and dark, honey hazel coloured eyes was looking back. This girl was me… but not me…

"Oh… my… god…" I collapsed onto the floor as realization struck me.

"What is it?" Mieu asked, tugging my hair in a fright.

"Not mine…"

Mieu looked at me confused. "What's not yours?"

"This is not my body…"

* * *

**A/N: **Hahaha, sorry about the cliff-hanger. Merry Christmas? :D I know it's kind of early for a plot-twist, but I'm making this story a little more realistic, and she's not stupid so she would have noticed that something wasn't right when she saw her body.

Anyways, please review – maybe as a Christmas present for me? I love hearing your thoughts about it! Just one click of a button that said "Review the Chapter"! :)


	5. Seventh Fonist

**Forlorn Words**

**A/N: **Yes, I know, I haven't updated in… over a month. I have a good reason: exams. January was just hectic. It was the end of the semester so there were many final projects and assignments, plus I had to focus on studying for my exams. Glad it's finally over though. Good news it, second semester (a.k.a. my good semester) is starting soon, so expect earlier updates.

So here's chapter five. I'm sorry if Milee seems a bit emo in this chapter; things are going to get a lot more tense though. And if something seems like fluff, believe me, there are reasons for certain things happening. Hint, hint. :) So enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Tales of the Abyss :(

* * *

**Chapter Five: Seventh Fonist**

"My, you certainly took your time coming back."

One point Jade; zero for Milee: I internally sighed before looking back up at the middle-aged man with a smile plastered to my face. I didn't expect Jade to be waiting for me when I came back; no, actually, I _hoped_ with all my heart and soul that he wasn't going to be there. After the discovery I made, I really did _not_ want to talk to anyone, especially having to force myself to pretend that everything was perfectly normal.

"I'm sorry," I said. "I couldn't help myself. St. Binah is a wonderful place! We seem to have unconsciously wandered off and sort of… well… got lost." Which was true, may I add. "But it's okay! After getting directions, everything was alright! I even got new clothes that are perfect for traveling in! But the poor thing was exhausted, and he ended up falling asleep."

I smiled down at the sleeping cheagle in my arms before returning my focus to the colonel with large eyes. Jade raised an eyebrow at me. I tilted my head in return, trying to look cute.

"What is it?"

"Nothing," he mumbled, and turned away. "Anyways, we're just about to eat—"

"Actually," I interrupted. "I'm not that hungry right now. In fact, with all that excitement, I think I may have over exhausted myself as well. I think I'll just retire for the night. Good night."

I quickly ran out of his sight before he could protest. I rushed up the stairs and towards the room Tear and I shared, thankful that she wasn't in at the moment. I suspiciously turned my head in all directions and even checked the corners.

"Okay, coast is clear," I whispered to the monster in my arms.

"Mieu?" His eyes opened, and he jumped away. "So did I win?"

"Of course," I laughed. "I'll bring you an extra apple later tonight."

The cheagle cried in glee. It wasn't hard manipulating someone like Mieu to do what I want. Surely, the cheagle would have blabbed about the incident earlier that day if we came across any of the party members—specifically Jade, since I doubt he could handle an interrogation from that sadist. I was hoping that pee-brain of his would forget by tomorrow morning.

"Well, good night Mieu," I said, opening the doors to the room.

"Milee?"

I stopped, answering him sweetly, "What is it?"

"About today…"

Pfft, just my luck. "I told you, didn't I?" I beamed. "I didn't mean it like _that_. This _is_ my body. I just haven't looked in a mirror in ages, so I didn't notice how much it changed. That's all, Silly. I mean, it's completely illogical that I wouldn't be in my own body, now would it?"

"Yes, mieuuu…"

"See? Now stop worrying and go back to Luke," I ordered, gently pushing him away. "I'm sure he's _incredibly_ concerned about your whereabouts right now!"

"Really?"

"Yes. You should know how modest that guy can be!" I indirectly urged him to go.

"I should find Master!" he cried and floated away in a hurry, crying out 'Master! Master!' all the way.

I kind of felt sorry for Luke, but then again, he deserved it. Lousy ass.

I closed the door behind me and proceeded to one of the beds. Curling myself with the blanket, I started to go over my discoveries.

To say that I was surprised… was, actually, an overstatement to be honest. I mean, yes, I was trapped in someone else's body—which downright defies all logic like I told Mieu, yet, so does coming here—but now that I thought about it, it made sense about so many things. For example, how I suddenly became more athletic than I realized. I actually survived onboard the Tartarus, and I was able to overpower and kill _trained_ soldiers! Not only that, I was able to keep up with everyone else, walking kilometres after kilometres and fighting monsters as well, and I wasn't as tired as I would have been if I were in my own physique. I was slimmer—in face and body, more muscular and a little taller to boot.

I was pretty.

No.

_She_ was pretty.

I couldn't help but feel a pang of jealously arose from within. The boy and his mother looked so pleased to see her—even though I wasn't really her. They hadn't seen her in years, yet, they were able to recognize her and fond over her, but what about me? Ten years from now, if I ever made it back home, will any of my so-called 'friends' recognize me? Miss me? Or will we just pass by each other like total strangers?

I clenched my fists and brought my head to my knees. We both had the same face and name, yet we were different… so, so different…

She was bold; I was cowardly.

She had friends; I had people who I called my friends.

She shone like the sun; I only pretended I did.

She was herself; I was a puppet.

She was Kamilla—perfect; I was simply Milee—incomplete and altered. [1]

* * *

"Grrr! You're all just jealous of my intelligence and beauty!"

This would be the part where I would have smile and walk away—were I on Earth. It was bright and early, and the gang decided it would be the best time to set out, only to discover the God-Generals at the entrance to the door. We quickly went around a corner and hid, spying on the God-General's conversation, though we were much too far away to hear anything—that was, except for Dist's angry cries.

I couldn't remember exactly what happened last night—how I fell asleep, but I was glad I did. I didn't feel like talking to anyone. By the time morning came, Jade did not question me any further and neither did anyone else—secretly thanking Mieu.

Just as we were going to leave, five psychos—err, I meant God-Generals, appeared. I had already seen Arietta, Legretta and Sync, so that just leaves Largo and Dist. I was glad I didn't meet Largo yet: he was huge, and he didn't look too friendly. Dist, on the other hand… let's just say the game company—once again—did not exaggerate. It took everything I had not to do something stupid and exclaim something I might regret.

"Who are the God-Generals?" I heard the noble ask, finally tuning into the conversation.

"The six executive officers of the Oracle Knights," Ion answered.

"But there were only five of them," he pointed out.

I looked back; he was right. So who was missing?

"There's Largo the Black Lion, Dist the Reaper, Sync the Tempest, Arietta the Wild, Legretta the Quick and..." Guy paused.

_I know this! Who am I forgetting?_ I frowned, trying to remember._ Red: he has red hair. Obnoxious: definitely obnoxious. What was his name again?_

Guy continued, and I looked over at him. I spotted Luke in the process, and then, it clicked. "Looks like the one missing was—"

"Asch the Asshole!" I cried, proud that I finally remembered. Sadly, my inner celebration was cut short by a very awkward silence, followed by six pairs of eyes boring into me. _Oh._ _Shit…_

"M-Milee…?" Ion began.

"…Yes, Fon Master…?" I spoke slowly, conscious of the words that came out of my lips.

"Did you just say what I think you just said?"

"…" I felt my cheeks burned, and I tried to cover it my letting my hair fall in front of my face, but it was likely not going to do any good. My cheekiness, that I had once been so proud of, decided to abandon me at that very moment—leaving me with a large, hollow space in my mind.

"I think that was the first time I heard Flat-chest say something like that," I heard Luke whisper to Guy, and my cheeks instantly reddened once more. I could practically hear Jade's silent snickers—oh, how I was going to get back at him for mocking me, even though he was not saying anything out loud, which I was thankful for.

"Milee? Are you okay?" I saw Ion's face appear from behind my curtain of hair and jumped back.

"Y-yes! I'm fine Fon Master," I replied, stuttering a little. "Oh look, the God-Generals are leaving!" I pointed towards the entrance, hoping to distract them.

It worked, until Jade _had_ to ruin the moment. "So, I presume you're not on good terms with one of the God-Generals, Asch, was it?"

"Oh that? Don't worry about it!" I laughed lightly, putting up a façade.

"It can't be nothing if it caused _sweet_,_ innocent_, _little _Milee to use such vulgar language," Jade persisted, stretching the three words he used to describe me, especially little, which cause my blood to boil.

_Is he _trying_ to pick a fight?!_ I cursed. Okay, Plan A: failed; Plan B: futile; now time for Plan C. "Well… it's just," I slowly let the tears fall. I could already see the shocked faces of all but one. Now time to twist my story just a_ bit_. "I-I met him onboard the Tartarus. I was scared; I didn't understand what was happening at the time. That's when I met him. I thought I could get some answers, but I was wrong. He was so rude! He manhandled me—none too gently either! He kept threating me with his sword, and he did harm me a bit as well! And the way he looked at me, he emitted an aura that screams 'I'm going to kill you!'" I brought my hands up to my eyes, sobbing into them. I could feel Ion and Mieu trying to comfort me. "I was only barely able to escape thanks to a miraculous interruption."

"Oh, Milee, I'm so sorry…"

Now for the finale; I wiped the tears away but still giving him that hurt look. "It's okay, really. There's no need for you, Fon Master, to apologize. I was so angry with how he treated me; I wasn't myself. Let's just forget it, okay? I… I don't want to talk about it anymore…"

"Of course! Isn't that right Jade?"

"Ah…" he nodded and looked in my direction. "Yes. Well then, I suppose we should head out now."

I knew that Jade didn't quite believe me, though luckily, I had Ion here to keep Jade on his leash. We set out once we were certain all the Oracle Knights had left.

I stretched my arms up, taking in the wonderful forest smell. I had grown rather fond of this smell, having been living in the city all my life. It was warm, and there wasn't a single cloud in the sky. Though, unfortunately, once again, the hike was long, and the monsters seemed to be getting stronger and stronger as we moved south. I frowned, brushing off the dirt off my clothes from being thrown by one of those rhino monsters. I certainly wasn't going to last very long at my current level.

"Hey Guy," I spoke up.

The blond swordsman stopped and turned towards me. "Yes? Is something wrong, Milee?"

"No, not at all, but can I possibly… ask you for a favour?"

"Favour?" At that, the rest of the gang stopped to look at me.

"Well, I'm not very good at the sword, so could you…" I started to trail off.

He smiled and nodded, "Of course. It's only natural you want to learn how to defend yourself."

"Why are you only asking Guy? I use a sword, too, you know!" Luke cried.

_Because you suck compare to Guy_. "Because, I just thought Guy would have more experience with the sword that's all," I replied before a sudden thought came to mind. I looked at him with large, innocent eyes. "Are you saying that _you_ would help train me as well?"

"Wha—N-No! That would be a complete waste of my time!" he flushed, storming off.

We all laughed, causing the poor ginger to turn even more red. We decided to take a short break while Guy and I wandered off into the woods. He started my training by giving me a few tips on how to use a sword accurately and about strike artes.

Strike artes, huh? Before, I would probably say that was impossible since I didn't have any fon slots in my body, but this wasn't my body, now was it? I tried to concentrate on the slots as Guy tried to describe how it was supposed to feel. I frowned. I couldn't feel anything.

"This isn't working…" I murmured quietly.

"It's going to take some time before you're use to using artes," he answered. "If you have a capacity core, it may help…"

"Capacity cores? Oh, that reminds me," I paused and took something out of my pocket. "Does this count?"

It was a small, silver ring band with black engravings on it. I didn't understand what it said, but it made the ring look that much nicer. It was the gift from Gavin. At first, I was terribly surprised. I thought he was going to suddenly propose to me. Though, he ended up just laughing at my reaction before explaining what it was.

I dropped the ring into his palms, careful not to touch him. He started studying it. "Hmm… well, this is a capacity core. However, this one only helps increase magic artes, not strike artes."

"It that so…?" Well, that was worthless, unless I abruptly decide to be the spellcaster of the party, but then I would have to ask the devil himself to help me with my training—which was a titanic _NO_!

Guy smiled. "Well, you may as well use it. Who knows, maybe you'll pick up a few fonic artes?" he suggested.

I stared at the ring. The guilt suddenly came back to me. I mean, he was right, I may as well use it instead of letting it rust somewhere in my pocket, but it just didn't feel right. I wonder what _she _would think if she saw me wearing the ring; after all, it was, technically, her ring. Now that I think about it, where was she? Was she dead? Or maybe, her spirit got transported to another dimension as well?

"Milee?"

"Oh right," I whispered to myself and slip on the silver band on my ring finger to avoid any further talk of it, and, surprisingly, it was a perfect fit. I looked at it as the ring glistened in the afternoon sun. I heard the blond swordsman spoke.

"It suits you." I blushed at his comment. Stupid Guy: why does he have to be so sweet? "Anyways," he continued, holding his sword, "you need to readjust your grip on the sword. Don't hold it too tight, like this."

I shook away all thoughts of Guy and his mannerism and tried to copy his position. "Like this?" I asked.

"No, someone could easily knock that sword out of your hands. Like this."

Again, I tried but failed. He tried to move as close as he dared to me to show me the right way to hold a sword, but when I tried to move closer, he moved further away.

"Guy, I can't see if you're that far from me," I stated, slightly annoyed.

"S-sorry, but you're kind of close…"

"I'm at least a meter away from you…"

"But that's still kind of—"

"Guy," I tried to hold my tone in.

Guy frowned and started looking around. I stared at him, confused, until he lit up and walked over and picked up a long stick. He walked back over to me. I stared at him with large eyes as he started to poke my fingers.

"Take that finger and move it closer to the blade—"

"You're using a _stick_ to instruct me?" Even I could hear the sizzling anger threatening to come out from the depths of my speech.

"But I can't—" he began, but I, once again, interrupted.

"Yes, you can!" I said, and Guy moved back. "Guy!"

"Milee, you're a little _too_ close," he stated. I realized I was unconsciously beginning to advance towards him. "I can't teach you like this..."

I wasn't sure what happened but something inside of me just snapped. "Give me that!" I snatched the stick from him and chucked it as far away as I could. I heard a certain red-head yelp.

"Now we are going to learn _properly_," I smiled a sweet smile. "You're never going to be cured if you don't face your fears head on!"

"Please stay back…?" Guy mumbled as he backed into a tree.

I slowly proceed, careful not to suddenly give him a heart attack, but his phobia was seriously starting to infuriate me. There was a brief moment of silence as we stared each other down. That was when he ran.

"Guy!" I called after him. I didn't think he would _run_, for crying out loud. "Stop!" I cried, running after him.

"Why are you chasing me?!" He pressed on much harder, causing me to mentally swear. He was definitely fast.

"Because you're… running… away!" I panted, starting to run out of breath.

My cheeks felt hot, and my insides were burning. I tried to swallow as much air as I possibly could but ended up choking instead. My knees gave out, and I felt myself falling and dirt slashed into my face. I coughed violently. I could hear Guy stop and turn around.

"Are you okay?" he kneeled down to my level. "Here, have some water."

"Yes—cough—thank you." I took the bottle and poured the cool liquid down my still scorching throat.

"Better?" I nodded, handing him the bottle. I thanked the fact he had water with him. I can finally breathe properly. I looked up to thank him but cried out instead.

"Duck!" I cried, and a bee-like monster flew passed our heads, stinging into the tree instead.

It turned towards us, glaring. Guy took out his swords and looked at me. "Get ready," he nudged towards the thicker parts of the forest. I followed his gaze and almost shrieked at the many pairs of menacing eyes that could be seen. They started to come out, completely surrounding us. Calming myself, I reached for my blade but instead, found nothing but air.

"Guy…?" I began, turning red. He turned and spotted my dilemma and sighed.

"Stay close."

He charged at the hornets. I tried to dodge the best I could, but Guy's movements were so graceful that sometimes I would be stunned at the spur of the moment and almost got hit by one of those stingers. He slashed and rolled out of the way of an incoming monster, and then he jumped and cut it right in half. Their number was slowly being deflated, but sadly, there was only one of Guy and many of them. I could see the beads of sweat falling from the young man. He was tiring.

"Guy, look out!" I cried, quickly spotting a hornet that had been taking cover in the forest. He tried to dodge, but another one got to him instead. Blood spattered but he took down the monster as swiftly as he could. "Guy!"

He moaned, grabbing his arm as he fell down. "I can't take them all on. We have to run!" He got up and grabbed my sleeve. We started running away, charging through the opening we founded. Unfortunately for us, it was in the other direction from the rest of the party.

"We have to go back and let Tear heal you," I said, looking at the deep, bloody scratch.

"First, we have to outrun them," he answered, pulling me to the side.

I was thankful that the trees gave us shelter from most of the sun's rays, as by this time, it was probably at its highest point of the day. We were both extremely tired but stopping would mean certain death. The ground started to get slippery the further we went in as if it had just been raining not too long ago. My pace was dropping as I could feel Guy's tug on my sleeve pull harder and harder. That was when I fell.

"Milee, get up!" he cried. I wiped off the mud that covered my eyes and stood, but the buzzing was steadily getting louder. Guy frantically started to look for something, spotting it, he turned to me. "Quick, in there!"

He pointed to a fallen log over a ditch. I hurried and ducked down with the man following just as quickly. We bend down as close to the mud as we dared when the buzzing flew past us. I closed my eyes as tight as I can, hoping they wouldn't notice our plan. Once the sound has disappeared into the distance, we slowly made our way back.

"Let's hurry," I urged him.

"Right, they probably noticed by now that something's wrong," he answered.

"No, not that!" I scowled and pointed to his arm. "You're bleeding like crazy!"

"Oh, right, I forgot about that…" he admitted, laughing lightly.

I sighed, somewhat envious of his carefree nature. He winced a bit now that I reminded him about his injuries. I pulled out some bandages, somehow knowing that I would need them and should use that instead of my own clothing as a source of dressing.

"Pull up your sleeve," I ordered, but he looked at me fearfully instead. "I'll be careful not to touch you, okay?"

We moved over to more cover as Guy started cleaning his wound with the water from his canteen, stubbornly insisting that he'd do it. I quickly wrapped up his wound as best as I could. I saw Guy's eyebrow raised and hoped he wouldn't comment on it. However…

"You know, your bandaging skills are—"

"I _know_," I emphasized, tightening it as pay back and smirking when he flinched. Though, he was right, I did suck when it came to doing something as simple as binding a wound.

"I hope you're not planning on becoming a doctor." I know that he was joking, but I unconsciously started tightening it once more. "I'm joking—ow…"

When I didn't respond, he looked at me. "Wait, are you?"

I flushed, somewhat hesitance to answer. "Maybe I am planning to go into the medical field… something wrong with that?" I shot, still quite red in the face.

"N-No! Not at all, I think you'll be a terrible—err, terrific doctor!" he hastily caught on to his mistake, hoping I wouldn't notice. I seriously didn't know whether to roll my eyes or feel ashamed. However, I really didn't want to talk about it anymore, but before I could put on my smiling, airhead act, Guy seem to have noticed my facial expression and spoke, "I didn't mean that, Milee! Just because you don't know how to use bandages properly, doesn't mean you won't be a good doctor! Besides, don't nurses do those kinds of things anyways? I mean—"

"I…"

Guy stopped rambling, turning to face me directly. "Milee? Did you say something?"

"Truthfully…" I began again, not bothering to look at him. "I… despise hospitals."

That seems to have caught Guy off guard. I heard shifting, but I didn't look up—I didn't want to look up. I honestly didn't know why I just said that or where that even came from. I guess something inside of me just snapped, and I blurred out some random thing. Though, for some reason, deep down, I felt as if it was one of the most authentic things I had ever said in my life.

"You want to be a doctor… but you hate hospitals…?" Guy said very slowly to make sure if he had heard correctly. "Why?"

"…"

"Milee?"

"… I don't know." _I don't know! I really _don't_ know._ I mentally cried.

_But you do._ My inner conscience's voice whispered, sending Goosebumps throughout my body.

And the scary part was: it was right.

* * *

"I see smoke! It must be them!" Guy pointed to the smoke from a campfire in the distance. "Let's hurry!"

I nodded, and we both hurried our pace. I was thankful of Guy's gentlemanly nature, as he dropped the subject, seeing my distress concerning the topic.

It was getting dark. I frowned, knowing that I wasted almost the whole day chasing Guy and then, being chased. I didn't get very far with the sword, and I even lost my sword during the whole ordeal. I sighed. _At least I got endurance training though…_

"Milee!" he stopped and fiercely whispered to me. I stopped and listened: if Guy seemed tense, I should be on my guard.

_Zzzzz_

_Why does that sound so familiar? _Before I had time to comprehend the situation, our annoying little friends were back!

"Seriously?!" I screeched in disbelief.

Guy took out his sword and slashed one. "Run back to the others! I'll hold them back! Quickly!"

I looked from Guy to the direction of the campsite, hesitating with my decision.

"B-But—"

"Go!"

I unsteadily nodded and ran, but before I could get very far, I heard a cry of agony. I stopped and turned back. "Guy!"

"S-stop!" he panted, leaning on his sword as blood flowed from his leg. "You can't do anything without a weapon. Get the others!"

He was right; that was the most logical thing to do, but my body won't budge. _What if I'm too late? Guy can't die yet! He's not supposed to die before they beat Van! Oh shit! I'm screwing up the plotline tremendously! Now what? What if we can't beat Van now that he's going to die? Am I going to be stuck here forever? God, I hope not! Wait—what if _I_ die? Holy—_I paused and stared at the couple dozen hornets' eyes trying to burn a hole in my head—though, they did have another way of turning me into Swiss cheese…

"Milee! Move!"

"Huh?" I blinked as a hornet suddenly flew down. Luckily, my body acted just in time, but unluckily, I gave myself a face-plant in the dirt. "Ow…"

The sounds of sword meeting flesh sounded in the cool night air. I covered my head just a blood and dead monster corpses fell around me. I saw the movements of the young nobleman as he struggled to protect the both of us. I bit my lips hard, drawing blood.

_I feel useless. _I thought, tasting the salt and dirt. _Oh, why didn't I bring my sword with me? It was my fault we got separated from the party, stuck in the middle of a forest with monsters looming about, didn't bring my sword, leaving poor Guy to fight on his own and having to protect a hopeless luggage like me. I'm not strong and brave like the rest; I just get in the way. Even Ion is more useful and powerful! I don't know how to use a sword correctly, and everyone is always coming to my rescue! What's the point of being here?! Why did you bring me here?! I can't even save him!_

_You can._

My train of thoughts stopped. I shifted my head. "Who—?"

_Don't think. Let your body do the work._

"I don't understand. Who are you?!" I suddenly cried, surprising Guy.

"What is it? More enemies?" he briefly paused to look around.

_You know what to do._

"How? …Who? Answer me," I whispered the last part.

_I'm you._

My mind suddenly went blank as I slowly got up. I felt a strange—but warm—surged from within. I breathe. It was overwhelming me. I closed my eyes and let it take over like something was opening up.

"Milee! What is it? Milee!"

"F—" My lips opened, and the words rolled off my tongue. I held my hand up to Guy and cried, "First aid!"

A warm light enveloped the blond swordsman, surprising both myself and him. I looked at my palms and then towards Guy. I could still feel the tinkling sensation from the arte I just used; the first arte I ever used. I didn't even know how to describe it.

"You're… a seventh fonist?" Guy gawked; his eyes looked as if it'll bulge out.

"I… guess so," I lightly laughed, before spotting our dilemma. "Behind you!"

Luckily, he evaded, moving swifter than before and taking out many of the monsters. I smiled at the numbers diminishing. I pulled my arms out again, attempting to try the arte once more.

_Concentrate._ I felt the energy flood once more, shrouding my fon slots with the seven fonons. "First aid—Ah!" I cried, gripping my chest. My heart beat wildly, as if it was trying to rip itself out of my body. I felt stings of tears in my eyes as I fell to the ground, curling myself up into a ball. I could hear shouts now, not just Guy's but other people's as well. Finally, they were here. We made it, and what an adventure that was. I felt as if I could survive anything now.

My eyelids were getting heavy, and the scene was starting to blur. Someone just grabbed my arm and rolled me over. Someone was calling my name, but I wasn't able to see who; I didn't care who.

My heart would not stop pounding, and I didn't know why. I was fine before. It hurt. I couldn't breathe. Somehow this all seemed familiar—this pain, but I couldn't focus right now. I couldn't do anything… but cry.

Cry for someone; anyone.

I just wanted someone to be there when I woke up—no, I _needed_ someone to be there.

As my consciousness faded to darkness, I heard a voice—a familiar voice, but the voice was all a blur.

_Cry little Milee, cry all you want, but there are things that must be done, and people to do them._

_If you wish to move forward, suck it up because no one can save you now._

_Bear the pain because this is your pain._

_Keep fighting because this is your fight._

_Live because this is your life. Or else… die._

_Because there is nothing left you _can_ do._

* * *

**A/N: **So there you have it; she's now a healer – and yes, like a said at the beginning, there is a reason for everything that happens.

Even though this chapter is mostly for fun – fluff really – it has much important parts to it. I'm thinking of creating some sort of relationship between Guy and Milee, not romantic, but more like a brotherly figure. I mean, she has got to develop some kind of special relationship with a party member, and Guy seems to me the more open one out of all of them. What do you think?

So again, review! I just baked a cake today – although I can't actually send it to you (it'd be kind of difficult, plus it might go bad by the time it gets where it's supposed to go…), but you can imagine eating a cake! So review for a slice of cake!


	6. Miasma

**Forlorn Words**

**A/N: **Thanks to all of you who review thus far! I know I haven't been able to reply to all the reviews, but I really do appreciate it! :)

So, I know I haven't updated in… awhile… even though I said I would have time. And that's the funny story (not really), just busy with writing essays and filling stuff out. Also I had serious writer's block on one part, and I usually don't like skipping and coming back to it. That's mainly the reason why it's so late. On the plus side, I will no long be extremely busy!

So to make up for the lack of update, this is my longest chapter so far! I put in a scene I originally wasn't going to, but it's cute – Guy and Milee scene. Warning, this chapter is a bit more serious than the other ones, but I tried to lighten it much as I possibly can as well. So enjoy!

**Disclaimer:** I wish I own Tales of the Abyss, I really, really do. However, sadly… I don't…

* * *

**Chapter Six: Miasma**

"Does this dress make me look fat?"

This wasn't really how I imagined my next conversation with her to start out. As I stood in the hollow white space, there stood that white-haired girl in front of a body-length mirror, wearing a pink sun dress.

She shifted her body over from one way to another, frowning upon certain distaste in body proportions. She then looked over at me with an eyebrow raised.

"Well?" she asked again as I walked over to her.

"Does it matter?" I snorted. "You're invading my dreams again, and you have the nerve to ask me such an irrelevant question? Besides, I have some questions that you need to answer—_important_ questions. First off—"

"I'm sure this makes my butt look big…" she mumbled, completely ignoring me.

Fine, if she wanted to play it that way, I'll play along. A smug look formed upon my features. "You're right; it does make you look fat."

I could see the horrified expression formed on her face. "Really?" she cried, turning back to the mirror.

"Yeah, totally: I mean, just look at all that extra fat around your sides! It's completely visible; how disgusting! I'm surprised that even fit you!" I cried with mock horror as she looked distraught. "Now that we're done with that, you need to answer my questions."

I crossed my arms and tapped my foot impatiently. She didn't seem to notice my latter sentence. I sighed. She definitely infuriated me. "Fine, if you're just going to ignore me, then I'm waking up now."

"Wait!" I smirked at her response. I turned back to her as the mirror disappeared, and the pink dress returned to its original colour: white. She pulled her long hair back and sighed. A couch suddenly appeared out of nowhere, and she plopped herself down, making herself rather comfortable before she began. "You may have noticed something about your body—"

"Yeah, about that," I interrupted and advanced towards her, grabbed her by the front of her dress and punched her as hard as I could, unfortunately, hurting my fist in the process. "That's for putting me into someone else's body! I mean, what the hell?!"

"Ow, that hurts," she pouted, curling herself deeper into the couch.

"Annoying," I hissed to myself, then directed my anger towards the source of all my current frustrations. "So, answer yourself!"

She looked back at me with those red orbs, rolling it before smirking. "Well, I mean, I certainly can't take a physical object—a.k.a. your body—from one world to the next. That's completely _illogical_," she answered, somewhat mocking me.

"So is—" I stopped myself, knowing it was useless to continue. Combing my bangs back with my fingers, I changed the subject. "Fine, then what happened to her: the owner of the body?"

She shrugged, looking as if she didn't have a care in the world. "Who knows? Enjoying herself, I guess. Oh, by the way, she has a message for you." She waved her hand and a piece of paper appeared. Her pale, white lips curved into a devious smile before words formed from her mouth. "Dear Milee, I'm on a permanent vacation. Take care of my body, okay? And no funny business!"

I rolled my eyes at the immature, child-like voice she used to recite the message. Just then, I raised an eyebrow. "Wait, funny… business?"

"You know."

"No… I don't…" I replied, somewhat cautious of her crazed smile. She giggled, somehow finding my perplexity to be hilarious. It took me another minute, but then, it was like a light bulb suddenly appeared over top of my head, and my face immediately turned bright red. "Eww! You can't be serious!" I cried; my head swirling with—sadly— perverted thoughts. "I would never! I—I don't—I… I'm not interested in having a relationship yet!"

I saw her roll off the couch, laughing like a madman, which in turn, caused my face to heat up even more. She suddenly paused and gave a Chester cat grin. "No one said anything about that."

"I-It was implied!" I retorted.

"No, you're just perverted."

"No, I'm not!" I shot back, still red. "You have no proof!"

She rolled her eyes, getting off the couch and, in a flash, was right in front of me. I gasped lightly. She smiled and put her lips to my ear. "In case you forgot, Sweetie, I'm inside _your_ mind. I know everything that goes through your head. _Everything_."

I swiftly shoved her back. "T-That's an invasion of privacy!"

"So? Sue me. Oh, wait, you can't."

"Bitch."

"Touché."

I sighed and plopped down to the ground, sitting cross-legged before I began rubbing my temple. I was going to have a serious migraine from this. I heard her giggle. _Stop reading my thoughts, Creep!_ I could hear her snort, and crunching noises could be heard. I looked back at her and her new imaginary snack. She was seated back on her couch, gazing at me with a bored expression.

I desperately wanted to ask her more, but so far, she _still_ hadn't answered any of my questions yet, at least not proper answers. I shifted my eyes to meet hers. I could feel the shivers just looking into those eyes, those familiar eyes. I swallowed some saliva and spoke. After all, third time's a charm. "Okay, so what's—"

"I'm not going to answer any of your questions," she rudely interrupted. I glared and tried to respond but she allowed herself to finish. "Are you seriously _that_ dumb? I'd thought you'd figure it out by now. I dragged you here without an explanation and when you try to ask, I just brush it off." She instantly appeared behind me, causing me to jump slightly. "Do you genuinely think I will just tell you everything after _all_ of that?"

"Well—"

"No, I won't," she, once again, interrupted. There was a moment of silence before her tone softened. "I'm not going to hide everything from you. I'll tell you all that you _need _to know, not what you _want_ to know. Sigh, Milee, I brought you here for a reason, for your own good. I am not your enemy. Trust me."

I tried to let everything sink in. So, she wasn't going to tell me anything except for what she wanted to tell me. Did she think my questions were irrelevant? Pointless? Was she just going to play _God_ with my life and expect me to just go along with it? Trust _her_?

"Milee, wait—" She reached over to touch my shoulder, but I roughly brushed it aside and stood, glaring as the scenery started changing into a menacing mix of dark colours.

I smirked as she started panicking, probably losing her control. "You disgust me. You're just like _them_: constantly joking around, not ever listening to me, not once hearing the distress in my voice… never seeing the pain through my smiles… You told me to trust you, but you're just like them, my so-called friends. I'll never trust them, so why should I trust you? If you won't tell me anything, I'll just have to find out for myself. Goodbye."

I turned and walked away, back to reality; well, as close of it gets to reality at the moment. I saw a light flashing over the swamp of colours. I smiled: my ticket out of here and away from her.

"Milee, wait! You can't wake up yet! I still have something to tell you! Milee!" her voice cracked as it started getting fainter and fainter. As much as I wanted to know what she had to say, my pride refused to listen to her. She didn't bother trying to take me seriously when I was confused, but now she was getting her just dessert.

I felt my conscience drift from my dream world to the real one. I tried to ignore her, but I could hear snippets of her cries as I opened my eyes.

_Limit magic use… the miasma… Be careful of—_

"Hmm…" I groaned, suddenly feeling a sharp pain in my head and nauseous due to the continuous up and down motion. "What… happened?"

I rested my head against something soft but prickly at the same time. The motion stopped, and my soft pillow pulled away, replacing itself with the face of Luke fon Fabre.

"It's about time you woke up!" he hissed, shifting my body that was currently being carried by the noble. "You're heavy for someone so small—Ow! What was that for?!" he suddenly cried as my hand grabbed a handful of hair and yanked it.

"Oops: sorry Luke! I felt myself slipping so I grabbed the first thing I could find," I replied sweetly, feigning innocence.

He grunted but didn't drop me to my surprised. Instead, he shifted my weight over forward, pushing my body up into a more secure position. "Luke?" I questioned.

"Just shut up! If you fell, I'd probably get scolded! And if I let you walk, I'd probably be scolded as well!" he mumbled, turned away from me, but I could see a hint of red on his ears.

_Aw, he's blushing. _I snickered.

"What are you being so giggly for?" he snapped.

"Nothing!" I sang, wrapping my arms around his neck and returning my head to its resting place. I closed my eyes, but they fluttered opened and I smiled. "Thanks," I whispered.

I supressed the giggles this time as his ears turned bright red. "I-I told you to shut up!" he snapped.

And you know what? I did.

I watched quietly as we journeyed. The sun was slowly spreading its colours like watercolours sailing across a page. Harmonies of sounding crickets started to play its songs. My hazel orbs lingered beyond the distance, past the mountains. Flocks of birds caught my eyes as they flew over top of us; so radiant, so free. I wish I could fly, fly away.

I tightened my grip. Luke didn't seem to notice, and if he did, he didn't comment, which I was glad.

What the white-haired girl said bothered me. I was starting to regret putting my pride before my common sense. Well, for one, she said something about limiting magic use. Well, I only know one arte, and that caused me to pass out; it wasn't like I was going to be using it again anytime soon, unless it was an emergency or something along those lines. Then, she said miasma; what about it?! Probably it was dangerous or whatever, not that I didn't already know _that_. I bet it wasn't that important anyways. However, it was the last part that bothered me. Be careful of what? Or maybe, be careful of _whom_?

I lightly sighed, which was not overlooked by the party.

"I think we should stop for the night," Ion suggested, slightly looking over at me.

"We did make up for lost time after yesterday's event," Tear added, causing Guy to look away and me to blush slightly.

"It's about time," Luke piped in, slowly letting me down. Though, my knees buckled on me, but I grabbed hold of Luke for support to his annoyance. He brushed me off, resulting in a glare from me. Talk about split-personality much? "I'm tired from carrying this dead-weight all day!"

"Luke!" Tear scolded.

_Yeah, you tell him! _ I silently cheered her on, but a sudden flashback to Luke's strange kindness stopped me. I mentally sighed; I was probably going to regret this. "Please, it's alright," I gave Tear a small smile, calming her down. "He must be exhausted."

"No kidding. Call me when dinner's ready!" Luke shouted, dropping his stuff down and leaned against a tree for a short nap.

Tear sighed but follow suit. The party dispersed while Ion and Guy remained. Ion smiled and walked over to me, holding out a sword inside a sheath: _my _sword.

"How—"

"Jade found it just lying somewhere, with neither you nor Guy around," he answered. "That was when we figured something was wrong."

"Oh, thank you," I thanked him before grabbing the blade and slipping it back into my belt.

"Don't thank me," Ion spoke. "You should thank Jade."

_Eww… thank _him_?! I'd rather die!_ "Of course Fon Master," I chirped.

Ion nodded and left, heading over to Guy as he started getting out the pots from the bag. I blinked as a sudden rush of realization came over me. I quickly walked over.

"I-I can do the cooking," I cried, grabbing the utensils but accidentally brushed my fingers over Guy's. He cried out, and we both dropped it. "Sorry…"

"N-no, don't worry about it…" he mumbled from behind Ion.

"You shouldn't force yourself Milee," Ion piped up, picking up the pot. He gently set it down and looked at me. "Your sudden collapse gave us all quite a shock. By the way, how are you feeling?"

"Better, thank you. I'm fine, Fon Master. It should be my turn to cook, right? I don't want to be dead-weight…"

Ion smiled and walked up to me. "Luke didn't mean anything from that, I'm sure. Just rest for tonight," he said, pulling me over to a seat by the recently made fire. "We were all worried, especially Luke, but don't tell him I told you."

I smiled and nodded, pulling my knees to my chest. Mieu, then, came over to keep me company, but as he talked, I pretended to listen while petting him. Soon, the area was filled with a rich aroma. My stomach rumbled, and I heard laughing from behind.

Luke walked over, all high and mighty. I sighed, not wanting to put up with him right now. _If only I could just fast-forward to short haired Luke…_ I frowned.

"I haven't eaten in over twenty-four hours; I course I would be hungry!" I slightly pouted.

"It's almost ready," Guy called out just as Jade and Tear came back with some firewood and water.

"Here," Tear handed me a canteen. "You must be thirsty."

"Oh, thank you," I smiled, eager to quince my thirst.

I tipped the canteen, pouring the cool liquid down my throat. It was refreshing, more so than simply moisten my insides. It was like it was washing away all my problems and telling me to relax, not to worry and rest the night. It was nice to have that safe, cozy feeling, as if I was back home. Abruptly, I realized no more water came out of the canteen. My face reddened.

"Oops…"

"Don't worry about it," Tear reassured me. "We can always just refill it in the morning."

"Dinner's ready!" Guy's voice rang out.

We all sat around the campfire as we ate. It was quiet except for the occasional complaint from Luke, and Mieu getting kicked. A few minutes later, Jade began the conversation I dreaded.

"You're a seventh fonist," he commented.

I didn't reply or, should I say, was I supposed to? After all, it wasn't technically a question. However, sadly for me, everyone stared at me, curious as well.

"That's right," Guy said. "You suddenly used a healing arte; it surprised me."

"Yeah, now that you mentioned it," Luke said, glaring at me. "How come you haven't used it until now?! I always had to wait for Tear to heal me!"

Again, I didn't say anything.

"Milee?" Ion looked at me with large, adorable eyes. _Gosh, he's so cute…_

I looked at Ion, and then, to the others and sighed. "I honestly didn't know I could use healing artes, nor did I know I was a seventh fonist," I admitted. "I was scared for Guy, and I just kind of wished I could help him in some way, and then… it just happened…"

"Really? I didn't know you can learn artes like that," Luke muttered.

"You can't," Tear replied.

"It's probable if you knew healing artes before your 'memory lost'," Jade explained, giving off the feeling of quotations for memory lost. Bastard. "If that's the case, it wouldn't be too surprising if your body remembers what your mind doesn't."

"Memory lost?" the gang questioned, looking from Jade to me.

"Ah, she didn't say? According to Milee, she apparently lost her memories right before finding herself onboard the Tartarus," Jade replied casually, causing me to have a mental panic attack, whether he meant to or not. My money's on the former.

"Eh? You lost your memories, too?" Luke exclaimed.

_Damn you, Jade, for putting me on the spot!_ I frantically looked at each member, before meeting Guy's eyes. He raised his eyebrows in question. _Oh shoot! I didn't say something yesterday that would give me away, did I?_

Thankfully, Guy seemed to have noticed my distress and got back on track. "Whether she's amnesic or not, I'm thankful she saved me in the nick of time. I think you could definitely become a great healer with more practice. Who knows, maybe you know other artes as well."

"It would be nice to have another healer," Ion pointed out before he stopped and frowned. "However…"

"However?" I asked, looking at the young boy before directing my attention to the others, who also look grim. Oh no: did something _else_ also happen? I crossed my fingers from behind and asked in the most innocent voice I could muster. "What is it?"

Ion looked over to Jade, probably deciding who should tell me this _wonderful _news. Note the sarcasm. Jade sighed, probably losing that telepathic war between Ion and faced me.

"I'm not one hundred percent positive, but it seems that your collapse yesterday had to do with using fonic artes."

"Eh?"

"You tried to use a second first aid, right?" Guy questioned, and I nodded. "But before you could accomplish it, you looked as if you were in pain and then, you fell. Thus, we concluded that it must be related to the arte, but we're not completely positive until you go see a doctor."

"Fonic artes… Of course…" I murmured to myself, tuning out Guy after the second sentence. I knew that using artes couldn't have been _that_ easy, or at least, without consequences, but to feel like I was going to die after the second arte? I frowned as something came to mind.

_That girl did mention she wanted to say something about my body; could this be it? Did she know what's wrong with it; why I felt so much pain from such a simple arte? _I grimaced, ignorant to the many pairs of eyes waiting for an answer. I let out a loud sigh: to think that I would let my emotions take over and ditch the reason within me. _Now what do I do? Maybe if I go back to sleep? No, that only happened twice…_ _Dammit! Show yourself stupid!_

"Milee?" I think someone called out, but I more or less care what-so-ever. I waited a second, hoping she would magically appear out of nowhere, but alas, it seems I was hoping for the impossible.

"Iron board! Hey!" Guess who said that.

At first, I decided to ignore him on purpose, but then, he reached over and tugged my hair—hard, may I add.

"Ow! That's attached to my head, just so you know," I snapped, pulling the strands out of his hand. Everyone—but Jade—looked stunned at my outburst. _Well, I mean I would be too, but still!_ I sighed. "I'm sorry," I muttered quietly. "I just need some space to think, that's all. Excuse me."

I got up and walked away. I didn't know where I was going, but like I said, I just need some space, some distance away from this twisted reality. I let my foot lead the way, not caring where they wandered off to. It was after a couple of minutes and a few scratches later that I found myself at a tiny stream.

It was pleasant.

The moon began to shine through, and one by one, the stars follow suit. The stream started to glitter under the clear, starry sky. I smiled, bringing my knees to my chest, then lean my head on top.

Now, where to start?

To be honest, I have no freaking clue.

I sighed and fell back, falling onto the hard ground and letting the sharp, pointy grasses stab itself into my exposed skin. A moment of a quietness passed before it was shattered by the fits of giggles that came from someone's lips. Though, I briefly questioned who before I realized the sound came from my own lips. I quickly brought my hand over to cover my mouth, but I couldn't stop.

I rolled over and tried to silence myself once more. However, my vision began to blur in the process. I brought my other hand up to my eyes, rubbing them, only to find what I'd hoped I wouldn't find. I was crying.

I wanted to stop them from leaking out, so, so desperately. It would ruin my image if others saw this scene! Yet, for once, I let them out. It had been ages since I let myself cry, to release all that had been bundling up for these past several years.

The pain of being not good enough, always trying to live up to everyone's expectations, constantly being useless, always feeling like I was invisible and most of all, the pain of never having a special someone to share my pain with—the feeling of loneliness and unimportance.

And so I cried, making sure I never uncover those hands that muffle the sounds of my heartache. Whether I show physical tears or not, there was no difference. My heart had always been crying; it was just that no one had bothered to look.

* * *

"Hey."

"Hey," I replied casually, not averting my gaze at the vast moon from above.

"Can I… sit here?"

"Go ahead."

I heard movements and someone plopped down beside me… well, two metres from me anyways. I turned and watched the blond swordsman. He leand back, putting his arms out to support himself and smiled.

"It's nice out," he randomly commented.

I nodded, glad that it was dark out so that he couldn't see my puffy, red eyes. I started to curl my legs closer to my body as a bit of wind flew by. I shivered; it was definitely going to be cold tonight.

"Here," Guy tossed a jacket over to me.

"Are you sure?" I held the jacket close, somewhat wishing he'd say yes. And as if he was reading my mind, he nodded and smiled. "Thank you."

I slipped it on, smiling as warmth surrounded me and buried my face into the sleeves. _Smells nice, like Guy…_ I thought, lips curving into a light smile. Just then, my face flushed at the recognition of what I just said.

"You're quiet, are you okay?" his gentle tone sounded softly.

"I'm fine," I emphasised, turning away. "Anyways, is there something you want?" As soon as those words left my mouth, I immediately regretted.

"Yeah, actually, it's about what you said during the conversation an hour ago," he answered.

"…"

"Did you… you know," he paused before looking directly at me, "lose your memories?"

I gave a light, girlish laugh. "Of course I did, why would I lie to you?"

"Well, it didn't seem like it from our conversation yesterday."

_Damn you Guy, always so observant! _"What are you talking about? You're overthinking it," I pressed, hoping he would just drop it.

"No, I'm not," he insisted. "You said you wanted to be a doctor. You couldn't have suddenly developed such an interest in this short amount of time, not to mention your skills are dread—w-workable. So, there would be nothing to direct you into that interest unless it was something you desire from long before the Tartarus incident."

Guy: One; Milee: Zero.

"Like I said, you're overthinking!" I exclaimed, fully facing him. I narrowed my eye, wishing I could glare a hole into his head—and hopefully his memories as well. Making up something on the spot, I replied, "I-I wanted to be a doctor ever since Tear got injured, and I had to take care of her!"

"But Ion was the one who did most of the work…" he mumbled softly, and I lowered my head, still feeling ashamed. He then raised his voice again. "What about when you said you hated hospitals? You haven't been in a hospital after your memory lost. So there's no reason to hate it, especially since you want to work in the medical field!"

Guy: Two; Milee: Still zero. Shit.

"I-I've seen one, and I thought they look creepy! Discussion over."

"That's not a reason, Milee," he sighed. "You're not the type of person to hate something for such an invalid reason."

"You don't know that. Guy, I said this discussion is over!"

"No, it's not."

"Yes," I smirked as an idea came to mind. I reached over and grabbed him by his wrist. "Yes, it is!"

"Gahh!" He smacked my hand away and crawled back about three metres. "That's cheap… Just admit it, you don't have amnesia! "

"Yes, I do!"

"I just want the truth. I won't look at you any differently," his tone softened.

"Stop being so stubborn!" I cried, biting down my lips from quivering.

"I'm not the stubborn one."

I felt my face heat up. And here I thought Guy was a sweetheart. My fist opened and closed repeatedly. I could feel the cold sweat sliding down my neck like a slithering snake, just waiting till the moment I was vulnerable. No, I couldn't let him get the better of me! I won't crack, no matter what. What if he tells Jade? What if they leave me? I just want to go home.

In a flash, I was in front of Guy and grabbed him by the shoulders. He started trembling enormously, pleading that I release him.

"Not until you admit that you are wrong!" I told him, tightening my grip as he tried to pry me away.

"P-Please Mil-Milee! You're n-not the kind of per-person to take ad-advantage of s-s-someone's weakness."

My grip strengthened even more. I could feel the tears threatening to come again. That was when I snapped, "Just shut up! You know nothing about me! You're just like my parents, always making stupid assumptions about me like how I'm the perfect daughter, how I have no problems at school or no worries in life, and how they think I'm always happy, and I never get lonely when they're away just because I always smile! They never even try to get to know the real me! I hate it! So stop stereotyping me and just let me be me!"

I panted; my head lowered. So much blood was rushed to my cheeks from that single outburst that I started feeling lightheaded. After a few minutes, I realized Guy stopped shaking. Curious, I raised my head and stared into his two blue orbs.

They were wide, staring at me like he had seen a ghost. I slowly released my hold on the young swordsman and started moving backwards, giving him some space.

"… Guy…?" I whispered. He didn't move. _Oh shit, don't tell me a scared him to death by touching him for so long?!_ "Guy, please answer! I'm begging you!"

He blinked. I sighed out in relief; at lease he was alive. Guy moved a bit, his body seeming to slightly relax.

"I'm sorry," he said, looking at me.

This time, I blinked. "Excuse me?"

"I'm sorry," he repeated, looking ashamed.

"Why?" I said without thinking. "I should be apologizing. I took advantage of your fear of women."

"But, I was in the wrong," he replied. "You're right; I don't know you all that well. And I shouldn't have been so insistent. I'll try to get to know you better from now on. So I apologize, forgive me."

For some reason I felt my heart melt. I guess he really was a sweetheart after all! I smiled at the blond. "Of course, I forgive you."

He returned my gesture. A few minutes passed before he spoke once more. "So it seems you remember your parents…"

And that was strike three…

I sighed, knowing it was useless to argue any further. "Please don't tell anyone. I can't tell you why I'm faking amnesia but…"

"I… I trust you. You're not a bad person, that, and I'm not just assuming," he said confidently.

"I—thank you…" I turned my whole body away from him, feeling mixed emotions right now.

I heard a light chuckle from behind of me. "Are you always like this?" he asked, and I faced him. He gave me an adorable half-smile.

I tried to ignore the heat attempting to rise to my face. "Like what?"

"Well, my impression of you has definitely changed since the day I first met you to now. It's like you're a completely different person."

"N-no! It's just that's I've been extremely frustrated lately and… yeah…" I lied quickly.

"Hmm, too bad," he murmured quietly.

"Eh?" I give him a questioning look.

He looked back before facing the night sky. "Well," he said softly. "I like this side of you much better, it just doesn't seem as—no offense—_fake_."

* * *

The next morning, we arrived at Fubras River in record time. Before entering, Jade talked to Luke a bit about the fields of fonons. It was interesting to hear about it now than when playing the game.

I watched as the party took out those frog and seal-like creatures. They were swift, and the numbers seem to deplete at an exponential rate. I paused for a second, hearing some kind of strange bubbling noise. I turned my head towards the river. However, it was a second too late as a frog creature jumped out and attacked the closest person. To my luck, it was Jade.

I tried to shush the laughter that tried to escape. Ha, he was getting what he deserves! Sadly, Ion, being the saint, looked at me with pleading eyes.

"Tear's preoccupied! Milee…" For once, I wish I was immune to puppy-dog eyes.

"Oh right," I forced a smile. _Sometimes I wish Ion was blind._

I hurried to Jade and let my body unlock its fon slots, praying I won't faint this time. The same warmth enveloped me, and I focused my attention to the colonel.

"First aid!" A light surrounded him, and his wound healed completely.

"Why, thank you Milee," he seemed to be somewhat mocking me.

_Die in a ditch for all I care!_ "You're very welcome, Colonel."

"Milee, look out!" I heard Ion cry.

Before I could turn around, Jade threw his spear at me—well, that was what it looked like before it whizzed pass my head, and monster blood and guts splashed all over my back. I tried not to show absolute disgust and hatred. Yet, to put it simply, I did not like the feeling of something slimy and wet go down my back.

"Good thing I got to it before you got hurt," Jade smiled nonchalantly like there was nothing wrong with this scene.

Note to self: this was the last time I help him out!

Thankfully, we stopped for a quick break, and Tear volunteered to help clean all the insides off my clothing as I washed myself.

"Stupid Jade…" I hissed to myself, but the melodist heard.

"But you were lucky he got to it before that monster could have hurt you or worse," Tear explained, scrubbing the blood from my top. I pouted and ducked into the water, not in the mood for a scolding, but Tear continued anyways, knowing I can hear her, for the water wasn't deep enough to entirely drown out her voice. "Not only that, but when you used first aid, you put too much of your energy into it. Such a wound does not require much healing. That could be the reason why you passed out in the first place! You have to learn to control your artes. Healing artes are just as difficult as any other artes. You need to practice! Milee!"

I lifted my head up. "Yes, ma'am," I muttered.

Tear let out a breath, "Besides that, how are you feeling? We don't want you to collapse again."

"Don't worry. I did feel a little tired beforehand, but now it's better," I admitted, lying backwards, letting myself float. It felt so nice having the cool water cleanse your body while the sun bathes your face with its rays.

"Milee, you're supposed to be cleaning yourself."

And Tear just ruined the moment. I sighed, embarrassed that I was letting a girl, who was younger than me, boss me around. She was certainly not like any sixteen year olds I know, but I guess that was what I admire about her; strong, brave, mature and willing to go as far as to kill the only family she had left to protect the world.

I smiled.

She noticed my gesture and asked, "What is it?"

"No, it's that… Never mind," she raised an eyebrow as I dunked my head in once more with a small grin.

By mid-afternoon, my clothes were dry, thus we resumed our journey. I was beginning to be a bit wary as Guy said we were nearing the exit. That means Arietta was going to try and attack us again. If I remember correctly, there was no fight because the miasma knocked her out, but maybe that was just a thing in the game? I hope not; I really didn't want to fight a boss battle yet.

"Hey, it's a clearing!" Luke rejoice, probably sick of all the water ruining his shoes.

I stopped. Clearing huh? Three, two, one…

A liger suddenly dropped in front of us with the pinknette on top. The rest of the party stopped abruptly as the monster sneered at us with its menacing fangs.

"It's Arietta the Wild. They've found us..." Guy narrowed his eyes.

"I won't let you get away," she hissed.

"Arietta! Please, let us go," Ion took a step forward and spoke with a hard tone, one I never heard before. "You understand, don't you? We can't let this war happen."

"I... I want to help you Ion... but those people are my enemies!" she cried.

_Correction; Jade, Luke and Tear are your enemies. Leave me out of this!_ "What did you do to this poor girl?" I decided to have a little fun and directed my question at the red-head with mock horror.

"N-nothing! I don't know what she's talking about!" he snapped but paused briefly to think.

"You killed Mommy!" Arietta shouted angrily, and the liger roared in turn.

"Luke!" I gasped while trying to hold in my giggle fits. "How could you! I thought you were better than this!"

"No, I didn't!" His face turned red. He tried to continue, but he became tongue-tied. He frowned and faced her. "What're you talking about? When did I ever do something like that?"

"Mommy's home was burned, so she moved into the Cheagle Woods. She was just trying to protect her children... My brothers and sisters..."

"Could she mean the Liger Queen? But she's human…" Tear commented, looking tense.

Ion explained, "She was raised by monsters after the Hod War. She was recruited for the Oracle Knights because of her ability to communicate with monsters."

"Then the liger we killed was..." Luke looked absolutely mortified right now.

"That was Mommy! I'll never forgive you! I'll chase you to the ends of the earth... and kill you!"

"Talk about vengeful…" I bet I looked bewildered right now. However, before any of us could continue this delightful—note the sarcasm—conversation, a large earthquake interrupted us.

"It's an earthquake!"

"What is the mist?" Guy asked, worried.

I stared at the purple coloured mist. I blinked. "Isn't that mias—"

I heard a thump and found pinky and her pet unconscious. Yeah! No boss battle!

Before I could react, the ground opened up beside me, and a strong spray of purple mist was shot in my face.

"Ah! What the—"

I dropped to my knees and clutched my chest—hard. I can't breathe. It was just like that time with the healing arte but ten, no a thousand times worst. I let out a shrill scream.

"Milee!"

"I can't breathe, I can't—ahad," I coughed violently, feeling my saliva on my hand and on the sides of my mouth. I gasped like a fish out of water and brought my hand up to wipe the saliva away. Nevertheless, when I brought my hand close to my eyes, red could be spotted on my hands. I wasn't coughing out saliva.

I was coughing out blood.

My blood ran cold, and it was like time just stopped. I stared at my hand, oblivious to the shouts of everyone around me. My hand started doubling and something tried to escape from my throat once more. I was given a sharp and agonizing reminder of the pain in my chest as it sent me to the ground.

"Milee, hang on!"

Voices were fading. Great I was blacking out, _again_.

I heard a scream; my scream.

Why was this happening ?! Why me?!

_I tried to warn you…_ A familiar voice sounded in my head. _Take this as a caution; be a good girl next time._

_One: limit magic use, it can be harmful to your body due to reasons I will not explain._

_Two: avoid the miasma at all cost, it, again, is harmful to your body, much more so than to anyone else for reasons, again, I will not tell you. Let's just say you're special._

_Third: be careful of… Anise._

* * *

**A/N:** Yes, you heard right: be careful of sweet Anise! Why? Well, keep reading to find out!

Chapter Seven Preview: Paranoia

_Oh yes, this is what I've always wanted to do; hang onto the edge of a roof for my life as everyone ignores me. It's perfectly fine; I'll just chill here for a bit…_

"_Any time now!" I cried, hoping someone would notice me._

_I felt my fingers numbing. I swallowed my saliva down hard. I know you're not supposed to look down in these situations, but I couldn't help myself. My eyes widened and my heart's pace quicken. I think I'm going to have a panic attack. It was a _long_ way down…_

"_Shit!" I held my breath as I slid down half a centimetre. _I'm slipping! I'm slipping! I'm fucking slip_—oh, and my fingers just slipped right off._

_This is going to end badly… very badly…_

Please review! Any comments are fine as long as they aren't rude messages! :) I should have more time to write, so it you want a quicker update, review!


	7. Never Again

**Forlorn Words**

**A/N: **Thank you for all who reviewed last chapter! I was very happy! :) Well, anyways, I apologized for being so late with the update. I didn't realize it was a month and a half since my last update until today. It's getting hectic as the end of the year approaches, and I have tons of things to do before that. I'll try harder for the next chapter. I even made a whole schedule and everything. This chapter is my longest by far, so enjoy!

**Disclaimer:** The sad truth is I do not own Tales of the Abyss. :(

* * *

**Chapter Seven: Never Again**

_A teenage girl about fifteen or so walked up to the counter with a smile plastered to her face. Her braided, long, brown hair swung back and forth as she held one little sunflower close to her heart, glancing swiftly at the insides of the hospital rooms as she passed._

"_Good morning," she announced, surprising the two at the counter._

"_Oh, Milee! What are you doing here? I thought your family went on vacation to the Caribbeans yesterday," the elder nurse asked, holding out the sign-in sheet for her._

_Setting the little sunflower down, she began writing her name as she replied, "Yes, they went yesterday. I decided not to go with them; I don't really like hot places anyways."_

"_Is that so?" the nurse mumbled quietly to herself._

"_Well, see you later, Ms. Altone," the girl put down the pen and flashed a brief smile before she left._

_The moment the girl disappeared around the corner, she realized her hands held nothing but air. A flash of a bright, yellow flower flickered in her mind before turning back, but just as she took a tiny step around, she spotted the two nurses in a heated discussion._

_The elder nurse frowned, sitting down with a loud sigh. "Poor thing," she muttered._

"_Do you know her?" a much younger nurse asked, slightly curious._

"_Ah, yes, that's right; you're new here, aren't you?" she exclaimed, brushing away some gray hair that has fallen in front of her face. "There's not a soul who works here that doesn't know her."_

_The girl forced herself deeper into the wall, not wanting to seem like she was eavesdropping, but she couldn't help herself._

"_Does she come here a lot?"_

_Ms. Altone raised an eyebrow at that question before letting out a frustrated sigh. "A lot? That would be an understatement…" Her wrinkles creased, making her look much older. "You know that patient, the one in room 504?"_

"_504? Wait, isn't that—" The younger nurse stopped abruptly. Her face dropped. "Oh my Lord…"_

_She nodded. "I heard from her father that the girl blames herself for what happened that day, so she always comes here to visit, bringing fresh flowers with her. She stops by almost every single day since the incident."_

_The young nurse's eyes widen as she cried, "Wait! Almost every day since the incident? But if I'm not mistaken that—"_

"_Ten years, I know," she whispered sadly. "It breaks my heart to one day have to tell her that it's better to give up and move on… I've talked to her parents; they also think it's better if she'd move on. After all, ten years is a long time…"_

"_I know I shouldn't pry into other's history, but what… exactly happened ten years ago anyways?"_

_Ms. Altone looked grim, lowering her voice a little so that only she could hear. "Well—"_

Ring-ring-ring

_The two nurses jumped at the sound, and one of them grabbed the telephone in a hurry, realizing they were off task. As the conversation drifted from their minds, it still lingers in one's. The girl bit her bottom lip hard, holding her shaking hands to her chest. "You're wrong… Someday…" she whispered to herself. "Someday…"_

My eyes slowly adjusted to the blinding, white lights as they stared in a daze. It was a while since I had that dream… Two years since that time. I rolled over to my sides, covering my entire face with the pillow. I slightly groaned, finally feeling the aches spreading throughout my body. I felt hands on my right arm and shoulder that gently turned me back over.

"No…" I moaned, surprised at how raspy my voice was.

"Shhh," a soft voice hushed me.

"What… time is it?" I asked, fully opening my eyes to the light now. I thought for sure the voice belonged to Ion, but to my surprised, it was Tear. "Tear?"

"Rest," she whispered.

I blinked again, bringing my hands up to my eyes and started rubbing them. The moment I removed my hands from my face, I noticed that we were in a room. It was a fairly simple room: small in size with very little décor and white walls. I scanned the area. It was only me and Tear inside the room.

"Where is everyone?" I asked, but before she could answer, the door swung open, and the guys came in.

Luke, who was the first to notice me staring, spoke, "Hey, you're awake."

"How are you feeling?" Ion asked, coming over to my bedside. "Does it still hurt?"

_Hell, yeah. My body feels stiff, and it even hurts to breathe! _I wanted to snap at him; nonetheless, I sucked it up and shook my head instead. "No, I'm fine now. Thank you for your concern, Fon Master," I answered sweetly. "I'm sorry for always causing so much trouble for you. I guess I just have a frail body."

"No kidding. At this rate, we'll never meet up with Master Van!" Luke pouted, sitting down on one of the chairs.

I cringed at the name. Now that he brought that up, I should be thankful I kept delaying the trip; I mean I certainly didn't want to meet Van, ever, and definitely not so soon! I ignored Tear as she went to scold Luke for his behaviour again. My mind wandered to all the possibilities. Maybe Asch didn't tell Van about me yet? Oh, how nice would that be. I shook my head; no, I had to think of the worst case scenario. Assuming Van knew that I knew about his plans, he was going to kill me. However, he can't kill me without making himself look suspicious… So the only other option was to make sure I was never going to be alone with him!

I smiled at the idea. _Oh Milee, you're brilliant._ So I just need to stick to someone's side like glue until Akzeriuth, but whom? I looked around.

Guy? No, he'll just run away again if I got too close.

Luke? No, too manipulable and naïve.

Ion? But you never know when he'll kneel over on me with that body of his…

Jade? I shuttered at the thought.

Tear? I paused, slightly smiling. Seemingly cold, but why not?

"Milee? I apologize to have to rush you, but can you get up?" Ion asked. "We should get to Kaitzur as soon as possible."

"Oh, yes," I slowly removed the blanket and pushed myself up to my discomfort. "By the way, where are we?"

"Tzuapo, it's a small village south-west of the Fubras River," Jade explained.

Tzu-what? Was there ever a village by that name? I shook my head. Well, I guess it shouldn't be all that surprising. I guess realistically, a world shouldn't have only the amount of cities and villages that you can count on your fingers and toes alone now could you?

Instead of showing confusion, I nodded and smiled. I stood and grabbed my clothing off the desk. I was thankful that I was still wearing my tank top and a pair of black short shorts as I slipped the outer layers over my body. Grabbing my sword and securely tying it to my sides, I jogged over to the door where everyone was waiting when something came to mind.

"Um… what happened to me anyways?" I asked.

"To be honest, we're not too sure about what happened," Guy answered while all of us walked to the entrance. "We had the village doctor take a look at you, but he said he couldn't find anything wrong. Though, he suggested that you go to a city with a more technologically advance machinery that can examine your body thoroughly. He also said it was either that you just have a weak body or it's something much more serious…"

_Well, that's nice to know._ I rolled my eyes. _Great, I'm either weak like hell or dying in a fictional world._

"Don't worry; I'm sure it's nothing grave," Ion added, hoping to rid of my _supposed_ worry.

The instant everyone faced forward, I frowned. _How can he have such a positive attitude about everything? Stupid Ion… However…_

I tightened my hold on Mieu, who seated himself on my arms. He, thankfully, didn't notice. As I trailed along from behind, I couldn't help but look straight, staring at everyone's back. All of them very different, yet the same; their postures, their strides, the way they walked with a certain air to them.

I was jealous of it all.

They walked with a vision in mind, with their heads held high.

I, on the other hand, was the follower, helplessly wandering through this endless maze until I die.

* * *

It took five more days until we reached Kaitzur. During that time, I did a lot of thinking, and I decided to try learning the healing artes because honestly, I sucked at combat. Though, Luke did help me in the art of sword fighting as no one wanted a repeat of what happened last time, and Jade thought I should continue learning how to defend myself until I got better at using fonic artes.

"Hey, I think I see something," I exclaimed.

"Is that… Kaitzur?" Luke asked. His face lit up, undoubtedly due to the fact that _Master_ Van will be there. When Guy nodded, he broke into a run for the walls of the city.

"Wasn't he just complaining about being tired a few minutes ago?" I sighed. Just seeing him run was making my legs ache.

"Well, who wouldn't be excited to see a familiar face after all this time?" Guy flashed a smile in my direction.

I sighed again but return the smile. Ever since my little outburst back at Fubras River, Guy and I seem to be spending a lot more time together—whether I wanted to or not. To be honest, it was actually not that bad; a bit awkward sometimes, but not that bad. It was funny. I didn't know how to describe this feeling. Guy can be extremely annoying at times, especially when he freaked out whenever I got too close, but when he wasn't around, I kind of feel like there was a hole in my chest. When we're together, it was like this layer of warmth enveloped me. I don't think I was in love, but…

"What's up? You've been staring at me," Guy commented.

I shook my head. "Don't worry about it."

His eyebrow rose a bit, but he didn't press on. "We should catch up to Luke," he changed the topic, and I mentally groaned.

I started dragging my feet instead. I wasn't looking forward to Kaitzur. My memories drifted back to about a week ago, back when I fainted from the miasma. Though it was a little foggy, I swore she said to be careful of Anise.

First off: what the hell? Anise? Seriously? I swear that girl was on drugs sometimes. I knew Anise betrays them later on, but it wasn't like she had a choice, right? Other than that, I was sure she didn't do anything else I should be worried about.

I rubbed my temples. I was going to get a severe migraine if I kept thinking about it. Shoving that aside, I thought about the current issue at hand: Van.

Basically, I was screwed. Period.

"Hey, isn't that Anise?" Luke interrupted my internal ranting.

I turned and spotted a girl in pink with a doll strapped to her back and two guards in front. As we neared her and the guards, we heard snippet of their conversation.

"I'm sorry, but I can't let you pass," one guard said firmly.

"Booo!" Anise cried before walking away, her face twisted into a demonic façade. "You better watch your back."

"Anise, Luke can hear you."

At Ion's call, the girl looked up and her face illuminated. She ran over and hugged him, catching the poor noble off guard. "Oh! It's my darling! My prince!"

"Women are scary..." I heard the blond murmured quietly. I giggled.

"Even me?" I asked innocently.

"Do you even have to ask?" He looked at me, bewildered, stepping out of my reach.

"Meanie," I pouted.

"I'm glad you're safe Anise," the devil, Jade, said.

Anise beamed, "Oh, my! Were you worried about me too, Colonel?"

"Yes, we can't do a thing without that letter."

"You're mean..."

No kidding. I was glad I wasn't the only one who thought of that. I looked at the girl for a second. She was about an inch or two shorter than me. Sadly, it was barely noticeable; we looked like the same height.

Tear then spoke up, "By the way, how are we going to cross the checkpoints. Neither Luke nor I have passports."

"You won't need any once you're dead!"

I cringed at that voice. I immediately paled as shivers ran down my spine. It was _him_!

I didn't have any time to react as Luke was suddenly sent flying, and the bastard pulled me by a handful of my hair, sending me to the ground.

"Ow!" He was still an ass apparently.

"Stand down, Asch!" a deep voice called out, and I froze on spot. _Oh, don't tell me that's—_

"Out of the way Van!"

Screw my luck. I decided to not move an inch, hoping he wouldn't notice me. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw red and white.

"What do you think you're doing? I don't recall giving any orders like this. Now stand down!"

Asch snorted, but returned his sword to its sheath. As he walked away, he stopped a foot away from me and glared. That was when I noticed a white thing on his forehead. Squinting my eyes, it looked like… a Band-Aid? Asch the Bloody has a little Band-Aid on his forehead! _Don't tell me it was from that time when I butted heads with him!_ I accidentally let a pig-like snort come out and quickly covered my mouth. I felt the atmosphere get heavier.

"Laugh while you can," he hissed quietly so that only I could hear before disappearing from view.

Oh, he hates me. Should I care? Probably, but at this moment, all I could think about was someone like Asch, the hot-head, with a little boo-boo on his forehead. I brought my knees to my lips to try to silence myself, but my body was shaking vigorously from the image. It took everything I had not to burst out laughing.

"Hey, are you okay?" Guy bent down to my level. "Don't worry; you don't have to be scared; I'll protect you."

Scared? I blinked. _Oh yeah. Asch: God-General, crazy temper, nicknamed Bloody; I should at least act like I'm scared._

I looked up shyly, "Thank you."

"Calm down. Once you're ready to listen to me, come to the inn."

I looked up just in time to see Van leave but not before he turned and our eyes met. He smirked.

He smirked…

Holy fuck, he smirked at me!

"Milee, are you okay?" the blond swordsman asked, sounding extremely concern, considering I was probably pale and gawking like I'd seen a ghost.

I shook my head. All I could think about was that evil gleam in his eyes. I was so dead.

"I said, don't worry. I'm not going to let Asch hurt you."

Oh Guy, ignorance was a bliss. I placed my hand to my chest and took deep breaths in and out, attempting to calm my racing heart. My eyes locked themselves into Guy's worried gaze. Feeling bad, I took one more long breath in and out then grinned.

"I'm fine now; thank you, Guy."

"By the way, who are those two?"

Guy and I turned and spotted Anise staring at us. Her eyes suddenly shifted over to me and just stared at me. Frankly, it was quite awkward. Though, thankfully, Ion broke the silence.

"This is Guy and Milee," he introduced us. "A lot has happened since the attack on the Tartarus, but I'll tell you about it later."

She slowly nodded but kept staring at me. Why was she staring at me? My heart's pace increased once more. _Oh, no, don't tell me that white-haired girl wasn't on drugs, and I screwed up Anise's character by showing up in this damned world?_ I didn't want to make her look suspicious about me so I just flaunted a smile.

"Anise, what is it?" Jade asked curiously, seeming to be mildly interested in her fascination towards me.

"Well…" she paused and walked up to me. She quickly looked me up and down before pausing. "It's just… have we met before?"

"Um… no," I blurted without thinking.

I paused slightly; that was the correct thing to say, right? I mean, clearly I'd never met Anise before since I was sucked into the game _after_ she got thrown off and—oh wait, she probably didn't mean _me_ but whoever's body this belongs to. Now that made more sense… I guess I perhaps shouldn't have replied as hastily as I did…

"Huh, you know her?" Luke asked.

"I don't know. I can't remember, but she definitely looks familiar somehow," Anise started mumbling a little.

For some reason, I didn't like where this was going. Could this be what she warned me about? Was there a reason the characters know the owner of the body? Though, I'd highly doubt it. This was a fairly large world. I inwardly sighed and started chewing on the insides of my bottom lip.

I needed to talk to her again, but it was not like I was able to of my own free will. Clearly, fainting last time, I didn't see her. That was another thing I hated about her; she merely shows up at whatever time she felt like it, though it wasn't like she would be of any help even if I did see her again.

"Anyways," Ion suddenly announced, turning his attention to the melodist, "let's listen to what Van has to say. I think it would be foolish to insist on fighting and ignore an opportunity to communicate."

"Seriously, how bloodthirsty are you?" Luke jeered, remembering Tear's behaviour towards his teacher.

"I think Tear has every right to be suspicious," I retorted, forgetting about Anise and focusing on the protagonist.

"You haven't even met Master Van yet, Pipsqueak!" Luke snapped. "So don't take _her_ side!"

"I'm not taking anyone's side, I'm merely saying—"

Before I had any chance to further argue, or punch him in the face—whatever came first—Tear interrupted, "As you wish Fon Master. I'll listen to him."

"Well, all right," Guy exclaimed, trying to break up the tension that was forming overtop of us, "let's go see Van."

* * *

I stayed outside.

I didn't want to see Van because of what happened not too long ago, but I guess mainly because I didn't want to sit around listening to Jade explain what happened thus far. I wish time would speed up.

I hated it here. I really, really did.

I could tell that it was changing me, stripping me and exposing me to the world.

And it scared me.

I rubbed my arms as a gust of wind blew pass me. I shivered.

Why was it so cold? Why was it always so cold?

I directed my face towards the sun, hoping to catch some of its rays. Sadly, it seemed the sun decided to shine everywhere but that very spot in which I was standing on. I leaned on the side of the inn, heaving out a heavy sigh. My head rolled, and I could see a glimpse of everyone with Van.

I guess that was how it should be.

I was just an outsider after all. An observer, you can say.

Watching and waiting and then disappearing when my time was up.

I chuckled slightly, combing my bangs back. I shook my head. _Time to ruin the party…_ Pushing myself off, I brushed the dust and dirt off my clothes and proceeded to enter the building.

"…Six God-Generals not to interfere with you all, though I don't know how much good it will do—" Van paused just as I came through the door.

"I'm sorry. Did I interrupt something?" I asked innocently.

Van shook his head, "No, we were just finishing up… Milee, was it?"

I flashed a bright smile. "Yes, Mr. Dan, sir."

"It's Van!" Luke snapped, obviously still enraged with me.

_Whatever… _I mentally rolled my eyes. "Oh, yes, _Van_, I apologize."

"Oh," Guy cried out, turning all eyes on him. "Van, what about passports?"

"Oh, yes," Van answered, pulling out some pieces of paper. "Duke Fabre has entrusted me with temporary passports. With the spares I brought just in case, there are just enough for all of you."

"'Just in case': whatever!" I snorted, rolling my eyes. The room suddenly went quiet, and I faced the people inside. My eyes trailed back and forward between one person to the next. "Umm… did I just say that out… loud…?" I asked uneasily.

"What's your problem?" Luke exploded, storming right up to me. "It's like you have something against Master Van! And there's nothing wrong with bringing spares; I mean, shouldn't everyone bring spares just in case?"

"Calm down, Luke," I placed a hand on his shoulder, but he slapped it away. I forced myself not to frown, though, I doubt it was working. "It's just that," I paused, wondering if I should say it or not. Choosing the former, I continued, "don't you think it's strange that Van brought four extras?"

Luke crossed his arms and glared. "Just how is that strange?"

"He was originally looking for you and Tear, was he not? Thus, two passports would have been sufficient, and if he really wanted to bring spares, usually a _normal_ person would bring just one or two, not four!"

_Beat that, you creep! _I beamed on the inside knowing he was caught like the rat he was. Yeah, I knew if he revealed himself now, there won't be any journey, but hey, I just wanted to live my normal everyday life, not go off in some crazy perilous journey to save some fictional world! Call me heartless, but the fate of this world was none of my business.

As I faced the commandant of the Oracle Knights, I waited for his reply, _a_ reply. I felt my lips curved into a wicked smile, getting all the more pleasure from seeing him in a panic state. Yet, as soon as my grin formed, it instantly diminished.

Van was calm.

"Ah, yes," Van said, shaking his head slightly with a smile before proceeding, "let me rephrase that. With the spares I brought, _plus_ the spares from my previous assignment that I forgot to return, there are just enough for all of you."

And that was how I got outwitted.

I finally shut my mouth as Van briefly explained something before he left. The moment the door to the inn closed, I, unfortunately, was met face to face with the idiot himself.

"See? I told you Master Van wasn't doing anything wrong," Luke laughed, looking down at me, then to Tear.

"I don't trust him," Tear shot back without hesitation.

"Oh yeah? Well, I don't trust you," he snapped, glaring at the brunette. His intensity was also directed at me. "Or you either for that matter. Especially, how you treated Master Van!"

"Sigh, I'm going to lie down," I ignored him and walk into one of the rooms of the inn, shutting the door and making sure to cut off Luke's ranting.

As I slid down the wooden door, I closed my eyes and listened to the sounds to their voices, flinching ever so often as my name came into the conversation. Bringing my knees up, I curled into a ball, attempting to trap what little warmth I had that was relentlessly trying to escape. I quivered; it was cold, almost ice cold.

I hated this feeling.

This feeling like you'd been isolated, turned against and looked down upon with a different eye. Like the target of rumours, bullying, pity… and disappointment.

At that moment, my consciousness drifted towards the dream I had about a five days ago. I cringed.

"No…" I breathed, frantically shaking my head, gripping my arms until my knuckles turned white. "No… Not again…" I whispered softly; the trembling grew worse. Before I knew it, I cried out in laughter. I shook so badly I fell to the floor, not even bothering to break my fall as my hands still grasped my two arms. The sensation of pain, instead of breaking my laughter, tugged my lips up into a light smile.

That's right; I'll make sure the same thing won't happen again. I'll go back to the way I'd always been: a doll. And like a doll, I could be repaired over and over and over again until I was perfect. That's right; the moment I walked out of this room, I'll be fixed and back to the way I had been before.

Furthermore, this time, I will not break. That's right…

"Never again."

* * *

"... Huh? What's going on?"

"That sounds like a monster..."

On cue, a bird-type monster flew by, sounding its deaf-defying screech the second we reached Kaitzur Naval Port.

"That's one of Gloomietta's pets!" Anise cried, pointing at the bird.

"Gloomietta...?" Guy asked.

That ticked her off, causing the girl to storm over the hit Guy repeatedly, screaming, "Arietta! The God-General Arietta the Wild!"

"O-okay, okay! I get it! Stop touching me!"

"Anise, please," I smiled pleasantly, placing a hand on her shoulder. "I don't know what's wrong, but you shouldn't take it out on Guy."

To my annoyance, she completely ignored me. _Calm down, Milee! She's just a kid!_ "An—"

"I'm sure you're enjoying yourself, Guy, but we'd best be going," Jade interrupted. He pulled my arm towards the direction of the harbor. "You too, come on now. You can't help it if your boyfriend's quite the lady's man, now can you?"

"But Guy looks—wait! Boyfriend? He's not—I—" I stuttered; my face glowing bright red.

The colonel just smirked while turning away. "Oh, don't think I haven't seen you two sneak off together. Don't worry; I'll keep your little secret," he said with a wink before walking away.

_Calm down Milee! You can outwit this jerk! _Abandoning Guy and walking up to the man, I replied, "Jade, please don't misunderstand. Guy and I aren't like that, and you know how Guy is around woman. He wouldn't let me even a metre near him. We couldn't possibly be in such a relationship."

"Oh, dear me, then I must have been mistaken," Jade said, utterly surprising me. Was Jade actually admitting that he was _wrong_? But when I saw the gleam in his eyes before he proceeded to the port, I knew my fantasies came crashing down. "When I saw you jump on Guy with such passion, Guy didn't even push you away. Surely, that must have been a sign, but who knows? With me and my old, aging eyes, perhaps I've been seeing things."

I stopped and paled. Did he mean my outburst at Guy that night? "He saw…" My sentence trailed off as I was sure my cheeks turned scarlet red. "Wait! Jade, it's—it's not what it looks like!"

Somehow, I managed to run all the way to the harbor whereas Jade coolly walked. When he stopped, I bumped into him from behind, but he didn't look fazed at all. I turned to what he was staring at and temporally put aside my problem. The pink-haired girl stood at the edge of a dock, being confronted by her superior. She nervously looked at Van, turned away and repeated that task over and over again.

"Arietta! Who gave you permission to do this?"

"I knew it was you, Gloomietta!" Anise suddenly came running in, pushing past me as she raced to Van's side. "Stop causing trouble for people!"

"I am not gloomy! You're mean, Anise!" she retorted, childishly pouting.

"What happened here?"

"Arietta unleashed her monsters on the ship," Van answered, sounding disappointed. I smirked, serves you right.

"Commandant... I'm sorry... Asch asked me to..."

"Asch?"

Arietta waved her hand and her flying monster friend came, taking her up into the air. "I have to take away the engineer who can repair the ship. If you want him back, Luke and Ion have to come to Choral Castle. If they don't come... They'll... kill him..."

"Can't we just talk this out?" I mumbled, not wanting to go _all_ the way to Choral Castle and back.

"That reminds me," Arietta spoke up, waving her hand again.

The sound of a screeching bird came closer and closer. I faced the sound, instantly realizing it was headed for my direction. Attempting to avoid it, I dodged.

"Milee, look out!"

"But I just dodged it—" I sadly came to recognition that the monster wasn't what they were trying to warn me about. I felt my feet trip over one another, and I fell into the ocean.

The icy rush of ocean water stabbed me like the relentless pain of a thousand needles. I tried to cry out but saw nothing but bubbles come out. My vision blurred, darkening with each passing moment. It was choking me, dragging me to the depths of hell.

I bit myself hard, feeling a sharp sting on my lips, likely due to the salt from the ocean, but that only made me bite harder. I was fully awake now, and I wasn't going to give up. I had to go home.

Using up the last of my strength, I kicked my legs, propelling my body to the surface.

"Ah!" I gulped in as much air as I possibly could while spitting the salt out of my mouth.

_Damn that stupid bird._ I cursed, and alas, as if on cue, the monster's cry came once more, and my body was roughly lifted up out of the ocean. "What on Earth? Put me down!"

"Hey, drop her you brat!" Luke barked. I rolled my eyes, glad that I was facing the other way. Stupid Luke, so _now_ he cared about me. "Why are you taking Shortie?"

"Because… Asch told me to…"

_Asch? Oh, hell with my life._ With that in mind, I was flown off to Choral Castle.

It was a very cold ride, considering I had just momentarily fell into the freezing waters, and then kidnapped by a giant bird, flying at a hundred kilometer per hour or so. Sure this ride would most likely dry my clothes, though on the other hand, I would say I would be _very_ lucky if I didn't catch hypothermia from all of this.

As the castle appeared in sight, I frowned. This was it. This was the first time since the moment I came here that I would be left on my own again. A part of me worry about what was to come, but strangely enough, a part of me was almost glad now that I didn't have to put up with this abnormal combination of strangers.

Like the brat she was, instead of laying me down gently, she told the monster to throw me in through an open window. And on a second note, the bird-monster had very bad aim, thus, I fell, crashing through the window part of the open window.

I hissed to myself as I felt pieces of broken shards embedded itself into my flesh. From the tiny bits of light shown from the windows, I could see some blood seeping out from where I laid. Even the slightest of movements irritated the shards and brought about more crimson, red liquid and immense throbbing. Holding my breath in, I carefully picked myself up, needing to remove my body from the carpet of fragmented glass. However, before I could get even an inch away, someone remorselessly shoved me right back into the floor.

"Gah!" I cried out, feeling the pickling sensation all over again. I tried to hold the tears in but began to hyperventilate instead. One fragment in particular was slicing deep into my abdomen. I howled out in agony yet again, but whoever has his or her foot on me refused to let up.

"Not laughing now, are you?"

I could barely register the voice that sounded in the hollow room as I fought through my own distress. When I didn't answer, the person grabbed me by my hair and roughly pulled my head up. Tears averted my eyes from seeing who it was but from that tone of voice and Arietta's reasoning for my kidnapping, it became obvious.

"Co-could you be _any_ gentler?" I sneered. "That is no way to treat a lady."

"And just where is this 'lady'?" Asch mumbled, releasing his hold on my head and foot on my body.

"Are you blind as well as dumb?" I countered once I recovered, finally moving away from the pile of glass. I hissed as I pulled the pieces out and started healing myself. My left arm slung over the large gash on my stomach, attempting to stop the blood flow.

"I'd better watch that mouth of yours if I were you—"

"Well, I'm not. Thank goodness!"

"…"

"Tongue-tied are we?" I smirked seeing his lips tightened into a crease line.

"You know, I can kill you at any time."

I rolled my eyes. I didn't know where all this courage came from, but I guess for some reason, I wasn't able to take Asch seriously anymore. I retorted once more, "Said the person who didn't back at the Tartarus, and ended up with a boo-boo instead. By the way, how is that?"

"I don't want to hear that from a person who looks half-dead right now," he scoffed, pulling out his sword. I eyed the blade carefully as I moved back. He raised an eyebrow. "Oh, now you're scared?"

"I wouldn't say scared but… you know," My tone suddenly changed. "You don't strike me as the kind of person who would commit a homicide without a good reason," I answered truthfully, recalling the whole game-play. Asch never did kill anyone on a whim, did he? Other than wanting to kill Luke, he was a fairly, good guy.

I looked at him, startling myself for a second. "Is Asch the Bloody… blushing?"

"I am not!" he suddenly cried out, turning away.

"Did I just say that out loud?" He didn't answer but glared at me before he stormed over and grabbed me by the wrist. "The hell?"

"You're annoying!" he snapped before taking a long piece of rope and tying me up before I could register what was happening.

"What are you doing?"

"What does it look like, Idiot? I originally asked Arietta to bring you here so I could talk to you, but thanks to your ridiculous taunts and aggravating personality, I'd completely forgot what I was going to say! So I may as well just feed you to Arietta's pets."

Dragging me by the ends of the rope, he pulled me along the castle corridors and up to the roof. There was no conversation between us, or at least, he refused to have one with me. To my surprise, the closer we got to the roof, the more voices I heard. When Asch stepped up onto the roof, he grabbed me by the front of my shirt and tossed me forward.

"I believe _this_ is yours," he said, turning around and left.

"Milee?"

"Huh?" I stared down at a pair of familiar shoes, and then proceed to stare up at the owner of those. "Ion?"

"What happened? You look awful!"

_Gee, thanks…_ I wriggled around for a bit, trying to untie myself, but I had to admit, Asch was probably an Olympic medalist when it came to tying someone up. Note the sarcasm.

"Could somebody please untie me—"

"Hey! Help me! Dammit!" Luke's voice rang in the air. I adjusted my body so that I was on my back, watching Luke get kidnapped just like me. The monster dropped Luke, and Dist came flying by, catching the noble in mid-fall.

"Oh no!" Mieu cried as his master disappeared into the castle, with Arietta following.

"Dist is involved in this, too? Oh, brother," Jade shook his head.

"What are we going to do now?" Tear sighed, obviously frustrated.

I wriggled some more, evidently upset that everyone forgot one little thing. Raising my voice, I yelled out, "Well, you could start by untying me!"

* * *

"Are you sure you're okay?" Ion asked for the umpteenth time.

"Yes, Fon Master. I told you, it's not as bad as it looks," I reassured him. "Besides, all my injuries are healed. No worries!"

"I'm sorry. I didn't think one of the God-Generals could be so rough with a civilian."

"It's fine!"

"You better not slow us down," Luke called out, holding Mieu out as he re-entered the roof.

After finally rescuing the red-head from what Sync and Dist were doing to him, we headed back up to face Arietta one more time, this time, to rescue the hostage. I didn't see Asch again—not really a surprise there. Though, as unbelievable as it sounds, I was actually thankful that he was so rough with me. And no, I was not a masochist. Thanks to all the injuries, I was able to have more time to practice my healing artes. Sure, it tired me out quite a bit, but the training was definitely worth it. I really do think I was getting the hang of this whole artes stuff.

Taking an orange gel, I followed them up. Luke seemed to already be taunting Arietta and her bird-friend, and she looked pissed.

"I don't care! I'm going to kill you all and take back Ion! You killed Mommy! Now, you die!"

"Milee, get back and cover us," Guy ordered.

Nodding, I stood back, avoiding the monsters but keeping an eye out for Ion as well. At the odd times, the liger would somehow get past the gang and tried to attack Tear, Jade or I, who were at the back. Sadly most of the time, it was me.

"Ah!" I howled a battle cry as I took my sword and swung, but the liger managed to catch it in mid-swing and stopped my blade completely. I tugged at it, trying to pull it out of the liger's mouth, but it wouldn't let up. "This isn't tug-o-war! Let go of my sword, you stupid feline!"

"Grrr!" it growled, somehow bursting up some hidden strength, and with a snap of its neck, it sent me flying.

The momentum happened so fast that by the time at least one of my senses was clear, I felt my feet hit the edge of the castle roof, and once again, my vision spun. In the spur of the moment, I reached out and grab something. It was hard and cold and slightly damp. My heart dropped as I felt my hands tense up, and my body getting heavier and heavier.

_Oh please don't let it be what I think it is…_ I tightened my grip and open my eyes. I saw brick walls covering my whole vision, and sounds of a battle above me. I swallowed hard and quickly brought my other hand to grip the cold brick wall as well.

This was certainly _not_ how I envisioned my first boss battle to go.

"Hey, someone! Help!" I cried out, hoping they would hear me, but as I waited, no one came, and my fingers got sweatier. In this type of situation, if it the me right after I entered Audrant, I would be shitting myself right now. However, the me now was laughing herself silly. "Oh stupid, stupid irony. You told me not to die, but I keep ending up in these life-or-death situations! Hey, I know you can hear me!"

Honestly, what was I hoping for? That white-haired girl was so troublesome. She was able to bring me to this world, so the least she could do was make this journey a little _safer_ for me. You know, the one with the least experience, and never had angry God-Generals or man-eating monsters attack her before.

I sighed, waiting for a sign, anything really. At the very least, Ion, who wasn't really contributing much to the battle, should had notice that _somebody_ was currently M.I.A. from the battlefield. Yet, it seemed waiting was absolutely pointless. I cursed.

"Oh yes, this is what I've always wanted to do; hang onto the edge of a roof for my life as everyone ignores me. It's perfectly fine; I'll just chill here for a bit… Any time now!" I cried, hoping someone would notice me.

Yet again, futile. I felt my fingers numbing. I swallowed my saliva down hard. I know you're not supposed to look down in these situations—and I was seriously trying not to—but I couldn't help myself and gave into the temptation. My eyes widened and my heart's pace quickened. I think I was going to have a panic attack. It was a_ long _way down…

"I'll survive at least, right? Right?" Hyperventilating, yes, I think I was hyperventilating. "Wait, let's calm down and think this through slowly. That's right. Okay, so maybe if I calculate the gravitational potential energy of mass times height times the gravitational constant. So… how tall is this castle? How tall is a normal building for that matter? Okay, whatever, it's thirty meters…? Is that too tall? And let's say I'm fifty kilograms to make the math easier. Okay and then, I times the gravitational constant of Earth—Oh, shoot! I forgot; this isn't Earth! Damn!"

I paused, trying to think this through in my head. "Okay, so I have one missing variable… or two if you count the height of the building… So I know… one variable? Thank goodness I at least know my own weight—oh wait… right, this isn't my body. So I know nothing; therefore, I conclude that I'm screwed."

The moment I said that, my arm started cramping.

"Shit! Not now! Why?" I held my breath as I slid down half a centimeter._ I'm slipping! I'm slipping! I'm fucking slip_—oh, and my fingers just slipped right off.

This was going to end badly… very badly…

* * *

**A/N:** So I originally planned for another scene after this before ending, but I guess this works just as well.

It you're wondering about the stuff Milee was talking about while hanging on the roof, it's a physic equation:

Gravitational potential energy = mass x height x Earth's gravitational constant

Though honestly, I don't really know how that determines if a fall would be fatal or not, but it you ever played Tales of Symphonia, Genis talks about it when Sheena fell through the hole. The only thing I know is that the higher the gravitational potential energy, the more it's going to hurt once you fall…

So please, _please_ review! I promise to update sooner if you do. Honest! Actually, I really want to get further along the story as I have some great ideas, and I don't want to wait that long because I know I'll forget… So review please!


	8. Another Side

**Forlorn Words**

**A/N: **Yes, I know, I'm very late. I'm not even going to bother with the excuses anymore. I'm just deeply ashamed, and I hope you'll forgive me. On another note, thank you for the reviews, I didn't have much time to answer as the school year was ending, but I definitely appreciate it! I love you all!

So due to the long hiatus, this unquestionably isn't my best chapter as I have been working on it on and off. Also, it's not as dark like the others. Honestly, it's more comical and light. It's nice to have a little break because soon… it's going to get very depressing… hint hint. :)

Anyways, enjoy!

**Disclaimer:** The sad truth is I do not own Tales of the Abyss. :(

* * *

**Chapter Eight: Another Side**

"Ow… ow… owww…"

I kept moaning as I tried to untangle myself from the leaves and branches that I recently fell on. I took a deep breath, trying not to move around too much for the branch I was currently laying on looked extremely frail. I carefully removed one branch that was stabbing me in the face and reached for a sturdy branch right above me, attempting to pull myself up and out of this mess. I grimaced as my face connected with the leaves—more precisely, my mouth.

"Ah…" I made a face and spat out the leaves. "Stupid tree! Just wait, I'm going to come back and rip off all your branches!" I shouted at the tree, wishing I could kick it, but I certainly wasn't going to risk a broken neck if I fell because of it.

"You're going to end up in the psychiatric ward if you keep talking to inanimate objects."

"Gah!" I yelped and stepped back—hard—onto a branch… and it snapped. "Aaah!"

I felt the brutal impact as my head, back and rear-end met the ground below. My eyes closed, experiencing a mixture of dizziness and throbbing. I let out the F-word multiple times, hoping the pain would just stop; of course, that never works. I attempted to roll over to a more comfortable position, but my body screamed out in protest.

"Agh…" The immense pain did not let up. I was never very good when it came to tolerating pain, especially when I was still conscience at the time. "Someone, just kill me now…"

"I would certainly love to."

I immediately flashed my eyes opened and moved away, finally recognizing the voice that caused my unexpected fall. A gigantic part of me was screaming Tear's name, though I was partially angry at myself for my unsuccessful strategy.

_So much for never being alone with him… _It took all the strength I had not to show any signs of tremendous pain as I glared at him. I took a few steps back, lightly leaning against the wall of the castle for support.

"Van," I sneered.

"Kamilla," he answered, with a light smirk on his stupid face.

That caught my attention. _Kamilla? The hell? I introduced myself as Milee! How the hell does he know my real name?!_ I glared even harder in turn while thinking of the best course of action. I made sure to never let him out of my sight as I slowly reached to my side to grab my sword. I froze, feeling nothing there. I quietly swore. I heard Van snort, seeming to find my frustration hilarious.

"Seems like you haven't changed a bit," he said, advancing a bit. I slowly walked to my left, trailing along the castle's side as I have nowhere else to go. "With that careless attitude," he said, and then in a flash, his sword slammed itself into the wall beside me, slicing my left cheek, "you're going to get yourself killed soon… very soon…"

My blood slowly seeped out. My insides went completely cold. I opened my mouth, thinking for a second nothing would come out, but surprisingly, I spoke, "You don't scare me."

I was surprised that I didn't stutter because frankly, I was petrified. I have no weapons, up against the flipping commandant of the Oracle knights, and I can't even think straight because my head _still_ ached—badly! Though, for some reason, Van seemed approving of my answer, and he pulled out his sword, returning it to its sheath before walking away.

"Y-you're not going to kill me?" I blurted out without thinking. I hastily covered my mouth, mentally beating myself up. _Now what if he _does_ kill you?! Stupid!_

Van briefly turned back with a smug look on his face. "You're no threat to me."

_Oh, so you think you're so tough that I can't even put a dent into your plans, huh? Cocky ass, I can't wait till you die! _I ranted in my head, loathing him more and more. "You're going to regret letting me live," I hissed but not expecting him to hear that.

"Kamilla," he said, causing me to jerk. He didn't face me, but I was still tense. His voice came out smooth but penetrating. Even after he walked away, his words lingered. "You know that you won't be able to kill me."

Slowly, I left out the breath I held in, and my knees finally gave in, crumbling to the ground.

* * *

I heard a knock to my left but ignored it. I rolled over, pretending to be asleep as whoever knocked didn't wait for an answer and came right in.

We were currently onboard Katsbert Ferry, heading for Chesedonia. After Van left me in that state of shock and confusion, I didn't bother going back up to the battlefield and instead, waited for them in front.

Van acted normally when he came back, even asking why I was sitting outside even though Arietta kidnapped me. I resisted the urge to dramatically roll my eyes at him. It was tempting, but I didn't want to get Luke riled up again.

"It's a beautiful day outside," the voice said, sitting at the edge of my bed. When I didn't reply, he continued, "Are you _still_ mad about what happened at Choral Castle? I said I was sorry; we didn't mean to let you fall."

I sighed and rotated towards him. Guy produced an apologetic smile.

"I'm not mad, just tired," I answered; not exactly a lie, just not the full truth. _Guy, go away! _ I prayed, and suddenly an idea popped into my head. "And seasick. Argh… I think you should leave before I accidentally regurgitate on you."

I hugged the blanket tight, feigning ill.

"Then, let me get you something—"

"No thanks," I quickly interrupted.

"Some food?"

"Not hungry."

"Water?"

"I'm good."

"Medicine?"

"I said I am fine!" I snapped. However, I hurriedly covered up with a loud groan upon grasping my previous action. "I don't want to get you sick too, Guy. I think you should leave."

He frowned, eyebrows knotted. "But I don't think seasickness is contagious—"

"Guy," I said his name. I really didn't want to have to do this, but he had left me no choice. Once I caught his attention, I opened my eyes as cute and girly as I could get it without looking phony. Guy flinched; I smiled. "Oh Guy, you're so sweet."

"M-Milee…?"

I slowly set the blanket aside and slowly advanced towards him. "You're been taking such good care of me. I… I really should do something for you in return," I looked up shyly, crawling towards him which resulted in the blond falling off the bed in fright.

"Milee, you're really starting to scare me…" Guy's face seemed a little blue, but I continued regardless.

"To show my gratitude… I want to give you a hug!" I said in my sweetest, most innocent voice.

"Wh-what—?!"

"Come here!" I said, spreading out my arms.

"Wait! No—S-s-stop!"

"Oh, did I interrupt something?"

I froze, mentally letting out a curse. Wiping off my current facial expression, which I was sure, was one of pure annoyance, I faced the intruder. "Jade, it's not what it looks like."

He smiled, casually striding over to the two of us. "Well it certainly doesn't look that way. Well, I never thought you could be quite lustful, Milee."

"I—you've misunderstood!" I sighed, straightening up while displaying a tiny pout. "Really Jade, you have such horrible timing. It's like you were waiting outside the door, anticipating for that right moment to come in! …Anyways, is there something I can help you with?"

"Ah, yes," Jade answered, turning to Guy, who was still twitching in a corner. "Guy, if you mind, I would like to talk to Milee. Alone."

He simply nodded, hurriedly getting up—and stumbling—as he made his way out the door, avoiding eye contact with me. I frowned. I hope I didn't traumatize him or anything. Though, I would think he would be used to it, seeming like the kind of guy that girls would throw themselves at.

_Click._

I stiffened. Why do I _not_ like the sound of that?

Slowly, I adjusted my peripherals to the sound of the clicking, stopping at the doorknob and Jade's hands on the doorknob.

"Jade—" I began but was interrupted.

"Now there won't be any interruptions," he said all smiley.

I gawked; why did Jade lock the door?

I felt my stomach drop and slight Goosebumps surfaced my arms. My mind seemed to wander back to when I met Anise. I paled. _Please don't tell me something about Jade's character changed as well?! _I mentally screamed. _Wait—he's not one of those creepy old man now, is he?_

I looked up at the colonel, then jump, surprised that he was right in front of me. "When did you—"

"Sit," he ordered. Instead, I took a step back. He slightly raised his eyebrow. "My, why do you look so frighten?"

He advanced forward, and I, in turn, kept the distance between us until I felt my rear-end bump the edge of a table. I stumbled a bit, reaching a hand back to catch my fall. I sensed body heat radiating from above. I held my breath.

"Jade?"

"Yes Milee?"

"You're just a little _close_, don't you think?"

"Is that so? What's wrong?" He lean his head forwards, his breath hot in my ear. "You seem somewhat nervous," he spoke, feeling his hands slightly brush my side.

To put it in short, I basically snapped.

Thrusting my hands between our bodies, I roughly shoved him back. Red in the face, I released my train of thoughts, and trust me, it wasn't pretty. "Just stop it! Ew! Ew! Ew! That's gross! _Absolument révoltante! Je ne le croyais pas! Salaud!_" I paused and turned sharped towards Jade, pointing."This is called harassment, ever heard of it, Creep?! I didn't think you were such a pedophile! I've lost whatever small, minuscule, microscopic ounce of respect I've ever had for you!"

I panted, knowing my face heated with each word that fell from my lips. I looked up, only to see an amused look on face.

"What?!" I screeched.

"This is probably the liveliest expression I've seen from you yet. I didn't think you would crack so easily though... Interesting…"

"I—Wait what?" I stared, my eyes twitching, but my cheeks flushed.

He sighed, pulling one of the chairs and seating himself down. "It was a joke," he replied, still amused. "I have no interest in a child."

My mouth twitched. I am going to kill that man one day. The id part of me was already planning several hundred ways to torture him. In the end, I shoved that aside; probably not a good idea to murder the strongest member of the party… yet.

I sighed, finally calming myself down. "Jade." My teeth grinded together, but I didn't even bother to cover my obvious resentment towards him. "I am _not_ a child. I'm seventeen; hence, no longer considered one."

"Maybe not physically—well, depending on what aspects—"

"Sexual harassment!" I cried, my hands instantly reaching to cover my chest. And here I thought Luke was bad enough. Putting that aside, I walked up to him, hoping I carried a threatening aura around me. To my displeasure, Jade seemed normal. "And on another note, what did you mean 'Maybe not physically'? Are you implying that I'm not as intellectually equal as to those around me? I may not remember a great deal things, but that doesn't mean you can just insult me like that!"

"Milee, calm down; you've misunderstood."

"Wha—"

"Sit," Jade ordered again; this time, I obeyed. "What I've meant is that lately it seems that you've been letting your emotions run wild; you seem much more delicate than when we've first met."

_A little _too_ observant for my taste, _I internally sneered. Forcing a light blush, I replied, "I know, and I apologize for that. It seems this journey has taken quite a toll on me. After all that I have witnessed, it's hard to keep my cool. So please Jade, if you would, stop provoking me with your silly antics."

"Hmm, it seems you're quite sensitive, aren't you," Jade looked at me, leaning back in his chair. A part of me wished that the back legs of the chair would break then and there. "Especially, when it comes to your intelligences it appears."

I frowned; he was at it again. "Wouldn't you feel offended too if someone said the same thing to you? I don't like others degrading the—" I abruptly paused; a huge part of me became terrified. What was I going to say? I don't like others degrading what? But I knew the answer. _I don't like others degrading the only thing I like about myself…_

Unexpectedly, for some reason, Jade decided to change the subject. I wonder if it was because he was able to sense my brooding mood and decided to veer me in the direction of some other topic in order to cheer me up. Yet, then again, this was Jade we're talking about, and I know it was too early in the game for him to grow a heart.

"So, how have you been feeling? Has your memories returned yet?"

I shook my head, careful not to look directly at him. He could read me so easily whereas all I see from him was his usual poker face. He knew how to crack my shell, what to say to me and only less than three weeks since we had met.

I shuddered; I had to be very careful around him. This man: you do not want to mess with him.

"You seem accustomed to fighting," his deep voice disrupted my train of thoughts.

"Well, I _have_ been fighting for the past three weeks," I tried not to be _completely_ sarcastic.

"No," he shook his head, "that's not what I meant. Previously, when we were onboard the Tartarus, you declared that you do not remember the event before waking up during the attack, yet you fight as if you were acquainted to fighting… and more specifically, killing. Also, this is not something that a normal person would be accustomed to in such a short period of time."

I sighed; he really was sharp, but I knew I could best him if I really tried. Letting my dark orbs meet his, piercing, yet concealing my resolved, I answered, "Jade, this is the survival of the fittest after all. I've encountered many soldiers and monsters before I met you. I have concluded that it is kill or be killed, and I certainly don't want to die yet. It is hard for me as well," I softened my eyes, making them look sincere before continuing, "but I knew I had to make a firm decision, even if it means taking away the lives of so many people. I'm not like Luke if that's what you're thinking. I'm not sheltered; I understand that when I woke upon the sea of blood and countless bodies. However, I was mature enough to handle the situation and took it upon myself to be who I am today in order to survive. I may seem like a cold-blooded murder for not directly showing any remorse for my actions, but I truly am sorry for all that I killed."

I looked firmly after finishing my speech. Our eyes met, and I knew I had to hold onto that gaze, I had to make him believe my story or he'll never leave me alone. As time passed, he didn't say anything, but he no longer made eye contact, rather, he seemed deep in thought. Should I speak? Or would it be wiser to wait?

Deciding against the latter, I voice my thoughts. "Jade, is something the matter? You looked troubled."

"You have quite a number of scars on your body."

"Oh well, that's—" I brusquely paused; my eyes shifting to meet the Colonel's. "How did you—wait! Pervert!" I hissed.

"Now, calm down. You'd misunderstood again," he sighed. "Back at that village, when the town's doctor couldn't find anything wrong with you, I thought I'd take a look at your body, and hopefully, find some answers as to its rather bizarre conditions. I am a certified doctor after all. Thus I have seen many female bodies in my life; yours is no different."

_Yeah, corpse doctor…_ I slightly grimaced and not liking how he compared female bodies. I shuddered. Knocking that thought out and replacing it with the rather unfortunate fact that he _is_ a genius, I spoke. "So, _did_ you find anything out?"

"I have a theory…"

"… And…?"

"Don't worry about it."

What?

What?!

The _hell_?!

"Jade!" I cried.

He sighed again, shifting slightly in his chair. "I just want to make positively sure first off. I don't want to mislead you."

"Is… it serious?" I hesitated to ask because I wanted to know what was wrong with me, but then again, it would certainly—for the lack of a better word—suck if I was truly dying. And in a fictional world at that!

He shook his head. "Again, don't worry about it."

"…Then what was the point in telling me all of this?" I shifted in my seat, not bothering to hide my discontent any longer. My arms crossed, and my hazel orbs glared intently at the man in front of me.

He smiled. "Well, since you asked… there wasn't any point at all."

"Jade—" I began, but he quickly interjected.

"Remember, it was _you_ that asked. I only answered your questions."

I glared even harder. Maybe I should just treat Jade like I do Asch; it would make things a _lot_ easier, and it would definitely make me a _lot_ happier.

Regrettably, it was too late now. I'm stuck in hell.

"...Fine. So Jade, what _were_ you going to say before I was _rudely_ interrupted your interrogation—oops, I meant your questioning due to undying curious about the _anatomy_ of yours truly," I said, batting my lashes, and I made sure he knew I was still very well pissed at him.

He looked pleased with himself. Pfft, aggravating, cold-hearted, tight-wearing show-off.

"If you don't mind me asking," He started, ignoring my gruff and continued, "had you always had those scars on your body when you had awoken that day?"

"I'm not sure Jade," I replied sweetly. There was no way after that was I going to go along with whatever he was scheming. "Who honestly strips when they wake up on a ship with dead bodies everywhere? Possibly, I got them as I was fighting and got injured… or maybe not. It had been so long, I honestly can't remember," I said then deciding to add one more thing to see if his poker face would falter. "Though, perhaps if _someone_ pulled me up instead of letting me fall who knows how many metres, I wouldn't have hit my head, and maybe, _just_ maybe, I might have remembered. Too bad, huh?"

"Yes, such a shame." I mentally frown when he said that almost _too_ dully. He stood and walked to the door. Stopping, he glazed over and adding one last comment. "If you're wondering why I asked, don't worry; you'll find out soon. I promise."

And the weird thing was… he seemed genuine.

* * *

"It's a new city! It's full of sand!" The thing in my arms exclaimed.

_Obviously, we're in a flipping desert!_ It took all I had not to strangle the little blue ball of high-pitch annoyingness. "Mieu, we're in a desert, of course there's going to be sand," I expressed my thoughts as sweetly as possible, but unquestionably, that made him even _more_ excited.

I resorted to my last option and tuned him out. I couldn't very well drop him with all these witnesses around, to my utter dismay. I peeked over, hoping the group was done ditching Van.

Thankfully, I don't see him in sight as the party walked over to me. Luke was the first to eye me.

"How can you stand having him around? You're always holding him; isn't he annoying?" he asked.

_Annoying and so much more, you have no idea Luke Fon Fabre! The only reason I'm holding him is because you won't because you're you, Tear won't because she's trying to act cool, Anise and Guy are busy carrying other stuff, Anise won't let Ion carry him and Jade is just being Jade! _I mentally ranted, wanting his bright, red hair to go up in flames.

"Oh Luke, but he's… so… c-cute," I said, hoping I didn't sound too disgusted with what I just said. _I can't believe I just said that! I am definitely giving my tongue an hour long sponge bath tonight!_

Luckily, no one seemed to notice my disgust, and we moved towards the inner parts of the city. The place was lively to say the least. Everywhere there were people yelling and trying to sell their products. Colourful booth highlighted the city, and the walls were so fine and detailed, I mentally praised whatever wonderful architect designed this place. I brushed my fingertips against the mosaic walls of the inn that created its gorgeous abstract array of colours.

I smiled. Beautiful, I mouthed. Sadly, Luke's haughty voice interrupted my musing.

"Huh? Wh-what do you want?" Luke stammered.

I looked over, and my eyes caught sight of a red-head woman in her twenties-or-so, trying to seduce… Luke? I rubbed my eyes, not sure if I was seeing it right.

"Is she crazy?" I whispered under my breath. When I looked closer, I noticed a sort of a pirated look to her. I tried to rack my brain. "I've seen her before…"

"Come, on. You have such a pretty face... Don't ruin it by frowning like that," she flirted, touching him at odd angles.

"Oh, no... Some old lady is after my Luke!" Anise cried, being all dramatic again.

"Now I remember!" I beamed. _Noir!_

"Oh, my, pardon me, little girl. I didn't mean to interfere," Noir hissed, evidently pissed at being called old. "I'll be on my way."

I smiled. _Now's my chance to shine!_ I boldly stepped to block her path just as I caught a sight movement from Tear. _Yes! Beat her to it!_

"What do you want?" Noir looked down at me. Bitch.

She thinks she so cool doesn't she? Well, time to have my fun. I tilted my head a little and gave a radiant smile, which cause her to twitch. Yes! "Please return what you stole," I said, still smiling. "It's not very nice to steal."

"Huh? Hey! My wallet's gone!"

Noir frowned and glared at me. "...Humph. Well, aren't you just the angel? York! Take care of this! Urushi, we're outta here!"

In the heat of the moment, I got pushed down, heard the sounds of yelling and running, all while getting a lot of sand in my eyes, and the next thing I knew, Tear has her knife to one of their necks. Show off.

"Don't move. If you return what you stole, I'll release you unharmed."

He quickly acquiesced and took off the instant when Tear moved the life-threatening object away from his neck. We watched as he disappeared into the crowd and suddenly reappeared on top of a building, threatening us before leaving.

"They're the Dark Wings?! If I'd known that, I'd have cut them to pieces!"

"Yes, after all, you did a great job protecting your wallet," Tear sarcastically replied. "Good job, Milee. I didn't think you would have such sharp eyes; they seem like professionals after all," she directed her praise at me—but I mentally grimace at the second part—then proceed with the useless member of the party. "By the way, Colonel, why did you just stand by and watch as she did that?"

"Oh no, you got me. It looked like it would be so amusing..."

I sighed along with Anise and Guy, leaving the infuriated Luke behind with the sadist. It didn't take long to reach Astor's mansion as watching Luke was like watching a live soap opera. Upon coming into view, I stopped and stared. His mansion was by far the most astonishing thing I'd laid my eyes on since coming here. It was huge!

"You're gawking," Guy teased, coming up from behind.

"It's huge!" I exclaimed.

"Yes, it is Milee, yes it is. Now come on, or we'll leave you behind."

I slowly nodded, following but never taking my eyes off the insanely gigantic mansion. But of course, freaking, huge mansions comes with a price—a.k.a. a thirty foot high staircase.

My eyes twitched. Nevertheless, I followed as even Luke didn't complain about the staircase—surprisingly. About ten minutes later—ten minutes of my life, may I add—we reached the door and entered. And just like the outside of his house, the inside was exceptionally remarkable.

"Hmm… almost as comfy as mine," Luke muttered.

_Spoiled rich kid…_ I thought, sitting down on the other side of him. Though, he was right on one thing; these couches are awfully comfortable! I shook my head; no, forget about the couches! Taking a deep breathe, I ran through the current events so far.

So I was presently in Chesedonia. That meant next, we head to Baticul on ship, meet Natalia, save a kidnapped Ion and then head to a city that will go kaboom. Hmm, wow, time flies when you're having fun—not. As far as I know, Van wasn't going to kill me—yet, but he seemed to know me… or _her _technically. And he also seemed quite confident that I was no threat to him. Little does he know, I can actually end everything right here and now. Well, with no evidences, I couldn't do much. Though…

I smiled. I could alter a few things like preventing Luke from going to Van's cell… Yes, if I can stop Van from going to Akzeriuth, there would be no collapse, meaning no life-threatening adventures, which mean there would be no need for me to be here, meaning that stupid, white-haired girl have to send me back! Normal, everyday life, here I come!

"Milee!"

"Huh?" I snapped out of my inner celebration. "Yes, Guy?"

"We're leaving." That was when I noted Guy and I were the only ones left in the room.

"Oh, right. Sorry about that," I smiled cutely, "must have been in a daze with such fine collection of art around."

"Hm? You like art?" he questioned.

"…" I paused; a suddenly memory of my earlier years flicked. "No… not really; I draw sometimes when I'm bored."

"Really?" Looking over, Guy's face lit up. "I'd love to see some of your drawings!"

Mentally smacking myself for the heat that rose to my cheeks, I franticly shook my head. "No you don't. They're horrible! Just some doodles, honest."

"Don't be so modest, I bet they're great!" he laughed, but my heart sunk a bit. Turning away, I hurried after the others. "Milee?"

"They're leaving us behind."

"Did… I say something to offend you?" Out of the corner of my eye, a feeling of guilt crept in my heart upon viewing the gloom in his eyes. Guy's sweet nature had really taken a toll on my heart. Although he can be a pain sometimes, the loss of his presence and his sadness, for some reason, was so much more painful.

I shook my head again but hesitant at first. I spoke, hoping to make amends with him. "No… just… you're such an idiot," I whispered the last part with a sad smile.

"I'm sorry, I didn't catch that."

"I said thanks," I replied. "It's nice to know that someone thinks my art is good… even if you haven't even seen it yet."

I faked a giggle afterwards to satisfy Guy. When he looked away, discontent ejected itself out. Why? Because of the mention of art.

Closing my eyes, I reformed the memories of that day. The day Mother told me to give up on fine arts. I was young, but I knew what I loved, and I was angry. The day put a strain in our relationship, and then… _that_ happened.

A ripple of shivers was sent my way; I pulled my arms over my body. "It was so long ago, just focus on the present," I reminded myself.

A few minutes later, I spotted the ferry, and surprisingly, it looked quite modern for a ship from this level of technology. I smiled; it was nice to feel that cool ocean breeze instead of the intensity of the heat. Just then I stopped and spotted something stuck in the sand. Bending down and pulling it out, to my disappointment, it was just a broken piece of a mirror.

"Well that's boring," I muttered, but just then, something caught my eye in the mirror: a hint of black and green. "Is that—Guy, look behind you!" I cried.

Acting upon repulsiveness, I ran over to Guy, pushing him out of the way, only to have Sync hit me instead. I screamed, falling to the ground, clutching my arm in excruciating pain. It burned, like someone lit it on fire and kept pouring gasoline on it. I couldn't move; my mind was going numb.

"Milee, get up!" Tear roughly grabbed me and pulled me up. "We have to go!"

Even though my mentality was far from where the situation was at hand, my legs complied, and we ran to the port. I didn't sort out what was happening even though I already knew from playing the game; all I knew for certain was that I was following Tear wherever she led me. In that instant, I found myself onboard the ferry, hearing everyone's panting.

"Hey, are you okay?" Anise bent down to my level, looking concerned. "You look kind of pale."

"I… I'm fine. Really, he just took me by surprise," I lied, covering my agony with a solid grin. "Is everyone else alright?"

"Looks that way, Guy's a little hurt though," she replied.

"Really? Guy!" I directed my attention to the blond. "He managed to hurt you?" He looked up, chuckling a bit. I frowned. "That's not funny! You could have been seriously hurt by him!"

"Milee, he didn't even scratch me," Guy answered, still chuckling.

I frowned once more. "But Anise said—"

"I got hurt when you pushed me."

"…"

"…"

"… I'm so sorry!" I suddenly blurted out, rushing up to him, no doubt red in the face.

"Ah!" He scampered back. "Too close…"

"Ah, sorry," I felt the heat rise to my face; I turned slightly, embarrassed.

"Don't worry about it; I'm fine now, though I did drop a part of the documents in the process."

"It doesn't matter, the ones we currently have should suffice," Jade said, picking up the documentations.

Looking from one member to another, I knew it was going to be a long day, and there was one more obstacle before reaching Baticul.

* * *

I watched as Jade started examining the papers one by one, waiting for him to finish. Earlier, I tried to read one of them, only to rediscover the fact that I couldn't read fonic language; thus, my attempt to suppress my boredom was an utter failure. If only Dist would attack the ship already…

"Looks like isofon research. 3.14159265358979323846... this is Lorelei's fonon frequency."

"But it's pi…" I muttered, leaning on the table.

"What are you talking about Shortie? That's not pi!" Luke called out.

I raised an eyebrow, lifting my head up. _What's this? Luke knows what pi is? I got to thank whatever alien replaced his brain._

"Pie is that round, crusty thing that you eat!" Nevermind: I knew it was too good to be true.

"I'm not talking about the pastry pie, but the mathematical constant of the ratio between the circumference of a circle to its diameter!" I slammed my hands down on the table, glaring at Luke from across the table. "How do you not know something so simple?"

"Cir-what?" Luke stared, as did the rest of the group but probably for different reasons. It wasn't long before Luke grasped what I said. "And for that matter, I had more important stuff to learn than math!"

I fumed, "What can be more important the having a solid comprehension of basic mathematics? It builds the foundation for life!" I shot back.

"Well, I haven't learned any, and I'm doing just fine!"

_Yeah, you're doing such a great job being a spoiled, arrogant idiot! _"Luke," I tried to smooth out my tone, but it doesn't seem to be working. "You've only been out of your manor for a _very_ short amount of time, and so far, you keep getting attacked, kidnapped and having a whole army after your head, I wouldn't exactly say you're—quote—doing fine." He opened his mouth to protest, but I interjected. "And the seven years you've been confined to the manor does not count as you had people serving you twenty-four seven."

"…" A heavy silence fell upon us, with Luke and me sending a telepathic glare at the other.

"Ah, it's so nice to see youngsters with such passion about pure mathematics," Jade, obviously broke that atmosphere, "but let's get back to the issue at hand. Milee, you are not wrong. However, that is also the number of Lorelei's fonon frequency."

"Wait, wait!" Luke cut in. "I've been meaning to ask before _someone_," Luke glared at me before continuing, "interrupted me."

"I wasn't even talking to you," I muttered under my breath, causing Anise, who was beside me, to giggle.

"What is it Luke?" Tear asked.

"What's all this fonon frequency and Lorelei stuff anyways?"

_Arg! Can we _please_ fast-forward this part?!_ I silently begged, only to be answered when a soldier barged right into the room.

"Emergency! A large number of monsters and an unidentified fontech signature approaching from Chesedonia!"

Thank you, I mouthed in glee. Yet, it had to be cut short when a few Oracle knights appeared, knocking the soldier that came in on the head. His body fell with a heavy blam. There was a brief second where I stared in shock, having not seen dead bodies in a while. Conversely, when the first Oracle knight rushed forward, that was when the adrenaline kicked in.

I ducked and pulled out my sword, jabbing him in the abdomen area with the hilt of my blade. He faltered and grunted, taking this as a chance, I rose up and planted my blade right through his neck. I was ever so grateful that I received a thin blade, for I was not ready to see a severed head just yet. Sticky crimson red stained my gloves, yet my inner nature came loose, and I shook off the liquid in disgust, the liquid that temped to further soil my dirtied hands. Tossing the body aside, I turned to the others who have finished off the other knights in the room.

"We should hurry and secure the bridge," I announced.

With nothing but a brief nod, we all hurried up on deck. It was marvellous that there was no evil, little robot to chase after, so that just leaves fighting off monsters attacking from the sky and however many Oracle knights were still left onboard. Twisting and turning around corners, we all carried our own, but carelessness and exhaustion soon creped in, forcing me into the rear to assist with restoration.

Upon arriving to the bow, all I heard was a twisted laugh to signal exactly who that was.

"Ahh hah hah hah hah! Ahh hah hah hah hah!"

"Is there a mute button anywhere?" I asked to the sky. Not surprising that no one answered.

A middle-aged man came down on a levitating chair, hair completely bleach-white, lipstick, funky feathers and all. That definitely earned a raised eyebrow from me.

"Listen, you ignorant savages, and you shall hear my beautiful name," he laughed.

"You have _got_ to be kidding me," I said, still staring.

"I am the most graceful member of the Six God-Generals," he continued, "the one and only, Dist the—"

"Why, if it isn't Dist the Runny!" Jade interposed.

"The Rose! R-O-S-E—rose! Dist the Rose!"

"You mean Dist the Reaper," Anise spoke up, frowning for once.

"You mean Dist the Ridiculous?" I murmured to myself, before proceeding to sit on the wooden floors, watching the scene unfold. Even if Dist had some rather… unique sense of style, Dist made some of the scenes much more interesting; say this one for example.

"I, the genius Dist, once counted that duplicitous snake Jade amongst my friends," he said that almost… proudly?

"Which Jade is that? I don't know any Jades with such poor taste in friends."

"What did you say?!"

"Ah, ah, careful now, you know how your nose runs when you get mad."

"Grrrr! No it doesn't!"

Watching back and forth like this, I wished that I had some popcorn. Jade then held up the books from before, only for the fool to snatch it in a blink of an eye. Observing the others' shock faces, I may as well follow suit, even if I knew that wasn't necessary.

"You can have them. I've already memorized their contents," I smiled; this was one of my favourite parts, and one of the reasons I loved Jade… well, before he turned out to be a real pain in the ass.

"Grrrr! I'm being mocked by savages! When you taste the pain of my super, ultra, gorgeous artes, you'll regret what you've done!"

Then, out of nowhere, a gigantic, red robot flew from the sky. I immediately moved back, not wanting to get hit by those heavy, metal hands of its. On the other hand, Luke charged right at it without thinking, only to be thrown back as the robot's arm swung straight at him like a wrecking ball. Taking it as my cue, I concentrated on the fon slots in my body. Taking into consideration what Tear lectured me about back at Fubras River, I slowly closed off a few of the slots before aiming at Luke with the first aid.

He grunted, but stood, shouting something along the lines of "I'm still hurt!" and "Heal me some more!" which undoubtedly caused me to frown.

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that," I said to myself, going back to my healing rampage. However, the robot seemed a lot tougher than in the game; Luke and the others were getting utterly thrashed.

"They don't look so good," Ion said softly, worried.

"It'll be alright," I forced a smile. "Don't worry yourself, Fon Master."

"Damn this stupid thing!" I whipped my head to see Luke charging at it again.

"Luke, stop!" Tear cried. "You're being reckless! Luke!"

"That idiot!" I hissed; I was running out of energy, and I don't have an orange gel with me.

_You know what to do._

"Huh?" I blinked, positive I heard a familiar voice.

_Concentrate; what do you want?_

"Want? I want… to protect…" I mumbled, feeling like I was in a slight trance. A warm glow overcame me once more but different this time. I pointed at Luke who was about to get another direct punch and yelled, "Barrier!"

It was like an invisible shield appeared and surrounded Luke, almost completely stopping the iron fist. At the very least, there was no direct contact as he was blown away by the impact of the barrier being broken. Unfortunately, my new arte caught the attention of the gigantic piece of metal.

"Ion."

"Yes, Milee?"

"Run!" I grabbed him and ran, knowing all too well that it was coming for my head. I ran to the person I felt the safest around at times like these—Jade. I saw him casting a spell with a blue circle appearing underneath. His eyes caught mine, and for that instant, we connected for the first time. With a brief nod, I grabbed Ion and dove to the sides, swinging my left arm to shield him.

"Splash!" Jade called. I covered my head with my other arm as cool water rushed over our backs. When the pressure relieved itself, I brought my head up just in time to see the robot self-destruct. I ducked as a part of the debris came flying in my general direction.

"Ahh!" A voice yelled, probably Dist's I would presume, and then it faded into the background, followed by a quiet splash.

Ion and I lifted our heads again to see an almost worried Luke and a smirking Jade. I got up and scowled at my drenched clothing.

"It'll take more than that to kill him. He has the tenacity of a cockroach," I heard Jade spoke before he started walking towards the bridge. "Right now, I'm off to check the bridge."

"I'll go with you. Ladies, please protect Luke and Ion," Guy spoke almost immediately, trying to follow the eldest member.

"Hmm? Don't tell me you're afraid of us, Guy..." Anise jabbed.

"N-no! Of course not!"

"You're never going to be cured if you keep this up," I also jabbed, appearing right behind him.

"Gah! Milee! Stop doing that!" he staggered before running off.

I sighed, watching him run and stumble. Deciding it would be best to somewhat dry myself, I grabbed the ends of my top and squeezed the water out. Out of the corner of my eye, Ion did the same thing. I giggled; his expression was so cute. It was almost like this was the first time he got completely drenched in water. Though, my sudden chuckle caught Ion's attention.

"What is it?" he asked innocently.

I shook my head. "Nothing. It's nothing." Turning away, I was met with another pair of eyes. I lifted an eyebrow. "Yes, Luke?"

He frowned, still staring at me. "You know, you and Ion have the exact same body shape," he said. I looked over at Ion again, whose figure did show clearly over his dripping, wet clothes, then back to mine before looking back at Luke. He spoke, "Are you sure you're not a guy?"

I twitched.

"Luke!" Tear reprimanded. "We have gone over this before. She's just… under…developed…"

I twitched again.

"Um… Milee, they're just trying to be nice," Ion said calmly, though he sounded a bit nervous.

"Yeah, underdeveloped unlike Tear's," Anise chuckled darkly, prodding her side.

"Anise!" Tear blushed.

"Ha, I completely agree," Luke laughed. "And she claims to be the same age as me, what a joke! I wouldn't be surprised if she turned out to be twelve or so. Ha ha."

I flicked the quillian part of my blade from out of its sheath. Looks like I need to teach naughty children how to behave.

* * *

"Talk about a gorgeous evening," I chanted in glee, stretching my arms up before leaning back on the rails, watching the boat cruise along the surface of the ocean. "Ah, wouldn't you agree?" I asked, turning to look at Guy, Ion, Tear and Jade staring at me.

"Milee." Guy was the first to speak.

"Hmm? Yes, Guy?"

"What did you do to them?"

I brought my lips into a curve producing an angelic smile. "Oh, what are you talking about, Silly? Luke and Anise are currently having a time-out period so they can reflect upon their behaviour this afternoon."

"But according to Tear, you knocked them both on the head and dragged their bodies somewhere. After that, I found that Luke had locked himself in his room and refuses to open up and talk to me."

"And Anise is just sitting in the corner of her room, rocking back and forth," Ion frowned. "She was mumbling something about blood and noose and—"

"Children," I interrupted, "need to learn discipline if they ever hope of getting anything accomplished in life. If they don't learn how to behave now, they just might upset an individual whom they really _shouldn't_," I made sure to emphasize that word, hoping Guy will learn my intent and back off. Thankfully, he did. I smiled. "Don't worry; they will thank me one day. Luke and Anise will be fine!"

I saw the four look at each other, and then back to me. I simply continued to smile. Facing the ocean, I returned to glazing as the sun slowly set on this adventure filled day with one more thought in mind.

"…By morning anyways."

* * *

******A/N**: So here's the deal. I plotted out the next eight chapters or so, half way done the next chapter and about a quarter done chapter twelve. Why? Honestly, it's because I originally intended chapter twelve to be a one-shot special updated in early July. But I decided to change the intent of the contents instead and add it as part of the story. Trust, you'll find out why, there's a reason for everything.

You want to know something crazy? I'm going to try to update until chapter fourteen before I leave for school in September (which is a little over twenty days). I know what you're thinking; impossible. That's why I said _try_. This is in case school get even more hectic/I don't know how to get the internet connection up right away, I can leave you with a suspenseful cliff-hanger. I'm mean I know. But it's more fun this way. :)

_Chapter Nine Preview: Decision_

"_You know, people are staring."_

"_Che, let them stare."_

"_I'm just saying; people are staring."_

"_And exactly, what is your point?"_

"…"

"_What?"_

"_That's _exactly_ my point, Idiot!" I elbowed his head. "Why are people staring?"_

"_Ow! You banshee, that hurts! And like hell I know why people want to stare!"_

"… _Useless," I muttered._

"_What was that?!"_

"_Just keep running before I knee you again."_

Anyways, I know I don't deserve it, but please update. I'm going to try to finish as many chapters as I can before leaving. So review!


	9. Decision

**Forlorn Words**

**A/N: **Less than a week: my fastest update yet! :D This chapter contains my favourite scene to date! Especially all you romance lovers out there, here's a little something for you! I also added a mini scene that I recently found out about. I thought it was cute, so I added it in as well.

Thanks to my lovely reviewer! Emberstar: I'm not sure if I can get 6 chapters done now, I'm hoping for a miracle! Nix-the-Neko: That review made me so happy! I love you! :)

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the fantastic game of Tales of the Abyss. :(

* * *

**Chapter Nine: Decision**

"You know, people are staring."

"Che, let them stare."

"I'm just saying; people are staring."

"And exactly, what _is_ your point?"

"…"

"What?"

"That's _exactly_ my point, Idiot!" I elbowed his head. "Why are people staring?"

"Ow! You banshee, that hurts! And like hell I know why people want to stare!"

"… Useless," I muttered.

"What was that?!"

"Just keep running before I knee you again."

He complied as I sighed deeply, digging my elbows into his back while I leaned my head on it. Fortunately, that seemed to irritate him, but he didn't complain—smart move.

Looking above, the skies began to darken with thick, grey clouds, covering the once blue atmosphere. Not long after, light dazzles of rain began to fall. I sighed deeply once again, letting my arms dangle. Looking from underneath the wet bangs that cover my orbs, the city of Baticul moved further and further away, melting into the murky and darken region that it now has become, and moving ever so closer to a place of deceit.

Soon, I watched as we left through the main entrance of Baticul. A deep feeling wretched my heart, causing me to think back to what I was doing, frowning as I did. But all that soon ended when he put me down.

My eyes scanned the sight of the capital from a distance; a feeling of melancholy over casted my expression, then finally, turning around as I faced the shocked and confused look of a boy.

With one last replay of yesterday's events, I walked down the muddy trail towards the Tartarus, towards enemy territory.

* * *

Three days.

That was all it took for Baticul to come into view after Dist's attack onboard Katsbert Ferry. During that time, I somehow managed to find a quiet, empty place on one of the bottom floors to hide from everyone else and practice my new artes without any interruptions. With that being said, Luke and Anise made sure to avoid me after stretching my limits a bit _too_ far. Frankly, I was just glad I had two less problems to deal with; they were all starting to get on my nerves.

"Concentrate," I murmured to myself; my eyes were closed as I outstretched my hands, letting the fonons surround me. "Barri—"

"_Attention passengers! We will be arriving at Baticul Port shortly! Please gather all your belongings and have a nice day."_

I cursed, throwing my shoe at the intercom. Seeing as it wasn't going to do much good, I relocated my shoe, grabbed my towel, wiped off some sweat and headed upstairs.

A nice breeze blew my hair out of my face the moment I entered on deck. I smiled, stretching my arms above my head. I leaned against the railings, tipping my head back.

"This is nice!" I sung.

"You look relaxed," Guy's shadow towered over me.

Inwardly sighing, I faced the swordsman with a bubbly laugh, "Oh, hey Guy."

"I'm here too, Mieu!" Mieu popped up from behind Guy.

_Just great…_ I mentally groaned as he flew over to me. "Hi Mieu!"

"So, where have you been these past three days?" Guy interrogated, leaning against the railings alongside me. "I couldn't find you anywhere. Even at night, I waited for you in your room, but you never showed up."

"Oh nowhere in particular, just here and there; you must have just missed me every single time," I fibbed, batting my eyelashes naturally. Unexpectedly, his words formed into a brilliant idea, and an unexpected grin twisted itself onto my lips. Oh, how I love the expression to kill two birds with one stone.

"Milee? What's up? You'd been staring at me," Guy waved his hands in front of me.

I tickled the little, blue monster before looking at him with a bogus, curious look. "Guy, you said you looked for my everywhere?"

"Yes."

"And you even waited for me… in my _room_… at _night_?"

"Yes…? I don't understand where you're getting at… I knocked, but you didn't answer, so I went in. You weren't there, so I looked in the bathroom…" he gradually slowed his sentence, recalling our discussion. His face reddened, and I smirked; he was catching on. "N-No, wait! I didn't mean it like that!"

I tilted my head down but looked up with large, disappointed eyes. "Guy, how could you go into a woman's room so late at night? What if I was changing or something? I didn't know you were such a… pervert."

"No, Milee! I'm not a pervert!" he uttered, obviously in a state of panic due to the cracking in his voice and very flushed face. "I just wanted to talk—"

And on cue, Mieu spoke up. "What's a pervert?"

"…" We both looked at Mieu, but both for very different reasons. Exactly what I was anticipating he would say. I answered, though feeling somewhat sorry for Guy.

"It's… I don't know if it's appropriate to tell you," I made sure to draw out the pause. "But it's bad!"

"Oh…" Mieu awed. "Guy is a bad person? Guy is a pervert?"

I created a long sigh. "I guess so."

"Milee!" Guy cried.

"I think you should go back to Luke," I told Mieu, petting his head sweetly.

"Okay! I have to tell Master that Guy is a pervert!" he flew off, repeating what he just said over and over, while the panic-struck Guy raced after him, completely forgetting about me.

"Finally!" I chipped, going back to my moment of peace.

"Was that Guy just now?"

Obviously, _that_ didn't last long.

"Oh Luke," I tried to call out joyously, but it probably didn't come out that way. I mentally plotted how to get rid of him as well. "Mieu was just looking for you."

"Whoa!" he backed off a little, shielding his face with his hands.

"Luke?" I quickly put on an angelic smile. "Something wrong?"

"… You were… the face… I…" Luke paused and stared at me. "You know, I thought you were…"

"Yes," I asked, batting my lashes sweetly.

"…Nevermind…" He sighed and flopped down to the floor, pouting slightly.

I smirked: too easy. "Hey Luke, you're almost home," I said, pointing to the city in view. "Just hold on for a few more minutes, okay?"

The red-head looked over, looking somewhat down with a far-off look in his eyes. "Home, huh?" he mumbled to my surprise.

"Aren't… you happy?" I asked, lowering to his level.

"I guess so, but…" His sentence trailed off, and I needn't say more. I had forgotten that he was locked up for so long, never really had the chance to see Baticul with his own eyes. I guess calling it "Home" wasn't very appropriate.

"Look on the bright side, Luke!" I cried, not knowing why I even bothered to cheer this idiot up. "You won't have to fight anymore. No monsters, no more walking, no killing and best of all, no Jade!"

He chuckled, and I smiled; a genuine smile. _What a cute kid._

The horn honked, signalling the end of the ride. I stood and brushed my clothes. Intending to go get my stuff, a hand stopped me. "Luke?" I questioned once I traced the hand back to its owner.

"…"

"What is it?" I asked again.

"… Sorry."

"… Huh?"

"I said I was sorry!" he shouted, releasing his hold on me. His face was clearly red, but I continued to stare. "What?"

"Luke said sorry?" A bewildered look came across my face.

"S-Shut up! It's just that I kept making fun of you, and I'm sorry, okay? I guess I did go a little overboard sometimes… So before we say goodbye, I just wanted to apologize!" he shouted but instantly ran away afterwards, completely flushed.

I watched as he rounded the corner. A few seconds later, I giggled. "Definitely cute."

After meeting up with the rest of the party, who seemed confused, partly because Guy had an anxious look to him while tightly covering Mieu's mouth and the other being a Luke those face matched his hair. Anise scolded me for disappearing for the last few days since Ion has gotten restless worrying about me. I felt fairly ashamed, but after assuring him that I was stronger than I look, we disembarked from the ship. There, we were greeted by a large man in uniform.

"It is an honour," he bowed. "I am Goldberg, commander of the 1st Division Kimlasca-Lanvaldear Royal Forces. Congratulations on your safe return."

My eyes steered themselves over to Guy those gaze was to the blonde woman in the red uniform. Looking over, she didn't seem to notice his gaze yet. Ergo, she stepped forward, introducing herself, which in turn, caused Guy to stumble back.

"Is something wrong?" she asked.

"N-no, excuse me. I'm Guy. A servant of Luke's," he answered.

After that, one by one everyone introduced themselves whereas I decided to sink into the background. I didn't have any fancy names or whatnots, and it would undeniably be the most inappropriate time to introduce myself as 'Milee, the amnesic girl but not really that came from a completely different world where this world was created for the sole purpose of enjoyment for gamers everywhere'. That would not go well. Thankfully, no one seemed to notice me anyways.

I exhaled, my peripheral shifted towards the buildings that stretched upwards. So this was Baticul, huh? This was where it all ends.

That was right; I just need to stop Van's plans. I had to make sure Van doesn't leave that jail cell. I guess the best way was probably to tell the King about Van kidnapping Luke in the past and what he was planning this time. Conversely… how do I explain how I know?

"Milee? We're leaving now," Tear spoke, hand pulling me along.

"Right, sorry about that."

"Are you okay? You seem kind of absentminded lately," she mumbled.

A giggled sounded, and Anise popped up with a sly smile. "I know why," she sang, still giggling. "Somebody's got a crush!"

We both blushed, while I stammered as well. "A-Anise! What are you talking about?"

She laughed darkly, and I backed away. "Guess who she was staring at this _whole_ time! Don't think I didn't notice! Hee hee hee…"

Tear and I looked at each other, obviously confused, but Anise didn't answer us, instead walked away. Thankfully, Tear wasn't the type to question others because I didn't even know how to reply if she did. Sometimes, I think Anise was on crack. What nonsense was that silly, little girl spouting anyways?

Making our way towards the cable cart and proceeding into the city, Luke's face gradually change from confusion to astonishment to a mixture of emptiness and gloom. Upon thrown in an unknown place all of a sudden, then returning to a place where you thought was home, only to discover it was even more forlorn than before. A sharp tug wretched from within, guilt-tipping me to be the one to talk to him.

"Luke," I called out his name.

"So… this is Baticul?"

"…"

"What? You're acting like you've never seen it before," Guy exclaimed, but shut up when I glared.

"It's not his fault," I answered for Luke. "He lost his memories and has been locked away ever since."

"Oh… right. I forgot," he mumbled sheepishly which surprised me. I guess I forgot to change my tone of voice. Blushing, I mumbled an apology towards the swordsman.

"Oh, no! It's alright," he protested. "You're right. It was my fault for forgetting even though I'm his personal servant! You don't need to apologize for anything! You were just looking after Luke's well-being. I think that's very sweet of you."

"Oh… thank you," I blushed again. Guy's definitely the charmer.

Following an awkward silence, I heard a snicker towards Anise's direction. However, she stopped when either Guy or I looked her way. She twirled her hair, giving off an innocent look before running to Ion with fits of giggles. Sadly, the only person who seemed to understand Anise's strange behaviour was Jade. And that was _never_ a good thing.

Before any of us could further proceed into the city, a fit of squeals sounded from behind. I saw Guy tense up and slowly turned, paling even further.

"Aah!" he shouted and hid behind Luke as a group of girls ran over.

"Hey, it's Guy!" One girl giggled, pointing at the trembling blond.

"Guy! How have you been?" Another asked, getting closer and eventually cornering him.

"Uah! It's you girls..." Guy grumbled, pushing himself further into the corner as possible.

"Your reactions are so cute!" The girls cried.

I was sure by now each of us had a different reaction upon Guy's "circumstance". He quivered until his knees gave out, and he fell, earning another round of squeals from the group of girls.

"Wow, I didn't know he was _this_ popular," I said, amusing myself at the expense of Guy. I vaguely remembered a scene like this during the game as I watched my brother play. It was cute, though I did feel sorry for him back then. Note the word "did".

"My, aren't you a lucky fellow," Jade commented casually, while I tried not to snicker.

"Jade! Don't just stand there! Luke! Please, do something!"

"Heh heh. Have fun!" Luke walked away.

"Hey, Milee!" Anise tapped my shoulders. "Aren't you going to do something?"

"Hmm? Oh, yeah… sure," I murmured, disappointed I had to end my own fun.

"Why do you look so unenthusiastic," Jade asked from behind. "Who knows what they plan to do to him."

_Why do I get the feeling there's some hidden meaning behind those words? Stupid Jade and his stupid antics._ I sighed and rubbed my temples. Smoothing out my hair from my face, I approached the frightened Guy. He looked at me with shining eyes like I was his saviour or something. Well, I guess technically I will be, though honestly, needing to be saved from a group of harmless fangirls? That was really sad.

"Excuse me," I announced my presence. "He seems to be… uncomfortable around you girls."

"But that's what's so cute!" a girl answered. "You think so too, right?"

"Well…" I paused. Okay, I admit, he does look cute like that; kind of like a soak puppy dog caught in the rain. I looked up to see the girls' hopeful faces than to Guy's than I caught sight of Anise's and Jade's humoured looks, and that was when I stopped dead in my intrigue over Guy's phobia. "What, no! It's not cute!"

"You hesitated!" The girls giggled once more to my annoyance.

Finally concluding that I was utterly useless, Tear stepped in. "Stop that. A phobia is nothing to fawn over and prod like you just did."

"Aww…" Wow, Tear's methods worked.

"Fine, let's go…" One of them ultimately said to her dismay. She looked over at Guy with a grin. "We'll stop for today! Bye Guy! Next time, introduce us to your friends!"

Guy shuddered as she said that and didn't relax until they were finally out of sight. He flashed a smiled towards the melodist. "Thanks Tear!"

As Tear walked over to asked him if he was alright, Anise appeared, slightly disappointed with the outcome. She nudged my sides, commenting again about how I shouldn't let other women take my man. A sigh was broadcasted as I ignored her and attempted to leave, but Anise—being Anise—pushed me forward.

"Be more aggressive, Milee!" she exclaimed.

"Gah!" I cried, stumbling in the direction of Tear. I knocked into her, which ultimately, caused her to stumble into Guy's lap.

"…" All of us paused as Guy's face turned much paler.

Sounds of cries can be heard within the city, followed by many sighs and an "oops" from a certain Fon Master Guardian.

* * *

"I said I was sorry…" Anise moaned.

"I know, but please stay away from me… _all _of you…"

Tear, Anise and I walked behind, dejected, as Guy led the way to the castle, making sure to get as far away as possible from any of us. I was starting to think that we were absolutely no help in curing his phobia; rather, making him hate women instead… if that was even possible.

The rest of the trip was in silence. When the castle came into view, I noticed Luke seemed to hurry a little. I saw Luke turn his head to his left, and I imitated him. There was a guard and a gate behind him, leading to some kind of fancy mansion. From a distance, the mansion seemed to expand outwards around a forested area, and it was tall but nothing compared to the castle in front of me.

"That's Luke's home if you're wondering," Guy said as if he was reading my mind, pointing to the left.

"Oh wow! Luke, you live there?" Anise asked excitedly, probably planning a way for Luke to propose to her.

"I guess so…" he murmured in reply, looking at it as if it was still foreign to him. "Anyways, let's see my uncle first."

While the party made its way into the castle, I stopped. Tear was the first to notice this action.

"Milee, is something wrong?"

"Um… you guys go on ahead. I'll wait here."

"Huh? Why?" Luke inquired.

_Because I don't want to be stuck watching this boring scene… though it would be amusing to see Luke bash Mohs… but still not worth it._ I smiled, though my mind raced to find a decent excuse. "Well… you see…" I paused. "I'm just a civilian girl. I don't have any important roles unlike all of you. I would be in the way."

Ion frowned. "That's not true—"

"Yeah, you're right," Luke interjected.

"Luke!"

"Well, it's true, isn't it…?"

"…" Everyone stared at me, causing me to shift uncomfortably.

Guy was first to break the silence. "In that case," he said, pulling out a piece of paper and scribbling something on it before continuing. "Here. You should go see a doctor in the meantime. I drew a map. I'm worried about your condition."

"Good idea!" Ion exclaimed, before facing me with a serious look. "Milee, be sure to get properly examine."

I blinked. "Yes… sir…?" I said, unsure how to answer a serious Ion, but he smiled and returned to his same adorable look as before. I guess he approved.

"We'll meet you back here, okay?" I nodded and watched as they disappeared behind the castle doors.

I stared a little more and pulled out the piece of paper. Since I got time, I may as well find out what was wrong with me. Unfolding it, I looked and twitched.

All I see are lines and words written in _fonic _language.

"You have got to be kidding me." I crumpled up the paper and stuffed it in my pocket before walking to the elevator. I sighed, "May as well waste some time."

I walked along the city those structure was similar to St. Binah's. I frowned when I saw more and more of the fonic alphabet as I made my way around. I tried to make out some of the buildings, but the signs all look so much alike. I pulled out the paper again and looked at a square box whereabouts where the elevator was, and then I looked to a circle drawn around a square somewhere down further. With a dejected sighed, I declared that it couldn't hurt to learn a bit of the fonic language.

"Must be the elevator and the doctor's place," I decided. Praying that Guy wrote doctor instead of some fancy name or address, I counted the number of symbols. There were six. "Yes! Now to find a pencil…"

I reached in my bag and searched through it to find some kind of writing utensil. Finding one, I pulled it out and scribbled on the back of the paper.

"D is this sign… O… C…" I murmured as I sat down and stared decoding the symbols.

I overheard giggles and whispering around me. Looking up, I blushed at the sight of people laughing and pointing. I guess sitting in the middle of town—mumbling to yourself—wasn't the best choice of action. I hurried and got up, moving over to the side of a building and finishing what I started. Tucking the slip into my pocket again, I reappeared back out into the open. A flicker of pink caught my eye. I smirked as I advanced forward.

"Hi Miss Pickpocket!" I called out just as Noir's hand was in a guy's bag.

"Hey you!" the man shouted, pushing her away. "What do you think you're doing?! Bitch!"

"Che, it's you again," she glared at me, ignoring the man as he ran away.

"Stealing isn't very nice," I said sweetly. She frowned. "Miss Pickpocket, if you keep frowning like that, you'll get wrinkles on your forehand!" I pointed to my forehead cutely.

"You brat!" she screeched, but her two goonies came out and held onto her before she could harm me.

"We're not supposed to make a scene, remember?" one of them said, York, I believed.

"I know," she snapped, narrowing her eyes as I continued to look innocent. "You better watch your back, Cupcake. There are some people in this world that won't take kindly to that sugar-coated personality of yours."

I stuck my tongue out when she turned her back against me and left with the other two Dark Wings. I hissed at the woman, "Bitch. What was she even doing here anyways?" I paused, trying to think back to how the game went. "I remember the Dark Wings being in Baticul somewhere near the entrance but… after that, I honestly can't recall. What was their purpose here? Think Milee."

After several minutes later, I shook my head. If I can't remember, then I guess it wasn't that important in the first place, I established. Although, something kept nudging me in the back of my head, kind of like a sixth sense, telling me to stop the Dark Wings. Shrugging it off, I turned back noting that I wasted enough time here. I could always continue where I left off later in the evening.

When I reached the top level, I heard my name being called. Guy's hands waved me over from the distance.

"So how did it go?" he asked the moment I was in talking distance.

"Go?" I asked, bewildered.

"The doctor?"

"Oh that… I'm sorry, I lost the paper on my way down," I lied. "The winds this time of year is fairly strong. Also, Baticul is such a large city, and I got lost trying to look for it."

"Oh, well I could accompany you there later if you'd like," he offered, and I couldn't very well turn him down without a good excuse. After agreeing, we all headed for Luke's manor at the request of Ion.

The moment we all entered through the grand doorway, General Cecille and a man with red hair, who I assumed was Luke's father, came into view.

"Father!" Luke cried excitedly. "I'm home."

"I've heard the report from General Cecille. I'm glad you're safe," he smiled at his son.

I looked up to see a fond, warm look in his eyes. A tingle was felt around my chest area. Clutching my top, I frowned. _What is this feeling?_ I looked back up. It was a reunion of father and son after three weeks. Duke Fabre looked like he wanted to give Luke a hug but kept his composure.

_Now that I think about it. What about my father? My family?_ A twisted chuckle escaped under my lips. _To think, this was the first time I ever thought about them… especially after so long. What are they doing at this very moment? Are they worried about me? What happened to me anyways? And… do they even care…?_

The door opened and closed. I tuned back in to find Cecille and Duke Fabre gone, and the rest of the group heading for a second string of doors.

"I," I began, stopping them.

"What is it?" Ion inquired.

"I'm sorry, I don't feel so well," I said. It wasn't exactly a lie, but I felt as if I really need this time to think things through.

"There are extra rooms in the manor if you would like to rest," Guy spoke up.

"Yeah, I'm sure Father and Mother wouldn't mind," Luke added, surprising me with his gentle attitude.

Nonetheless, I shook my head. "I'll go to the inn. I remember passing it while walking. Don't worry about me, I'll be fine by myself. I don't want to intrude any further." Before anyone could cease my departure, I hurried to the door and shut it. A heave of air was all I needed to silence my rapidly stinging heart. It took a few more minutes before I let my feet take me to the inn.

Finding it in record time, I booked a room and immediately locked myself in. I went over and shut the curtains, throwing the covers over myself as soon as I toss my bag and sword on the ground and crawled in.

How long had it been? Why had I only thought of it _now_ of all times? I don't understand.

I stormed out of my house that night. An argument broke out, and then I disappeared for a few weeks. To top it off, it was right before final exams, meaning right when my parents were the most tense.

I groaned, stuffing my face in the pillow. _This can't be happening!_

But what happens now?

I don't know what happened to the "me" in my world. Did I become just an empty shell? Or was this all just a figment of my imagination? What about my friends? School? Graduation?

"Where are you?" I asked. I kind of regretted blowing up at that white-haired girl about now. I hadn't seen her since, and sadly, she was the key to everything that had been happening to me.

"But it's all going to end soon… right?" I said.

If I leaked Van's plot to the world, this would all end, right? There would be no more traveling with the group, right? I would go home, right? And everything would be back to normal… right?

"Normal… what is normal?"

All this time I'd wanted to return to my everyday life no matter what. That was the only thing that played in my head like a broken record player. But I never thought of the consequences.

Will they be waiting like Luke's father? With the warm glow in their eyes, simply glad that I had returned safe and sounded?

Will they be angry? Of course they would be.

Will they be concerned about my disappearance? But then again, had they ever been concerned before…?

Will…they be disappointed…? I wish… I really wish I knew…

Do I go back to the way it had anyways been? Did I _have_ to go back to living my life like a lie? For the longest time, I only thought that was natural… and I thought I was happy living like this. However… if I said I hated everything about this adventure, this experience with Luke and the rest…then it would have been a bigger lie than the one I have been living in for the past thirteen years of my life.

A small smile graced itself onto my face.

I felt as if I wasn't as stressed as before and there were no watchful eyes of my parents and the community with all their high expectations of me. I had been living in freedom all this time, and my body and mind knew.

I chuckled. It was no wonder I kept letting my emotions run and not giving a care that I gave Asch a total lack of respect. It was like it was telling me to release everything that had been bottled up… and start anew!

The smile disappeared.

But I can't do that.

I slowly pulled the covers away from my face and stared at the darken ceilings through my dishevelled strands.

_Tick…tock…tick….tock…_ The clock will keep ticking, and time will kept going. Eventually, I'll have to see them again face to face. Why set myself up for this silly, faux context of a could-be life that never will have the chance to surface? Why bring my hopes up only for them to be smash down and crumble before my eyes? Why let myself reach further into the light, only to fall further down into the darkness?

I already messed up my life once. I won't do it again.

I'll fix my mistakes when I get home. I'll apologize for talking back and running out. I'll go back to being their marionette.

That's right. There's no need to be afraid of the future anymore. Just follow the path that had been laid out for me. I still had time. Tomorrow.

I'll end it all tomorrow.

Everything.

And come back to nothing.

* * *

Knocking came from my door when I stepped out of the shower that evening. I grabbed a tank and my pants and slipped them on before running to the door.

"Jade?" I spotted the Colonel standing in front of me when I opened the door.

"Good, you're here. There are a few inns in this city, but I assumed you be in this one since it's the closest to the castle," he said, letting himself in. "How are you feeling?"

"Better," I admitted honestly. "Thank you."

"That's good," he nodded, pulling up a chair and waved me over to take a seat. I gave him a questioned look as I sat. He continued, "I thought I would inform you that Kimlasca-Lanvaldear has agreed to the peace treaty."

"That's great!" I exclaimed, though mentally adding 'What does this have to do with me?' I waited for the man to continue.

"However, there is a request of aid from Malkuth. To cut this long story short, I will be heading out again with Luke and Tear and possibly Guy. Ion and Anise are expected to return to Daath. So that just leaves you."

"Oh…" My mind was completely blank at the moment with Jade's objective. Not that it mattered what happened to me because I'll be ending it all tomorrow morning anyways.

"In all, since you still haven't recovered your memories yet, I would like you to stay in Baticul for now."

"Eh?" Confusion surfaced itself onto my face.

"It stills bothers me, your kidnapping that is," Jade explained. "What do the God-Generals hope to obtain by capturing a civilian girl? Though, maybe it's partially my fault for bring you along with us, knowing the Oracle Knights were after us. I talked to Lady Fabre. She said she wouldn't mind taking you in for now. Until I can be positively sure of the God-General's objectives, I think the safest place for you to be is under the protection of the royal family."

"Is that so? Well, don't worry about me Jade, I'll be fine," I said, smiling. "Now, is that all? Then, I bid you good night—"

"Oh, and I made an appointment for you early next morning," he smiled, purposely interrupting me. That caught me off surprised.

"A-Appointment?" I dumbly asked.

"Yes, for the city's physician to take a look at you."

"Oh… thanks," I thanked him, not sure where he was getting at. It won't matter what conditions this body was in once I was gone. Jade grinned. I shuddered; why do I have a _bad_ feeling about this?

"And I have decided to accompany you," he declared.

"What?!" I got up out of my seat.

Jade's left eyebrow raised a bit. "Is something the matter?"

"N-no. Really Jade, I'm fine by myself!" There was no way I was letting him ruin my plans of escape from this loony world.

"No, I insist," Jade asserted, and I knew his decision was final. "Besides, I did give you my word, did I not? If the physician can confirm my suspicions, I'll explain everything to you." He stood, smoothing out his uniform. With a smile, he added, "I'll pick you up bright and early. Be ready to leave."

I watched his retreating back as he left the room. I sunk deep into my bed. This cannot be happening! Going with Jade meant I won't have time to go ahead to the castle afterwards. I frowned.

_No, I won't let that happen…_ I concluded, walking to the window and pulling a piece of the curtain away to see Jade looking back at me. I smiled and waved but revert back into my aggravated look when he turned his back towards me.

"I won't let that happen," I repeated, letting the piece of cloth fall back to its resting place, sealing any light from the outside. "Goodbye Jade. _That_ was our very last meeting.

* * *

Just before the early morning sun broke through the skies, I quietly tip-toed out of the inn. I turned my head in all directions and waited… and waited. I had been expecting Jade to appear out of nowhere and drag me to my appointment. Yet, I guess even Jade needed his sleep. With a quick grin, I quickly adjusted the strap on my bag and closed my cloak around my face before exiting the building.

I ran as quietly as I could, stopping and hiding every so often just in case. I was going to make it! I could see the elevator in sight. Stopping once more, I looked around.

Just a guard and a few early morning civilians out, that meant no blue Malkuth uniform, which meant no Jade! I was free! Once I get to the castle, stop Luke from releasing Van and somehow inform the King of his plot. Maybe, just maybe I'll finally be able to go home.

"Hey, you stupid albino!" I shouted to the skies. "Are you watching because I'm about to end your silly, little game!"

Taking a deep breath, I sprinted towards the elevator. Suddenly, a hand out of nowhere reached out and grabbed me by the arm, threw me to the ground and pinned me there. I groaned.

"Jade!" I cursed mentally. My eyes closed from the pain welling through my head, and that knowing I would be glaring if they were opened.

"Guess again," the stranger sneered.

My eyelids flashed up, and I stared into deep, green, emerald eyes. I gawked. He smirked.

"So we meet again."

"…What the F are you doing? Trying to flirt? Get off of me, Asshole!" I roared, trying to push his weight off of me, but he held my arms tightly to stone floor beside my head.

"Must you be so loud this early in the morning?" Asch rolled his eyes but didn't let go. "And where did your nice act go? Pfft, what a phony."

I, too, rolled my eyes. God, out of all the people that just _had_ to stop me, I kind of wish it was Jade about now.

I felt my head throbbed even more the moment I tried to calm myself, and my wrists were finally feeling the tightness of his grip. I attempted to move it slightly for comfort benefits, but Asch refused to comply. I looked up to see his dark-shadowed face against the morning light. He was staring at me. His eyes seemed conflicted as if he was debating something.

Concluding that I absolutely do _not_ care about how he felt, I blew a strand of hair tickling my face out of my sight before I open my mouth and spoke, "Okay Bastard, what do you want? I'm kind of busy at the moment, so could you hurry it up?"

"Is this any way to talk to a person who has you pinned to the ground and could kill you at any moment?"

"Does it look like I _care_?" I gave a dead-panned look.

"Come with me."

"Excuse me?" Did he say what I think he said?

"I said come with me! Remember how I said I wanted to ask you something back at Choral Castle? Well, I need answers, and I got the feeling you know them."

"Well?"

"…Well what?" My question seemed to caught him off guard, but he hastily composed himself.

I sighed; I didn't want to deal with him because it was like dealing with Luke, absolutely pointless to try. However, versus physical strength, I undeniably cannot win against Asch, so I may as well do what he wanted.

"You said you have questions, well go on! I said I'm busy, so hurry it up!" That ticked him off. I felt his hands tighten around my wrist. "Ow! You big ape, that hurts!"

"Are you making fun of me?" he shouted angrily.

"Are you seriously asking me this?" I retorted casually.

"I am _not_ interrogating you right here, in the middle of the city, where someone could interrupt us!" he said, composing himself. "You're coming with me."

"I said I'm busy. Busy!" I stretched the word, pulling my face forward to glare.

"That's. Too. Bad." He was mocking me. I glared, and he did as well in return. "Now, either come with me quietly or I drag you by force."

"Through the entire city?" I questioned, raising an eyebrow.

"Shut up, you!"

"My name is not 'You'!" I snapped. "It's Milee! Mill-E! Milee! And I need to hurry since you have wasted much of my precious time. Therefore release me, and we'll both be happily on our way."

He growled, "Do you think I would honestly release you just because you asked?" I smiled. He flinched. "What was that for?"

"You _really _don't want to mess with me…" My smile grew.

"… Just what are you plan—"

A took a deep breath in and screamed, "Rape!"

"What?!" he flinched again, backing away.

I smirked wickedly. "I told you not to mess with me, Hun. Did you ever take time to notice the position we're in?"

His eyes widened and so did my grin. He looked back at me. "Don't—"

"Help!" I cried at the top of my lungs. I inwardly laughed to see his fear-struck face. Oh, this was priceless! Either he lets go, giving me the chance to escape or someone shows up saving the damsel in distress. Whichever way, it was my win! Taking another breath, I shouted again, "Pervert! Ra—"

Abruptly, something smacked itself into my lips knocking my head painfully to the ground. I mentally cursed; my head feeling numb. That was, until I reminded myself of the plan. I felt something soft and flesh-like on my lips. I guess that meant he released one of his hands.

Trying to pull both my arms away, it clicked that they were still very much locked into place. I froze.

If he didn't use his hands to shut me up…

My eyes instantly opened, and I gawked, wide-eyed. The only sight I could see was green from his eyes so very close to mine. Our faces have met.

My mind had gone completely numb. All my senses had flown out the window except for the feeling of my lips onto his. It was soft, unlike how they looked, frozen in spot. My chest rose up and down as my heart started beating faster and faster. My arms went limp, no longer fighting but laying there trapped underneath his palms.

What was going on? I don't understand.

I closed my eyes, concentrating, trying to remember the events that occurred up until now. What was I doing? What should I be doing? What _am_ I doing?

Clearly, I was on the ground, trapped underneath Asch the Bloody's body, and his lips… were on top of mine…

His lips right smack on top of my lips.

My eyes surfaced as realization _finally_ kicked in.

Asch was kissing me…

Asch the Bloody was kissing me…

That _bastard_ was kissing me!

Mustering all the force I could, I twisted my wrist around and grabbed his arms instead and brought my knee up as fast—and hard—as I possibly could.

"Ah!" he cried, releasing his lips to mine and rolling over, crutching his stomach. "What the hell?!"

"That should be my line!" I screamed, picking myself of the ground, entirely red in the face. "What the fuck was that?!"

"I had to find some way to shut you up!"

"And you couldn't find a better way?" I screeched, furiously blushing more and more by the second.

"Trust me, I was just as disgusted as well," he spat.

Great, my first kiss stolen by a psychopath kidnapper, and the second stolen by a hothead maniac. My life officially sucked.

I looked up at the sky; the sun's position changed a great deal between now and when I left the inn. Great, I had wasted too much time here. Jade was certainly awake by now. Maybe even Luke as well. I had to hurry!

I got up and struggled to run but persistent Asch grabbed my ankle, causing me to fall. I turned back and shot a glare.

"Do you _ever_ give up?"

"I said you are coming with me!"

I made an effort to kick his hand from my ankle, but he refused to submit. Pulling myself off the ground, I reached over to clutch his hand, plying it off my ankle. He responded and grabbed mine. We both locked into the other's gaze, both trying not to break away.

_What is this? A staring contest?_ I snorted and smack my hand upwards, hitting his face.

"Ow!"

"That was for the kiss," I said and used the other hand to backhand him as well. "And this is for being a douche."

Just when I was able to get up and make a break for it, a flash of pink catch my eye. I froze.

"Oh Ion! This can't be happening! Where did you go?" Anise cried, panting with a fear-stricken face.

"Hmph." I looked behind to see a smirking Asch. "Looks like they captured the Fon Master."

I paled. _Now I remember! The Dark Wings were the one that took Ion! I should have stopped them when I had the chance. Dammit!_ I turned to find Anise looking over, debating whether to take the elevator up or not. If my memory was correct, she met Luke, Tear, Guy and Jade just as he finished talking to the king and released Van! _Shit! I'm too late! Now what do I do?_

But thankfully, Anise turns the other way. I relaxed slightly; I guess I still had time. If I can just make it to the castle and tell the King… and then… and then… and then what?

See my father and mother's disappointed faces? The teacher's disapproving faces? My peers' judgemental faces?

It was that feeling all over again, back when I saw that look in Luke's father's eyes. I reached my hand slowly over my chest.

"I _am_ doing the right thing… aren't I?" I asked myself. I told myself I would do this… but why was I having doubts now of all times? "My time is up here… isn't that right? My place is back home… I don't… belong in this world…"

I looked over: no Anise. Just a few metres to the elevator. Just a few more until freedom… or should I say imprisonment?

"Hey, are you okay?" The red-head's questioned, and I looked over sadly. "Hey—"

"W-What should I… do…?" I whispered, feeling the tears starting to spring from my eyes. I cursed myself, rubbing the tears away. Out of all people, Asch was the _last_ person I wanted to see me crying.

"H-Hey! Don't cry… You have got to be kidding me!" he muttered. "This better not be one of your acts again!" I hiccupped. "…Agh! Che! Annoying!"

I heard the sounds of Asch getting up, but then, the back of my shirt was lifted and I found myself slung over his shoulders. I cried out.

"What the hell are you doing?" I asked quietly, the tears still falling.

"Stop crying already."

"That's none of your business," I murmured, rubbing my eyes again.

"…It doesn't suit you… crying that is. I don't know what's wrong, but um… cheer up…?"

I sniffed; he was such an idiot, but I couldn't help but smile. "You suck at cheering people up."

"Tsk." I knew he was grinning. He looked over and our eyes met. A small blush crept onto my face. "By the way… you're kind of heavy for someone so small"

And the blush replaced itself into full boiled anger. "What was that?! You're just weak," I protested, wiping off the last tear and grinning. "And who said you can carry me like a sack of potatoes? This is called kidnapping, ever heard of it?"

"It's not kidnapping if the one kidnapped isn't fighting back," he retorted as he proceeded towards the Tartarus wherever it may be. I rolled my eyes and turned towards the elevator once more to find Anise riding it up. So the decision was made for me, huh? But for some reason, a part of me relaxed knowing I have more time to think things through… or maybe knowing I didn't have to go back home… to that forlorn place.

I supposed my only other option was to go along with Asch and the God-Generals. At least I had Ion with me, and I didn't have to cross over a desert or go through the abandon factory. And there was also Asch.

Asch… the only person that I felt I didn't have to put up a faux façade around. Why was that? Was it because he was the first character I met when I came to Aulderant? Or the fact that he probably doesn't care what you're like? Or… was there something else?

"…Thanks."

"Hm? Did you say something?" he asked.

I smirked. "Your shoulders are too bony, it's hurting my stomach!"

"Seriously! You—" But to my surprised he stopped himself and kept running. Yet, the thing that surprised me even more was that he shifted my body a bit closer to his neck. "By the way, why _aren't_ you fighting back?" he asked curiously.

"Do you want me to?" I asked, trying not to laugh.

"No!"

I giggled, "Well, since you'd begged so much," I said dramatically. "I guess I can spare a few minutes of my valuable time for you. Although…" I blushed, not knowing why I was doing this, but I resumed, "to be honest, I have my own reasons for coming with you."

"Hmph. Bipolar…"

My lips tugged upwards, and I closed my eyes followed by a deep breathe, opening them with a new resolve. I knew I had to go back soon, so I guess my only other option was to go with the party to Akzeriuth and stop Luke from destroying the city. That was the only other chance I'll have in a long time. By then, I need to strengthen myself mentally.

Whether I wanted to or not.

* * *

"Milee…" Ion stared at me through the pouring rain.

I composed myself. _And now here I am…_ I cleared my mind and walked over to him. "Fon Master, I'm so glad you're alright!" I cried.

"What's going on? Why are you with Asch?" he questioned, looking at the Luke look-a-like behind me.

"Aw… it's a long story. But basically, I got kidnapped as well," I feigned a blush to show embarrassment. I heard a cough from behind. I glared at Asch before recomposing myself before Ion.

"So are we all set?" Sync asked, appearing at Asch's side. "And I still don't understand why she's here…"

"I told you, she knows how to heal. So it's just in case something goes wrong with the Fon Master. We don't want him to collapse before we get there," Asch explained.

"So that's your excuse?" I whispered smugly.

He rolled his eyes and pushed me onward to the entrance of the Tartarus. "Get moving."

As Ion and I were ushered into the ship, I heard a faint clicking sound. Turning, I squinted to see a couple of blurs in the distant. It took me a second to figure out it was Luke and Guy climbing down a ladder. Ion seemed to catch my gaze and followed it. His face showed shock and possibly a bit of hope. It was kind of cute in a way. Regrettably, the Oracle Knights and the God Generals spotted them as well. Asch stopped and stared. His faced tightened up.

I spotted Luke drawing out his sword and running towards us. "Hand over Ion and Milee now!" Luke yelled, his sword clashing against Asch's. The two held their positions until Luke look up, analyzing Asch's face. He gasped.

"It's you," Asch snorted like he was nothing.

"Luke!" I heard Guy shout from a distance.

"Asch! Ion takes priority right now!" Sync barked over the pouring rain.

With one last comment, Asch threw Luke aside and headed onboard, seizing my arm and pulling me along when I didn't move. I followed but looked back at that one forlorn figure of Luke's, standing there utterly shock beyond belief.

I shook my head and turned back around with my head held high. He'll be alright. Right now, I needed to focus on the present and my current situation. After all, I was just a lonely sheep heading into wolf's territory.

* * *

******A/N**: Didn't expect this, did you? Review please! ;)


	10. Confusion

**Forlorn Words**

**A/N: **Yes…it has been long. I sincerely apologize; I'm just extremely busy and stressed. (An advice to all still not at a post-secondary institution, enjoy life while you still can! Not kidding, I'm crying over here…) I'm going to keep this short; I'm planning to take a break next weekend and update two chapters! Look forward to it! ;)

And thank you so much to everyone who reviewed and supported me. I love reading them, and it's nice to know you still haven't given up on me. I'll try my best not to take so long to update for the rest of the story (at least not as long as I did just now…)

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the fantastic game of Tales of the Abyss. :(

* * *

**Chapter Ten: Confusion**

He stared.

I stared back.

"…" The both of us didn't speak for the longest time.

"You really like staring contests, don't you?" That was, until I broke it.

"What are you even talking about? You know what, forget it. Now, answer me, what connection do you have with Van?" He faced me, his hands on the hilt of his sword.

Instead of answering, I turned my head away, disregarding his feeble attempts to look intimidating. "Give it up; I'm not going to answer you since I have nothing to say," I lied.

"That's a lie! Then what were you and Van talking about back at Choral Castle?"

That caught my attention. I didn't think there was anyone watching the whole ordeal. I looked up at Asch, who was waiting for an answer. I bit my lips, not sure how to explain myself.

"Um…" I paused.

"Well?"

"…" Shit, what do I say? _Change the subject, change the subject! _My inner-self screamed. "I'm hungry! Get me some food," I accidentally blurted out, momentarily questioning my sanity for shouting something so obscure in this situation. No doubt, that further aggravated the red-head God-General.

It didn't take long for him to explode once again. I sighed, leaning my head on my left hand, which was resting on a table in one of Tartarus' meeting rooms, but in this case, Asch's interrogation room.

He slammed his hands on the table supporting my arm. "You will get your food when you answer my questions!"

I winced upon the aftershock of the impact and looked up with a slight pout. "Couldn't you be a little gentler? I'm much more fragile than you think."

I suppressed the smirk that threatened to arose seeing him twitch. He bent down to my level, attempting to—and failing to—calm himself. "If you're fragile than the Fon Master must have been long gone by now," he said.

_Well, technically you're not wrong about that… the real Ion anyways… _I thought, looking up to see Asch's face near my personal space. I pulled my hand out and pushed his face away. "Get your face out of my bubble! I told you not to get too close, didn't I?"

"Gah!" He smacked it away, scowling. "I'm not going to kiss you again! I'm not _that_ desperate!"

"Said the one who kissed me for like what? Ten whole seconds?" I stood on my tippy toes, trying to match his height, but sadly, to no avail.

"I told you that's—"

"Well, aren't you two awfully close?"

Both Asch and I stopped our feud and turned towards the intruder. Sync frowned from the doorway, hands crossed over his chest. Asch snorted and pushed me back into my seat. I glared but shut up, seeing as Asch didn't seem like he was in the mood.

"I told you not to interrupt, didn't I?" he growled.

"Well, we have a mission, remember? We've supposed to be meeting with Largo to go over the details," Sync shot back, then turned to yours truly. I instantly looked away.

"Please don't notice me. Please don't notice me," I begged very quietly under my breath.

"And you!" Dammit!

I looked up slowly to find the little guy strolling over and grabbed me by the arm, rudely pulling me forward.

"Ah!" I squealed. _That little rant!_

"What a worthless prisoner," Sync grumbled, pulling me to the door.

_Excuse me?!_ I glared, unconsciously bring my fist up to wrack him on the head, but I guess even Asch has some pity for him as he hastily rushed over and seized my fist. I turned back with a murderous glare, but unfortunately, it didn't faze him.

I saw Sync turned back when I didn't follow after him. I could feel the heavy vibes between the two, each holding one of my arms. I grimaced; why did I have to be stuck in the middle of those two?

"She's my prisoner, I'll take her back!" Asch hissed, pulling me towards him. To both our surprise, Sync let go, and my body knocked into Asch's. Thankfully, he has a good sense of balance, catching me before either of us could fall.

Sync scowled. "Then hurry it up! Because you were so late, the Fon Master got a fever from the rain."

"What?!" I exclaimed, pushing Asch away.

"What a pain. If he dies on us, I'm blaming you!" he continued before turning back to me. "Don't just stand there! Your only worth is to aid the Fon Master. So, go!"

My right eye twitched. Oh, how I would love to knock out a tooth or twenty. However, Sync should be very thankful as Asch grabbed my wrist and pulled me out of the room and away from the Ion replica.

"Can I strangle him in his sleep?" I asked when we were far away enough.

"No."

"How about—"

"No. You are not to injure, mutilate or murder anyone on board this vessel."

"H—"

"Physically _and_ mentally," he added.

"…"

I shut up for once, letting him lead the way. We passed by numerous hallways and doors, and I noticed there were still quite a bit of bloodstains painted all over the place from the massacre beforehand. I shuddered. I wonder what they did with all the corpses. I highly doubt they would give anyone a proper burial.

I made a face and shook the thought out of my head. _Mentally picturing a dump full of human and monster corpses, yes Milee, you are still downright sane._ I rolled my eyes.

Asch finally stopped at a door; I assumed it to be Ion's room. But when he reached for the doorknob, something grumbled. Blushing, I quickly pulled my hand from Asch's grip and covered my stomach, hoping it would hush up. Looking up, my eyes made contact with Asch's, although he held a strange look. I looked away, the heat rose more and more.

"What the hell?" he finally asked.

"I," I turned my flushed face away. "I said I was hungry, didn't I?"

"You were serious?"

"Didn't you think I was?" I humoured him.

"I'm not even going to answer that," he mumbled, opening the door and pushing me in. "I'll tell someone to bring you something. So, be good and shut up."

I stuck my tongue out as he closed the door, not positive that he saw that or not, but either way, it made me feel much better.

"Milee…?"

I whipped my head over to the direction of the weary voice. A pair of greens eyes stared at me, although looking haggard. Ion was tucked in the bed with a few layers of blanket covering his tiny body. His face was sweaty and red as he looked at me, obviously worried.

"Fon Master!" I cried, running over to his side. "Are you okay?" I asked, putting the back of my hand on his forehead. He was burning up.

"I'm fine, but what about you? I was worried when Asch took you away," he said, panting a little.

"Oh, you poor thing," I muttered, smoothing his hair out of his face. "Don't worry about me. I'm tougher than I look," I tried to convince him. _At least against Asch, I am._ "Right now, you need to worry about your own health."

_I wonder… does the Tartarus have any medicines for colds? _I paused, thinking and then looked over at Ion. _Well, if they did, I would assume they would have already given him some._ With a sigh, I got up and searched the drawers. Finding what I was looking for, I pulled out a couple of small towels and grabbed a basin. Walking over to a sink nearby, I filled it with cold water and threw one of the towels in. I took the other and started wiping of some of the sweat from Ion's face.

He opened his mouth, probably to apologize, but I shook my head, taking the wet towel and after squeezing the water out of it, I laid it on his forehead.

"You must be hungry," I said, standing. "I'll be back."

I headed out the door, although I stood there for a few minutes, pondering. _Now, just where _is_ the kitchen?_ I started walking in a random direction and hopefully, to find someone who can assist me around of this maze-like ship.

Clicking and clacking sounded in front of me, and a soldier walked by. Taking this as a chance, I ran up to him and spoke, "Excuse me. Could you please tell me where the kitchen is?"

"Huh?" The Oracle Knight looked over his shoulders, confused. "Aren't you one of the prisoners? What the hell are you doing roaming around freely?!" he barked.

"Looking for the kitchen," I replied bluntly, wondering why I had to find an idiot. "Now, if you could please just give me the general directions, I'll be on me way. Thank you."

"Get back to your room!" he shouted, grabbing my arm.

"But I need to look for the kitchen," I protested.

"Shut up, Shortie!"

_Excuse me?! Screw playing nice!_ That was when I snapped. "Listen here, Bub!" I roughly pulled my arm away and pointed angrily, ignoring the throbbing. "I've been drenched in the rain, carried through a city like a sack of potatoes, half-heartedly interrogated by a hot-headed idiot, and the flipping Fon Master is sick! Not to mention I haven't eaten since yesterday morning! So either you tell me where the kitchen is, or the Fon Master will be left to suffer and starve, and then he'll die, and it'll be your entire fault! In addition, when the God Generals find out, you'll have to deal with Asch the damn Bloody, and you'll find out first-hand why he's called the god fucking damn bloody in the first place!"

Wow, that had to be the most I'd ever shouted in one breathe. Nice.

* * *

"Let's see what we have here," I said to myself, rummaging through the cupboards and behind whatever doors I could find.

After the dimwit of a soldier finally escorted me to the kitchen, he fearfully fled the minute it was in sight, not that I minded. I was delighted to find that there were no one inside but at the same time, pissed that no one was cooking me and Ion a meal.

I frowned; these Oracle Knights obviously didn't understand the meaning of restocking. There were hardly any food left on this ship, some looked as if those soldiers just came and grabbed whatever they could get their hands on without a care. The only thing useful they left was a bit of raw chicken breast—not to mention a lot of bones—as well as some pasta, a small piece of white radish, a third of a corn on the cob, some baby carrots, onions, a half-eaten lettuce and some rotting fruits.

"This is disgusting," I muttered, noting my disgust towards the half-eaten pieces of vegetables and the mold that was starting to grow on some of the food items. After scanning some of the stuff left over, I murmured, "I guess we're having chicken soup."

Finding a medium sized pot, I poured water inside and turned on the fire though, not before deciding to make some for myself as well. Briefly pausing, I wondered. _Maybe I should make some for the soldiers as well, since they evidently can't take care of themselves…_ I looked back at the state of the leftover foods before grimacing. _Nah, they haven't died from lack of nutrition… _yet.

After finishing preparation, I let my soup boil for a bit. I grabbed some lemons from the refrigerator and a cup, and I squeezed the lemon juice out. I went through the cabinets again, searching for some honey. But alas, none could be found.

"Oh… this is bad…" I giggled half-heartedly to myself before placing some warm water in the cup and stirred the two liquids together. Once I was done boiling the pasta, I chopped the chicken breast that I cooked earlier into smaller pieces and place them into two separate bowls. Grabbing a tray, I set two on it plus the cup of sugarless, warm lemonade and poured the soup into the two bowls.

I carefully headed out the door and back to the room where Ion slept. Somehow managing to find the room by myself without getting lost, I opened the door to find him wide awake and sitting up.

"Fon Master! You should be resting!" I scolded, setting the tray on the floor and rushing to his side.

"I'm fine, Milee. I feel much better," he replied, though his voice sounded raw.

I sighed. He could be so stubborn sometimes. Nonetheless, I grabbed my tray and set it on Ion's lap. "If you're fine, then eat some food," I said in a strict tone, and he obeyed. I took the other one and set it on the floor beside me. Looking back I replied, "Oh, by the way. You should drink that as well. It's lemon juice. Citric foods are good for fighting against colds."

"Thank you," he smiled, picking up the cup.

"But before that, you should know," I began but was interrupted by fits of coughing.

"S…sour…"

"…that it might be quite sour…" I finished. "I couldn't find the honey… I'm sorry."

He made a face, one that I'd never seen before, in the game or here in Auldrant. It was kind of a mix between a pout and a frown, like one a child would make from time to time. I giggled quietly as I watched the boy drink it down with disgust.

"Milee," he said after drinking it.

"Yes?"

"Please refrain from making that ever again."

I grinned, "Of course, Fon Master."

* * *

_Click-clack, click-clack._

The sounds of my footsteps echoed through the hallways. I stopped and looked up, but there was nothing but a long, dark, narrow path down the corridors of the Tartarus. It was quiet, and the windows were pitch black with only the flickering of the hallway lights remains as the lone indication that I wasn't completely swallowed up in the vast sea of darkness.

"Hello?" I called out, but the only thing that answered me back was my echo.

Frowning, I walked up to the nearest door and pulled hard.

It is locked.

After several minutes of tugging, I gave up and continued walking, but alas, I let out a loud cuss after what seemed like hours of pure walking down this seemingly endless hallway. I grabbed a lock of hair on either ends the pulled it. The pain immediately commenced, but I disregarded it and banged my head against the nearest door. Conversely to my surprise, the door clicked opened.

It slowly creaked and another hallway appeared in view. I paused to stare, unsure whether to give into my temptations of entering. My fingers gently slid along the edge of the door frame as my foot inched ever so close to the entrance of this mysterious new hallway. Goosebumps surfaced as my inner persona screamed to get away, but it was all in vain when I yelped.

"Ow!" I hastily jerked my fingers away as it snagged a splinter from the door frame.

In that moment, my back crashed against the other side of the doorway, and I stumbled forward into the passage. My eyes widened, and I quickly turned around, but to my horror, there was no door, just a long, empty corridor, just like before. I stumbled back as I stood too quickly, feeling the sharp impact as I connected with the ground once more. The place was eerie quiet, and the temperature of the room seemed to be getting colder and colder by the second, but all of this was beyond my current consciousness as I tried to grasp my present situation. My head rung and my body ached, and the harder I tried to think, the more the throbbing increased. Holding my breath, I waited.

Seconds passed then turned to minutes, but I still felt I couldn't get a grip on myself. Carefully, I crawled to the closest wall and pulled myself up. Heaving in and out, I leaned my head back and closed my eyes.

I waited and waited, slowly meditating.

_Creak._

My eyes snapped opened at the sound of a noise. Whipping my head, I spotted white, and my eyes met green.

"I…on?" I asked, though more to myself than to the Fon Master.

He didn't reply but ran in the direction away from me.

"Wait!" I cried out, running after him. "I—Fon Master, it's me, Milee! Stop! Please!"

But he did not comply. He ran and ran until he rounded off to a corner. Evidently, I followed but hauled as I spotted a door at the end of the hall, noticing blinding, white lights radiating from the room as the door was partially opened.

Cautiously, I approached. "Fon Master…?" I whispered, gradually pushing the door open. I spotted the figure of Ion's just a few metres in front of me. His back was turned. I repeated once more. "Fon Master?"

He didn't move. Curiously, I advanced forward until I was right behind him. "Fon Master," I said his title, touching his shoulders, but the moment I did, he fell forward into the ground with thick, red liquid spewing from his body. "Ion!"

I knelled down and turned him over, repeatedly shouting his name, but he did not reply. He was dead.

_Drip-drip-drip_

The hairs on my neck stood at the sound of the dripping. My neck craned against my will to the sound of the dripping. The first thing I spotted was crimson red against white. It took me a few seconds to register the fact that there was someone there, covered in that same thick liquid. I watched as the blood dripped ever so diligently down those pale, slim fingers. Slowly, I traced the fingers back to its owner, and I gasped.

"You!" I exclaimed. She did nothing back stare with dead, hollow eyes. Blood was spattered all over her ashen façade as well as soak into her garment; I watched it drip down her neck, but she did nothing, like a mannequin, she did not move. I glowered and ran up to the girl, shaking her like a madman. "Hey! I'm talking to you! What the hell happened to Ion? Tell me!"

I snapped my head up to yell at her some more when she didn't respond, I abruptly stopped upon spotting a single transparent drop sliding down from her crimson eyes. Without knowing why, my body moved, and I pulled my hands away, taking small steps back. A part of me felt a sense of pity as more tears came caressing down and again, she did not move; as if she couldn't.

"Hey… are you…alright…?" I gently asked, wanting to reach out and hold her. Suddenly, Goosebumps flew all across my back, and I froze.

A strong metallic smell filled my nostrils, and without meaning to, I craned my neck over my shoulders. Caught off guard, I jumped and tripped over my two feet. I crashed to the ground with a jolt. I sharply breathed in and moved backwards as my eyes scanned the sight in front of me.

Blood, decapitated parts, a massacre.

"Wh-what happened…?" I whispered in horror, turning away at the sight but movement from behind caught my attention. I whipped my head just as hands reached out and clutched my neck. "Wha—?!"

She tightened her hands as I struggled to pry them away, but she brutally pushed me down, momentarily knocking my senses from my current consciousness. I desperately attempted to say stop, but all I could muster was a muffled sound. I looked with pleading eyes, but my eyelids became heavier and heavier, and my vision hazed.

_Drip._

Wetness touched my cheeks as I noticed tears began to spawn from her eyes once more. She looked back at me.

They were no longer empty.

They look…pained…?

She opened her colour-faded lips and mouthed words I couldn't understand. I shook my head as much as I could while still in her grasps.

_I don't understand._ I wanted to scream, but I couldn't. She mouthed them again and like before, I couldn't make out the words from my blackened vision. _What are you trying to say?!_ I mentally cried.

"S-st…op…" I mumbled. Nonetheless, she continued mouthing words like a broken record player; her grip closing more and more now. "S—"

My eyes closed; however this time I heard a soft whisper.

"_Help me…"_

"Stop!"

My head shot up as I frantically regarded my surroundings. The first thing I saw was Ion, in a deep slumber in front of me. I pulled my upper-body off the bed and back onto the chair I was presently half-sitting on. Sitting back, I turned towards the windows, where the morning sun was breaking through the horizon.

"A dream… Of course," I muttered to myself, swiping the sweat that has accumulated on my forehead with the hem of my sleeve.

A sat there for a moment, still in somewhat a kind of daze, while visions of that dream, or rather nightmare, reappeared in my mind. It had dawn onto me that it was the first time in ages since that white-haired girl appeared in my dreams. Although, it was different this time for she did not have a consciousness to arouse my anger.

I clutched my chest area, feeling the throb; did I feel sentiment towards her? She tried to kill me, yet her saddened face engraved itself into my consciousness.

"Also…" I whispered aloud. _Why did she keep repeating that word?_ "Help me…huh?"

I touched my fingertips to my cheeks; the warm sensation burning as my face continued to flush, then slowly, traced them to my neck, the same place where she held me. I couldn't understand; the longer I stay in this world, the more this unfamiliar sensation called perplexity enveloped me.

I stood; the chair scraping backwards. I hurriedly looked towards the sleeping Ion. I breathed out, seeing that he was still fast asleep. I grabbed my bag and headed out the door. Thankfully, unlike in my dream, morning light shown through the glass windows, brightening the corridors that were almost empty with the exception of a few Oracle Knights roaming about, probably on morning duty.

I heaved a breath, feeling my heart slowed, relaxed now that the outcome wouldn't be proportional to that of my nightmare. Without another thought, I let my feet guide me along. The twist and turns, I only been here a few days, but it was as if I'd lived here all my life. The stench of pine mixed with dried blood became a familiar air; no longer smelt upon with disgust. Should I be worried about my sanity?

I shook my head. There was no point in worrying about it now; I'd long forgotten what it was like to be in a normal environment.

My feet finally stopped as I approached the end of a hallway, with only a set of stairs in front of me, leading to the outside. Seeing as I had nowhere else to go, I climbed one step after the other until I reached out and gradually pushed the door opened.

I flinched upon the blinding rays of the morning sun. My hands covered them like blinds, shielding them from the intensity. As I waited for my orbs to adjust, out of my peripherals, a shadow stood from afar. Curiously, I climbed those last few steps, pushing the door completely open.

Freckled strands of red shimmered, and I instantly knew who it was.

I stood and waited for him to notice me, but if he did, he didn't acknowledge my presence. Closing the door behind me, I sat down beside the door, curling my knees up to my chin and waited.

It seemed apparent after a few long minutes that he was either ignoring me or completely obvious to his surrounds, though it was probably the former. Minutes after minutes, boredom stuck, and with a sigh, I pulled out a piece of paper and pencil and let my hand flow.

I wasn't completely sure how much time has passed like this: Asch staring off into space and me doodling, but when I saw my paper being snatched from my hands, my head whipped up to glare at emerald eyes.

"Do you mind?" I inquired, a little annoyed.

"In fact, I do. What the hell is this?" he asked, holding my drawing in front of me.

My eyes shifted back to the page, finally grasping for the first time what I was really drawing. It was Asch at the far end of the deck, drawn from behind, not with sharp pencilling, but with soft grey tones, almost romantic-like. My cheeks tinted, faintly embarrassed, but I didn't want to be discovered.

"Are you blinded? That's obviously you, Dumbass," I snorted. "I was bored, and there was nothing else to draw, and I didn't want to draw your ugly mug, so I drew your back."

"You—"

"And feel free to keep it or else I'll have the resist the urge to play darts with it."

I smirked, and he glared. With a sigh, he shook his head. "You shouldn't be roaming about so freely, in case you forgotten your position here," Asch reminded me, but I rolled my eyes.

"But it's hot!" I half lied. I didn't want to tell him about my unexpected nightmare.

"And it's not hot out here?" he raised an eyebrow. "We're in a desert, in case you've forgotten as well."

"At least there's a breeze from the Tartartus travelling at such a speed…" I mumbled quietly, giving a slight pout. I gathered my dark hair up and pulled it up to fan the back of my neck. "I should really cut this… I don't know how your hair's not bothering you."

Asch rolled his eyes. "How I like my hair is none of your concern. Also there's an oasis up ahead, get a drink and stop complaining, got it? So for now, get back to your room!"

"Yes sir!" I mock saluted. Although it seemed like he gave up trying to tame me and left. Scrambling to pack everything up, I rushed through the door, catching up to him.

He stopped for a second, slightly looking back. "Long hair…"

"Hm?" I looked up, not catching his words.

"It suits you," he mumbled quietly, probably so I couldn't hear him, but I did, and my face instantly reddened. Although, Asch hurried away before I could aggravate him into telling me what he meant.

It was about an hour before we reached the Desert Oasis. Soldiers disembarked from the ship for much needed supplies, and I finally returned to Ion's room to find him wide awake.

"Good morning!" he chirped.

"Oh, you sound a lot better," I noticed, reaching out and putting the back of my hand to his forehead.

"Yes, I'm much better now. I'm sorry to have caused so much trouble."

I shook my head. "Don't worry about it. I was bored on this ship anyways. Besides, I would feel guilty if I left you alone like that!" I gently pulled Ion's hand. "Anyways, we're stopping for now. Let's go explore!"

"But I don't think they'll—"

"What they don't know won't hurt us," I smiled sweetly. "Moreover, you need some fresh air. Come."

The Fon Master didn't argue, for which I was thankful for. I grabbed a sheet and wrapped it over Ion's head for a disguise and then proceed to the outdoors. As we made our way outside, none of the soldiers seemed to notice us one bit. A part of me was a bit offended, but after retelling myself that it was a good thing, we quickly made our way to the lake.

The first thing I saw was a giant rock in the middle of the lake. Apparently, I didn't hide my confusion very well as Ion spoke.

"That's a fon stone from Yulia's score that fell to Auldrant."

"So… it's just sitting there? No one bothered to move it to a more convenient location maybe?" I spoke without thinking.

"Of course not. The Yulia's fon stones are sacred. It would be a sin to move it from its original place," he replied, looking at me. "Oh, but I guess you don't remember that, do you? I'm sorry."

"Oh no… don't apologize… it's fine," I muttered quickly, the guilt of lying seeming to pull harder and harder each time. "Ion, I—"

"What the hell?!"

I cringed at the voice and turned ever so slowly to its owner. "Hey…" I waved sheepishly to the now furious red-head.

"Why is the Fon Master with you?" Asch demanded, crossing his arms.

"Don't be mad at Milee, I wanted to come out," Ion tried to defend me, but I knew it'd be pointless, and I didn't want Ion to take the fault, so I gently pushed him aside.

"No, I forced him to come with me."

"Well, that much was obvious," he snorted.

I wanted to kick him in the shins but having a witness really sucked.

"You said I could come out, but you never said I couldn't bring Ion with me. After all, he's _my_ responsibility, so I shouldn't be leaving him alone onboard while everyone is out. What if something happens?"

"We'll deal with it when the time comes," the noble hissed, grabbing Ion by the arm and ordering some random Oracle Knight to escort him back to the ship.

"You're such a party pooper."

"A what?"

"Never mind…" I shook my head; he wouldn't understand this term anyways.

"Whatever, just get back to the ship. You've stayed here long enough."

"What? No escorts? What if I get mugged?" I joked, but Asch pushed me towards the ship.

"Oh well, as long as the Fon Master is safe."

"Hey!"

"I'm kidding," he quickly inserted, probably knowing I was going to spaz out at him. "Come on, I'll take you."

After following the grouchy God-General, he reached out and threw something at me, smacking me in the face. I frowned, ready to shout until I noticed the item shining. It was red, silky and long: a ribbon. I looked up to see Asch turned, but I definitely noticed the tint of red on his ears.

"You said it was hot, so tie it back," Asch said without facing me.

I blinked, surprised at his sudden generosity. "Y-You got this…for me?" I felt heat rise to my face, though unsure whether it was from the radiant, hot sun or maybe something else.

"Of course not!" he snapped, turning further away. His sudden outburst surprised me. "It's just something I found on the ground, may as well put it to use."

I looked at him for a few seconds then back to the clean, spotless ribbon in my hand. A grin curled up upon my lips. "You found it on the ground? Maybe someone accidentally dropped it! I should return it to the storekeeper. Possibly he'll remember _who_ brought this—"

"No! Don't!" Asch turned sharply and grabbed my arm as I headed for the direction of the store.

"Hm?" I resisted the urge to laugh at this point. "Something wrong?"

I noticed his cheeks getting redder and redder but somehow managed to ignore it and look at him innocently in the eyes.

"W-We have to leave… yeah… there's no time to return it."

"But they're still loading supplies." I pointed to the soldiers going back and forth, carrying crates after crates.

"No they're not!" he snapped, and then turned to the soldiers. "Hey! We're leaving so hurry it up!" His abrupt outburst caused several soldiers to scramble. A tiny giggle escaped from my lips, but I felt Asch grab my arm and pulled me towards the ship.

A light smile pressed onto my lips as I pulled myself up to my tippy-toes and whispered into his ears. "Thank you."

He turned to me with an unexpected look of shock, but I instantly raced towards the Tartarus before he noticed that I, too, unexpectedly brushed without a moment's notice.

* * *

"Come with us!" Sync ordered, slamming the door to Ion's room open. Ion and I both turned to young God-General with an awkward stare as Sync probably gave one back to us in return. We were currently in the middle of a game of go-fish with badly made cards. "What are you two doing?"

"We're playing something called Go-fish, do you want to join?" Ion asked.

"No! We've arrived, so we need you to come with us," he snapped.

"Oh, okay…" As he got up, I followed suit, but Sync seemed to have other plans.

"Not you, just the Fon Master."

"But—"

"You're in no position to argue," he stated before turning to Ion. "Now hurry it up."

I frowned; not liking the situation at all. If I can't get out, I can't regroup with Luke and the others, although, thankfully Ion came to my rescue.

"I won't go without Milee," he declared, giving me a reassuring smile.

Sync paused, possibly glaring behind the mask, but Ion stood firm, not taking his eyes off Sync until he finally gave in.

"Fine, but I won't be responsible for whatever happens to her." He turned around and walked out, leaving a couple of soldiers to escort us.

"Love you, too," I muttered sarcastically under my breath as I followed the Fon Master out the door.

When I stepped out the door of the Tartarus, a large gust of sand slapped me across the face. I coughed, feeling sand go up my nose and mouth. My eyes squinted, rubbing them with my sleeve. I heard footsteps came up from behind, but my attention span was currently focusing on nature's brutal way of saying hello to me. Hands reached out and grabbed me by the wrist, guiding me along to what I think was the insides of the Zao Ruins.

As I entered the ruins, darkness engulfed me. It wasn't like I was scared of the dark or anything but something about this place unsettled me. My free arm wrapped itself around my guide's arms, pulling my body closer until I felt body heat radiating from beside me. Although, it wasn't long before tiny flames lit up the ruins like tiny fireflies. It was then I was able to see everything clearly.

There was at least a dozen Oracle Knight around, half of them holding a lit torch. My troubled mind spawned once more, asking myself why they were here, but of course, a video game is just a complete three-sixty of reality. A part of me now worried what will happen to Luke and the rest. I mean, sure they're strong. However, against Largo, Sync and a dozen well-trained Oracle Knights? If they die, what will happen now? More specially, what will happen to me?

"Hey, you can let go now." The voice beside me sighed.

I faltered slightly, pleading that it wasn't his voice I heard but alas, nothing ever turns out the way I'd like.

I hastily released my hand, jumping back slightly as heat rose to my cheeks once more. "Sorry…" I apologized, lowering my head, thankful it was still slightly dark.

I watched Asch's retreating figure as he walked away from me, returning to the front of the pack. My hand slowly reached over and grabbed the hand which Asch held, still feeling the warmth radiating from it and then proceeded to reach behind my head until I felt the silky, red ribbon. A part of me wanted to pull the ends right now and let the strands cover my blushful face, but with an inner cry of no, I released my hands from it and slapped myself as hard as I could. Echoes sounded.

"Did you just slap yourself?" Ion turned around and eyed me with a strange look, as well as everyone else.

"Um… I thought I felt a bug buzzing around," I laughed slightly, finally feeling the sting. "Sorry…"

I heard a bunch of sighs and grumbles, but no one said anything beyond that, and we proceeded without further delays.

The ruins were basically nothing like in the game; it was much more complicated and more dangerous since the ruins were, in essence, ruined. I constantly have to watch my step as I approached any bridges or narrow paths, not liking how bits and pieces crumble away as we passed. Besides that, there were also the monsters to contend with, but for once, I was glad the Oracle Knights were strong and—more importantly—not against me.

Ion and I stayed in the back while the knights cleared the path of any approaching monsters. At times, one or more of the God-Generals would need to step in, noting that some of their so-called knights were utterly weak and useless. Although, about an hour later, it seemed that a majority of the monsters had heard about us, humans who have decided to venture into their land after presumably many centuries, and decided to team up to rid get rid of us.

"I knew you were bad luck…" I heard Asch grumble from behind.

"Excuse me? How is this my fault?!" I demanded, hands on my hips.

"I wasn't talking to you."

Though, it was completely obvious he was with that tone of voice. I rolled my eyes. "Oh, so now you have an imaginary friend—"

"Move it," he ordered but didn't wait before he pushed me aside and charged at the horde of monsters standing in the distance.

Not long after that, Largo and Sync followed suit. Honestly, if I wasn't impressed by their battle strength before, then I was clearly blind. It took everything I had to keep my jaw from dropping. The flow of their movements, their clean cut precision and the way they seem to be able to sense where their enemies were at all times; Goosebumps dispersed itself throughout my body.

"They can't beat them…" I choked out into barely a whisper; my arms folding into my chest. I saw Ion turn his head in my direction, promptly showing a baffled expression, but I pretended not to notice. After all, I had more pressing matters right now.

The God-Generals were too strong.

Too strong for Luke; too strong for Guy, Tear, Jade or any of them combined; the future seemed glum.

"Shit…" I cursed, "We're screwed…"

* * *

"Hey, you could at least make yourself useful and heal me," a certain red-hair hissed in my direction.

I turned my head slowly, giving him a bored look. "Oh? Is the almighty, powerful Asch the Bloody asking for _my_ help?"

He sneered, pulling sharply on the bandages around his torso. "And whose fault is it that I'm covered in my own blood?"

"No one asked you to be the knight in shining armour. I'm perfectly capable of defending myself," I replied, turning away. Although a part of me looked back at the topless God-General as he applies bandages to himself. A tint of guilt crept up. It wasn't like I was being ungrateful; after all, he did save me during the latest attack by monsters. In all honesty, I felt like a bitch for snubbing him, but as we approach the Daathic seals, I seriously needed as many of the soldiers, especially the God-Generals, injured as possible. After that, I was desperately asking for a miracle here, as in, Luke and the party wins, God-Generals lose, and the game is played out exactly as it should.

"Ah! He's still bleeding," Ion interrupted my train of thought. I turned over and spotted red seeping through the bandages.

"Well, he did get stabbed…" I muttered quietly to myself.

"Milee," Ion faced me with a puppy-dog look. "Please help him. At this rate he'll die."

I looked from Ion to Asch and back to the Fon Master once more. "I think you're overreacting," I stated. _And I don't see how Asch dying is a _bad_ thing—_

A part of my conscience stopping processing that thought, mentally slapping myself as it did so. My cheeks flushed, and my chest unexpectedly got heavy.

What was this feeling? Guilt? No, it was more than that.

My orbs trailed over to the sight of the red patch on his stomach, and the tiny red drop slowly cascading down his skin. The feeling got heavier.

"…Anxiety…?" I asked myself quietly. _Am I concerned for Asch's well-being?_ It was then that I felt a huge slap to the cheeks, with some inner part of my conscience screaming, "Duh!"

"Milee?! Are you alright?" Ion grabbed my wrist as I realized that I did, in fact, slapped myself again. "You've been doing that a lot lately, are you feeling okay?"

"Oh, yeah, sorry; bug… again…" I mumbled the last part sheepishly. I slowly pulled my hand away and advanced towards the injured. "I am not worried about Asch… I'm not," I kept repeating it over and over to myself silently. "If he died… then the whole plot would be messed! Yeah, that's it!"

The three God-Generals looked up upon the sounds of my footsteps echoing. Asch's glare sent me shivers, but I brushed them off with a smile. He hastily turned away and grabbed his clothes.

"What are you doing, Asch?" Largo demanded as Asch began redressing.

"What do you think? We've wasted enough time here, let's get a move on."

"Do you honestly think you could maneuver well in your condition?" Sync commented. "You would be about as useless as that one over there," he said, pointing in my direction.

"Hey! I resent that comment!" I frowned but sweeping it aside to stand next to the red-head. "Asch, let me heal you," I tried to give a sincere smile, but Asch rolled his eyes.

"I don't need your help, you fake. If you wanted to help me, you should have done so at the beginning. Now let's go, it should only be a little bit further." He picked up his sword and brushed everyone aside as he walked towards the seal.

We all stood there for a few seconds, unsure of whether to proceed or not, but as Sync and Largo followed after the man. Therefore, Ion and I were ushered along with the rest of the Oracle Knights.

Promptly ten minutes later, we crossed the bridge that led up to the Daathic Seal. I couldn't help but stare at the seal. To be honest, it looked like a stain glass, one that can easily be shattered if you throw something at it.

I advanced forward wanting to touch it, but Largo reached out and grabbed a hold of my arm.

"You stay here," he ordered as Ion and Asch climbed up the stairs. A part of me wanted to open my mouth to protest but quickly snapped it shut with a single scowl from the large man.

I watched the two proceed up the stairs. Asch started pointing at the Daathic seal, barking some kind of order. I panicked when Ion raised his arms to undo the seal. Whipping my head back to the direction we came from, no signs of the Luke and the others could be seen from afar.

_Shit! What was supposed to have happened? Did Ion undo the seal in the game or not? Where was Luke for crying out loud?!_ I mentally cried, watching the seal slowly come undone. _Whatever the case is, I can't let Ion undo the seal! Think, Milee! Distraction: I need a distraction! _Scanning the area, I noticed a monster some several dozen meters away.

In the spur of the moment, I picked up a rock beside me, holding the rock between my hands in a prayer position. "I know I've never been a good athlete ever in my life, and I know that I have extremely sad upper body strength, but please," I begged to whatever's up there, ignoring the strange looks I'm getting from Largo, Sync and the rest of the Oracle Knights, "God of long distance throwing, just this once!"

"Hey," Sync began. "Just what are you mumbling abo—"

I quickly launched the rock as hard of I could, directed as close of an angle of forty-five degrees as I could make it in that instant. (1) I watched in a mix of horror and delight as the rock when in a perfect parabola, hitting the monster square in the head.

There was an awkward silence as both Asch and Ion stopped what they were doing and stared at me like I was crazy. Out of the corner of my eyes, the monster slowly turned around and stared in the general direction; it wasn't long after that that the monster bolted over to our current site.

"God I fucking love you!" I screamed in glee but was abruptly pulled out from my inner celebration as Asch violently grabbed my wrist, pulling me in his general direction.

"What the hell was that?! Are you crazy, Woman?!" Asch roared angrily as I laughed.

"Yes, yes I am!" I answered, still laughing. Just when I saw the glint of killer intent from him, I nudged in the direction of a storming monster, who seemed to have brought friends, smiling. "Hey, Aschie, I think I'm the least of your problems right now."

"Shit," he cursed to himself. "Unit 1, hold it off, Unit 2, prepare to back them up. Sync, Largo, take care you this," Asch ordered, before yanking on my wrist once more. "And you, I take my eye off you for a single moment…"

He did not finish his sentence, probably to leave an intimidating afterthought. But of course, that only made me stretch my grin even more. The God-General grunted as he dragged me along before roughly shoving me towards Ion.

"Ah!" I yelped while falling by Ion's feet.

"Milee, are you okay?" I heard the Fon Master's kind voice as he placed a hand on my shoulder. "Asch, that was uncalled for."

"She should learn her place."

I glared at his retreating back, secretly hoping the monsters get a nice snack out of him. Although watching the way his clean cuts made its way through the body of the monsters, my hope for Asch's corpse diminished rather quickly. It didn't take long until they finished off the enemies. The rotten stench of already decomposing corpses filled the area, but I turned my head away. Even though I was used to seeing and smelling the gruesomeness, it doesn't change the fact that it was completely disturbing.

"She's nothing but a nuisance, Asch!" I looked over when the shouting began, with Asch and Sync in a heated argument. "We don't need her. She may as well rot alongside these corpses!"

"We are not killing her! She's my prisoner, so I'll decide what to do with her, and I think she still has some use!" Asch retorted, and I couldn't help but feel—strangely enough—slightly flatter.

"Asch, are you blind? Did you not see what she just did?!"

"Well, you should have been watching her more carefully!"

"But she's _your_ responsibility, in case you forgotten what you said a few seconds ago."

"But that doesn't mean—"

"Crimson fury burn! Eruption!"

Before anyone knew what was happening, the ground underneath the Oracle Knights glowed red in a matter of seconds before a lava-like substance started spewing up out of nowhere and burned the Oracles Knights before us. Unfortunately, the three God-Generals were slightly faster than the rest of the Oracles Knights and avoided being hit directly. Most of the common soldiers were dead, unconscious or severely injured, whereas the God-Generals just attain minor damage.

"Whoa…" I gaped. "Show off," I muttered the last part seeing the sadistic grin on Jade's face.

"Ion!" Anise cried, running up to us, but Largo and Sync were much faster, blocking her path to us. "Sync! Largo! Give Ion back!"

"I think not. We still have work for him," Sync commented, getting into a battle stance.

"You may have taken us by surprised but don't underestimate us," Largo announced, walking up to Sync's side. "Prepare."

In a single blur, before I could even blink, the two opposing sides rushed into each other. Luke, Anise and Guy advanced forward, fighting the two head on while everyone stayed in the rear for support. Guy took Sync on alone whereas Anise and Luke tried to hold off Largo, and it's fairly obvious that they were struggling over his large physique. Not only that, but the remaining soldiers who were still able to stand, got up and started attacking the healers, i.e. Tear and Natalia.

As the battle dragged on longer and longer, it seemed that the injuries Largo and Sync had sustained early had no effect on their current performance, as they were overpowering the party. I watched as Luke was knocked back, scraping his arm against the rough sand, drawing blood.

I gasped and rushed forward, getting ready to heal him, but his original grabbed my wrist, pulling me back to Ion's side.

"Oh no, you don't! I'm not letting you interfere." Asch's grip got tighter the more I struggled.

"They're going to get killed, you heartless moron!" I cried, but Asch sneered back.

"Then good riddance."

"You're just upset your replica replaced you!"

"Milee?!" I froze, hearing Ion's surprised and confused voice. I slowly turned to see the shocked face of Ion's. "How do you know about replicas?"

"I…I…" I shook my head, unsure of how to explain myself, but I heard a cry from Anise and turned the other way.

Anise had been knocked off Tokunaga with Largo standing before her, with his scythe raised above her head. In that moment, it was like everything froze. We all turn to the two, tension on both sides. I heard Ion gasped and cry out, but when I saw his arm twitch, signaling his intent to bring it down. I tossed out all reasons and reacted.

I grabbed Asch by the shoulder with my free hand and kneed him exactly where he was injured and refused to let me treat it. His cry rung throughout the area, causing Largo to stop right above Anise's head; in the split second, I twisted Asch's arm behind his back and kicked his legs, causing him to fall over beforehand then proceeding to take my sword before his neck.

There was a large pause as everyone stopped what they were doing. Asch grunted, but when he tried to move, I pressed the sword harder into his neck, drawing a thin line of blood.

"Drop your weapons," I ordered, glaring at Largo, but directing my demand to all of the Oracle Knights. When no one responded, I yelled out once more, "Drop it!"

The minor soldiers looked at one another then to their superior, questioning their decisions, but Sync stepped forward wearing a frown. "And why should we? We could easily kill you all; Asch is but one mere sacrifice if we must."

I snorted, "I'm not dumb. You can act like you don't care on the outside, but I bet you're sweating like crazy on the inside. Don't kid me; I know you can't have Asch die. He's important to your plans," I said, before whispering the last part, "to _his_ plans."

Sure enough, Sync heard me, but so did Asch as he gave me a questioning look. He hesitated and looked at Largo, but when I further pressed on Asch's neck, the two dropped their weapons. "Fine, we'll set you and the Fon Master free in exchange for Asch. Now leave before we change our minds."

"Oh, what's with the change in heart all of a sudden?" Luke sneered. "Come on, we can take them!"

"Don't be an idiot," Tear scolded as Anise ran over and grabbed Ion.

When I was sure Ion was safely to the other side, I released Asch with a violent kick and ran for my life, but in that second, I felt a sharp cut on my left shoulder. Turning, I saw a bloodied knife landed in front of me, and turning, I spotted a frowning Sync.

"This isn't over," he threatened.

_Great, Milee; just fabulous. You made enemies with Sync the Cold-hearted Tempest._ However, I ignored my inner and ran towards the others, and together we ran for our lives. Everything happened so fast. No one talked; we just ran until we saw the entrance to the ruins before we—or most of us rather—collapsed onto the sand.

After several minutes of deep panting, Ion spoke up. "I'm sorry for the trouble I've caused you all. If I hadn't been so careless..."

"Yeah, no kidding, Ion! That was rough!" Anise cried, then focusing on me. "You too, didn't think you would do something so reckless."

"Sorry…" I muttered, lowering my head.

"We'll talk later," Jade interrupted. "Who knows when they'll arrive."

We all nodded and proceed towards Chesedonia, but a cry from a foreign voice stopped me.

"Oh! You're hurt!" I felt someone's hand on my shoulder. I turned to see the golden hair of Natalia's as she started healing the wound inflicted from Sync's knife. Quickly, it faded to just a faint scar that would probably heal within a few days.

I gave her a genuine smile. "Thanks Natalia!"

She smiled back. "It's no problem at all."

"Hey, hurry up you two, or we've leaving you behind!" I heard Luke's annoying voice from afar.

I had to hold back the need to roll my eyes as Natalia replied for us, and we hurried off to Chesedonia. Though, I couldn't help but feel like someone was eyeing me.

* * *

******A/N**: So how did you like Milee hanging out with the enemies? Please review! And like I said at the beginning, I will update two chapters next weekend, complete promise, or else feel free to flame me and drop this story (okay, maybe not like that but feel free to show your disappointment)

(1) For those of you who haven't taken physics, throwing/launching something at forty-five degrees will ensure the longest distance possible.


	11. Confrontation

**Forlorn Words**

******A/N**: Thanks everyone for the reviews! Here's chapter eleven, and I'm debating whether to put chapter twelve up tonight or keep the suspense for at least twenty-four hours… Hmm… Well enjoy! :)

Disclaimer: I do not own Tales of the Abyss. :(

* * *

**Chapter Eleven: Confrontation**

"We finally made it to Chesedonia," Guy commented as we stepped through the entrance way of the grand city.

"Finally!" Anise cried, plopping down to the ground followed by a sigh.

We were all tired to say the least, especially after our drawn out attempt at increasing the distance between us and the God-Generals. The trip from the Zao Ruins to Chesedonia was rather far and with little sleep and an unpleasant terrain we were forced to walk through, I was surprised even Jade was still able to stand.

"From here, we head by ship to Kaitzur, right?" Tear asked, looking as if she's forcing herself to stay strong.

"If we go to the Malkuth consulate," Jade interposed, "they should show us to the ship."

I tuned them out, too exhausted to keep up with the current events. I straightened myself up, taking in a long breathe before turning away to clear my head from all this mess, but instead, another incident has occurred.

"Oh my god! Luke, are you okay?" I instantly ran to his side as he was crouching over, holding his head in pain. After that exclamation, everyone's full attention was towards Luke's well-being.

"Luke! Another headache?" Guy rushed over as well. "They're becoming more frequent..."

"It's gone now. I'm okay," he insisted, shooing us away.

"Are you sure?" I inquired.

He nodded arrogantly. "Yes, yes! I'm fine! Let's go!"

"No, you should get some rest just in case," Guy persisted.

"Then let's go to the inn. We have to decide what to do about Ion, too." Anise ended our conservation with a firm resolution.

"…" Luke stared at all of us, getting ready to retort, but upon seeing the faces, he knew he lost. "All right…"

We quickly made our way to the inn with next to no talking as no one was really in the mood for that. I caught Mieu trying to pester Luke, but I quickly grabbed the floating ball of annoyingness and shook my head. I mentally smirk upon seeing his ears fall along with a sadden look. Approaching the inn, just when we were about to go in, Mieu spoke up once again, but before I could hush him, I heard groaning from behind.

"Luke?" I questioned, spotting Luke pacing awkwardly back and forth.

"Luke, what's wrong?" Tear inquired, approaching, but Luke suddenly pulled out his sword. "Luke! What are you doing?!"

I frowned, knowing exactly what was going on. Before I could think about what I was doing, I suddenly blurted out, "Asch! Stop this right now! You're being a pest!"

Before I knew what happened, Luke unexpectedly rammed the hilt of his sword into my abdomen area. I felt the air being knocked out of me and my vision blurring. I saw Guy and Jade rushed over to pull Luke away, and Natalia was at my side. I coughed haggardly, taking the moment to calm my body down and silenced the pain. With the help of the princess, I stood up, seeing Luke unconscious.

"Let's get him inside." Jade directed us towards the inn.

Ignoring the strange looks we received upon entering, we booked a room and laid the noble down.

"Milee, sit down," Tear pointed to the chair.

"I'm fine," I smiled lightly. "I've been through worst."

"You look like you're about to kneel over, Milee!" Anise cried, grabbing my arm and leading me to the chair. Surprisingly, it was relatively comfy; I stopped my protest.

"Are you alright?" Guy asked, worried. "I'm sorry; I don't understand what's happening to Luke."

I shook my head. "It's not your fault, Guy."

"Colonel," Tear said looking to the man in the uniform, "do you have any idea what's wrong with Luke?"

"Hmm..."

"Could it have something to do with that man who looked like Luke? The one they called Asch?" Natalia interjected. "Now that I think about it, Milee, was it? Didn't you say that name before Luke attacked you?"

I looked at one party member to the next; my mind was rummaging through about a thousand or so things I could possibly say, but I doubt they would buy my story."

"…Yes…" I replied carefully. "I was just thinking that maybe the fact that the two looked alike might have something to do with Luke being controlled?" I said, making it sound like I wasn't completely sure. However, I felt eyes staring at me. Turning, I was met with green orbs: questioning and searching eyes.

I looked away; Ion was suspicious of me now. I needed to learn to watch my mouth before I start blurting out even more unnecessary stuff that will give me away. At the moment, I needed to deal with Ion before he tells Jade.

"Jade, what do you think?" Anise questioned when no one answered.

"Well, it seems plausible, but I prefer to avoid commenting at this point," he answered.

"Jade! Stop teasing us!"

"I'm not teasing anyone. I just feel that Luke ought to be the first to learn of matters that concern him." And right on cue, the topic of our discussion arose from his slumber.

"...What were you saying about me?" Luke half-muttered, pushing himself up from the bed.

"It's nothing. How do you feel? Does it still feel like someone's controlling you?" Jade asked.

"No... I don't feel anything now..."

"Dist probably did something to you at Choral Castle. I'll have him remove it when we catch him."

"...I sure hope so. By the way, what are we going to do with Ion and Milee?"

"Until we know the Six God-Generals' objective, we should keep Ion out of their hands," Tear voiced out her opinion, but Ion had other plans.

"Could you take me with you, if it's not too much trouble?" he requested, but before Anise could retaliate, Ion added, "Emperor Peony entrusted me with his letter of peace. So I'd like to report to him about the Akzeriuth rescue operation myself."

"I think that's a fine idea. Once we're finished in Akzeriuth, you can head back to the capital with me," Jade said, smiling as he looked to the red-head. "Oh, I'm sorry. It's up to Luke to decide, isn't it?"

"Do whatever you want!"

"Thank you, everyone."

As oppose to everyone leaving like the conversation has finished, everyone turned to me. At that moment, I regretted sitting in the chair and feeling even smaller than before.

"Do you think she'll be safe if we leave her with Astor?" Jade asked the Fon Master. "After all, she has been kidnapped by the God-Generals twice now—"

"If I may," I interrupted, shrinking in my seat as eight pairs of eyes had their full attention on me, "could I possibly come along? And before any of you protest," I added when I saw at least three people open their mouth in a seeming objection, "let me just say that since the God-Generals are after me. I'm not safe anywhere, so coming along with you won't be much of a difference. And what if they come after you again? Which, I'm sure they will, and not only that, you were all almost killed the last time you tried to fight them. If I didn't act when I did—"

"And I'm grateful," Anise suddenly spoke, looking almost shy. "Thank you, but you're not accustomed to fighting like we are. I think maybe you won't be as lucky next time."

"She's right, Milee," Tear spoke, "We don't mean anything by it, but I don't think you should come along."

I hung my head down, seeing as everyone was firm on their decision to exile me from the group. Although strangely enough, one person did object for my sake.

"Actually, if you all don't mind, I would like Milee to come as well," Ion said. My eyes met his once more, and I could tell instantly what his reasons for wanting me to come would be. "I don't think she'll be a liability; from what I've seen, she has gotten much better, and we need all the help we could get if we want to complete this mission. Besides, she's right about not being safe anywhere, so why not take her along?"

There was a moment of silence as everyone pretty much wondered if he hit his head or something along those lines. Astonishingly, I would have never guessed that the first one to crack would be Jade.

"If that's what the Fon Master believes, I won't go against his judgement." Jade turned to the ambassador. "Are you alright with his arrangement?"

"I don't care as long as she doesn't slow us down," he snubbed, getting off the bed and heading to the door. "Now that we've done, let's go already!"

Proceeding to the door, I felt a hand on my shoulder. Turning, I traced the hand back to its owner, to the person I fear to face: Ion.

"Oh, Fon Master," I smiled, hiding my anxiety. "Thank you for that. Anyways, we should hurry; Luke seems awfully impatient, doesn't he?"

"…Yeah…" I hurried away, distancing myself from Ion, but I could see from the corner of my eyes, Ion was frowning.

Ignoring this feeling within, I followed the party all the way to the inside a building where a woman was talking to Jade, informing them about Van's decision to go ahead. Of course, that caused Luke to be even more infuriated. I rolled my eyes, tuning out his childish complaints.

Just a little longer, I told myself; I just need to stop Luke at Akzeriuth. After that, maybe that white-haired girl will come to her senses and let me go home. Now that I think about it. When will I see her again? When will I see her with a conscience, is what I meant to say. I still couldn't get over that freaky dream where she tried to kill me—

"_I don't understand. What do you mean?" A familiar voice asked, directing the question at a middle-aged couple._

Huh? What was that?

"_I'm scared." A hand reached out, touching the surface of a mirror, strands of dark hair covered her face as she retrieved her hand and wrapped her arms around her body, shivering._

Who?

"_You want me to… kill?" A shadowy figure smirked._

What… was going on?

I suddenly felt my legs giving out. A sudden feeling was forced upon on the inside. I couldn't shake it. What was it?

"Ow! What the hell was that for?" I heard Luke cry. I looked up to see Luke on the ground in front of me with my arms outstretched. Did I just do that? "Milee, don't tell me Asch is controlling you, now?" Luke yelled, backing away.

"What?" I blinked, not sure that was happening.

"Hmm, your arm's been scarred," Jade spoke to my left. "This symbol... It looks like a curse slot."

"Curse slot?" Luke asked, confused.

"It's a Daathic fonic arte applied to a person's fon slots. It reads information from the brain, using the person's memories to control her," Ion answered, looking at me and frowning.

Curse slot: I wanted to bang my head right then and there. That was what happened back when we were in Chesedonia for the first time! I knew I shouldn't be a goody-goody and save Guy. But what happened now?

I frowned, wondering. It'd be kind of pointless having a curse slot placed on me. I have no grudge on anyone in the party; sure Luke's annoying, and Jade was a huge pain in the ass, but that doesn't mean I wanted to kill them. Yet, what bothered me the most were those visions I saw. What does it all mean?

"Milee? We're going," Guy kneel to my level. "Don't worry, you'll be fine after we leave Chesedonia."

I nodded, and we quickly departed, leaving Chesedonia, and as for me, leaving those foreign memories behind.

* * *

After a few days' worth of travel, we finally reached Deo Pass. I was remotely astounded to see that Ion wasn't lying when he said I was getting better—well, either that or the monsters on the way were a lot weaker. I became more resilient towards the pain as my body seemed to be, unfortunately, accustomed to it. Although, my healing artes have become more effective, and the aftereffects seemed to have a minimal effect on me, even after continuous uses.

I could see Luke sighed and grumbled some more, as opposed to thinking he would be happier now that we were closer to his beloved Van.

"Man, at this rate, we'll never catch up to Master Van. We shouldn't have wasted time in the desert," he abruptly said.

"What do you mean wasted time?" Anise demanded, hands on her hips.

Yes, Luke, what _do_ you mean? I mentally inquire, glaring at him.

"I mean wasted time. Milee's not important and we don't need Ion anymore. The war won't start as long as I'm around."

"Excuse me?" I blurred out, extremely appalled. He did not just say that!

"You moron!" Anise cried.

"What?" Luke looked puzzled.

But Tear also commented, "Luke, even I thought that was arrogant."

"This peace is based on the respect the Malkuth Emperor and Father have for the Fon Master. Without Ion, there would be no mediator," Natalia explained.

"And you shouldn't say something like that about Milee, about anyone actually," Guy said, frowning.

"…" Everyone stared at Luke, causing him to flush.

"Alright, I get it. Let's just go." He stormed off.

I glared at his retreating back. Stupid Luke, didn't even apologize! I can't wait until dinner so I can sabotage his portion.

"I'm sorry about Luke." Guy gave a half-smile.

I shook my head. "Don't apologize for him. If he can't do it himself, then it's meaningless."

I had forgotten how childish Luke really was at the beginning. It took everything I had not to punch him in the face; instead, I took it out on the monsters that went up against us. I eventually got scolded for not staying at the rear after that large bear monster slashed my arm.

A few hours passed, and I had finally calmed down, only for it to be fired up again when Ion collapsed.

"Ion!" Anise cried, running to his side.

"Are you all right? Do you want to rest a bit?" Tear asked.

"No... I'm fine."

"No, you're not," I spoke, seeing his distressed face. "You should rest."

"Yeah! We're taking a break, everyone!" Anise announced, but our so-called leader had other ideas.

"A break? What are you talking about?! Master Van's gone on ahead!" he shouted, clearly annoyed.

"Luke! There's no harm in resting a little!" Natalia stated.

Guy agreed, "Yeah. This is a tough mountain path. There's nothing we can do."

"I'm the ambassador! If I say we go, we go!" Luke roared, and everyone stared at him like he had grown two heads.

"L-listen, you!" Anise stammered, undoubtedly ready to object indignantly.

_Slap!_

My hand instantly went up and towards his face. Everyone gawked followed by a stunned silence. I heaved, panting like crazy as blood rushed to my face at an exponential rate.

"What is wrong with you?! Stop being so childish!" I cried. He looked back at me in pure shock. I pointed at Ion. "Have you no heart? Can't you see how tired he looks? He already has a weak body to begin with and with the pace you're going at, he may as well keel over and die and you probably won't even notice! No one's going to die from a little rest, and Van's not going anywhere regardless of how long it takes us to get there. So be a good boy and shut up," I snapped at the still shunned Luke, before turning around, ignoring the shocked faces of everyone else and pulled Ion up. "Let's take a break. There's some shade over there, so rest there, and I'll make dinner, okay?"

He only looked at me and nodded dumbly, before he let me lead him to a shaded area. After a few awkward minutes, everyone else followed suit. We all worked in quiet, settling that it would be best to just set up camp and rest for the night. I saw Luke venture into a corner somewhere, likely infuriated at the outcome. I sighed, feeling a little guilty for snapping him, but he definitely deserved it. I saw Tear walked over to him, but their conversation was short-lived when Tear walked away angered.

I chewed the bottom of my lips debating whether to talk to him. I mean, if Tear couldn't get through to him, how could I? In addition, he was undoubtedly still furious at me. Nonetheless, my persistent inner self couldn't bear to let something so trivial affect my image. Getting up and turning the pot over to Guy, I advanced towards Luke.

Hearing my footsteps, he turned, then scoffed and turned away.

"Luke, listen," I began, but Luke interrupted.

"What? Are you here to scold me as well? Or are you going to slap me again?"

"No actually, I want to apologize," I forced a smile. When he pretended not to hear me, I continued, "I'm sorry for slapping you. Really, I am. It's just you were putting Ion's life at risk if you keep dragging him like that through such a terrain. That attitude is what everyone's upset about right now—"

"Attitude this, attitude that; Tear said the exact same thing, but I don't _have_ an attitude!" Luke retorted. I eyed him, raising an eyebrow. "W-what?"

"Oh Luke, this is what I'm talking about," I sighed. "All you care about is yourself. It couldn't hurt to think about other's feelings, and the consequences of your actions. Try walking in other people's shoes."

"Ew! That's disgusting!"

"I meant metaphorically—you know what, forget it," I concluded, turning away but looking back one last time. "However, Luke…"

"What now?" he snapped.

"Think before you act… think of the consequences before you do something blindly… before you trust someone blindly…"

I walked away, leaving him with the foreshadowing, hoping he'll understand my hint about not trusting Van.

* * *

After morning broke on our little camp, we pressed forward, with Luke surprisingly quiet; of course, no one complained. We fought whenever enemies attacked and rested every so often as Luke seemed to walk off ahead, triggering the rest of us to walk faster. By mid-day, I was exhausted.

We were currently near the top of a very steep hill, one with a ridged, worn out pathway. I looked over to Ion, who was trying to keep a straight face, but he already seemed tired, using his staff to support his body. I commented, "Ion, do you need another break?"

"No! No more breaks already!" Luke raged. "Just how weak are you all? Seriously!"

"Luke, really?" Tear frowned. "Not this again."

"I knew I shouldn't have brought Ion along!" Luke complained.

"Argh! Luke!" Anise pouted furiously. "You make me so—"

"Look out!"

Out of my peripherals, I could see blurs jump down. I quickly dodged just as a few strange birdlike monsters landed. I got out my sword, holding it steady before charging. I lunged my sword, but it dodged, using its wings to knock me away. I slammed my sword into the ground to keep me from behind knocked away further, but I saw Guy finish the monster before I could do anymore damage. Unluckily, just as I put my sword away, a giant tree monster jumped down. All I could do was gawk in awe as it came closer and closer to the ground. I felt a pair of hands grabbed me and pushed me away, but when it landed, it created a grand aftershock, that blew me and the person who grabbed me away.

Before I knew it, I was falling.

* * *

"…ee…lee…" I groaned, hearing voices. "Milee! Wake up!"

My eyes shot opened, and I came face to face with a familiar face. "A-asch?!" I blushed, seeing his face so close to mine. I felt my heart thump, but the man frowned, pulling away.

"Just who the hell are you calling Asch?!" he barked.

I sat up, looking over him. "Luke?"

"Well, who else could it be all the way out here?" he snorted, turning away.

I blinked, looking around, but a sharp pain caused me to wince. I reached over to my arm, seeing it in a deformed, jagged shape, and I instantly knew it was broken. I groaned before casting first aid on it.

"Where are we anyways?" I asked after restoring it to a somewhat favourable condition. I grabbed a random straight stick and a piece of cloth from my bag and wrapped it around my broken arm.

"Not sure," he replied. "We fell from up on that hill. Thankfully, Anise used her doll to cushion our fall or else we'd be toast!"

"Anise is here?" I looked around, trying to find Anise, but found an unconscious Ion instead. "Ion!"

"You're up!" I turned to the voice, finding Anise with a bucket full of water. "Milee, please help Ion! He looks terrible, and I don't know what to do!"

I looked at the dishevel Fon Master, breathing in deeply. I picked myself up, wincing again from what I assumed to by many forms of cuts and bruises on my body from the fall, and walked over to Ion. Reaching over, I casted first aid. Thankfully, his breathing returned to a lesser state.

"His body is probably in shock from such a fall, especially since he has a weak body to begin with and combining it with an intense exercise beforehand doesn't help in his situation. However, he should be fine. We should let him rest for a bit."

"Thank Yulia and Lorelei! Oh Ion, don't do that to me again!" she scolded, kneeling by his side.

I looked up to see Luke far away. Calling out to him, I waved him over. "Let me heal you," I said, "You're hurt."

"It's fine, just focus on Ion."

"Oh?" I raised an eyebrow at his sudden change of heart.

"I'd get scolded again if he died!" he finished, blushing. "Anyways, what do we do now? Do you think everyone's looking for us?"

I paused, thinking. Would they? I shook my head. "No, I don't think so. The likely case is that we continue forward and meet up with them at the end of the pass."

Anise nodded in agreement. "The faster we get out of here, the better. We should wait until Ion wakes up before moving. Luke… is that okay…?"

"Ah," he nodded, seeming to finally understand the situation with Ion.

It was a long night as Luke and I set up camp while Anise watches Ion. Thankfully, Guy and I split the food supplies beforehand, so I was able cook up something simple as no one was really in the mood for nourishment. After dinner, Luke walked off, volunteering to stand guard in the meantime.

Anise and I sat around the fire, tending to Ion every so often. I looked over to see Anise's saddened face, tucking the covers around Ion whenever he shivered. Sighing quietly, I walked over and sat beside Anise.

"Everything will be fine," I said, placing a hand on her head. "Get some rest; it's going to be a long day tomorrow."

"I'm fine, you can sleep first," Anise insisted.

"Ion won't be happy if you keep worrying about him like that. Anise, trust in him a little. Smile! Everything will be fine if you keep smiling!" I grinned. But the reaction I was expecting was quite different. She looked at me with large eyes like she realized something important. She opened her mouth to say something, but then closed it. I gave her a questioning look. "Something the matter?"

"Ah… no…" she answered unsurely. "Actually… I think I've heard the exact same line somewhere before…"

"Huh?"

She frowned. "Are you sure we haven't met before?" She turned and looked me directly in the eye. "I wasn't too sure before, but I thought your voice was strangely familiar! And that thing you just said, I'm sure I've heard it before… I'm sure… you said that exact same thing to me before!"

I blinked. _What the hell is this?! What's going on?! There's no way I've met Anise before, and it's not possible that she met Kamilla, _and_ she just so happens to have said the exact same thing to Anise! That would be extremely freaky!_

"I'm sorry… I don't know you…" I said quietly.

"But I'm sure—" Anise began but stopped. "Oh right, you forgot all your memories! Maybe that's why! But…" she trailed off, pouting. "…I remember your voice, but I don't think I know a 'Milee'… Strange, now that I think about it, your face is also familiar. Where have I seen you before…?"

"Um… Well!" I interrupted her thoughts. "It's getting late! Why don't you go to sleep? There's no point in both of us being up, and I'm taking guard duty after Luke, so it would be pointless for me to go to bed now."

She stared for a moment but gave in. After I saw the slow rise and fall of her chest, I breathed out. I get this strange feeling from within that I can't, no matter what, let Anise remember me. Not just because it'll blow my cover… but for something much more.

"Is this what she meant by be careful of Anise?" I asked myself, looking over to the sleeping little girl. I smiled and told myself that it was impossible. After all, what can one little girl possibly do to me?

* * *

"I said I'm fine, Anise," Ion sighed for the umpteenth time as Anise insisted that Luke carry him.

Waking up to hear Anise and Ion bickering wasn't the pleasantest method I could have hoped for. Nevertheless, I was happy that Ion was back to his normal condition—well, as close to normal as someone could get from falling x amount of metres. I threw my arms up, stretching, feeling my once broken arm healing the way it should. I got up and started packing my stuff.

We headed off again in approximately half an hour with Anise losing the argument. Even though this was an unknown path to all, it was kind of nice to say the least, seeing as there were rarely any monsters. I saw Luke trying to take the lead, but of course, Anise raced off, clearly not trusting him with the directions.

"So, how are you feeling Fon Master?" I asked, seeing Ion laugh at the child-like behaviour of Luke and Anise.

"I'm much better, thank you, but are you alright?" he asked. "If I didn't pull you out of the way in time, who knows what would happen."

I nodded smiling, but then in dawned on to me what he said. "Wait, _you're_ the one who pulled me out of the way?"

"Yes, I couldn't just let you get hurt like that."

I blushed. "Oh… that's not what I meant… I thought it was Luke but…" I trailed off staring at Ion or his hands rather. I kept forgetting that he was a guy with his feminine looks and delicate behaviour.

"Hey Milee, can I ask you something?" he spoke, breaking my thoughts.

"Huh? Oh sure," I replied before it hit me of what might he inquire.

"Back at the Zao Ruins… you said something to Asch…"

_Oh shit…_ I cursed internally. "I don't know what you're talking about—"

"Replicas."

"Oh…" I murmured quietly to myself. "Well, about that—"

"And don't try to lie to me either!" Ion stopped and looked at me with firm eyes. "How do you know about replicas?"

"I-I… we should hurry, or we'll lose Anise and Luke!" I changed the topic and walked off. _Smooth, you moron…_ I wanted to slap myself for that as what I did obviously screams suspicious.

"Milee." He placed a hand on my shoulders. "We'll walk and talk."

"Fon Master, I don't think this is a very appropriate time to—"

"Milee."

I looked at him; his resolute was firm. I can't buy my way out of this mess. What should I do? What should I say?

The truth?

"Milee," Ion spoke again, with a softer look than before. "You haven't lost your memories, have you? You never had."

"…" I didn't reply.

"Just _who_ are you anyways?"

"…"

"Milee, I won't judge you. Speak to me."

"I… you wouldn't believe me if I told you…" I finally admit, turning away in shame.

He smiled, tugging on my arm to get my attention. "You won't know unless you tell me. Like I said, I won't judge you, no matter your situation. We've friends, right?"

Friends? How many times have I heard that line? What does it mean to be friends? I looked at the little boy, one of pure innocence, yet full of knowledge.

I bit my bottom lips. _Is this it? Can I really tell him everything?_ I looked back at him as he waited patiently. I smiled to myself. This was Ion we're talking about. If there was anyone I can trust; it was him.

"Well… it's kind of a long story," I admit, blushing.

He thawed my nervousness with a gentle smile. "Take as long as you like."

I smiled in return. No more hiding I guess. "Well, you see…" I open my mouth and let the words flow. It was like I was in a trance, and I let my mouth do all the work, and before I knew it, I was nearing the end of my story. "So that's why the God-Generals are after me. The first time they captured me, I got locked in a room onboard the Tartarus, and thankfully, Jade shut down the ship, and I was able to escape! That's how I met Luke, Tear and Jade."

Wait—what?

"That's awful! Why didn't you say so in the beginning? I'm sorry I was suspicious of you before!" he exclaimed. "To have an incurable disease and running away from home just to see the world before you die, you must have been so courageous!"

I blinked. What happened? I slowly recalled the last several minutes and reacted accordingly.

_Ah, that's right; I lied… _again_._

"Yes… and to think I would have such bad luck, accidentally overhearing Dist talk about replicas. I've been on the run ever since," I looked down, faking sadness and fear, letting false tears slide down from my eyes.

"But aren't your parents worried? Isn't that why they didn't tell you about your disease? I think you should go home."

"Oh no! I can't do that! They'll lock me in my room, and I don't want to rot in there waiting for death. Fon Master, this is my last wish. You've already seen the way my body reacts, and why no doctor can figure out what's wrong with me," I lied. "It seems I don't have much time left. So, I want to make the best of it!" I laughed lightly, feeling that prickly sensation again, tugging and eat away at my insides.

"Oh, Milee, I'm sorry!"

"There's no need for you to apologize, Fon Master! My fate has been decided, after all. There's no need to brood over such things. So please, don't tell anyone! Promise me, please?" My heart feeling heavier and heavier, but I smiled through it. There was no point in feeling remorseful now; in spite of everything, what was done was done.

"…Alright, but you should at least send a letter, telling them you're okay. Where do you live? If you're not comfortable telling them yourself, I'll go in your stead once all of this is over," Ion insisted.

Where do I live? I guess I can pretty much pick a random pick since I'll be long gone by them. "Keterburg," I replied. "Keterburg City."

"Alright, I'll remember that," he said, before looking down in thought. "…So does that mean Luke is—" I nodded. "I see. I guess it would be better if we both kept it a secret for the time being. Also, Milee?"

"Yes, what is it?" I kept up my faux persona.

"I just wanted to say, if you're troubled about anything, anything at all, don't hesitate to come talk to me."

"…" I stared at him, at him gentle nature. The weight was crashing; I can't breathe. Even though I didn't believe in any religion personally, I felt as if I sinned to have lied to such a person. "T-thank you," I choked out, reconstructing my façade.

Although the conversation ended, the guilt will forever remain.

* * *

Voice sounded at we approached a clearing. I looked over at Anise, Luke and Ion, nodding, we all rushed over to the sounds of clashing.

"Demon Fang!" Luke cried just as I shouted, "Barrier!"

Legretta turned in alarmed at the approached of backup. Luke and Anise immediately rushed forward while Ion and I stayed back.

"I'm glad to see everyone's safe," Tear nodded over to me, and I returned the gesture.

Needless to say, with seven against one, the victors could easily be identified. However, she did put up quite the fight. I made sure to stay far behind in fear of her guns. It always amazed me how everyone seemed to be able to deflect bullets with their weapons. I looked over to see her back uncovered.

I smiled; chance! I rushed forward, drawing my sword. Yet, with my inexperience, she easily heard the sounds of my footsteps draw close and blocked my attack easily with her guns. However, what shocked me the most was that she gasped upon looking at me in the eye.

"You!" she glared.

"Excuse me?" Confusion dawned onto me.

"I thought you looked familiar back then. To think, you were alive this whole time," she laughed quietly. "I should have stayed behind and made sure you were good as dead. But I guess I've been given another chance."

She forced me back, knocking the air out of me. I saw her guns point at me, and my eyes widened. At that instant, it seemed luck was on my side as Jade launched an arte at her, drawing her back to where Natalia was waiting with her arrows. Shooting, they stuck Legretta's back and arm.

Forcefully ripping them out, she jumped onto a cliff. "Tear! Get away from that reject!"

"Reject? Are you talking about me?" Luke asked, once again angered.

"...So, it was you people who resurrected that forbidden technology!" Jade raised his voice, startling me.

"Jade, no! There are some things people are better off not knowing!" Ion interjected.

"Ion...you knew?!"

"What? Stop leaving me out of the conversation! What are you talking about?! It's something to do with me, right?!" Luke demanded, but I place a hand on his shoulders and shook my head.

"...Whose idea was it? Was it Dist's?!"

"Are you talking about fomicry? What good would it do you to know? The die has been cast, Necromancer!" Legretta slighted, settling her gaze on me for an instant before leaving.

"Over my dead body!" Jade shouted, whipping out his spear which resulted in most of us to jump back in shock.

"Colonel... You're actually really angry..." Anise pointed out what was on everyone's mind.

"...I'm sorry. I lost control. I'm all right now. Let's hurry to Akzeriuth," he said calmly, dispersing is spear. "And I'm glad you're all well."

"Thanks Jade," Ion replied for us, and we continued forward.

However, I couldn't get over the things Legretta said to me. "…Should have stayed behind and made sure I was good as dead…?" I whispered quietly to myself before reaching up and placing a hand just over my left chest, the very spot where I found the bullet wound in St. Binah. "It… couldn't be… can it?"

* * *

******A/N**: I don't have any comments really, everything's kind of self-explanatory. With answers comes many more questions. ;) Does anyone have an idea what's really happening?

_Next Chapter Preview: Reflection_

_I closed my eyes and thought back to that time. It made me want to go into hysteria just thinking about it. If I didn't have to be so _easy _that time, maybe I wouldn't be here now, in Auldrant, fighting for my life. I would have been back at home, going to school like a normal girl._

_ I opened my hazel orbs and glaze at the dark sky. I can't help but think that it was a reflection of my heart._

_ Yes, it suits me; I am like the shadows, the fading background. Ignored most of the time, but only noticed when necessary._

_ It began about ten days before I got caught up in this mess. Ten days before my life forever changed…_


	12. Reflection

**Forlorn Words**

**A/N:** Here's chapter twelve! It's a little different from the other chapter as it's more focus on Milee's life in the real world rather than in Auldrant.

Anyways, thanks to my reviewers! I just got to say, some of the assumptions made me smile, and different reasons from what you might think. All I have to say is, keep reading, and you'll find out the truth soon enough. ;)

**Disclaimer:** Tales of the Abyss, I don't own you. Why?! :(

* * *

**Chapter Twelve: Reflection**

I shifted in my sleep. The dark, black colour spread across the sky, covering it like a blanket that even darkened the moon and the stars. There was no light; no warmth but that fickle flame that burned in the centre of our little camp. I shifted again, pulling the thin cover over my body.

It was cold; so very cold.

I shivered, curling myself up into a ball but nothing helped. I wanted to laugh; of course nothing would help. I had always been cold, always, even in the hottest days of summer. I never felt the cozy rays of the sun, only the burns from its lashes. I sighed, nothing had changed. There nor here, everywhere was the same.

Why was I here? I wondered: was I supposed to serve some kind of purpose? Or was this some kind of punishment?

But why would I be punished? It doesn't make any sense! I'd been nothing but sincere to everyone around me! I was even willing to sacrifice myself for others!

I frowned. Sacrifice… and what did they do?

They took advantage of my generosity.

I closed my eyes and thought back to that time. It made me want to go into hysteria just thinking about it. If I didn't have to be so _easy_ that time, maybe I wouldn't be here now, in Auldrant, fighting for my life. I would have been back at home, going to school like a normal girl.

I opened my hazel orbs and gaze at the dark sky. I couldn't help but think that it was a reflection of my heart.

Yes, it suited me; I was like the shadows, the fading background. Ignored most of the time, but only noticed when necessary.

It began about ten days before I got caught up in this mess. Ten days before my life forever changed…

* * *

"Ah!" I yelped as someone fiercely hugged me from behind. I turned quickly to meet with puppy dog eyes. "Olivia?"

"Have I ever told you how absolutely wonderful and smart and beautiful you are?" The blonde, Olivia, looked at me with the same eyes.

I giggled. "Okay, what do you want?"

"You know how we have this huge calculus test next week?" she replied, and I slowed nodded, somehow knowing where this was going. "Well, Coach said that I have to get at least a seventy percent or I'm getting kicked off the team! Please tutor me! My life is in your hands!"

"Dramatic much?" snorted another girl beside me. "Olivia, you know you'll _never_ get a seventy, ever."

"Stop calling me dumb!" she pouted.

"I never called you dumb," she responded casually, taking a bite out of her lunch.

"You know what I mean!" Olivia cried, sitting down on the other side of me. "So?" she looked back at me with sweet eyes. "Please?"

"Of course, I'll help," I smiled.

Her face lit up, and I was once again in her arms. Although, I heard snickers from the others at our table.

"I bet twenty buck that she's not going to even pass."

"No way! She's obviously not going to pass!"

"You know, I can hear you," she hissed, throwing crackers at the girls. The rest of us all laughed as her face turned bright red. "Anyways, putting that aside. Have you heard about Ariel and Don?"

_Great, more gossip._ I mentally sighed. I pretended to listen, but in fact, I completely tuned them out. It was not like I was trying to be mean, but who cared? I had better things to do than to gossip about others. However, I guessed this was the price you have to pay to be in this group.

"… and her boyfriend came in when they were in the middle of having sex! So now she's pregnant with my ex's child. How disgusting is that?" Lacey, a red head, laughed.

My eyes suddenly caught sight of a pair of eyes glaring at us. "Oh, Ariel," I spoke up, and immediately everyone shut up and turned to the girl behind us.

"Real mature," the newcomer hissed. Her dark hair covering part of her pale face, giving off a menacing atmosphere as she tried to intimidate us with her gothic appeal.

"This coming from a slut," Olivia shot back, and her friends giggled, but Ariel retorted without hesitation.

The girl and my friends prolonged this pointless amount of insults and name-calling. Soon, the entire cafeteria was watching. I didn't know whether to intervene or not because I certainly didn't want to get caught up in the crossfire. So I sat there until Ariel called out to me.

"And you Milee! I thought you were better than this!" she snapped. "Why do you side with _them_? I guess you're just a bitch as well."

"Hey! Don't take it out on Milee! You're just jealous that she has decently, unlike you!" Lacey retorted.

"I-It's alright, please stop," I pleaded. Oh god, I had hoped I didn't have to get involved with their stupid, insignificant fight. My head went back and forth between the two until my eyes caught sight of a blob of gray hastily approaching. "Teacher," I coughed, halting the cat-fight.

"Well, I guess you lucked out for today," Ariel spat before blending into the crowd of students just as the cranky vice-principle entered the scene.

"Just what is all this ruckus about?" she sneered, glaring at all students in sight. Of course, everyone avoid eye contact whereas possible. "Well? Don't just stand there! Someone explain this instant!"

And then it came; that push from behind that sent me forward. I stumbled, trying to steady myself beforehand. With a deep, silent sigh, I straightened up with my brightest smile.

"Nothing's going on Ms. Millard," I answered just as she was aware of my presence. "I think you may have misunderstood the situation."

"Oh, Milee! I didn't see you there," she laughed, patting me on the back. "Of course; of course! With such a bright, wondrous student like you around, how could there ever be any conflict? Now, if only all students were like you."

"You give me too much credit," I forged a giggle. "But thank you."

"Right, now all of you, go back to doing whatever is it that you were doing before," the vice-principle crackled, leaving for her office. "Chop, chop!"

Moments after the gathering dispersed, I turned to my friends with a slight pout and said, "You know she scares me."

"But she obviously loves you! All teachers do," another blonde cried dramatically. "You could probably graffiti the whole school and get away with it!"

I gave them _the_ look.

"We love you," Olivia added, smiling.

I sighed; sometimes I wonder why I was friends with them. Knowing it was pointless to continue this charade, I told them I forgave them, and naturally, they went back to gossiping in seconds flat. No sooner had they done that, the bell rang, signalling the end of the lunch break and to our next class.

The rest of the day dragged on, and for once, I couldn't wait for school to end. I tuned out each and every lecture, though still copying what the teacher wrote on the board. I stared at the clock. _Tick-tock-tick-tock_ it went. Alas, it seemed to have gotten slower and slower by the second.

When the last bell of the day rung, I stormed out of the class and towards my locker. Attempting my combo three times before my rusty, old lock clicked opened, I shoved everything inside, only grabbing my near-empty bag in the end, and then proceeded to slam it shut.

"Gah!" I yelped, finding Ariel right beside me.

"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you," she mumbled.

"I-It's okay. Is… there something you need?" I asked cautiously.

She stared at me with her dark blue eyes, studying me. She shifted her bag from one side to another. I raised an eyebrow, and thankfully, she noticed.

"Ah, sorry," she apologized. "It's just… how well do you know those girls?"

"Excuse me?" Those girls? Does she mean my friends?

"Olivia, Lacey, Irene and Shannon."

"Welll, since my first year here… so about four years," I answered, still not understanding the point behind her questions. I looked over at the near empty hallways. Facing the girl, I added, "I'm sorry, but I need to catch my bus. Bye."

As I walked passed her, her voice whispered something else that made me stop momentarily in my tracks. Shaking my head, I broke into a mini run. Just what was she implying?

Biting my lips, I left the doors of the school still with her words lingering in my conscience.

"_I didn't ask how _long_ you knew them but how well."_

* * *

I pulled the blanket from my body. Without a shield, the winter like gust attacked my figure. I shivered. At this rate, what was the point of even sleeping? Putting my boots on, I walked over to Jade, who was standing guard.

He noticed within seconds as I came over the hill. He adjusted his lens, asking why I was still awake.

"Ah, I… couldn't sleep. Let's switch; I'll take guard duty for now." When I saw his mouth open to protest, I quickly added, "Really, Jade. There's no point in two people being awake. So get some sleep. I'll wake you up in a few hours."

"…" Jade's curious eyes scanned me, trying to read me, but I kept a plastered face. "Alright," he said, walking up the path towards the campsite but stopping right before me. "Just don't overdo it. We have a long day tomorrow."

I nodded along with a smile. Walking up to where Jade sat, I let my knees buckled and fall to the earth. So many things were on my mind at the moment.

I was so confused. What connections did the God-Generals have with me—or rather Kamilla? Van knew her and so does Legretta apparently. She was trying to assassinate her, but why? Just who was Kamilla anyways, and why was I in her body?

I sighed; thinking about it won't get me answers. I needed to find someone who can help me. Someone with answers—like that white-haired girl, but it was like she disappeared permanently, gone and never to return. And I guess, so were my chances of solving this mystery.

I looked down, letting my finger traced the dirt in a series of swirls—twisting and turning every so often. It was like a maze: a cycle of endless paths and dead ends. Just then, my finger had drawn a trail leading right back to the beginning and stopped.

It was done. The maze was now sealed forever without an exit. No matter how many times you go around the maze or how many turn twist and turns you make, ultimately, you are trapped like a bird in a cage— eternally lost and confused.

A perfect reflection of my heart.

Where to go? What to do? How to escape? Why does it have to be like this?

All questions I can never answer.

Tucking a loose strand behind my ear, I straightened up, looking over at a single yellow flower in the distance; ever so lonely, yet still so beautiful.

* * *

"Look! I brought daffodils today!" I beamed, removing some of the rotting flowers and inserting the fresh, new flowers inside the vase. "Aren't they gorgeous?"

I grabbed the old ones and threw them in the trash can before leaving to change the water. Setting the vase back to where it originally belonged, I adjusted the curtains and opened the windows.

"Wow! What a wonderful day today! Don't you agree?" I asked before seating myself in the same chair I had sat in almost every single day for the past twelve years.

I reached over and grabbed her hand. "So how are you?"

Nothing came except the sounds of her breathing. I gently stoke her hand.

"Well, to be honest, I'm confused," I admitted. "Today at school, this girl asked me how well I knew my friends. It was weird. She makes it sound like they're all corrupt. But…" My voice faded. "I _can_ trust them… can't I?"

There was no answer.

"Are you disappointed?" I asked, "That I'm even questioning my trust in my friends? I'm sorry. Well, I only have about a month left with them anyways. Graduation is coming soon…and I hope… you'll be there to see me walk across that stage."

I squeeze her hand. "I—"

"Milee! There you are!" The door opened, and a woman walked in wearing a frown.

"Mother?"

"I told you to stop coming here," she said, pulling my hand away from the patient's.

"But—" I tried to protest but she fiercely interrupted.

"Honey, the doctor said he'll call if anything happens, so you shouldn't worry. Besides, you only have one month left of high school, and exams are coming up. You should be studying."

"Like you said, I have one month."

"Milee." Her tone was firm and hard.

I sighed. "Just, give me a few more minutes, please."

"No," she grabbed my arm. "We're going home. Your father has an important guest coming over for dinner tonight. I need you to help me with dinner and freshen up before they arrive. I prepared some clothes. Now come along."

I looked back at the person sleeping in the bed, then back to Mother. Wanting to avoid any disputes, I snatched my bag and followed her to the door, where she'll take me back to a place of high-expectations and their own ideal fantasy of me—in which I was compelled to create.

I turned back one last time, whispering, "Wait for me."

The ride home was fairly silent apart from the usual questions like 'How is school?' and 'How did you do on your tests?' With all I replied with a 'Good' followed by an enormous smile.

When I got home, I headed straight to my room. Passing by a familiar music, I poked my head into my brother's room. He sat with his back towards me, seemingly frustrated with the game he was playing. I looked up at the TV screen, seeing a character with red hair running all over a sort of a barren wasteland area. I watched him for a few more minutes of him running and avoiding monster and escaping once he had been attacked.

_I believe that's the Meggiora Highlands from Tales of the Abyss. Just what is he doing?_ I wondered.

"Dammit! Where am I supposed to go?" he cried in frustration.

"Keep to the left," I replied without thinking.

"Whoa! When did you get back?" he turned in surprise upon seeing me at his door. His expression rapidly changed to one of confusion. "Wait, what do you mean 'Keep to the left'?" he questioned.

"Your game. Go up and to the left," I answered, faintly remembering from the last time I played Tales of the Abyss.

He looked at me again. "How… do you know…?"

"Oh…" I mentally cursed myself. I wasn't supposed to know. Hastily making up some bogus lie, I answered, "Well, I've been watching you for some time now, and I saw this path that you didn't go in yet. So I just put two and two together, get it?"

"Oh, I see. I thought so," he laughed before turning back to his game. "There's no way you'd played this game before."

"Yeah… well, bye!" I quickly left, making a note to myself not to do that again. Smiling, I headed to my room. "Tales of the Abyss, huh?"

That was the first—and probably the last—game I'd ever played. It was a few months ago, during spring break when my family went on vacation. I wasn't in the mood to go to some topical island, so I made up a lie about needing to work on a huge project. Obviously, they let me stay without hesitation. It was nice to say the least. I finally got some time to myself without having to hold up anyone's expectations of me. During that time, I got extremely bored but found one of my brother's games lying around the living room. In the end, I decided to try it out because I liked the art. Though, I found myself addicted to it and kept playing it all through the break, surprisingly being able to finish the game just the day before everyone got back.

"It was a fairly good game, wasn't it?" I smiled, throwing my bag on my bed, changing and headed out again.

For the next couple of hours of so, I would be stuck in the kitchen. I pulled my hair up and grabbed a green apron from the counter. Pulling some potatoes out, I commence my job of peeling them. My mother and I worked quietly until the sounds of someone's loud music blasted through the house.

"Mom, I'm home!" My sister poked her head in, blonde curls shaping her tiny face.

"Elaine, turn that music down. You're going to go deaf at this rate," Mother scolded, setting the seasoned beef onto a tray. "And go get cleaned up. We have guests over tonight."

"Oh! Are there any cute guys coming?" she asked cheerfully, giving Mother a hug from behind.

I rolled my eyes; she was such a typical girl: bubbly, cute and carefree, but I couldn't help but be jealous. I watched Mother smile, one that she had never given me, and a longing for attention suddenly arosed in me.

"I'm done with the potatoes," I announced, breaking up their moment. I couldn't help but feel satisfaction when Elaine pouted due to the loss of attention.

Mother came over picking up the bowl, and instead of assigning me another task, she shooed me away instead. "I can do the rest, go clean up."

"Are you sure?" I asked, not really wanting to be left out, but she nodded and ushered me out.

As I walked out the door, I could hear laugher arose from inside, and my heart sank. Elaine has always been her favourite, but she had always placed the high expectations onto me. I walked away, not wanting to hear any more of this. Making my way back up the stairs, I heard the music from Tales of the Abyss again and stopped. I peeked back in. He was still at the Meggiora Highlands, ready to save Ginji, which surprised me that he was still alive after taking that much time to complete this simple dungeon. A smile plastered on my face hearing Jade crack a joke.

Jade Curtiss: the one character I could never understand, yet the one character I admired most. His witty comments, sarcastic remarks and his casual, carefree-like nature: I love them all. However, it troubled me to wonder how anyone could develop such a high level of respect for such a person. Shouldn't he be looked down upon and hated for such behaviour? Shouldn't he care about the things he say to others, possibly that it may offend someone?

This had me thinking: was it probable that such strange behaviour could have a reverse psychological effect on other so that they perceive such actions to be towards the positive direction?

Now that I thought about it, many of my peers seemed to be acting like that towards their friends, and they don't seem to mind; it was like there was this sort of special connection between them that links their trains of thoughts together, perceiving one thing completely different from how others would think of it.

If that was the case, would it be possible for me to be like that? That was to say, become this completely different persona from what I was currently trying to distinguishing myself as?

In other words, to be myself?

I mean, why not? It worked in the game, and it seemed to be working here in the real world, so why not?

Why not take this one step forward to forever change my life?

As much as I would love to, to be honest, I was afraid to try.

I was afraid of failure.

* * *

"Milee? Is it already your turn?"

Ion's figure approached from the direction of our little campsite. He rubbed his eyes tiredly, covering a yawn. When he reached my current position, he sat down, smiling and placed a blanket around my shoulders.

"Thank you Fon Master, but you should be sleeping," I said, pulling the warm blanket around farther.

"I wasn't sleepy," he admitted, glazing at the night sky. "I thought you weren't on duty until later tonight."

"Yes… but I couldn't sleep so I asked Jade to switch with me. It's fine. I'm enjoying the night," I lied, tugging the corners of the blanket once more upon feeling the cold air seeped in. "You should go back to sleep Fon Master."

"Oh no, it's alright. I'll keep you accompany," he said, looking over at me. "So, what are you thinking about right now? A lot must be on your mind at the moment."

I paused, thinking. What _was_ I thinking about at the moment? The point that led me up to being pulling into this bizarre world, but of course, I couldn't tell him that. "I guess my family and… friends…" The word felt bitter in my mouth.

"Is that so? Tell me about them. I'm sure they're great people!"

"More like strict… expects too much from me," I said quietly, not expecting Ion to hear.

"Usually parents are strict because they love you. You mustn't be so bothered by something like that."

"I guess. However…" I didn't finish my sentence, but instead, I pulled my legs up and hugged them.

I could see Ion's worried face from the corner of my eyes. He shifted a bit, seemingly uncomfortable with this silence. I didn't mind; it was his choice to stay here. I was just doing my job: watching.

"Hey Milee," Ion suddenly spoke. "It's been quite a long time since we've met and began traveling together, hasn't it? How long was it?"

"Hmm…" How long has it been? How long since my irrational actions that caused my sudden departure from Earth?

"Let's see…" Ion muttered, holding out him fingers to count. "It was Rem-Decan the thirty-first when the Tartarus was attacked so… thirty-nine days? Forty after tonight."

"Forty days, huh?" Over a month has passed. I frowned; so that meant the school year has ended and so has final exams and commencement. But what happened now? Can I recover those lost days? "Forty days…"

My eyes slowly opened as realization hit me, and I gasped.

"What is it?" Ion asked, noticing my reaction.

"Today…" I muttered, my eyes dropping, and my arms further enclosing my legs to the point where it hurts. "Today… is my birthday."

* * *

My eyes opened to the sounds of tapping by my window. I rubbed my eyes, frustrated at the source of the sound. It had been a long day, entertaining my father's guest, and I was hoping to get some actual sleep tonight, but some idiot just _had_ to wake me!

I got out of bed and walked over to my lamp, turning it on before proceeding to the window. Pulling the curtains aside, I was met face to face with emerald green eyes. I gasped, "What on Earth?"

A boy my age sat on a branch directly outside my window, smiling. I wanted to frown and tell him to go away, but instead, I forced a smile and opened the windows. I instantly moved aside, seeing him ready to jump in. When he landed, I opened the doors to my room and checked outside, listening for any sudden changes in my families' sleeping patterns. Satisfied, I turned back around and sighed.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, walking in front of the clock so I wouldn't be able to see it and become even more distraught than I current was.

He grinned, and I mentally groaned, "Well, I had this sudden genius idea we could propose at the next council meeting and—"

"Ashton!" I hissed, trying not to be too loud in fear of waking my parents.

His smile faltered, looking at me almost shyly. "Have you thought about it? Going to prom with me?"

I sighed, feeling his intense stare. I shook my head. "I told you; I'm not going."

"Why not? It's the last event we'll all be doing together, everyone in our year. I know you're trying hard to do well, but you can afford to take a break once and a while. Your grades aren't going to suffer if you take one night off."

"Why are you so insistent to have me come?" I sat down on my bed, and he followed suit. "Why don't you ask someone else instead? What about Olivia? I'm sure she really wants you to ask her," I hinted, but he seemed to ignore my latter sentence.

"I want everyone to come, especially you," he looked at me in the eye. "You deserve a break. Besides that, I'm not interested in Olivia. I'd rather take a girl like… you." I could see a bit of red on his face. "Think about it. Life is short, so don't regret. Prom only comes around once in a lifetime."

I felt his hands on mine, and I saw him bended over towards me. I froze. "Ashton?"

"I've never met a girl like you. Actually, I didn't think such a girl existed," he laughed. "Kind, caring, smart and always wear a smile on her face."

I felt his face near mine; my face flushed, but I felt something strike my insides. I immediately placed my hands on his chest and pushed him away, shaking my head. "I-It's getting late."

He frowned but immediately replaced it with a smile as if that frown never existed. "What are you talking about? It's morning!" He pulled away and walked back to the windows. Facing me, his smile was gone. "Do you hate me?"

I shook my head. "Of course not."

"That's good." He flashed a smile before jumping back out.

I stared at the spot where he was last seen. "I could never hate you. I just hate myself for being afraid to love."

* * *

"Birthday?" Ion exclaimed. "Happy birthday! We should celebrate and—"

"No!" I said louder than I'd intended to. He stared, bewildered at my sudden outburst. "I don't want to celebrate it. Just forget it. It'll be over in a couple of hours anyways."

"But—"

"Fon Master, it's fine. Please, just get some rest." I looked into his deep green eyes, not breaking away until he did. "It's late. Please."

He nodded, getting up and turning away. I couldn't help but feel like I wounded him. However, I didn't want anything to do with my birthday, this day. It was just a signification that I was getting older. That was all there was to it; it was nothing special.

I looked up. The sky was still as dark and foggy as ever. I watched for the clouds to move, to allow the moonlight to shone through and brightened this cold hour, but as they altered their position, they only cover the stars and the moons even more, creating additional layers to the already existing ones.

I frowned and fell down to the ground, rolling up into a ball. How many minutes have passed? How many seconds? The night was too long.

A streak of white flashed before me, and I immediately sat up. I looked around franticly. I knew what I saw, and that was definitely her. My eyes stopped at the distance, white hair passed behind a tree.

"Stop!" I cried, running to the girl. "Wait! I need to talk to you!"

But as I rounded around the tree, she was gone. I shook my head. It wasn't possible. I ran around the tree's base, but there was no evidence that she was ever there. I leaned back against the trunk, sliding down into the frosty, hard ground, confused and frustrated. I couldn't have been seeing thing. I wasn't going crazy yet!

A gust of wind blown in my face, thrashing my hair all over, covering my face, but I didn't do anything. From the single eye visible, I gazed to the night sky, watching and waiting.

For what? Who knows? A miracle, I guess.

I closed my eyes; the memories flowed into me once again, and the heartache returned. Clutching my fist, I dropped my body to the ground, burying my face in the dirt, trying hard for it to go away and leave me alone, but they were so vivid, so real; it was like I was reliving that moment over again.

A single tear slid down my face, but why should I be crying? That would be just giving into their satisfactions. I was stronger than this. I didn't need them. I didn't need anyone. After all, emotions were pointless; they get in the way.

I kept telling myself that as I closed my eyes to shut the droplets in. My heart pounded ever second; the memories flashed once more.

Yes, I didn't need emotions, friends or anything of that sort. Yes, that was what I'll keep telling myself. It was fine. I'll smile through this like it was nothing.

Even so, the pain of betrayal will always string the most.

* * *

It was a few days after the calculus test, and with my busy schedule, I never got the chance to talk to my friends about it. Closing my locker, I picked up my bag and walked to Olivia's locker. I'd expect her to still be there, even if school has ended, she still had practice, which was over the same time as my club activities. However, when I turned the corner, there was not a single person in sight.

"That's strange," I muttered to myself before leaving to check the usual places where she may be currently at. Nonetheless, I could not find her, and checking with her teammates, they'd confirmed she was at practice today.

I reached for my phone and texted her, but she did not reply, nor would she pick up when I called. Frowning, I concluded that it'd be pointless to continue my search and made my way to the nearest exit. Upon arrival, I heard someone call out, and with my slow reflexes, I wasn't able to dodge the incoming soccer ball that hit my side.

"Ow!" I groaned, before looking down and yelped. It took everything I had not to start cussing at the people who pick up the ball and didn't even apologize to me. I looked down to seeing my white top was now covered in mud. I drawn out a long sigh. Mother would kill me if she saw this.

Heading back inside, I searched for the nearest washroom and began scrubbing furiously at the stain. I quietly swore when it wouldn't come off. In the midst of cleaning, I heard footsteps approaching. For some reason I rushed into the stalls. A part of me questions my decision; it wasn't like there was anything wrong with washing a stain in the washrooms, right?

However, I was glad of my sudden behaviour.

I heard familiar giggles and voices, and I instantly knew it was Olivia as well as my other three friends. Sure, I expected Olivia to still be here, but why was everyone else?

I reached for the handle to announce my presences, but their conversation caught my attention.

"I can't believe we seriously just did that!" One of them laughed, and the sounds of hands clashing sounded from a high five.

I slowly tippy toed over to peek through the slits. The four of them were all raging with laughter.

"But I do feel a little bad for her," Irene admitted.

"Oh, like a thirty percent would affect _her_ grades," Lacey laughed.

Who was her? I frowned.

"I bet even a zero won't put a dent into current mark right now. She has like a hundred, doesn't she?"

"Probably," Olivia rolled her eyes, smirking. "Oh well, bitch is getting what she deserves. She said she's not going to prom with him; what a liar."

They couldn't mean…

"I know, right? If they weren't going together, he would have already asked you," Shannon added, flipping back her hair.

"But do you think anyone's going to be suspicious of us? You know, like the sudden change of grades? It'll be weird, wouldn't it?"

"Don't worry; everyone knows how obsessive she is about getting the top mark in the graduating class. They'll probably think all that stress is affecting her performance or something. It's fine," Olivia reassured. "Besides, doesn't Mr. Walter let the T.A.'s mark our tests? And the T.A.'s never stay for long anyways, so no one will know even if it is her test. Anyways, let's go. We have to tell Mandy that we switched her paper. This is honestly the best plan ever."

I waited until the doors opened and closed, and the footsteps faded. Still, I waited several more minutes before reopening my stall and slowly walked out. My lips were in a thin line as I looked to the door of the washroom. A sudden pain hit me.

"They wouldn't… It's probably someone else," I said, telling myself over and over that I heard wrong. "That's right. They never said my name, so it couldn't have been…me… Yeah, I need to trust in them more. We are friends after all."

Yet, that line felt completely foreign to me.

* * *

What time was it? Now long have I'd been waiting here?

I checked the pocket watch I'd been given and groaned when not even an hour has passed. I got up, stretching my legs before walking to an open space. I may as well do something productive while waiting.

I held up my hands, concentrating on the fonons around me. A weird surge passed through as my fingertips, tightening. A bright light glowed from beneath me, indicating that the incantation was done, but I held on even longer, testing the effects and restrains of my artes.

My breathing deepened. The atmosphere felt heavy. It took everything I had not to faint right then and there, but still I waited. Just when I thought I would lose control, I called out, casting my arte, "First a—"

_Kaboom!_

I fell to the ground from my broken concentration and turned to the source of the explosion. Immediately, I grabbed my sword and ran over to the site. It was not far from our campsite, and it doesn't seem like an explosion belonging to a monster, more so a human activity.

I stopped just as I spotted smoke, and I carefully peeked around the corner, readying my blade. However, I dropped my sword in sudden disbelief as I spotted the one who caused the incident.

"F-Fon Master?"

* * *

I twirled the card in my hands, looking it over before ditching it in the trash. Just a few hours ago, a girl, whose name I forgot, gave me the card, written on it was her address. I had heard that she was throwing a huge party while her parents were out, but I never thought she would invite me. I hardly knew her, much less her name. Well, it wasn't like it mattered; teenage parties just didn't interest me one bit. Not only that, but my parent would flip if they found out I went.

I sat down, taking the patient's hands into mine and stroking it. "That's right. I don't belong at those parties. You would be sad if you saw me there, wouldn't you? But don't worry, I won't disappoint you. Not you especially."

I looked at her sleeping face, and the slow rise and fall of her chest. I tightened my hands around hers. "If you can hear me, please squeeze my hand. Please."

Nothing happened, but that was to be expected. I'd waited for so long, twelve years to be exact. If nothing happened back then, so why now?

I slowly retraced my hands and stroked her hair, smoothing it out of her face. She looked so peaceful that I pulled my hands away not wanting to disturb her but reminded myself that it would be a good thing to wake her. I sighed and stood, walking to the curtains and pulling it back. The view from the hospital windows was rather peaceful. It was so grand that you couldn't see the little details, the small unpleasant incident, but rather the big picture and the beautiful city.

"You should take a look as well. This city has changed so much in the last dozen years," I whispered. "Please wake up soon. I miss you—"

_Ring-ring!_

I felt my cell phone vibrate in my pocket. Picking it up, I answered but was met with a screeching voice.

"Milee!" I cringed at the sounds of Mother's voice. "Where are you? Come home this instant!"

"What's wrong?" I asked feeling the anxiety crept in.

"Just come home now!" Before I could further question her strange behaviour, she hung up.

I debated whether to leave or not, but with that tone of voice, I knew better than to argue. After saying goodbye, I ran to the bus stop just as the bus arrived. After several minutes, I got off and walked a few blocked over to my house. I stopped just a short distance away, puzzled upon seeing my parent's cars in the driveway.

A gut feeling kept telling me to turn around and run, but I shoved it away. _I have nothing to worry about. I probably just forgot to do a chore or something along those lines. _Smiling with that thought, I walked to the door, but it immediately flew open before I could touch the handle.

I looked up to see Mother, and she was furious. She frowned when she spotted me and grabbed my wrist, pulling me inside.

"Mother?" I flinched at her sudden new attitude. Looking around her, I saw Father.

"How many times must I tell you to stay away from there? You were at the hospital again, weren't you?!" she cried, tugging my arm. "If you have time to go over there, you should have been studying instead! Have you ever thought about the consequences of your actions? Never go there again!"

"I don't understand. Why are you acting like this?" I asked, slightly frightened by her behaviour. Without meaning to, I forcefully pulled my hand away. "I'll go as much as I like! Why are you so angry at me anyways?"

She gawked, surprised by my actions just as much as I was. Her face immediately twisted. "Why? Why? I just got a call from your calculus teacher! He was extremely shocked and disappointed about how poorly you did on your test."

"Excuse me? I didn't do that badly, I think. Actually, I found it relatively easy," I confessed, extremely confused at the moment.

"You failed it. The worst test out of everyone in the class!"

"W-what?" I choked. "That's not possible; I couldn't have—" I began but sudden recollections of the time when hid in the washrooms surfaced. My eyes widened, but unfortunately, Mother took that as a different sign.

"What do you have to say for yourself now?"

"… I did nothing wrong," I stood my ground. I know I didn't do anything wrong, so why should I allow myself to by bullied like this?

"How can you say that? You know what, I blame her!" she cried. "Stop seeing her!"

"Leave her out of this!"

"Milee! That woman has corrupted you!"

"_That_ woman is my mother!" I retorted, and I saw my father flinch from the background.

"That woman is dead! So stop clinging so blindly onto false hope!"

"She's not dead; she's asleep!" I yelled, although telling that more to myself then to her.

"For twelve years? Really, Milee? If she hasn't woken up after a dozen years, she never will. Don't you think it's best to just put her down for good?" Her eyes soften as she approached me, but I backed away.

"She's not a dog."

"Milee."

"I'll find a way! I'll save her!"

"Be realistic Kamilla," Father finally spoke up, his eyes narrowing.

"Don't call me that," I hissed; my eyes narrowing.

He frowned, approaching. "Stop blaming yourself for what happened twelve years ago. It's not your fault so don't think you need to take responsibility. It's depressing seeing you so obsessive over a half-dead body!"

"She's _asleep_! And you know what? I _will_ wake her up. I'll graduate and go to a med school, and I'll become a neurologist. I'll find out what's wrong with her and fix it! I can, I know I can!" I screamed before lowering my voice. "I can't let her die…"

"Milee," his voice softened, but I shook my head.

"You don't understand! You don't understand what Mom and I have been through; how much we've suffered because of you!" I pointed at my father, eyes narrowing through the tears. "You never tried to understand us, always taking the easy way out, shoving the problems aside and hoping it'll fix itself. And you know what? I'm sick and tired of it, of it all! I don't want to be your stupid marionette anymore. So leave me the hell alone!"

I turned around and stormed out the door, ignoring the cried of my father and step-mother. I ran and ran until it hurts to run any further. I grabbed onto a lamppost, panting.

"What now? That's what I'd like to know," I breathed out. "I don't want to go back; I don't want to see them. I want to go somewhere far away, far away from them, far away from here."

I let my feet glide me. I wasn't sure where I was going, but anywhere would be better than here. Hours passed and night has fallen. I soon found myself in front of a house booming with loud music.

Without hesitation, I walked in, unbeknownst to me, the moment I stepped into that house, my fate was sealed.

* * *

"Fon Master, what are you doing?" I looked around. Ion was covered in ashes but still held a smile. I looked behind. He looked as if he was trying to bake something, but the item was seen in bits and pieces all over the area, blacken. I raised a brow, waiting for an answer.

"I'm sorry for the mess," he apologized, lowering his head. "I was just trying to bake you a cake for your birthday, but it seems that didn't work out too well."

I sighed. "Fon Master, I already told you. I don't want any sort of celebration."

"But you should at least have a cake—"

"I want nothing to do with my birthday! I hate this day!" I snapped, silencing him. "Ah… I'm sorry, forget it," I whispered, turning away.

"Why?"

"Hmm?" I turned around, seeing Ion's pained face.

"Why would you hate the day you were born? It should be a festive occasion. It's not every day you get to celebrate and enjoy this wondrous day in which you were given birth to."

"But I never asked to be born…" I said quietly, more so to myself, but Ion caught my words.

"You shouldn't say that!" he exclaimed. "In fact, I'm glad you were born! Or else I would have never met such a sweet and kind-heart person like you."

_But they're all lies; I'm not as kind as you think._ I looked away, in no mood to put up a faux personality.

"After all, not everyone is born and given a life of their own."

_That's right; Ion's a replica, born to serve the Order._ I clutched my fist, shaking my head. "Sometimes… it may just be better to have never been born at all. The day of birth, is it anything special? It just means you're getting older, and people start placing more and more expectation on your shoulders. The weight… can be unbearable sometimes. You know Fon Master, this world… fate can be so cruel at times…"

I walked away, overlooking Ion's calls. I pulled out the watch. It was passed midnight; it was over. This horrific day was done.

* * *

As the morning sun came over the mountains, we all set out once again. Jade scolded me for not waking him up or anyone else for that matter, but I assured him I wasn't tired in the least. We all walked in quiet, but I felt Ion's gaze on me. I was surprised, but thankful that he hadn't said anything to anyone about my birthday.

Leaving that alone, I turned my head towards the morning sky. It was no longer dark but bright and beautiful like it should be. Somewhere in the distance, I could see the moon in the faded background. A soft smile formed. I couldn't help but still think it was a reflection of myself; although the sky was showing a beautiful appearance, hiding somewhere will be my moon, my faults hiding, only to be shown when no one was around, when no one was awake to see.

When we stopped, I could see the city of Akzeriuth from below.

"Is that it?" Luke asked, getting excited.

"Yes," Jade replied.

"What are we waiting for? Let's go!" Luke ordered, but Jade stopped us.

"One moment please."

"What now?" Luke demanded angrily.

Jade smiled and turned to me. I froze. "Milee, you stay here."

"Excuse me?" He did not just say what I think he just said.

"In other words, I hereby forbid you to enter the city."

* * *

******A/N**: Yeah, there isn't a lot of Tales of the Abyss involved in this chapter, but I thought I'd at least clear up some stuff about Milee, and let you all see a bit of why she acts the way she has. Don't worry, the next couple of chapters will be suspenseful and intense. :) So, what do you think? Review and get an invisible, digital cookie!


	13. Hands of Fate

**Forlorn Words**

**A/N:** Merry Christmas everyone! Or whatever holiday you celebrate! I hope you all have a good day today! :) So here's my gift to you! Enjoy!

**Disclaimer:** Tales of the Abyss, I don't own you. Why?! :(

* * *

**Chapter Thirteen: Hands of Fate**

"I'm afraid I don't understand," I choked out, trying hard not show my uneasiness.

I looked from one person to the next. I was thankful to see confusion written on the faces of my peers as I didn't want to be the only one left out. I faced the Malkuth soldier, waiting for an explanation from the man, but the longer he took to answer, the more the anxiety struck. After all, it was essential that I go into that city, or I'll never have another chance to go back home again.

"I'm surprised," Jade admited, and I tilted my head in confusion. "That you never asked why we were going to Akzeriuth in the first place."

If there was a time I swore my heart just stopped, it was now. I wasn't too sure if I let my façade slipped at any time during that moment, but regardless, I flashed him a bright smile.

"Well, I've heard snipers of your conversations here and there, and I guess I had an idea of what's going on here. But I am only a civilian after all. Hence, it wouldn't be right for me to inquire about political issues that don't concern me."

I looked at the colonel, still wearing a smile, and he looked back at me, studying. Alas, he broke away. "Is that so? Well, I'll give you a brief summary of what's happening," he said, and I tuned out his explanation, smiling and nodding every so often and reacting appropriately when required.

"That's awful!" I gasped in mock horror. "Then, let's go! We can't keep them waiting!"

"Yeah! Master Van's waiting for us!" Luke added, but Jade ignored him.

"Not you. Remember that I said the miasma is seeking out from under the city, and with your current usual conditions, I can't permit you to enter the city."

"Jade, I'm fine," I assured him. "When I fainted from the miasma back then, it was because I got sprayed directly in the face with it. The miasma here is all spread out. It's fine! I can handle it!"

"And that same incident can very well happen again," Jade said firmly. "We don't know what the situation is current like, and I would rather not risk your safely. Just stay here, and we'll come back for you later tonight."

I frowned, not sure whether to be happy for his concern about my well-being or pissed that I can't go. My eyes met Jade's and then shifted to the others. After Jade's explanation, everyone else was rather firm with the decision that I stayed as well. Breaking away, I looked over to the city, and my heart dropped.

_Now what do I do? I have to find some way of getting in to stop Luke. _I thought just before an idea struck me. _Well, if he doesn't want me in the city… He doesn't have to _know_. I can just sneak in after they go in._ I looked back to the eldest member and nodded.

"Although I'm disappointed, if that's what you think is best…" I looked down, feigning sadness.

"Good. Now we should hurry," Jade concluded as everyone turned to leave. I lifted a hand, waving them goodbye as a devious smile spread across my face. But of course, Jade was two steps ahead. "Oh, I almost forgot."

_What now?!_ "What is it?" I asked sweetly.

"Mieu, could you stay and keep her company?"

Translation: stay and make sure she doesn't follow us in.

"Jade, that's not necessary," I said, trying hard not to grind my teeth.

"You don't mind, do you Mieu? She may be extremely lonely here, waiting for who knows how many hours."

"Jade, really!" I raised my voice a little higher than needed. "I'm sure Mieu wants to stay by Luke's side."

"I don't mind, Mieu!" Mieu squealed, and I glared intensely at him for the few seconds he looked away.

The decision was final. Mieu floated over to me just as everyone left. I caught him in my hands, although trying hard not to squeeze him to his death. However, the little piece of furball seems completely ignorant of the menacing vibes I was currently having trouble containing.

I sat down, extremely frustrated. Did Jade actually expect me to wait here, out in the open where monsters could attack, for a whole day? I set the blue fuzz-ball down on the ground and adjusted my body away from him. If only I could find some way of getting rid of him, then I could escape, stop Luke and hopefully, go home.

I scanned the scenery looking for anything that could distract Mieu. I spotted the monster twirling around, having fun on his own. My fingers curled around the grass and dirt below my hands, angered by the fact that he seemed to be enjoying himself while I sit here, forced to wait for this golden opportunity to pass. Just then, Mieu collapsed on the ground with a heavy sigh.

"Milee, I'm bored!" he cried, which angered me even more.

_Well, you didn't look bored ten seconds ago!_ I mentally screamed.

"Let's play a game! Mieu~" he said, walking over to me. It was then that an idea popped in my head.

My lips tugged up onto a wicked smile. If he wants to play, we'll play. "Alright," I smiled sweetly. "How about something called 'Hide and Seek'?" I asked, and when Mieu gave me a puzzled look and asked what Hide and Seek was, I explained, "It's a game where one person hides, and the other person looks for him. The seeker must close his or her eyes and count to a hundred while the other person hides somewhere. After the seeker is done counting, the seeker must find the hider. Understand?"

"Yeah! Yeah! Let's play!" he exclaimed excitedly.

"Alright, why don't you count first?" I suggested and smirked when he agreed.

"Okay! Let's start, Mieu! One, two…" he started counting, covering his eyes.

It was then that I made a break for it. I quietly picked up my backpack and ran off into the direction of Akzeriuth. Faintly, I could still hear the counting from Mieu, and my smile grew. That dumb furball will probably just keep looking the whole day and won't know that I left.

The adrenaline rushed through me. I could see the scenery becoming a blur to me as I passed by it like the wind, not bothering to take in my surroundings. The miasma from Akzeriuth seeped out from the distance, guiding me to my destination. My face burned, and my legs felt tight and heavy, but I didn't care. My goal was in reach, so close; I just need to get to the city.

As I pushed my way through the dense forest that I was forced to flee through, I saw light up ahead. With one final step, I made it into the clearing, to the road where it'll take me straight to the city and to a new surprise.

I halted, my eyes widened as I took one step back. I turned around ready to bolt in the other direction, but it seemed as if I was surrounded.

Silver amour all surrounded me with deadly edges ready to piece into my flesh at a single movement. There were at least two dozen Oracle Knights, covering every potential escape route possible.

"Kamilla Velandia, you're coming with us," one, who I'd assume was their leader, spoke. "Either you come quietly or we'll take you by force."

I ignored his latter sentence, more focused on the name he just mention. _Kamilla Velandia, huh? I guess we're not completely alike after all… Still, at least I know her full name now. Although, knowing that would be meaningless if I can't escape from here._

I stared hard at the man and then looked at his mini typhoon waiting in the wings. This choice was obvious. I stood no chance against all these knights, but the question was, what do they want from me?

Clearly, Legretta wanted me dead. Thus, being Oracle Knights, shouldn't they try to kill me as well? I'd be pointless to ask, and there was only one way to find out. However, I had other—more important, priorities right now.

But can I flee to Akzeriuth safely, miraculously escaping two dozen Oracle Knights?

I knew what the answer was.

I retraced my hand from the hilt of my sword, putting both hands in the air.

"So, you're not as dumb as you look after all," the commander smirked, walking up to me. "I don't know why he wants to keep you alive. Someone like you is better off de—"

I swiftly sent one of my legs straight up, nailing his family jewels.

At that instant of time, I reached for my sword and rapidly brought it up, thrusting it through the eye holes of his helmet. A blood curdling scream sounded from the man, but I didn't care. I used my legs and kicked him into some shocked Oracle Knights, pulling my sword from his skull. Taking advantage of his stunned subordinates, I fled the scene.

They wouldn't dare follow me to Akzeriuth in fear of ruining Van's plans. Thus, I sped up, pushing my legs to its limits to increase the distance between us. Unfortunately, it didn't take long for them to catch up to me. As quickly as I could, I used barrier around me, shielding myself as half a dozen swords thrust in my direction, knocking me to the ground.

My head was spinning, but I knew all was lost if I gave up now. I started swinging my sword around violently, not sure what was happening, but when I felt something pierce through my arm, pinning me to ground, I knew I lost this round.

I cried out, feeling heavy, hot liquid run down my arm, and the soldiers made it worst by roughly pulling it out and stabbing me once more but through my left leg this time.

"Crazy bitch!" the soldier swore, kicking my side. "That's what you get for killing our commander!"

I groaned, feeling my body numbing at an alarming rate.

"Hey, the commandant wants her alive, remember?" I faintly heard one soldier said.

"Pfft, fine!" the soldier said but gave me one solid kick before leaving me to my misery.

I wasn't really sure what happened next, but I felt someone picked me up and flung my body over his shoulders. I cried out in protest at his rough handling, but he ignored me.

My vision felt worst, and my body constantly cried out in severe pain. It wasn't like last time when I was carried like this. Last time was different; last time, the shoulder was warm unlike the cold, solid one jabbing into my stomach right now.

My head pounded from all the sudden events. I wish I knew where they were taking me, or more importantly, what was going to happen to me now?

After several minutes, they stopped and sounds of a door opened. I looked up, seeing as my vision was started to clear up. A large white ship was in sight; of course, the Tartarus. Where else would they take me?

I frowned, having to come back to this beautiful ship in such a manner. The knight took many twists and turns, but I knew exactly where he was going. The soldier stopped at a door, with one other Oracle Knight standing guard. After saluting to each other, he let us in.

I watched as he unlocked a jail and brutally threw me in. I screamed, pain coursing through my body, but the sounds of the door slamming shut and being locked told me I wasn't getting any medical attention whatsoever, not that I expected any anyways.

I curled into a ball, heaving in and out before placing a hand on my arm and casting first aid then proceeded to do the same with my punctured leg. I bit my lips, not feeling the warmth of the arte but the ache of my flesh mending itself together. I did as much as I could before leaning down against the wall, exhausted.

"Damn those bastards," I swore, hissing as I took in the pain.

"You really do have a habit of getting kidnapped."

That voice! "Asch?" I questioned facing the wall of the cell next to mine. I instantly raced over to the front of my cell and tried to peek over to catch a glimpse of him as if my body reacted on its own, ignoring the pain. My heart panged when it caught no sight of red.

_That's strange…_ I thought, placing a hand over my thumping heart, and then over to my flushing face. However, my cool fingers rapidly warmed with contact. _Why do I feel so strange?_

"Are you alright?" His voice came through once more, breaking my trance.

"O-Oh yes, I'm fine. I already healed my wounds," I stuttered, thankful he couldn't see my reddened face. It was then that something occurred to me. "Asch, why are you in there anyways?"

"The Oracle Knights turned against me and threw me in here, probably orders from Van."

I nodded, sliding down against the wall that separated us. Van doesn't want Asch to get killed, so obviously he'd jailed him, especially now that Asch was getting suspicious of him. However, why was I here? I frowned.

"Hey," he called, breaking my thoughts. "Don't you think it's about time you told me what's going on here?"

I paused slightly before answering. "And what makes you so sure I know what's going on? In case you haven't noticed, I'm stuck in jail too."

"I'm tired of your games, what's going on here?! Van's trying to destroy Akzeriuth, isn't he?" he demanded, and I flinched from his tone. "Van likely ordered your arrest because you either have something he wants or you know something that might jeopardize his plans, and I'm thinking it's the latter. Now speak!"

I curled my legs in close to my body, resting my chin on my knees. _What do I do now? Tell him? But what good would that do for me?_ "What's the point in knowing the details?" I asked, no longer denying his accusations. "You know he's plotting something terrible, so stop him."

I waited for a reply but none came. I buried my head into my knees. _I feel like a bitch._

"…You're impossible," he finally spoke, and I sunk even further than before.

"I guess," I admitted to my dismay; my chest hurting. "I'm not very lovable, am I? You must want to shove a knife down my throat or something, huh?"

"You have no idea…" I heard, causing me to lower my head, letting my bangs fall. "I have never met anyone so cheeky, so annoying and mentally insane before in my life."

"…" My chest tightened.

"However… I wouldn't necessarily say it's a bad thing." I lifted my head; a spark lit from within. Asch continued, "I mean compared to that fake sugar-plum like persona you always put on in public, honestly, I'd prefer your true annoying self over that one any day. It just feels more humane, like I'm actually talking to a real person rather than to some kind of doll or whatever."

"…" I turned my head, wanting to see him, to confirm that I wasn't hearing things. I touched the wall, pressing my forehead to it, knowing Asch was right on the other side. My heart skipped a beat. "So… is it okay… to keep being myself? You won't hate me for it, will you?" I hesitated to ask; my body tensed as it waited for an answer.

"Of course not," he whispered gently. "There's nothing wrong with being who you are."

My cheeks felt hot as I curved my lips into a gentle smile. I hardly noticed the cool stone wall brushing against my face as I closed my eyes, pressing forward, wishing the wall would disappear.

For the first time, someone accepted me, my faults.

For the first time, I was grateful for this misfortune that brought me here, that brought me to him.

* * *

"So, any ideas on how to get out of here?" I asked, leaning my head back.

I wasn't going to give up, not yet. I had my priorities after all. Even though I was happy about what Asch said, truth was, he was just a fictional character. His words didn't have meaning to a real person.

Although, when I kept repeating that thought and the idea of going home, my heart pained for some reason. It was strange. Why would it hurt? I hate it here. All these strange and alien emotions were suddenly being pulled out from inside the safe I'd kept locked within the deepest parts of my heart. I was scared, but for some reason, was there something I would regret if I leave? Something I would miss, or rather, someone?

I turned my heard upon hearing a voice that made my heart thump.

"I've tried," Asch confessed. I heard a sigh that follows. "Nonetheless, there doesn't seem to be any way out. But I can't give up now, not when Van's planning to destroy Akzeriuth and thousands of lives! There has to be a way."

"Y-yeah," I stuttered. He was right; we had to stop Van, although our reasons were completely different from one another's. I had set a goal for myself, to live and go back to the real world. That should be all that was going through my head now.

I lightly slapped both sides of my cheeks. _Okay, Milee. This is your resolute, be strong and go for it._ Quietly, scheming up a plan, something came to mind.

If I remember correctly, there was only one guard stationed out the door of the jail room.

"Hey, Asch," I called out. "Can you make a lot of noise?"

"Excuse me?" Hint of confusion aroused in this voice.

"Get their attention!" I yelled before letting my body fall with a loud thump.

It seemed Asch understood my plans as he started hollering for the guards. I closed my eyes upon hearing the door creaked open, and the guard demanding what was all the commotion about.

"There's something wrong with her." Asch's voice rang. "Those wounds she received earlier may have gotten infected."

"Che! Not my problem," the guard sneered.

"But Van wants her alive, isn't that right? And I heard she has a weak body as well. She may die at this rate, and it'll be all your fault. Then, you have to deal with the commandant personally."

It took everything I had not to burst out laughing. I can just imagine the look on that knight's face right about now.

I heard the jingling, probably the knight fiddling with his keys, and then the door opened, and my heart pounded. I only had one shot at this.

"Hey you, are you okay? Hey!" The Oracle Knights voice was near my body now, and from the sliver through the curtain of hair, I could see that he was right there.

He bent down. "Hey," he shouted once more. "Say some—"

That was when I acted.

As quickly as I could, my right hand latched onto his arm, surprising him just before I used my left elbow and thrust it as hard as I could into his neck. I smiled, knowing I hit the correct pressure point when he fell forward, unconscious.

I got up and reached for his keys, but the sword that laid by his hips glinted.

_Don't Milee, it's wrong! Just escape while he's unconscious! _I heard my super-ego cried._ You're not a murder!_ I frowned. "Of course I'm not," I snorted quietly to myself before sliding the sword from its sheath. "This is just a game, fiction. Killing here doesn't count."

After plunging the sword down, I grabbed the keys and unlocked Asch's cell. He gave me a funny look as he walked out. I saw his eyes turned slightly to the cell I just came from before looking away.

"You didn't have to do that," he said.

"…" I looked down, feeling dishearten by Asch's disappointing tone. "If I didn't… he would have came after us. Let's go," I changed the topic. "We have to stop Van, remember?"

I saw him nod—slightly discomforted by my actions, but thankfully, he knew his priorities.

The moment we walked out that door, we rushed to find an exit as swiftly as possible while keeping the noise to a minimum. The last thing we wanted was to increase the threshold to where Van was current at.

It didn't take long to find our swords since they were stored nearby. After retrieving them, I depended on Asch to find the quickest route out. Thankfully, the Tartarus was docked, and thus, we quickly escaped from out of a porthole.

Suddenly, Asch grabbed me by the back of my shirt, pulling me behind the Tartarus.

"Wha—"

"Shh!" Asch hushed me, pointing to the Oracle Knights in the distance.

"Take them out?" I suggested, but he shook his head.

"No, it'll cause too much commotion. We'll be spotted quickly out in the open."

I frowned, "But the longer we wait, who knows what will happen!" I complained. "Let's just take them out quickly and then run!" I cried.

"But your injuries—"

"It's fine!" I shrugged him off. "Let's go!"

I raced off, hearing a curse from behind. The soldiers quickly looked in our direction, but I slammed one of them in the face just as Asch did the same with the other soldier. I could hear clinking as the other soldiers nearby overheard.

However, instead of staying to fight, Asch decided for us and grabbed me by the wrist.

"Run dammit!" he shouted.

And that was what I did.

Footsteps against fallen leaves and branches sounded, giving away our locations, but that was the furthest thing from our minds right now. Everything passed by so quickly, like a blur of green and brown. Although strangely enough, even if I couldn't see where I was going, I trusted Asch. I ran wherever he took me, knowing I was safe with him.

It seemed like someone put a loop in on this scene. We kept running for what seemed like an eternity. My lungs burned, and my legs began to wobble. I felt Asch constantly having to pull me up.

Suddenly, Asch raced to the side, pulling me into the dense bushes of the forest we entered. His one hand clamped itself around my mouth while the other encircled around my body, pulling me up and against his chest.

"Shh!" he whispered quietly in my ear, pulling me closer until I felt my head fit into the crook of his neck. My face flushed.

I barely noticed that Oracle Knights ran passed us, now blindingly chasing after the wind. All that I perceived was Asch's body pressed close to mind, and my head was spinning from all the heat that was rising to my face. I breathed deeply, inhaling his scent: pine, blood and sweat. Disgusting really, but it caused all the more ache for it, knowing it was Asch's.

I closed my eyes, hearing his heart thump against mine. I wish time would stop; it was warm like this, being able to be held with strong arms. But alas, not a moment later, he released me.

"Looks like the coast is clear," he replied, squinting his eyes to double-check before facing me. "Let's—are you okay? Your face is red."

"Y-Yeah, totally," I mumbled, averting my eyes from his. "I'm fine—"

I abruptly paused, seeing Asch leaned in. My cheeks felt hotter and hotter, and I quickly slammed my eyelids shut, waiting for it to come, but instead of what I believed would have happened, I felt Asch's forehead on mine.

"You're burning up. Are you sure you're okay?" he asked, and I opened my eyes. My heart skipped a beat as my hazel orbs met his green ones.

He was so deadly close. His breath warm on my cheeks as he spoke from his pale lips. Just one inch; if I just move one inch, I could possibly…

No! I can't!

I swiftly shoved him away, hearing a thump on the ground, but I turned away, hands to my cheeks.

They were so very hot, not even my icy fingers could be of any help. My hands slid to my chest, grasping my shirt. It was beating so hard, as if it could rip itself from out of my body at any second. I strengthened my grip, but it failed to slow its rate.

I didn't understand; why did I feel so strange all of a sudden? I was never like this around anyone else. Not my family or my peers at school, not around Guy whom has sort of become like an older brother to me or Luke, who was his replica.

Then why? Why was _he_ the only one I feel strange around?

Why…Asch?

"Seriously, what's your problem?" I heard a snare from behind. Asch stood, brushing his clothing. "Next time, remind me not to be so considerate of your well-being."

"A—sorry…" I murmured quietly, lowering my head.

"Whatever, let's go," he commanded, leading the way through the dense forest.

We ran in complete silence. Every minute or so, I would glance up to see a scowl on his face and then lower my head, regretting my actions. However, it wasn't _my_ fault, was it? It was only normal to react that way if someone invaded his or her bubble. I frowned.

Then why? Why do I feel as if it was something more?

I turned my head slightly, gnawing on my bottom lip. _I'm probably just over thinking things._ I thought. _I mean, why do I care about how he feels about me?_ I asked myself, but those thoughts felt heavy.

I looked back at Asch. His fiery red hair, emerald green eyes and his sudden gentleness that made my heart race: why must you inscribe your very presence so deep into my heart that it hurts? Why did you have to come into my life?

I closed my eyes and turned away. _Just forget about him, Milee! Remember your objective here!_ I told myself, but when a sudden hand reached out and pulled me into another embrace, all thoughts shattered.

"Shh!" Asch hushed, and it was like déjà vu all over again.

This time, I looked over at what he was referring to. I squinted my eyes, trying to get a better view of the situation. I could see about a dozen Oracle knights in the distance and one other person in brown. She looked to be surrounded by them.

"Is that… Tear?" I muttered through his hand.

"Van's sister," he growled between his teeth. "If she's here, then that means Van really is trying to destroy the city. Come on, let's go!" he ordered, letting me go.

"You're not going to help her?" I asked; an eyebrow rose.

"She can handle herself; we need to stop Van!"

"She looks like she getting beat up!"

"Look! Let's just go!" Asch snapped, grabbing my wrist and roughly pulling. Although unfortunately for me, my foot got caught on a tree's roots, and I noisily fell over.

"Ow! You didn't have to be so rough, you big ape!"

"Hey, you!"

Both of us froze, instantly knowing we were caught. Oracle soldiers quickly rushed over, charging with their swords glistering in sight. I faced Asch, waiting for a signal of some sort, but he drew his sword.

"We can't run now," he replied as if he was reading my mind. "Let's finish this fast."

I nodded, and we both drove into the fray. Metal clashed, and I instantly knew they were not your average Oracle Knights. Also, by the frown on the Asch's face, he knew as well.

My sword drove left, but the soldier dodged, letting my blade slide across the armour like a sharpening tool. He retaliated, swing his sword at me, but I brought it down in the nick of time. However, my hands shook from the aftershocks of his sword onto mine. I grinded my teeth, mentally swearing as the trembling got worst and the injury I had received beforehand began to pained once more. I pulled my blade out from underneath then jumped back in succession. He followed after me, but in turn, I grabbed a rock nearby and sharply threw it, surprising the Oracle Knight. In the moments he was caught off guard, I drove, launching my sword straight up, aiming for that open slit exposing the hyoid region of his body. Unluckily, he pulled back just in time, and I ended up hitting his helmet instead. The Oracle knight launched a counter-attack and slammed his sword down. It wasn't long before he overpowered me and threw me to the ground. Thankfully, Tear was able to cast one of her hymns to save me.

"Are you alright?" she asked. I nodded shakily, standing.

"At this rate," Asch began with his back to us. "Akzeriuth is doomed before we can even make it there!"

"What are you talking about?" Tear demanded. "It's my brother, isn't it?"

Asch threw another soldier aside, slicing his abdomen before answering. "Yeah, but we don't have time to talk about it! We have to stop him, now!"

"No shit, Sherlock," I muttered, rolling my eyes. But he didn't hear me. Instead, I said something else. "They're too strong; we can't kill them _all_ in a short amount of time! Let's just run!"

"There's no way we can outrun them!" Tear answered, gasping, obviously tired.

"Not unless someone holds them off," Asch said, not breaking away from the fight. "Hey Brat!"

"I'm older than you, just to let you know!" I hissed, insulted with his words.

He ignored me and continued, "Run to Akzeriuth and stop the dreck before he does any more damage! We'll hold them off."

"I agree," Tear nodded.

I recoiled, shocked. "W-Why me?" I cried.

Asch didn't look back at me as he replied; still watching the Oracle Knight's every movement. "One: there's no way he would listen to me. That dimwit refuses to listen to reason. Two: those Oracle Knights don't know your face that well, therefore you can move more freely around the city. Three: you're more of a liability than help here! There's no way you can hold them back long enough for someone to escape."

Heat rose to my cheeks, but I turned away with a pout, knowing he was right. My eyes shifted to Tears, hoping she'd oppose, but she nodded her head, signalling me to go. Sighing in defect, I stood, watching the Oracle Knights and waiting for some kind of signal. I didn't get the chance to hold my breath before both sides charged, and I was forced to run the other way, towards the miasma-filled city.

The clock was ticking, and I only had one shot at this. I know this wasn't what I originally planned, but it mattered not. This was probably the one chance I had left of ending this game. I can't stay here any longer and forget who I was.

_Run Milee, run! _ I cried out. But shivers went down my spine hearing a shrivelled laugh. I shook my head. _Must be my imagination._

_Run Milee, run all you want, but you can't change the hands of fate. Run Milee, and bury yourself in your sorrow._

* * *

"So this is the mine shaft?"

I poked my head in, but immediately withdrew it, feeling my chest winced. I grimaced. Jade was right; all this miasma really was bad for this body.

I blinked, seeing as my vision started to blur. "I can't give up now!" I exclaimed. Pulling out a handkerchief, I covered my mouth and nose and entered the mine.

The first thing I noticed was there were no monsters anywhere, not that I was disappointed in the least. I hurried onward. That was when I noticed the second thing upon entering. It was that I was lost.

Everywhere I looked there were tunnels and all kinds of different marking leading to different parts of the mine. Of course, the markings were all labeled in the fonic alphabet that I still had yet to learn. I frowned, noticing my body feeling heavy.

I hadn't got much time; I knew I was going to fall unconscious soon with the miasma poisoning this body. So I was just going to have to pick one and hope it was the right one.

Closing my eyes and pointed in a random direction. Opening, I paled to see that it was the darkest and creepiest looking one of them all. _Well, from what I remember, they went to the deeper parts of the mine, right? Besides, the Sephiroth wouldn't be so close to the surface, so it's got to be right!_

Shaking away the doubt still lingering, I hurried into the dark tunnel up ahead. I slowed my pace with every step, hearing the echoes that sounded from my footsteps. The further I ventured in, the more I started to doubt that this was the correct path. Following twists and turns and into dead ends, I found myself to be deep within the caves, but likely nowhere near where Luke was.

"If only I understood the fonic language, or better yet, why can't it be written in the modern English alphabet?" I hissed through the piece of cloth. Suddenly, my knees gave out for a split second, causing me to limp forward. "Dammit! I have to hurry. The further I go in, the worst the miasma is."

Deciding on a cave, I entered only to stop, hearing something off.

"Why do I have a bad feeling…?" I paused, listening before my eyes slowly turned upwards, and I raised my lantern up. I paled. "B-B-Bats!"

At my sudden outburst, numerous bats flew from their hiding place and headed in my direction. I screamed and ran out that tunnel. Honestly, I wasn't paying any attention at all to where I was going. All that was going through my mind at the moment were vicious, angry bats out to get me.

I followed wherever my feet took me. Constantly, I turned here and there, until I reached a point where I passed a yellow sign.

I didn't stop to look at it, probably written in the fonic alphabet anyways, but I could have sworn it looked like one of those 'Danger, do not enter.' signs. Sadly, my intuition failed once again to show up at the right time.

The moment my foot connected with the ground up ahead, I felt the ground crumbling at an exponential rate and soon, this all-too familiar feeling of free-fall had yet again surfaced.

I screamed, letting out ripples of curses along the way down. I swiftly tried to conjure up the fonons within me and casted barrier, softening the impact. I bit my lips, trying not to cry out in pain as a leg pinched itself between two large rocks. Counting to three, I brutally pulled it out, cringing at the sounds of tearing flesh.

I was grateful my lantern blew out, not wanting to look at my injury at the moment. Calming myself, I casted first-aid. However, my head started to pain and fits of coughing began.

"Shit," I swore, feeling moisture come out and knowing it wasn't saliva. "I have to hurry."

I shakily stood, attempting to steady myself. It had dawned onto me that there was a light glow coming from one the pathways. Taking that as I sign, I hastened my pace. To my surprise, delight and horror, it was the entrance way to the Sephiroth that lit up the mine, but the seal was broken and the entrance way exposed itself.

"That means Luke and Van are already inside!" I panicked. Ignoring the pain, I ran to the Sephiroth. Nonetheless, nothing ever goes smoothly anymore.

"My, you look as if you been casted into the abyss," a sinister chuckle echoed.

My insides froze. _Enemy at seven o'clock, my leg is injured and time is running out. Screw her!_ I decided, ignoring the new arrival and continue towards my destination but much quicker this time.

"Think you can run away from me, Hun?" I heard faintly, but I was so close that I didn't care. Just five more metres until I was inside, just five! Four, three, two—"Ah!" I screamed as someone jumped in front of me blade smashing through the ground where I was just standing before. I pulled back, finally getting a good look at the woman. Even from the shadowed face, the glow from the Sephiroth from behind her instantly gave away her identity.

"You!" I glared, and she smirked.

"It's been awhile," she spoke, smirking as she tossed her long, white hair over her shoulders, pointing her blade at me. "En garde."

"What is wrong with you?" I hollered, finally releasing all my anger. "You brought me here against my will, poked fun at me, won't tell me anything about what's going on, left me hanging for who knows how long and now you plan to get in my way of freedom? Well, I have had it! I'm going back to my world no matter what! So get out of my way!"

I ran towards her, sword out and ready to kill. I swung, but she disappeared. Before I could look for her, a kick sent me flying.

"Pathetic," she said. Her red eyes dully looking over as she spoke, "Is that all?"

My grip tightened, and I ran forward once again following a battle cry. Our swords clashed, but what infuriated me the most was that she wasn't even trying. She easily knocked me aside, with one hand on her sword as she sniffed a yawn. Pushing my body off the ground, I winced, feeling the pain in my leg from the fall.

"You can't win, Milee."

"You don't know that," I retorted but was answered with a laugh.

"Oh, yes I do. Yes, I do," she said darkly, walking over to me. "Why do you think our levels are so different from each other? Yet, you were able to handle all those soldiers and monsters beforehand? Tell me Milee, why?"

I shook my head, glaring. "How the hell am I supposed to know? Why does it matter anyways?"

She laughed once more. "Oh, you poor soul, you _still_ haven't realized it yet?"

"What are you talking about?" I demanded, not liking where this was going.

"Who do you think helped you all this time? Do you really think a civilian like yourself who only has a month's worth of sword-handling could kill soldiers who have been training for several years?"

"I-I—" My eyes widened.

Her eyes softened. "It's because I was helping you Milee. You know I have no physical form, don't you? Why do you think I can move about so freely and enter your dreams? Call me a spirit, a ghost if you will, but I no longer exist in this world. I wanted to help you. Hence, I transfer some of my spirit into you that day we first met."

I shuddered, remembering the kiss she gave me. I shook my head. "I don't understand."

"Think of me as your guide. Who do you think whispered those words to you in the heat of a battle and allowed you to discover those artes? Why do you think your body suddenly reacted just before facing death? I can partially control that body of yours, you know."

"I—"

"You're welcome," she replied with a smug.

I frowned. "You're not making _any_ sense! Why save me if you dragged me into this world in the first place?"

Her smile faded. "Don't worry about it."

I angrily slammed my sword into the ground. "There you go again! Why won't you tell me anything? If you're my _guide_, guide me home already! I'm sick of this world, and I'm sick of being in this messed up body. I… I just want to go home!"

I picked up my sword again and charged at her. She blocked my attack. We were face to face now; my eyes glaring into her red ones.

"What you're doing is pointless," she said.

"What are you talking about? If I stop Van, the city won't be destroyed, and then there won't be any plotline," I answered as if it was the most logical thing in the world.

She snorted, "Just because you stopped _one_ city from being destroyed, you think someone like Van will stop his ambitions? Are you stupid?"

I blushed, "B-But, if Luke knows the truth, he won't be used as a pawn to start the war and all this pointless chaos will be prevented!"

She sighed, shaking her head. "You're wasting your time."

"If you think I'm wasting my time, move out of my way, and let me _waste_ my time!" I shouted, pushing harder on my blade. "Just who are you to tell me what I can and can't do? You think you're so smart, Bitch…"

She blinked, taken back. "You _still_ don't know who I am? Oh, you really are stupid."

I opened my mouth to further vent my confusion, but I caught a glimpse of her face for the first time. I hate to admit it, but she does look vaguely familiar. Her eyes suddenly flashed over to stare directly into mine. I froze; the red was definitely piercing, but what if… what if they were a different colour… what if they were hazel, like mine—

My eyes widened, and I moved to push her away, but she moved to the left, kicking her foot out in the process. I tipped and plummeted face first into the dirt below.

"So, you realized, haven't you?" she inquired, smirking.

"Get out of my way," I said quietly, slowly getting up. "I need to stop Luke."

"There you go again," she sighed. "Fine, have it your way. I was just saving you from the trauma of failure and more unnecessary pain. The outcome wouldn't change."

I ignored her and moved towards the light but stopped just at the entrance.

"Tell me," I began hesitantly, looking over my shoulder. A part of me terrified to find out the truth. "What's your name?"

It took me by surprised when a gentle, pained smile appeared on her face. "I have no name, not anymore," she whispered. "But if you must call me something. Call me Kamilla."

* * *

"Luke, stop!" I cried as loud as I could, gripping the rails.

It took all I had to run over and find this place. I had spotted Luke, Ion and Van just in front of the Sephiroth with Luke getting ready to use his hyperresonance. Unfortunately, I was still quite a distance above, leaving my only option to hope that Luke wasn't deaf and yell. I felt a heavy weight off my shoulders when he turned towards me.

He gave me a confused look, Ion as well, but Van, on the other hand, had a scowl. I didn't give him any more time to brainwash him as I decided to take a shortcut and jumped over the rails. Truthfully, I wasn't sure that was the best idea, especially with my leg injury, but Luke seemed to have responded well and caught me just in time.

"What the hell?" was the first thing that came out of his mouth. "Didn't Jade tell you not to go inside the city?"

"Long story," I flashed a smile. "But Luke, you shouldn't be here. Let's go, okay? Have some common sense and listen to your own conscience for once." _Namely Asch_, I mentally added before pulling him by the arm.

"What? Let go!" he pulled his arm away from mine. "I'm going to save Akzeriuth with my hyperresonance!"

I sighed, dropping my smile. "Okay Luke, I didn't want to mentally scar your childish intellect, but listen to me. Van is a psychopath who wants to destroy Akzeriuth."

I heard a laugh from the background, and I saw Van approach. I stood, sword pulled out in a defensive stance.

"Van," I glared.

"Kamilla, you are too amusing," he laughed.

"Milee, what's going on?" Ion asked, approaching as well.

"Ion, get away from him. He's planning to destroy the city with Luke's hyperresonance!"

"Kamilla, where did you ever get the idea?" he laughed, before his eyes turn cold. "Luke, get away from her. She obviously wants the people to die and for a war to break out between Malkuth and Kimlasca."

I heard movement from behind and before I could react, Luke was already by his Master's side, pointing a sword at me.

"Luke! Are you really going to believe him? Don't you find what he's saying to be a little suspicious?"

"The only thing I find suspicious is you!" he growled. "Master Van's only trying to save Akzeriuth. He's a good and honest person!"

"Are you seriously _that_ naïve?" I hissed. "Ion! Tell this fool that something's amiss!" Ion shrunk, looking back and forth, lost in the fray. I cursed. "Forget it. If I can't solve this peacefully, then I'll just have to use force."

I reacted, pointing my sword at Luke. I know I can't defect Van, but if only I could knock Luke unconscious then everything will work out. However, Luke responded well and rushed at me as well.

"No, Luke! Milee! Stop!" I heard Ion cry to my surprise.

_Sure, Ion doesn't want a fight to break out here, but why do I feel that's not the real reason he wants us to stop? Unless…_ My eyes widened. "Shit!" I cursed, remembering that this body was a seventh fonist's body. In spite of this, it was too late as our weapons clashed. I felt a strong wave of repulsion emitting from both our bodies. "Hyperresonance—!" I gasped, and my eyes shifted quickly to Van, who was smirking. "No!"

"Kamilla, you fool. You only helped powered up the hyperresonance," he said, his smile growing. "Now, foolish replica Luke, unleash your power!"

All I remember was the shocked look on Luke's face and a monstrous surge of power being omitted before I was sent flying, my head smashing against something hard and my consciousness fading.

_Dear Milee, the hands of fate cannot be changed so easily._

* * *

**A/N:** Anyone surprised? Tell me what you think! Review please and have a safe and happy holiday!


	14. Game Over

**Forlorn Words**

**A/N:** Thanks to everyone who reviewed last chapter! I know I've been slow. School work has been slowing me down as well as just trying to figure out all the pieces together. I hate loopholes in stories, so better to make sure there isn't any than to fix it later.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Tales of the Abyss.

* * *

**Chapter Fourteen: Game Over**

Crying…

Why do I hear crying?

I glanced over slightly, seeing a little girl, about five or so, crying. Her long brown hair covered her face, but it was apparent that bandages were present. However, that was not the reason for her tears.

I tilted my head slightly while frowning as something strangely familiar about her was irking me. I slowly walked towards her, reaching out to touch her shoulders but suddenly stopped.

My eyes widened slightly, horrified by the sight that had appeared before me. A white bed; a white hospital bed materialized before the girl. She continued to cry as sounds of beeping was heard. I sharply pulled back, and I turned away from the girl, adjusting my vision towards the figure that lay on the pure white sheets. She was asleep, with an oxygen mask over her ashen face.

My knees felt weak as one foot moved in front of the other. I tried to call out, but my throat felt hoarse. I swallowed a lump in my throat, but it still felt heavy and suffocating.

"…" I closed my eyes and forced myself to call out. "Mom—"

The doors banged opened, and by reflexes, my head turned. A man and woman in their late twenties entered, unkempt and out of breath. The woman looked away in shame, letting herself blend into the wallpaper while pulling a scarf over the visible, affectionate red marks around her neck. On the other hand, the man spotted the girl weeping first, and fear and guilt gradually engraved into his eyes and facial features. He seemed flustered, looking between her and the figure that laid only a few metres away.

I whimpered, "Father." An unsteady feeling overwhelmed me.

He walked towards the girl, hands reaching out but stopped just a few centimetres away before retracing his hand. Turning away, he walked up to the patient.

"Why?" he whispered. "How?"

I could see the tears starting to form in his eyes, but a bitter sensation grew within me.

"What do you mean why?!" I cried, even knowing he couldn't hear me. "You know why!"

The door opened again, and a middle aged man appeared, dressed in a white lab coat and holding a clipboard. He looked up, surprised at the amount of people in the room.

"Are you… the husband?" he asked and received a slight nod. He opened his mouth, but instantly faced the weeping girl in the room with a hesitant expression. "Your daughter—"

"Um… let me," the woman answered shyly, running up to the girl. "Come on sweetie," she whispered gently, taking a handkerchief and wiping her cheeks. "Let's go get a snack, okay?"

The girl didn't protest when the woman picked her up but continued to cry, as if she was oblivious to everything that happened around her. Her eyes caught the man's in a sad expression as he mouthed the words "thank you" to her. Nodding, she exited, and the scenery changed to the hallways of the hospital. However, the moment she closed the door behind her, the little girl let out a terrible screech, fighting desperately to release herself from the woman's grips.

The door banged opened once more as the doctor and the man emerged.

"Ah–I'm sorry," the woman apologized, trying to hush her up. "Stop crying…please?"

"Mommy! Mommy!" the girl continued to wail, and my heart sunk even further. I ran over, trying to help the girl pry the strong arms away, but my arms went through as I expected.

"Why?" I hissed angrily.

"Daddy, Daddy!" she suddenly screamed, looking at him with large honey-like coloured eyes, and the man froze stiff. "Mommy—Mommy is…Mommy is…!"

He turned away, afraid to look her in the eyes. I growled, wanting to slap him across the face. "Coward!" I snared.

The doctor sighed, pulling something out of his pocket: a needle. "Okay, time for you to go back to sleep if you want to get better quickly," he said sweetly, plastering the usual smile he seemed to have mastered throughout the years in that profession. Grabbing her arm, she cried out in protest, but he pulled up her sleeve and within seconds, the liquid was gone from the needle.

Not surprisingly, my dream started to distort and blackened as the girl closed her lids. I looked away, but something caught my ears before the dream fell apart.

"I can't believe she would do such a thing and to involve a child as young as this."

"Her brain is severely damaged; she may never wake up again."

"…I see… maybe it's for the best…"

My eyes fluttered opened, finding drops of water at the crease of my lids. I stared hazily at the wooden board above my head, ignoring the drops that fell. A few minutes passed before I blinked away the rest, drying them with the blanket before letting my body roll off the bed. I studied my surroundings.

A small, familiar room darkened by the lack of sunlight coming from the windows and fumed by the strong scent of metallic; I instantly knew.

"Tartarus," I spoke, pulling the blanket around my half-naked frame as shivers when throughout my body. I walked out, wanting to desert this suffocating room; turning my head in both directions, I looked for any signs of life.

Empty.

Two long, dark halls stretched out before me in a seemingly endless path. Dead flies littered themselves like a long, thin carpet, patterning the tiles; their measly lived ended in a single whiff of the now poisonous air floating about.

I pressed the ends of the blanket against my nostrils and mouth, finally feeling the effects within this body. I limped slightly, feeling a tad dizzy. Using the walls as a guide, I let my feet glide across the surface towards where I'd hope everyone else was.

Recollection of the recent events appeared, causing my hands to tightened. I had failed. I was still in this world, now deep within the sea of miasma where I could die at any moment. It was like getting a slap across the face as well as having them laugh at me. Pitiful, really.

I stopped and sighed, leaning the back of my head up and against the walls. "Why? Why can't I win? Are you enjoying my pain? Enjoy seeing me fail one time after another?" I shook my head. This wasn't getting anywhere. I was still a mouse trapped in one's maze; just when I thought I was headed in the right direction, another wall appeared, trapping me further into this twisted game.

I advanced forward, finally reaching a set of stairs up to the deck. One by one, my footsteps creaked as they pressed against the steps. My ears perked upon hearing voices behind the door. Not in the mood for wiping away my frown, I pulled the blanket tighter around my lips then proceeded to opening the door.

The voices immediately stopped, and seven pairs of eyes landed on me. I froze, suddenly feeling nervous. I waited, but no one spoke. My eyes shifted from one person's to another until they finally rested on Luke's. His face gradually crumpled up, and in a flash, he pointed angrily at me.

"Her!" he shouted as I was taken aback by surprised. "It's her fault! Yeah! Not mine! It's all her fault!"

_What the hell…?_ I raised an eyebrow. _Not exactly the type of greeting I'd expected…_

"Luke," Tear began, but Luke hastily interrupted.

"It is! It is!" he cried, running up to me, crudely grabbing my wrist and pulling me forward. I tripped over my two feet, but Luke didn't bother supporting me as he let me fall face first into the ground.

"Luke!" I heard Guy shout, but my head was all jumbled up to care. I saw the blurry figures of Natalia and Ion immediately at my side.

"Tell them!" Luke commanded. "It's your fault this happened and we're stuck here. You caused the hyperresonance! You killed all those people, not me! I'm innocent! I was only trying to defend myself!"

I lowered my head. "As much as I would hate to admit to his babbling idiot, he was partly right. If only I had remembered about the hyperresonance sooner…"

"Ignore him," Jade said, startling me to see he was right beside me.

I blushed. _Did I just say that out loud?_ "I—um…"

However, Jade disregarded my mumbles. "How are you feeling? You shouldn't be out here."

"Hey! Listen to me!" Luke's voice rang in the background. "How come everyone's against me?! Even she confessed she did it."

"Agh! Just shut up!" Anise snapped. "If it weren't for her, you would have had completely destroyed Akzeriuth!"

My head snapped in their direction; did I heard wrong? "Wait! What do you mean? Akzeriuth's destroyed, isn't it?"

They all stared at me as my heart pounded; a smidgen of hope arose. Yet, before anyone could answer, Jade picked me up. I gave a slight yelp and grabbed onto the front of his uniform.

"You still need rest. Your face is rather pale," he pointed out before walking to the door.

"Jade!" Luke called.

"…Colonel?" Tear inquired, looking between the military man and the red head.

"I'm returning to the bridge after dropping Milee off," he replied. "If I stay here, I'll just be irritated by some ridiculous ranting."

As the door closed from behind, I could clearly see Luke's angry eyes glaring at me. I turned away, burying my head in the man's uniform. He walked on in silence. Occasionally, I would steal peeks of the man, desperate for answers. By the time he reached the place where I had woken up to, I spoke, the undying curiously finally unable to suppress itself.

"Jade, what's going on? Akzeriuth—what happened to Akzeriuth?"

As he lay my body back down on the bed, he answered, "It's just as you'd heard. Akzeriuth isn't destroyed. However," he paused, and the blink of hope wavered, "the pillars that support Akzeriuth had been damaged. It could fall at any moment."

I shook my head. "I don't understand." I looked towards the windows to find the haze of miasma everywhere.

"Because you averted his attention from the pillar, they did not receive a direct attack, but the power of your combined hyperresonance along with all of Luke's was enough to severely damage them. This resulted in the mines and the parts around it to collapse, but Akzeriuth as a whole has not collapsed. If we could somehow make it back to the surface and evacuate the remaining habitants…"

I stared, widened eyed. Jade noticed that I had stopped paying attention and gave a light smile. "We're going to Yulia City for now to find some way back to the surface. You've been through a lot. Tear and Natalia healed most of your wounds. So get some rest."

I heard the sounds of the door opening and closing, but I could not sleep. Not after knowing that Akzeriuth didn't collapse. It was still there; sure there was probably a giant hole in the middle of the city, but it was still there nonetheless. But then again, it may not make much of a difference in the end.

I could hear Kamilla's voice lingering in my mind. Her harsh words that broke my innocence; sadly, she was right. I was still here regardless of Akzeriuth's state. I'm still stuck in this hellhole.

"Tell me, old wise one," I commenced sarcastically, "when will this poor, wretched soul be spared of this fabricated world created from one's imagination?"

Of course, no one replied, not that I expected anyone to.

I rolled over in bed. Did Jade really expect me to sleep at a time like this?

I was confused, more so than I'd ever been in my life. I mean, what happened now? Was I supposed to finish this journey, this game? If I recall, there was a time skip half way through the game. Did she honestly expect me to stay here for more than a year?

"I wonder…" I whispered to myself, "has anyone back home noticed that I'm not around? Would they care?"

I closed my eyes, but my father's voice lingered. "For the best, huh? If you were awake, would you care… Mom?"

* * *

I looked in awe as an enormous waterfall came into view. The purple like miasma freckled around the falls as the lights of the city glowed from the insides, giving it a mysterious—almost romantic—imagery. I felt a sort of pull towards the city, wishing I had camera on me. I tried to adjust the angles of my limited vision as I stared out of a porthole. I pressed hard but that resulted in the window fogging up. I growled.

"Having fun there?"

I jumped and turned, slamming my back against the wall. "Ow, ow, ow…"

"Are you okay?" Guy asked; his footsteps drawing closer. I looked up and was met with a pair of blue eyes a distance away. Warmth started to envelop me and before I knew it, I latched onto Guy.

"Gah! Milee! Get off of me!" he instinctively shrieked.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," I said but pulled tighter.

"If you're sorry, let go!" he yelled, unsteadily trying to pry my arms away.

Reluctant, I let go. Guy didn't hesitate to run to the other side of the room, cowering in a corner. I mentally sighed, but a part of me felt joyous of seeing the blond again. It had been quite some time since we were able to be alone together. I guess you could say he had grown onto me with all his pestering this past month.

"Guy." He looked up at the sound of his name through the hole made by his two arms. A soft smile graced my lips, and he slowly lowered his arms. I felt my cheeks heat up just a slight bit as I entwined my fingers behind my back. "I missed you."

Taken aback by surprised at first, he gawked but ever so slowly, his lips tugged upwards, and he returned my smile. "Yeah, I missed you too. With everything that has happened, we never really had the chance to talk. So, welcome back."

"Thanks Guy."

"And Milee?" he said; his face clearly red as he turned his head.

I tilted my head in confusion. "Hm? What is it?"

"Could you cover yourself?"

I blinked, and for three whole seconds I froze, unable to move. I quickly realized why there were goose bumps all over my body. Not a minute later, I dashed over to the window, where I accidentally dropped my blanket in the spur of the moment and covered myself.

"S-Sorry," I mumbled through the blanket as I lifted it higher and higher, feeling my blush getting worse with each passing second. I mentally smacked myself; handling embarrassment was never my strong suit. _You threw yourself at him in your bra and panties; smooth Milee, real smooth._ My inner conscience snarled sarcastically, but I ignored her, not wanting a reminder of what I had done. "Sorry, I don't know where my clothes are…and I kind of forgot that…" The heat upon my face grew.

"I-It's okay, don't worry about it," Guy ensured me, still red in the face. His voice suddenly got low as he whispered to himself. "It's not like there's much to see anyways."

"Excuse me?" I felt something snapped from within.

"N-nothing!" he shouted, pressing himself closer to the walls. I sighed softly; it was hard to hate a person like Guy after all. Just then, my eyes caught sight of something. "Are those my clothes?" I asked, pointing to a bag that was slightly opened, revealing pairs of clothes, on the floor.

He nodded, straightening himself. "Yeah, they were torn so mended them for you." _Well, that explains my indecent state._ I picked them up, seeing the visible lines sewn around the areas I'd been hit. "I'll let you get dress," he said, exiting. "Come out when you're ready. We'll be arriving shortly."

Hearing the door close, I threw the blanket aside and slipped the all-too-familiar clothes back onto my body. I glowered, seeing as all the sewing has caused my clothes to become a bit more snugged than I remembered. Disregarding the minor annoyance, I grabbed my ribbon from the table and swiftly pulled my hair up.

My heart fluttered as the red ribbon glistened from the artificial light, causing the red to look even redder. After securing it into a bow, my hands still lingered on the silky material, sliding down its smooth surface.

"I hope you're okay," I murmured softly.

After leaving, Guy and I walked to the bridge, finding everyone minus Luke inside. I could see from the front view that we were heading underneath the falls, slightly surprised that we slipped by without a single scratch to the Tartarus. Jade started to bark out orders as we prepared to dock.

I could see clearly the inside of Yulia City now. To my dismay, it wasn't all I had expected it to be, after seeing it from outside the falls. It seemed to have a gloomy, almost gothic like appearance to it. It was dark, and the lights only casted more intimidating shadows everywhere. Large windows surrounded the region like a prison, daring anyone to escape the city's watchful eyes. I looked away. I really did not like this place.

"Milee, are you okay?" Ion appeared before me.

I rapidly changed my expression. "Yes, I'm fine, Fon Master. Don't worry about it," I assured him. "Maybe it's just the miasma getting to me."

"We're almost to the city," Tear spoke, having overheard our conversation. "The city was built with the technology that protects it from the miasma."

I nodded, "That's good."

"Oh Milee, there's something I want to ask," Ion uttered, catching my attention. "Where's Mieu?"

I blinked, and silence ensued. _So that's why it was so quiet around here!_ I thought, having forgotten about the blue fuzz-ball completely. I felt stares as they waited for an answer. I hastily put up a blush, looking down shyly.

"Mieu? Well, we got separated in the whole fray with the Oracle Knights," I lied. "Oh, the poor thing must still be just outside Akzeriuth. I hope he's okay!"

"I'm sure Mieu's fine," Ion replied, trying to comfort me. "We're going to go back to Akzeriuth anyways to evacuate the citizens, so we'll look for Mieu as well."

"Thank you."

We disembarked not a moment later, dragging the reluctant Luke along. I fell back a touch, all of my previous excitement dispersed just seconds after entering the city.

"Wow...! This is Yulia City?"

"Yes. The mayor's inside," Tear replied, "let's go."

Our footsteps echoed as we walked to the heart of the city. It wasn't long afterwards that there was one less echoing of footsteps. I stopped and looked behind, finding that Luke has stopped. Pausing, I wasn't sure whether it'd be a good idea to talk to Luke at this point in time. He was likely still furious with me.

"...How long are you going to stand there? Everyone's gone to the mayor's house," Tear called out to him, standing beside me.

"All they'll do is unfairly accuse me of stuff that I didn't do," he snared, glaring at me. "I don't want to go."

"You're even more pathetic than I thought, Reject!"

My heart fluttered at the sound of that voice. "Asch!" I exclaimed, running over to him. "Are you okay? You're not hurt, are you?"

"I'm fine," he sighed, gently pushing me away as he looked over at Luke with disgust.

"What are you doing here?! Where's Master Van?!" Luke demanded.

"Hah! You still call him 'Master' even after he's betrayed you?!" Asch laughed cruelly, fist tightening.

"Asch…?" I frowned.

"...Betrayed me?" Luke's face fell, baffled. "Then, Master Van really did want me to destroy Akzeriuth?"

"Damn it! If I'd realized what Van was planning sooner, this never would've happened!" he roared, causing me to stumble back a bit at his anger. "And you! Didn't you think something strange was going on when he told you to use something as powerful as a hyperresonance over a city full of people?! Didn't you think of the consequences if something may have gone wrong?"

"S-so you're saying it's my fault, too?!"

I looked over at Asch, his face distorted into one of disbelief. "Of course it's your fault! Don't even try to deny it!"

"It's not my fault! It's not my fault! It's not..." Luke repeated over and over. He looked back at Asch but spotted me instead. "It's her fault! If she didn't attack me like that, we would have never caused a hyperresonance in the first place—"

"If she didn't attack, if she didn't try to stop you, you would have used your hyperresonance on the pillars directly and destroyed it completely! Be thankful the entire city hasn't sunk yet!"

"But—but!"

"Are all replica brains this defective?!"

"'Replica'?" Luke questioned, his anxiety momentary stopped. "Master Van used the word 'replica', too..."

"...You _still_ haven't figured it out?! Is this someone's idea of a joke?"

"Wh-what?! What the hell are you talking about?!" he demanded.

"I'll tell you, Luke."

"Asch, stop!" Tear shouted out, but I grabbed her by the wrist, shaking my head.

"He needs to know," I gently said.

"Know? Know what? What are you all hiding from me?" Luke's eyes traveled to the three of us, one after the other.

"Why do you think you and I have the same face?" Asch began, and when Luke started spouting nonsense again, he interrupted. "I'm a noble who was born in Baticul. Seven years ago, I was kidnapped by villain named Van."

"You can't mean..." Luke paled.

"That's right! You're a second-rate copy of me! A mere replica!"

"You're lying... It's not true! It's not true!" Luke reiterated, drawing his sword in the turmoil.

"...You want to fight, replica?" Asch snorted, drawing his sword as well.

Even though I shouldn't be excited that they're fighting, I was. _Kick his sorry, whiny ass!_ I mentally cheered for Asch as he sprang forward.

Swords clashed, and I could see Luke's unstable emotions were causing him to make numerous errors as Asch overpowered him. Luke swore, desperately trying to stay on his feet. However, the continuous bashing of Asch's sword on top of Luke's eventually resulted in the replica's defeat. I winced a bit, feeling _almost_ sorry for him as he landed hard on the ground.

"You're lying! I'm not..." Luke's voice turned into a murmur as he attempted to convince himself from the truth.

"I don't want to acknowledge it either! To think that dreck like you is my replica! To think that trash like you stole my family, my home...everything from me!" Asch retorted, slamming his sword into the ground in anger.

"I'm not! I'm not a replica!" Luke cried. Out of nowhere, the worn out Luke seemed to have acted out of adrenaline and swiftly stood, thrusting his sword in Asch's direction.

"Agh!" Asch hissed, unable to dodge quickly enough as Luke's sword slashed him across his stomach.

"Asch!" I cried just as Tear cried out Luke's name simultaneously.

I rush to the God-General's side as he knelt, clutching his bloody stomach. "Move you hand; I'll heal you!" I ordered, pulling his hand away.

"Damn, to think I let that reject land a hit on me. It's no wonder I lost everything. I'm pathetic."

"Asch…" My voice trailed off, unsure of what to say. I placed my hand over his stomach, feeling the hot, red liquid pouring over my hand as I used my healing artes. "No, you're not. You're amazing," I said, facing away from his eyes as I felt a blush beginning to form. "The things you do, to be able to live like this for seven years, to have people follow you… love you… There's nothing to be ashamed of."

"…" I looked at the teenager's face. I wasn't sure if he heard me or not, but the shadow casted eyes of his caused a pang in my chest.

"Asch…"

"Milee." Tear walked over with an unconscious Luke sling over her shoulders. "Let's get them inside."

Nodding, I pulled Asch to his feet. After arriving at Tear's house and setting Luke in Tear's bed, I realized Asch had disappeared. I frankly looked around, trying to spot any signs of the red-head. I walked downstairs but still no signs of him. I frowned; how could I miss someone with bright red hair leave?

I hesitated at the door; should I leave? I glanced at the staircase that led to Tear's room where she and Luke were. I shook my head and pushed the door opened.

"I'm sure it's fine," I mumbled to myself.

One foot forward after another, I walked along the illuminated path. It was hard to tell whether it was day or night as there were no indicators given the location of this mysterious city. There were only a few people here and there, passing by with curious, yet suspicious glances in my direction. I looked away, feeling strange, like a complete outsider.

My lips curved into a sad smile; after all, it wasn't like it was the first time I'd felt like an outsider before. All the times before, I always had to pretend like it didn't affect me, like I didn't care. I always held up my head and smile through everything, no matter the pain from within. But now that I was in a new world, these rules didn't have to apply; at least, just these few minutes, I didn't want to be contradicting.

I looked up ahead. The place was so gloomy, so dark. I looked over to one of the buildings, seeing my reflection in the tinted windows, my darkened image; a reflection of myself.

No matter what I did, it merely seemed pointless in the end. My efforts meant nothing. I could try with all my might, but where will that lead me? Nowhere but an endless goose chase. Sure, I stopped the destruction of Akzeriuth, but it doesn't mean anything if I was still here.

I bit the insides of my lips and lowered my head, letting my bangs fall forward.

Let the darkness shield me just this once; let it hide my sorrows.

Let the tears be invisible to the naked eye; let the pain be repressed by tomorrow.

* * *

"Is that so?"

I stopped, hearing the voice I'd been looking for. Closing my eyes, I listened carefully and followed the sounds of his voice. However, irritating giggles caused me to frown. Hurrying, I stopped short of a corner, spotting Asch with a couple of teenage girls.

"What are they doing?" I hissed to myself, feeling a strange emotion bottled up inside of me. "More importantly, what do those skanks want?"

"It's so cool that you're from the Outer Lands! Please, tell us more!" one said, her hands brushing along Asch's arm.

"That little—" I growled; my hands closing into a fist.

"Please! It's so boring here!" the other spoke, twirling a piece of her hair around her fingers while flashing a smile at the teen. "Come on!"

The girls grabbed hold of Asch and began leading him away. However, what shocked me most was Asch wasn't even resisting.

"Stupid Asch! What do you think you're doing, Idiot?!" I accidentally screeched loudly. Quickly, I covered my mouth, but it was far too late as the three stared at me.

"What are you doing here?" Asch demanded, crossing his arms.

"Do you know her?" one of the girls glared at me.

"Is that your little sister?" the other asked.

"_Little_ sister?!" I exclaimed, outraged. "I'm older than him!" I cried as I stormed over to Asch and pulled him away from the two. I faced the girls, giving them my nastiest expression. "Stay away from him if you know what's good for you."

I walked away, dragging the God-General with me. Surprisingly, he didn't resist; of course, not that I was complaining. I dragged him to who knows where. I didn't care, just far away from those tramps.

It was strange; I didn't realized that something like that could tick me off so much. I mean, who cared who Asch talked to; it really wasn't any of my business, so why? Why did I feel so angry all of a sudden?

I stopped as an answer never came. Why _was_ I angry over something so—so _trivial_?

"What was that all about?" Asch grabbed hold of my shoulders and turned me around. I didn't realize that I released his hand.

I frowned. "I should be asking you the same thing. Who were those girls, and why were you letting them take you away?" I heard my voice rose with each word.

"They're just civilians. I wanted to know more about this place," he answered but gave me a strange look. "Why does it matter to you who I talk to?"

"I-It doesn't!" I shot back. Already, I could feel my face heating up. "I just didn't like the way they looked at you.

"They're harmless," he said, rolling his eyes.

"They're hormone driven teenage girls."

"Like, I said: harmless."

"Not in the context you're probably thinking of."

"Why do you care?" he finally asked. "What I do is my business. If you keep sticking your nose into places you shouldn't, you're going to find yourself in a lot more trouble than you already had."

My lips formed into a very tight line. "Just for your information, I don't care!" I snapped, feeling an ache from within. "Fine, go do whatever you want. Like you said, it's not any of my business!"

"Why are you so angry all of a sudden? I don't understand you at all, annoying brat."

My blood began to boil as I marched up to him, "Why am I angry? Why? It's because you do all these reckless things that cause me to worry about you!" I cried; my chest felt heavy, and my mind clouded. All the heat rising to my head was making me dizzy.

He raised an eyebrow. "Why would you be worried about me? I think all that miasma has gone to your head," Asch concluded. "If that's all, I'm going to see the mayor."

He walked away, his back towards me. A bitter sensation arose. "Why do I worry?" I whispered, heaving in and out, somewhat hyperventilating. "Why?" My voice rose, and before I could stop it, the words left my mouth. "It's because I love you, Dumbass!"

My hands immediately slapped over my mouth as Asch abruptly stopped. He slowly turned, and our eyes met once more. My face and ears burned, and I tried to look away. Sadly, my entire body was frozen into place. Neither of us spoke, and I could have sworn I saw a light tint on Asch's cheeks. If it were any other moment in time, I probably would have teased him nonstop about it. Though, at this particular moment, at this particular time, in this particular situation, where I just so happen to be in a worst position than Asch, it probably wouldn't be the best time to crack a joke.

I took a deep breath, letting my hand fall to my side. "I…um…" I muttered, still quite embarrassed.

_Say something, anything!_ I heard my inner voice screech as I continued to open and close my mouth like a goldfish, staring with large eyes at the man I just confessed to. _Milee! Do something!_

And that was what I did: _something_.

I turned, and I ran.

I ran and ran and ran.

Honestly, I didn't care where I was going; anywhere would be better than over there.

Never in my life have I felt so mortified before. Never in my life have I wanted to disappear from the face of this planet more so than I did now. Never in my life had I confessed to anyone!

I suddenly slowed down until I stopped, staring at the ground.

"If only…" I whispered, "…he'd reply back with mutual feelings…"

I gripped the front of my shirt over my heart. Why does it pain so much thinking about it? I knew he didn't have any feelings for me—this loony girl he met just over a month ago, but I can secretly hope, can't I?

"Milee?" someone called. "Is that you?"

"Guy?" I spotted his bright golden hair in the distance. I release the hold on my shirt and flashed him a false smile. "What's up?"

"Everyone went to see the mayor," he replied, but he gave me a strange look. "Milee, are you okay? You don't have a fever, do you?"

"I think you're just imagining things, Guy. Anyways, let's go."

I could tell from the look on his face that he didn't believe me. Nonetheless, I didn't dare comment on it. There was no need for Guy to know about my sudden outburst.

Following Guy, we made short talk along the way. I could still hear from the tone of his voice his concern for me. Yet, I chose to ignore it. It wasn't long before we entered the grand building of city hall and climbed the steps to the mayor's office. Opening, I was surprised to see everyone there—minus Luke, of course.

My eyes shifted away, meeting Asch's for a split second. Looking back, I noticed Asch was no longer focused on me but an elderly man, sitting at the head of the long table.

"There you are, Guy," Natalia called out.

"You didn't have to bring her."

A pair of eyes glanced over at me: Asch's. I couldn't tell what he was thinking with that poker face of his. Not to mention I didn't like the way he said that.

"What do you mean?" Guy inquired, asking what I wanted to know.

"We were discussing plans to return to Akzeriuth," Jade answered. "Fortunately, there is a way to raise the Tartarus back to the surface."

"We've attached a fonon activator to the Tartarus similar to those used by the passage rings. It should be able to stimulate Akzeriuth's Sephiroth and raise a tree one final time," the old man answered.

"And we plan to go back up without her," Asch added.

Frowning, I cried out, "What's that supposed to mean? I can help—"

"We know what you're capable of," Jade interrupted, "but there's still the miasma to contend with. I don't want any more casualties weighing us down; especially with the limited time we have left. Since you don't have any memories, just stay with the mayor and Tear for now; it's not like you have anywhere else to go."

I definitely wasn't happy, but there was no point arguing with Jade. It was like arguing with a brick wall: a complete waste of time.

I sat out for the rest of the meeting; it had nothing to do to me after all. I know Jade was trying to be nice—in a sense. I know I was useless, and my artes aren't that useful, primarily since Tear's and Natalia's artes were so much more effective than mine. No matter how much I try or practice, I always fell short. I was extra luggage, more of a liability than help. How many times had I made an error or gotten into trouble that they had to bail me out of?

Too many times if you asked me.

I sighed, burying my face in my knees. It wasn't like this was the first time all my effort has been wasted, unacknowledged.

I stood, brushing the dust of my pants before walking away. I was going to be struck here anyways, may as well enjoy it. It fitting to say the least, this darken place, surround by poison on all sides.

As I began walking away, someone's arm grabbed mine. I reacted, taking my other hand and tried to slap the man, but he caught it with ease.

"Asch?" I blushed, seeing the God-General as I turned. It was throbbing again. It hurt. It yearned to be held even more by him, but alas, he released me. "W-Weren't you leaving?" I hesitated to ask. _Please let a miracle happen. Please let him stay. Stay with me…_ I secretly prayed.

"Yes, but before that…" he paused, slightly red. "It didn't feel right to leave without saying anything to you about… _that_."

_The confession_, I thought, swallowing dried saliva down but feeling it caught right in the middle. I looked away. "It's okay," I replied. "I know what you're going to say anyways."

_I know, I just know his answer, but just this once, let me be the heroine in some kind of romance novel._ Even as I tried to ignore it, my inner thoughts still lingered.

"Look at me," he commanded. When I didn't, I felt something whack the back of my head.

"The hell—?!" I hissed, massaging the ache, but when I looked at those emerald eyes, I instantly knew I shouldn't.

"Sorry," he whispered. "You should forget about me and move on. I have no romantic feelings for you."

All the minuscule hope I had left snapped in two, the ends fading into nonexistence. Something chocked from within; covering my mouth, I tried not to show how much those few words have affected me, but I simply couldn't.

"I know," I managed to say, hurting with each word. "I know; you didn't have to tell me, you jerk!"

"I have to go now," he said, turning away.

Something inside of me snapped, and at the moment, I lost all sensibility and control. "Wait! Asch!" I ran up to him and grabbed his shoulder, roughly pulling him back. Before I comprehended what happened, I kissed him.

I curled my arms behind his head, deepening the kiss, but obviously, it didn't last long as he yanked me away.

"What do you think you're doing?" he demanded; a streak of red across his face.

"Can't you see I'm crazy about you?" I shouted, no longer caring who saw or heard me. My voice lowered. "I don't know when or how long, but when I'm with you, I feel at ease, I can be myself. My heart keeps banging against my chest, like it's going to spring from out of there. You're an idiot, a hot-head, but I can't stop thinking about you, Asch." My eyes began to blur. "Don't leave, Asch. Don't leave _me_."

I heard a sigh coming from him. I rubbed my eyes, attempting to stop the leaks that were spouting.

"Listen, I already told you my answer. Are you listening? Hey!"

I sniffed, "I have a name."

"…Milee…" he said my name, and my heart soared. "I'm not good with this, so just… move on, okay?"

I pulled my hands away, putting on a brave face. "Why? Why can't it be me?" I demanded to know. "It's Natalia, isn't it? It's because she's your fiancée, isn't it?"

"Natalia has nothing to do with it."

"Then why?"

"You're being childish."

"Then, why were you being so nice to be, huh? You must have had some feelings for me," I commented, telling that to myself more so than to him.

His eyes narrowed, and I instantly regretted saying that. "You want to know why?" he asked with a cold tone that I'd never heard him use towards me before. "It's because I pity you. I felt sorry that a civilian girl has to go through all this crap, got that? Let me reiterate: I do not like you, I never will, so get over it. If you understand that much, I'm leaving."

I stopped listening a while ago. It was silly, really. I knew—I have always knew that he never had any feelings for me, and I was fully well prepared for a rejection, or at least I thought I was; it was just that…the thought of actually confessing never crossed my mind—accidentally or not—so in a sense, I guess I never prepared at all because I never thought I would be in this situation right now with a broken heart.

* * *

When I regained consciousness of my surroundings, I noticed that I had moved from my current spot to the middle of nowhere. Looking around, it seemed like an underground port, leading to the edge of the city. Dark, damp and cold: that was all it was, and that was all I felt, physically and emotionally.

My eyes lingered on a reflection in a puddle; a reflection of a girl I no longer recognized. There was a quote that said war changes a person, and that was what it seemed like right now, looking at myself, going through this chaotic, dangerous, war-like adventure, where any day could be your last.

I lifted my hands, gently touching the surface of my face. Empty, dark eyes, dried out skin and tangle vines of brown locks everywhere with a tiny red ribbon holding it into place: that was all I could see.

"Ribbon," I mouthed, having all the memories rush back through me once more as my fingertips brushed against the silk.

He was first person I met in Auldrant; the first person I wasn't afraid to open up to. Sure, he was a hot-head, and he was stubborn and hard to deal with, but underneath, he was kind and gentle and caring, enough so to capture a girl's heart… and break it.

I grabbed hold of the ends of the ribbon and tugged as hard as I could on it, ripping it off my head as well as strands of brown hair tangled into the material. Without a second thought, I toss it in a random direction and stormed off, letting the minor headache be the only reminder of my hopeless love life.

It was fun, I must say: getting to experience this kind of adventure. But all in all, I have had enough. No more fighting, no more killings, no more dangers, no more painful emotions… I wanted to return to my peaceful, normal life again. A life where I didn't have to go on experiencing all these unnecessary sentiments that led to the dilution of good, logical judgement. I can still retain my old self, go back and put the locks back over the vault that released this other side of me; a side I was so fearful of.

Can it be done? Can I really go back?

I had tried everything, but it doesn't matter what I did or how much I had changed the storyline, that stubborn girl won't let me go back home.

I slammed my fist hard against the wooden walls beside me, cursing in a fit of rage.

"Tell me! What must I do to get out of here?" I called to the skies. Of course, there was no answer. I grind my teeth together, furious. "Fine then, I'll figure it out myself."

I strolled down the long, empty road, towards the outskirts of the city. I wonder if anyone will notice me leave the city: one lone, shadowy figure amongst the all shadows created by this luminous city. I halted just at the edge of the docks, overlooking the sea of mud and miasma soaring off into the fading distance.

"I wonder…" I whispered. "What if…"

"Milee!"

I glanced over my shoulders, seeing Tear running towards me, sometime red in her hands.

My eyes narrowed. "What is it?"

She stopped just short a few meters from me. "You aren't there to say goodbye which I found strange coming from someone like you. Asch told me I should go look for you; that something may be troubling you."

I stiffened at his name being said. "I'm fine, Tear. Leave me alone." My words sounded much more bitter than I had intended it to.

"Milee, you look pale. Let's go back," she said gently.

"I'm fine! Leave me alone!" I screamed, startling her. I chuckled, a dark, ominous chuckle. "Surprised? I'm not as _sweet_ as you may think I am. In fact, I'm sick of acting like nothing's wrong!"

"Milee—"

"I want to cry when I want to cry, I want to shout when I want to shout, I want to do all the things I want to do, not just because someone told me to do it… but because I want to. I want to be strong. However, through the years, I have learned life isn't as simple as a walk in the park. Every action has a consequence; every word has an effect. A simple gesture can lead to so much more."

"What are you talking about? You're acting strange," Tear spoke, sounding uneasy.

My eyes softened. "I'm jealous; I'm jealous of all those who have never tasted despair, of those who have never felt a burden so heavy that every second of your life feels crashing. I want to laugh, I want to smile, I want to love, I want to do all those things and more! I wanted to live… but of course, it seems my story is going to get cut short. Truth is, I'm afraid; I'm afraid of myself. I'm terrified my actions will end up hurting someone else. I scared to live a life other than that of a doll. It's easier that way. Without strings attracted or a master to control me, I am useless, worthless… garbage basically. I don't know what to do or how to act; I'm just too impulsive, reckless… careless. But no longer shall that be the case… I guess it's time for me to go back to that state. It was fun, I admit, to be able to express myself, even for this short while. I have to go back… back to the place where no one will be waiting for me, but it's the only place I belong. Hahaha, ironic much?"

"Milee—" Tear began, but I interrupted with a tiny, sad smile.

"Sorry, Tear. This is goodbye."

I took a step back, falling.

Goodbye Auldrant.

Goodbye my first love.

Goodbye… everything.

And hello reality.

After all, the mouse couldn't find its way out of the maze; the mouse was tired of playing this game, so the mouse took drastic measures.

After all, now it was game over.

* * *

**A/N:** The end.

…Kidding. It would really suck if it just ended like that, wouldn't it?

First off, let me apologize if this chapter feels a bit rushed and Milee seems a bit OOC. What can I say? She's depressed, heart-broken and everyone's ditching her to go to the surface. Don't worry, I won't keep you all in suspense for too long this time around, especially with this cliffhanger. I'm not _that_ evil.

Anyways, please let me know what you think! Please review! :)


	15. Reborn

**Forlorn Words**

******A/N**: No, I am not dead. I know…three months… I'm really, really sorry! I have so excuse save for school and that I rewrote this chapter three times… Yeah, three. I thought this would be an easy chapter to write—oh, how wrong was I… And I'm still not sure if I like it or not. I'll let you readers be the judge.

So, thank you all for being patient and for everyone who reviewed, I definitely appreciate the thoughts!

This chapter is mainly about my OC's (i.e. Milee and her drama). By far, it's my longest one to date (9.5K plus words). You definitely find out more about Milee's life and what really happened to her, as in her in the real world. Enjoy! :)

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Tales of the Abyss.

* * *

**Chapter Fifteen: Reborn**

Hopelessness, misery, melancholy and anguish: theses may be foreign concepts to most people, but to me, it was part of my everyday life. It didn't matter how much effort I put into disguising these feelings, somehow or other, Fate wanted me to suffer and laugh as my mask was slowly being torn apart, piece by piece. Just like now.

Just when I thought one bound on my life could be freed—when I graduate and distance myself from my authoritarian parents—the bounds tightened and an extra one was thrown in to secure me to this wretched prison. Caged like a bird with its wings cut off, I now knew I can never fly free. I could only succumb to the demands of Fate.

Fate controled everything: our world, our future, our happiness.

But why—for a sliver of a second—a spark of hope has arisen within me? For that fraction of a moment, I wanted to oppose Fate. I wanted to experience freedom just one more time and laugh at Fate's outraged expression when I did.

At least, that was what I _wanted_ to say. The truth was I did it because I was scared. I was just a coward who was afraid of getting hurt and not the brave girl who wanted to oppose her destiny. I did it as my way to apologized to Fate, to tell it that it was right.

It was _always_ right.

I wanted to beg for forgiveness and ask it to return me to my everyday life… as the girl with the mask.

* * *

My eyes opened solemnly, looking at the darkness surrounding my world. Looking around, I could only see a broken, transparent road fading far into the distance with dim light-posts flickering on either side of it. Without another thought, I stood and walked down the path laid out in front of me.

My mind was numb, and my body felt like lead. I swayed with each step like I would fall over any second now, but I continued walking without the slightest clue as to where I was going. When seconds turned into minutes and minutes turned into hours, I finally stopped underneath a lamp-post. No matter how long I had walked, there was nothing but darkness in slight.

The disoriented sensation in my head winded down, leaving me to finally sort out the mess I had created. Memories of what happened last time I was conscious swarmed through my head like bees. The pain I felt back then returned with a burning slap to the face.

"What am I doing? Why am I even here?" I wondered out loud. "Am I dead?" I joked bitterly. "Is this Hell?"

"For someone like you, it may as well be," a venomous voice laughed.

Reflexivity, I whipped my head to the sound of the voice, crashing into the lamp-post in the process. My mind swirled as flashing black dots covered my vision. I heard laughing, not one but two female voices. Before I could recover from the minor collision, someone kicked me from behind, causing me to stumble forward into the ground.

"Ow!" I cried.

"Aww, is the little baby going to cry?" one girl asked mockingly.

"She is! She is!" the other girl chuckled darkly.

My right hand formed a fist as I rubbed my eyes with my left. With my vision restored, I finally turned to discover who my tormentors were. To my other shock—and for some reason, betrayal—it was Natalia and Anise.

"Na-Natalia? A-Anise?" I shook my head, rubbing my eyes again to make sure I wasn't seeing things. But no, there they were, standing in front of me, sneering. "What…what are you two doing here? Where is _here_, anyways? Am I dreaming? Of course I am; I have to be. Natalia and Anise doesn't act like that."

They laughed. "That's what you think," Anise said, kneeling down so that we were eye to eye.

"Don't you know? We secretly hate you," Natalia added.

"That's not true—" I began but was interrupted.

"A civilian girl who follows us around like a lost little puppy and _always_ gets into troubles, for which we have to go out of our way to rescue. Face it. You're just a burden to us."

"This isn't a game," Anise growled. "We could get killed, but we still go out of our way to save you. It's troublesome, but we've just too _nice_ to let a poor little girl get killed."

"I-I can help!" I tried to defend myself.

"With that joke you call swordsmanship?"

"And don't forget that third-rate healing ability. You're better off not having it at all!"

They laughed, but I covered my ears, attempting to block out that infuriating sound. The worst part was they weren't completely off their mark. My swordsmanship wasn't great at all; that was why I wanted to go into healing artes. I thought I could excel in using the seventh fonons, but I was wrong. And hearing it being said, it felt like the world just dropped a bomb on my head.

I wanted to believe I was doing something well, that I was being useful in some way. I know I wasn't perfect, but I had hoped I wasn't a burden at all, and that I could defend myself fine without assistance. I wanted to carry my own weight, but they were right. Constantly, they had been saving me over and over and over again. So many times I could have died, but I didn't because I kept being saved more times than I could count.

"Finally! It took you long enough to figure that out!" Anise sneered.

"Shut up!" I screamed, pushing her as hard as I could, knocking her on her rear-end. I stood and ran away.

"That's right! Run away: that's all you'll ever be good for!" Their voices carried over as I put some distance between us.

_I know; you don't have to tell me._

* * *

I panted hard. My lungs burned in a feeble attempt to gain any bit of oxygen in this strange environment. Eyeing the road behind me, I sighed in relief that they were gone. However, my shoulders were stiff, still with irritation. I hate being patronized.

"Honestly! How long does this road go on for?!" I snarled in rage, yet it quickly diminished at the sounds of footsteps. I froze at the sight of a brunette slowly approaching me: Tear.

An odd jerking aggravated my stomach like a knot forming in an uncomfortable fashion. Something was off, just like Anise and Natalia. I backed up as she moved forward until I bumped into something—or rather, someone. Tall, blond hair, blue eyes: Guy. A smile graced itself onto my lips, but it didn't last very long.

"Get away from me!" he snapped.

"G-G-Guy?" I stuttered. "Guy?!" My voice cracked.

"What are you? Some kind of broken sound device?" he snorted, looking down on me. His frown suddenly turned into a demonic smirk. "Or, were you really _that_ happy to see me?"

"Then again, she could be faking it," Tear commented, and I turned around to face her. I looked back between the two, hesitantly moving to the side, away from them. "Just like how she fakes everything."

A part of me was torn as visions of Tear's expression just before my suicide attempt surfaced. I didn't bother hiding myself. I let the words flow, hurling it like a madwoman. I could have considered her feelings—I should have, but no. Overfilled with rage, I let my mask slip as if it was water, right through my fingers and down the drain. She must have been confused, but she was intelligent. I had no doubts she would be able to put together everything piece by piece.

I grimaced, looking between the two as I spoke, "It's not like I did it because I liked to…"

"What kind of lame excuse is that?" Guy snorted. "You control your own actions. If you didn't want to, you didn't have to… but you did anyways! How despicable! "

"It's not—I'm not—"

"Not to mention a liar, too," a third muttered from behind.

I stumbled while facing the new body. He looked at me with a pained expression. "Ion…"

"You lied to me," he accused, taking a step forward.

"No! Well, I mean I technically did, but I just felt it wasn't the time to tell you. I'm sorry, Ion!"

"Liar," he whispered. His eyes narrowed. "Once a liar, always a liar."

"No!"

"Liar," Ion chanted.

"Fake," Tear added.

"Despicable," Guy called.

All three were closing in on me. I was a rat, trapped and petrified. My breathing was shallow, reacting to the violent trembling my mind and body was currently in. I knew I was not the greatest person out there, but why must I be belittled for it? I was just trying to survive! Lying, cheating, and killing: it was like the idiom said, _"Every man for himself."_

I knew it was wrong, but what can I do? This fearsome world and all its dangers was nothing to laugh at. I didn't want to stray off the path like _Little Red Riding Hood_ and encounter a nasty wolf. I wanted to head in one direction and eventually reach my haven, where it was safe.

Except, why do these words they spoke contradict my way of life? I shouldn't care, but they hurt and caused me to hesitate on the right decisions I should make. I felt small in their presence, littler and littler with each word that came out of their mouths. The chanting continued, and I knew I was on the verge of breaking down soon.

"Shut up!" I whimpered. "Stop!"

But they did not. On and on like laughing echoes they were. Finally, I lost it and screamed.

* * *

I stirred, not realizing I lost consciousness. I shifted slightly, feeling something soft and comfortable benefit me. I hummed with a tiny smile as I snugged deeper into what appeared to be a bed. A few seconds passed before I froze.

"Bed? Why is there a bed?" I asked. I heard light chuckling. I blushed. "Did I just say that out loud?"

I pulled the blanket away to look at my visitor, and my heart skipped a beat. He was lying down beside me. His emerald green eyes glistened with a quirky smirk to his thin lips. I reached over to stroke his cheeks. A tiny blush appeared on my cheeks as I felt flesh. I wasn't hallucinating. He entwined his fingers into mine, bring them to his lips and placing a light kiss on my fingers. My heart fluttered.

My mind went numb as I couldn't comprehend the logic behind his appearance here. A part of me knew that I was still in this strange world, but the other part absolutely didn't care as my prince charming was lying right beside me, showing me all the affection I could ever need.

His other hand reached over, caressing my cheeks, sliding down to my neck and collarbone. I shivered but in a good way. Slowly, he slipped his hand behind my neck, supporting it was he moved closer to me. My heart thumped with anticipation. I closed my eyes and waited, but before I could feel his lips onto mine, he violently slammed the hand he was using to hold mine down beside my head, flipping himself so that he was on top of me. My eyes widened in surprised.

"A-Asch?" I faltered, unaware of his next move. He just smirked, and my blush grew. Although, I realized my emotions distorted my logic when he slipped his thumb over my neck and twirled his hand around so that instead of supporting it, he was crushing it. "Asch!"

He laughed. "What? Did I ruin your fantasies? Get real."

Tears threatened to spill, but I somehow kept them in. I remembered. I remembered being rejected by him. I never thought it would happen again. I bit my lips hard, tasting blood, but I only bit harder, trying to divert these emotions with a different set of them: physical pain. Pulling myself together, I tried to yank my other hand out, but he quickly pinned it down with one of his knees. I gasped. I struggled, but he tightened his hold on my neck.

"Stop! Please…" I managed to cry out. My heart throbbed. Why Asch? Why couldn't it be someone else?

"How sickening," he sneered. "You don't even truly love me."

The ache cried out. "You're wrong! I do—"

"You love anyone who is nice to you. You just want to feel special. You don't truly want them around other than to boost your self-esteem."

"You're wrong! You're wrong!" I protested.

"I bet a simple 'I like you' is enough to make you _fall in love_," he hissed.

"I'm not that shallow!" I glared, but he released me and pushed me off the bed. "Ow!" I cried, rubbing my arm.

"Are you okay?" A soft voice asked.

My eyes flicked upwards to a gentle looking face of Asch's. Emotions wavered as I tried to understand what was happening. He smiled at me, reaching for my hand and pulling me back to my feet. I stared at him. This definitely was not Asch. "…Luke?" I questioned. He smiled in response. "…Why are you being so nice to me…?" I asked cautiously.

"Because I like you," he whispered. "I really like you."

I flushed, pulling my hand away. I could feel my heart thump as I placed my hands to my chest. I looked up shyly at the red-head as he patiently waited for me to reply. As I parted my lips to speak, something caught my attention. Luke? Patient?

I growled, whipping around to face the smirking man behind me. He laughed, and my heart felt even more torn apart.

"I wasn't wrong, was I?" Asch inquired, and I heard Luke laugh from behind as well.

"Playing with a maiden's heart… How horrible…" I meekly squeaked.

"Horrible? I was merely stating the truth!" Asch declared.

"I harbor no feeling for Luke!"

"Please. You wouldn't care if it was Luke. We have the same face after all; I bet you wouldn't care if you had either me or him as long as you have someone to indulge your esteem with."

"That's not true! I love you, Asch!"

"Love? You mean _loved_?"

I lowered my head, angry but more importantly, I was sad—heartbroken that he thought I would settle for someone else. I felt tears slip down my cheeks, but I didn't care at this point. I turned and ran. I didn't want to be in a room with him anymore. Not just because of the taunting remarks.

But the taunting remarks that came from _his_ lips.

* * *

I have concluded that I was inside some kind of building… except there were no windows so I couldn't tell whether my right or left was outside. I frowned, noticing a trend as I walked down an endless hallway. I stopped, leaning against a wall.

I wasn't sure what happened. Thinking back, all I remember was jumping into the sea of mud and miasma. Frankly, I was sure I was dead. So, I guess this was Hell? I scowled. It wouldn't surprise me if it was. Hell was doing a good job at making my life—afterlife—completely miserable. Personally, I'd never been a very religious person. I believed in science. I thought when life ended, that was it. No more dreams or nightmares, no reincarnations, no conscious mind to torture and definitely no running around a delusional world where people constantly pick on your faults.

I sighed. "What have I gotten myself into?"

Just when I pushed myself off the wall, it was like a hole opened up, and I fell through. I yelped, tumbling into a chair and desk. I looked around, seeing alignments of chairs and desks around. I was in a classroom. I stood, knowing the hole in the wall has already closed up. I walked up to one of the blackboards, seeing writing on it.

_3x + 3(9x – 12) = 7(31 + 16x) - 7_

My eyes twitched. It had dawned onto me that it was not written in the fonic language, which should have screamed something was going on here, but my short fuse would not allow such an insult. I mean, what kind of lame excuse for mathematics was this? If they wanted to torture me, they should have put a harder question, not this lame excuse for a problem.

Picking up a piece of chalk, I wrote down _-3_.

I heard clapping. Immediately, I turned, whipping the chalk at my new visitor. He caught it with ease.

"Great, it's your turn," I mumbled sarcastically. It wasn't hard to figure out who was next, seeing as only one member of the group was left. Normally, I would dread having this sadist play mind games with me, but I guess you could say I'd gotten use to his remarks over the last couple months.

"My, someone sounds like they're in a good mood today," he commented, stopping in front of me.

"Shut up, Jade. I'm having an extremely bad day," I snapped. "I'm pretty sure you're a little too late for the party. I've already been patronized, humiliated and heartbroken. There's nothing left for you to do. So leave!"

He chuckled. "Can we not sit down and share our love of knowledge together?" And just on cue, plates of tea and cookies appeared around me.

"What don't you get? I'm not in the mood," I roared.

"Then how about a stress reliever?" he asked, waving his hand, and suddenly, the board was filled with math questions: permutations, trigonometry, optimization, derivatives…nothing noticeably hard.

I eyed the man, wondering how he knew doing math was a stress reliever for me. It wasn't as if I like math or anything, but it was one of those subjects where you could abuse it to your heart's content and no one would give a shit. It was a perfect place to divert your anger towards.

Picking up another piece of chalk, I let out this fuse. I had almost forgotten about Jade by the time I finished all the questions. I let out a triumphant smile as I stepped back to admire my work. However, a certain soldier had to ruin my moment.

"Hmm…took you long than I expected."

I twitched. "Considering I haven't touched a textbook in almost two months, I'd say I did fairly well," I retorted.

He grinned. "Is that so?"

"And what's _that_ supposed to mean?" I challenged. I gripped the fabric of my pants tightly. I do hope he wasn't insinuating something against my intelligence.

"The world is a big place," he began. "A girl from a small town wouldn't understand how _little_ she truly knows. There are people your age who knew how to solve problems that you wouldn't even begin to understand" He waved his hand again. This time, new unfamiliar questions appeared. My throat felt dry. Integrals, summations…is that a MacLaurin Series?

"I've never learnt any of this," I snarled. "You can't expect me to know—"

"But you have read about it," he replied. I wasn't going to bother asking how he knew so much about my personal life. "If you're going to act like you're better than everyone else, prove it. You have fifteen minutes."

I jumped. "Y-You can't do that!" I cried, but I felt something crawl up my legs. I screamed, seeing the darkness slowly arise from beneath me, pulling me in. "What the hell?"

"Time is ticking," he smiled, taking a sip of tea.

My face scrunched up. I knew I was playing into his games, but I couldn't allow it. They could insult me how much they wanted to, but the one thing I will not allow them to insult was my intelligence. "Don't you dare look down on me!" I fumed, grabbing the chalk again. It was silly, really. I knew I can't do this level of math yet, but I wasn't going to let him show me up.

I looked at the first question. Find the integral of x-cubed. Simple, but I don't know how to do it. I racked my brain, trying to remember the definition of an integral. _It's the opposite of a derivative, right?_ I questioned myself, letting out a curse. _The derivative of what gives x-cubed?_

I wrote down one-fourth x-to-the-fourth. I grinned, but I heard Jade trying to muffle a laughter. I ignored him, and moved on to the next question. However, I now knew why he was laughing. Of course, I could easily come up with a solution to the first question, but I could not guess with the others.

I gasped as there was a sharp tug from the dark blob pulling me in. I turned to glare at Jade as he amused himself. I knew it was hopeless, but that doesn't mean I was going to give up without a fight… literally.

I whipped my chalk at Jade again, and in the process, jumped at him. He seemed surprised—I as well—that I was able to land on top of him. I lifted my fist and pounded down on his face. I smiled, seeing his glasses knocked off.

"I said, don't look down on me!" I repeated. "I know… I know I'm not the best, the smartest, but that doesn't stop me from trying! I want to do well because I can't do anything else. So, shut up, you slime! Don't you _dare_ insult me like that again!" I growled, punching him again. I heaved a long, drawn out breath, pushing myself off of him. I looked back at his wreaked face and glared. "And for the record, Jade isn't that easy to land a punch on, who or whatever you are."

The Jade look-a-like grinned, chuckling darkly as his whole body turned into the same black blob and attacked. I reacted, dodging but crashing into the desks and chairs as a result. I hissed in pain but stood anyways, running to what seemed like a door. I could see the entire room melting, becoming one with the darkness. I panicked, pushing my leg to run as fast as it could. I could see it beginning to cover the door from the top. I cried out, smashing the door open with my right shoulder, tumbling onto the other side. I winced, feeling many splinters lodged into my arm and shoulder. Although, I was thankful as I looked back, the room was gone, sweep away in the darkness. I shivered. The Goosebumps ran down my spine as a signal to get as far away from this place as possible.

I didn't argue.

* * *

I was back again, back to the daunting, endless road. I didn't know how, but I was. With a long sigh, I began walking again. How long had I been here, wandering around aimlessly? There was no sun, so I could not tell whether it was day or night—if there were any time here.

I suspected something was amiss. It was way too strange, even for Hell. It couldn't be possible for a crossover between my world and Auldrant. The interaction itself wasn't possible, not to mention I didn't think Hell exist in the Score's religion. If this wasn't Hell, then what was it?

"Milee!" someone called. My eyes narrowed as Kamilla drew near. "I've been looking for you everywhere!"

"Stay back!" She stopped, shocked. "Haven't you blobs had enough? I'm sick of listening to you toy with my mind!"

"Milee, it's not—"

"Get away from me!" I pushed her off the road. I didn't look to see if she fell or not. I fled the scene as fast as I could.

My sympathetic nervous system was definitely on a high right now. Adrenaline rushed through my body like I just consumed a handful of drugs. I didn't stop to check if she was following me; I didn't care. I simply wanted to run as far as I possibly could. I have had enough.

I was sick of whatever games they were trying to play with me. This endless cycle was getting to be tremendously ridiculous. This unorthodox world was like a virus, slowly poisoning my entire being, stripping away pieces of me until there was nothing left. But I won't stand for this madness. I'll preserve myself to the bitter end.

"What a lovely child…"

I halted. _What was that?_

I turned to my right. It was like an outdoor movie theater. A sudden light emerged, and I could see a man holding a newborn baby in his arms.

"My little gem…You are Daddy's gift from God," he whispered.

"Father…" A sickening feeling emitted within my stomach. I snorted. "Showing me how much you love your _other_ daughter: what a twisted joke."

"What to call you, my perfect angel?" he said, caressing the baby's cheeks. "How about Kamilla?"

"Wh-what?" I coughed, not believing the words.

"Yes…that's perfect for my little girl…" He brushed his hand over the baby's head, and I could see a small patch of brown hair.

I held my breath. "My sister is blonde…" I whispered.

"She is, but what makes you so sure I was talking about her?" Father laughed, turning his attention towards me. Startled, I took a step back. He walked forward. "Milee, Honey, why are you so set against us? We love you."

I frowned. "That's a lie!"

"Is it? Why do you think so?" he asked calmly.

I turned away slightly. "All you ever care about are those two… You always favour them and never put any pressure on them."

"Is that is it looks like?" he inquired, stepping forward. This time, I didn't move. "Honey, you have it all wrong."

"Really now?" I said sarcastically. "Do tell me how I am wrong."

He smiled gently. "You don't go home very often. You're always away doing extracurricular so you wouldn't know how we treat your sister and brother. You know, they think the exact same thing you do," he laughed. "'You care about them more than me!', they always said."

I looked up, hopeful. "Really?"

Father smiled. "Yes. I actually find it quite hilarious in a way. But, just know, all three of you are my children. I love you all equally." My tense shoulders eased. "Milee, we miss you. Come back to us," he begged, extending his hand towards me. "Let's be a family again."

"Father…" I smiled, feeling this crushing burden relieved itself. I reached out, towards him.

"Milee! Don't!" a voice shrieked. Alas, before I could touch his fingers, a hand grabbed me from behind, forcefully yanking me back. I yelped, plummeting to the ground, on top of someone.

"What the hell?" I hissed, seeing Kamilla below me. "Get away from me—"

"Don't listen to him! Don't let the darkness take over!" she exclaimed, seizing my arm.

"How dare you interrupt our family reunion!" Father snarled.

"Be gone! Don't corrupt her! She's better than that!"

"Don't talk to Father like that!" I shouted, angry.

Kamilla slapped me. "Pay attention. That isn't your father, you fool! We're inside your mind," she explained. "It should have been a clear indicator that something was wrong when you saw yourself as a baby. People do not remember their infanthood! It was a false memory intended to trick you!"

I stared. I heard, but I didn't want to believe. I looked back at Father. He was furious. I squeaked seeing him melt into those black blobs from before. I tensed, but they didn't attack, just fade into the background. I waited; my eyes never leaving the spot where he had disappeared. He never returned.

A light smack came from Kamilla to my back, which resulted in a lungful of air that I had held to release itself. I glanced over my shoulders, seeing a lobbed sided smile. She rubbed my back gently.

"You okay?" she asked softly.

I shook off her hand. "If… If I said no, what would you do?" I asked precipitously. I closed my eyes tightly, feeling drops of water falling from my lids. "You _had_ to ruin the moment, didn't you?"

"To save your sorry ass, yeah, I kind of did," she replied without missing a beat. "By yielding to their ridicules, you're letting the darkness take over your mind. You can't let them win. Be strong, Milee! Fight it!"

"Easy for you to say!" I snapped. "What's there to live for anyways? You know, I was happy when they said that… I was happy they wanted me, even if it was a lie…"

"Milee—"

"Why do you care what happens to me anyways? Go rest in peace already and leave me alone!"

I heard her growl, but I began walking away. She didn't comply though, not that I was expecting her to. But her next actions caught me off guard. She grasped my wrist, spinning me around. Her ghastly pale face was scrunched up like a dried-up prune. She took a moment, forcing herself to calm down before she spoke.

"Let's go on a field trip."

"What are you blabbering about now?" I raised an eyebrow at her.

Suddenly, I felt a shock to my system, momentarily losing awareness of my surroundings. It was like something unreal grabbed me, pulling my very essence from within me. I felt lighter than I have ever been. Floating and unanchored, I panicked slightly for fear of drifting away, but once I opened my eyes, every bit of emotion I had felt was dropped, being replaced with mere confusion.

_What on Earth?!_ I held my breath. I winced marginally from the blinding rays of the sun from a nearby window. Throwing my hands up, I shielded my eyes, blinking off the aftereffects of such an intense light. For a moment, I realized I was lying down, spotting nothing but the horrid patterns of the hospital's ceilings when I returned my arms to my side.

_Beep…Beep…Beep…_

I tilted my head slightly, staring at the beeping machine beside me. It had a monitor with animated zigzag lines going up and down the screen. I frowned, boring my glare into that vile instrument of torture. As if I didn't have enough headaches for one day.

I groaned, turning away from the machine to where the windows were instead, although, instead I found a mop of dirty blond hair flopped on my bed beside me. I shrieked and jumped away from it, causing me to fall off the bed.

"What the fuck is that?!" I cursed in the moment, grabbing the rails of the bed and thrusting myself up just at eye level, peeking to see what it was.

However, to my utter surprise and horror, what I saw next, made my heart froze over. My eyes widened, and I slowly and unsteadily pried my hands away from the rails. My voice felt swollen, caught in the midst of my throat as I tried to speak, to say something—anything! But nothing but choking sounds came through. I fell on my behind, crumbling to the floor. My hands gripped my head, holding on to it for its life as I curled into a tiny ball.

What was happening? That couldn't be. I must be hallucinating! Unfortunately, I knew what I saw was factual.

Peeking through the slits between my fingers, I saw it again and screamed.

"Milee, calm down!" someone ordered, shaking me by my shoulders. "It's okay! Calm down and I'll explain."

"Calm down? Calm down?!" I barked, grabbing Kamilla by the front of her shirt. "How can I calm down when...when…" I trailed off.

"Milee—"

"Why the hell is my body over there?!" I demanded an explanation from the girl.

I pointed to the ashen faced girl lying on the hospital bed. I shivered upon seeing myself hooked up to so many cables with an oxygen mask over my face. The breathing was shallow and unsteady, and brown locks curled around the one end of the bed, absolutely drenched in sweat. I wanted to reach over and grab my hand, but I couldn't move. I was frozen stiff. I had never seen myself look so… so… delicate—so vulnerable before.

"Gamma-Hydroxybutyric acid," Kamilla said slowly.

I looked over at her still shaking slightly. "I beg your pardon?"

"…About seven thousand milligrams," she whispered carefully, studying my reaction before continuing. "What do they call it in your world again? Hmm… date rape drug, I believe?"

I paled, eyeing myself that lie sickly in front of me. "But… but—"

"Mixed with a full bottle of alcohol as well; that's basically a recipe for instant death," she spoke, grabbing my face and turning it so we were looking at each other eye to eye. "You don't know how lucky you are that you're _only_ in a comatose state."

I stared, relaying the information over and over again, trying to process everything that she had said, but I didn't even know where to start. I consumed a date rape drug—a lot of it by the sounds of things. It was probably at the party; after all, it was the last place I remembered after passing out. Yet, I was pretty sure I didn't leave my drink unattended. I only had two bottles—the first I ditched somewhere after a sip because I couldn't stand the taste, so it couldn't have been that bottle. Also, the second bottle was the one that blonde girl gave me.

I paused. Now that I think about it, was it opened? I shook my head. Even if it was, but that girl was clearly drunk beyond belief, so there was no way she could have spiked it, and it wasn't like she had some personal grudge against me or anything.

My eyes widened. "...Personal grudge…?" I slowly exhaled, and flashes of many faces played throughout my head. My blood went cold. I pulled my arms around me while shaking my head.

"Milee?" I heard Kamilla speak. I regarded her. My hazel orbs glazed into her red ones, and she flinched, looking away. "You figured it out, huh?"

"She set me up," I whispered, looking at her for conformation. "My friend tried to kill me!" I raised my voice.

She flinched again. "I think _kill_ is a bit too strong…" she said softly, rubbing my back.

I swatted her hand away. I remembered now. That blonde's boyfriend was Olivia's cousin. He was the one who spiked my drink. That was why they invited me and approached me out of all the people at the party, even though I never really talked to them before. It was a set up because he knew I was going to go—_she_ knew. She knew my teacher would call home, and she knew I would get into an argument with my parents since I was extremely prideful when it comes to my grades and all. That was why she swapped our test. It wasn't to get a good grade—sure, it was a bonus, but it was to make sure I would go to the party. She wanted me gone, just so she could get a guy.

I suddenly burst out laughing. I grabbed my stomach, laughing so hard that I fell over, sprawling to the ground. I heard Kamilla held her breath; she was probably giving me a funny look by now.

"I'm _that_ predicable, aren't I?" I asked once I calmed down, turning my head sideways to gaze at her.

"…" She looked away.

"To think, someone like _her_ could figure me out so easily. Guess she wasn't as stupid as I though, huh?"

Kamilla touched my hand. I didn't move. "It isn't your fault. You're just a victim of a brat's silly games."

"Like yours?" I inquired, placing my hand on top of hers, trapping them. "Like how you kept toying with me all that time?"

Kamilla frowned. "It isn't like that! I was trying to protect you from this!" she cried, looking over her shoulders to the girl that lay asleep behind her. "Be honest, if you knew what happened to you, could you really say you would have been able to keep going? To have survived that far?"

I scoffed. "Does it matter now? It ended the same way despite of everything! I'm dead over in Auldrant, and I may as well be dead here!"

She gave me a puzzled look. "Milee, you're—"

The door suddenly opened and a man walked in. He was an older man from the wisps of grey hair around his normal dark hair and was wearing navy blue scrubs. I remember seeing him a few times around the hospital; he was a nurse here. He looked up, slightly surprised.

"You're _still_ here?" he asked, walking over and shaking the blond thing. It stirred—no, not it, _he_ stirred.

"W-What?" he murmured groggily, brushing his hair away so that I could see his face.

I gasped, momentarily forgetting about my problem. "Ashton?"

"Don't you have better stuff to do than to hang around a hospital all day? Kids these days are usually out and about," the nurse said.

Ashton shook his head. "I am doing something," he replied, pulling out a textbook. "Studying and you got to admit, it's pretty quiet in here."

I wobbly stood, gripping the rails of the bed as I observed my classmate from across the bed. It had been so long since I'd last seen him—the last being that night he jumped through my window. He looked different—more tired as I noticed the bags under his eyes, thinner by the way his shirt looked more like a sack and his smile seemed forced, missing the usual radiance to them.

"Get some rest," the nurse spoke, startling me as I forgot about him being in the room.

"It's fine. Besides, someone needs to be here when she wakes up," the blond answered, gently brushing strands of hair from the face of my unconscious body.

"Her father is here. He's with the doctor right now, but he should be coming here soon. So go. It's unhealthy for a young man to stay here for hours every day. You're worse than she was," he accused, pointing at the girl in bed.

I watched the bickering between the two. My already aching head was swarmed with even more information for me to process. Why was he here and visiting every day? We weren't even friends but more like acquaintances. I asked myself why, yet, deep down, I knew why. I knew for the longest time. He wanted to be friends, maybe more—no, definitely more, but I kept pushing him away back then.

And I wanted to do the same now. I didn't know why he was so interested in me. Frankly, I didn't care. They were all the same anyways: Approaching me because they wanted something, only to toss me aside afterwards. I didn't need any more Olivias in my life.

"Milee." A hand rested on top of mine. I turned slightly to see Kamilla's worried face. I felt her hands plying my hands from the rails. They were white; I didn't realized how tight I was holding on until she removed them.

"I'm tired," I whispered. "Please, just let me rest in peace."

I shook her off, walking to the door and away from this scene. I wasn't sure where I should be going. I simply wanted to just get away. Nevertheless, as I was in front of the door, it swung opened. I stepped back, surprised as my father came in. He walked passed me without batting an eye. It wasn't like I expected him to. He couldn't see me, but an uncomfortable feeling seemed to fluctuate because of it.

I reached out, wanting to grab the back of his shirt but resisted, using my other hand to grab a hold of it. I watched as he nodded to the nurse before he looked at Ashton in a mild surprise. He glanced back sheepishly but nodded as a gesture. Father sat down, placing a small bouquet of sunflowers by my bed to my surprise. How did he know sunflowers are my favourite? Or, was it a mere coincidence?

I found my body had acted on its own, leaving me beside my father. I bit my lips, not wanting to say something stupid, even though he couldn't hear me. I could only watch as the conversation unfolded between the two.

"Are you sure there's nothing going on between the two of you?" Father asked curiously, causing me to wonder what he was implying. "You come here every day and expect me to believe you two are _just_ classmates?"

Ashton blushed a bit. "Yes sir… It's just that she looks lonely. I just think she could use some company… A true friend," he answered, eyeing my hand as if he wanted to reach out and grab it but didn't.

"What makes you say that? She's been sleeping this whole time."

He looked up, surprised. "That's not what I meant. You mean, you didn't noticed?"

"Noticed what?" both my father and I asked, confused.

"She's been lonely for at least four years," he replied sincerely. "Even though she smiles, her eyes do not."

My heart skipped a beat. He knew? I gawked, running over to his side to grab a hold of him and to force him to talk, but my hand just went through like he wasn't even there. I frowned, wanting him to say something. It frightened me to think he was able to accurately read me even though no one else had. It wasn't possible. We met four years ago; that meant he would have known instantly I was faking my personality. Did I slip up somewhere? I shook my head; no, I didn't think so. I'd always been careful.

I heard my father grunt. He was clearly frowning. "What makes you say that? I'm her father, yet, I don't see anything wrong with her. She has always been surrounded my friends. You've only known her a few years, right?"

Again, he blushed. "Actually, no. I've known her since kindergarten."

I coughed. "What?!"

"However, I wasn't very surprised that she didn't remember me. I didn't stay for very long before I was transferred. But, even if that's the case, I'll never forget her. She changed my life," he told in a nostalgic manner. My father didn't reply, so he continued. "At the start of high school, I was shocked to find her acting the way she did. She was so different… so unlike the girl I knew back then…"

Back then, I was an awful child. Always rebelling, always giving my mother a hard time—I paled having to remember my childhood. I glowered upon Ashton. "If you knew, why are you being so nice to me?" I cried.

"I was sad," he admitted, smoothing the sheets in front of him. "Sure, she was polite and sweet… but it just felt so fake. No offense, sir. She's a wonderful girl!" he quickly added. "I wanted to know why she suddenly changed. The girl I knew back then was also sweet and kind but in her own way. She was bold. She spoke her mind, but she was considerate of others."

"She was a devil," I whispered.

"Because of her, I am who I am today. You probably heard this from our kindergarten teacher back then. I remember she got into a lot of trouble for that incident," he laughed, smiling.

"I got into a lot of incidents back then…" I murmured, dejected.

"It was one day when this kid accused me of stealing his toy. He went to the teacher, and I got blamed. I felt so afraid. I felt so weak. Back then, everyone always babied me, so I became completely dependent upon others. I didn't know what to do; all I could do was cry. That's when she came into my life…"

My eyes widened. "This sounds familiar…"

"She unexpectedly went up to me and pushed me down and started hitting and yelling at me to stop being such a baby and fight back. But of course, she got scolded by the teachers for that," he laughed, and I felt my cheeks heat up. Glancing over at my father, he, too, was red. "And it just so happens that my mom came at that exact moment, saw the incident, thought I was being bullied by a girl and I was forced to transfer schools."

"Oh, Dear Lord," I heard my father muttered under his breath, and I felt the exact same way. "I am very sorry for her actions—"

"It's alright, really," he laughed again, producing his usual bright smile. "I'm actually glad she did that."

"I beg your pardon?" Father raised an eyebrow.

"Are you an idiot? Did I end up hitting you _that_ hard?" I gawked at the blond.

He smiled and explained, "I know it sounds silly, but that was the first time anyone told me to stand up for myself. If Milee haven't done that, I may or may not be who I am today. However, I'm glad she was the one who did it because now that I've seen her like this, it's my turn to return the favour."

Father didn't say anything, and neither did I. _I beat him up, and he thanks me?_ I mentally asked, bring my arms close in. I could feel my heart beat against my chest. It felt warm for the first time in a long time. Abruptly, my vision got blurry. I brought a hand up to my cheek. It was wet. Bringing my hands to my face, I shook my head, letting the loose strands cover my face. "What an idiot."

Father reached over, stoking my cheeks. He didn't look at Ashton but spoke to him regardless. "You love her, don't you?"

"…" I looked, wondering what he would say, but he just grinned, reaching for my hand. "You have a very beautiful daughter, Sir."

He stopped stoking and rested his hand on the top of my body's head. A faint smile appeared on his thin lips. "Yes, I know."

* * *

The next time I opened my eyes, I was back in the abyss. I groaned slightly, plopping my body up from where I laid. I looked around, noting that nothing had changed. It was still the empty blackness and a single road leading to nowhere. Looking around, I expected to find Kamilla lounging about somewhere, but she was nowhere to be found.

I stood, feeling frustrated about being dragged back to this world—or rather, my mind as she stated before. I wanted to see what happened next. I wanted to hear more. I wanted to know how my father felt. There were so many things left unanswered.

Deciding that nothing was going to happen if I just wait around, I followed the road again, but this time more cautiously. To my surprised, this time, the road actually led somewhere. It was a familiar looking house.

It was small and light brown in colour. A wooden handmade mailbox with a small sunflower carved onto its side was placed in front of the house. I stoked the carving. My gut feeling told me to get away, but I couldn't as nostalgic feelings flowed. This was my memories after all. So, I must have seen this place before.

I turned towards the house. Something moved by the windows. On the act of impulse, I raced towards the door, swinging it opened. I took a step back, reacting strongly to the scent of gasoline in the house.

Tearing a piece of my clothing, I took a deep breath and covered my nose and mouth before proceeding any further into the house. Yet, I didn't need to search the house. If my memory serves me correctly, I knew which memory it was. I walked a few steps and turned, walking further until the gasoline seeped through my cloth. I stopped and stared as my insides hardened.

A woman in her late twenties stared at me as she held a tank of gasoline in her hands, undoubtedly in mid-paused in pouring gasoline around the room. Even though she was young, her eyes evidently shown her tiredness and the wrinkles all over her face dampened her age. She frowned slightly, setting the tank down.

"Milee…" she whispered gravely. Her eyes looked hollow.

"Mom…" The word felt foreign on the tip of my tongue.

"Aren't you supposed to be at school?" she asked monotonously. "Your daddy won't be happy to know his child is skipping school…"

"Why does Mommy look sad?"

I blinked. I didn't say that. I felt a presence beside me and jumped back, falling to the ground. I stared at the back of a little girl in front of me. Her braids were messy and clothes tattered as if she has gotten into a fight. She took a step toward, but her mother's harsh cry stopped her.

"Answer the question, Milee."

She looked down, disheartened. "I got sent home because I hit this girl, but she started it when she starting poking this cat—"

"Milee!" the woman screamed, streaks of tears fell from her face.

"…Sorry, Mommy…"

The woman sobbed, falling to her knees. "Why couldn't you be a _normal_ girl? Why couldn't _I_ bore a normal child? It's no wonder he left me—us." She glanced over; her eyes were terribly red. Suddenly, she pulled something out of her pocket—a lighter. I held my breath. She lit it and threw it onto the ground. In an instant, hot red flames fan out around the room. I yelped.

"Mommy…?" the girl asked, looking terrified. "What are you doing?"

She looked at the girl sadly. "Mommy is suffocating. Mommy needs some space away from everything. Mommy… is going to go somewhere far away."

My blood ran cold as I watched the girl's reaction. I knew what was going to happen, but I couldn't move. The girl took a step forward.

"Can I come too?" she asked innocently. Her mother looked up in surprised. "I don't want to be away from Mommy. I don't like the teachers, and the other kids are mean. Daddy is never home anymore! Can we go to Grandma's?"

"Don't…" I breathed, shivering.

The woman's confused look turned to a bittersweet smile. She held her arms out. "Come child. We'll go to somewhere better, where it'll be just the two of us."

The girl took another step. I could only stare at my mother in shock. "Don't…!" I said so quietly, the flickering flames drowned it out.

"Let us leave your father in peace. After all, we're not wanted… He doesn't love us…"

My eyes slowly widened more and more as the girl walked into the flames with the most innocent look on her face. I whimpered. Not again, I didn't want it to happen again. I knew this was just my memories but still! I didn't want it to end the same way again. I breathed, coughing from the thick black smoke I had inhaled. I disregarded it, begging silently to the girl to stop but she didn't. She reached out to her mother, about to touch her fingers when I screamed and on an adrenaline rush, I swiftly ran over to the girl, wrapped my arms around her and stepped away. They both look at me in shock.

"Sh-shut up!" I cried, feeling the tears come out. "How dare you corrupt her innocence?! What kind of mother are you? What mother leads her child to her death?"

I snivelled, tightening my grip on the girl as I hugged her close to my chest, burying my face into the crook of her neck.

"We don't belong in this world. Your father hates us. That's why he left," she replied, looking directly at me.

I noticed that the girl was gone—no, merged inside of me. I felt her confusion and pain. I glared at Mom. "You're wrong!" she retorted, surprising the both of us. Was she? For a second, I pondered but then remembered the incident at the hospital. "He said I'm beautiful…" I uttered softly. A faint smile arose on my lips.

She scoffed. "How can you be so sure of that? He could be lying, my dear."

My eyes narrowed dangerously, but I couldn't help but agree with her statement. Father could be lying to set the mood, to give off the appearance that he was a loving father, but I wouldn't know that unless I ask. I gasped as if a light bulb went off above my head.

"I wouldn't know unless I ask…" I repeated my thoughts.

"What are you mumbling about, Child?" she asked with a frown.

"If I were to die right now, I'll never know how he feels about me!" I answered confidently. "Even if he hates me, I'll never know that if I'm gone. And same for you as well! You didn't want to know the truth, fearing the worst, that's why you wanted to make it so that you'll never have to know. You're just a coward…" I glared before my face softened. "I'm just a coward.

"This whole time, I was just running away from knowing the truth. I never got close to anyone in fear of knowing the feeling of hate, but in turn, I have never known if that thought of hate was actually love. I was afraid, so I turned myself away from the world. But now, I want to know. I don't want to die without knowing if he truly loves me or not! It's agonizing!"

"But he could hate you!" she tried to make an argument.

I looked at her sadly. "Then, at least I would die without regret. Until then… I want to live."

Suddenly, the flames went out and all disappeared. There was no room, or gas tank or door. It was a black room with spotlights above us—just the two of us. She studied me, looking for some kind of fault, lie, anything that could validate her point.

I didn't look away. It was kind of hard not to. I said something completely unlike me just now. The girl who didn't care about her life, doing everything she was told. Now, I was arguing against my mother about the foreign topic of the love my father had for me. I told her I wanted to live. That was something I have never wanted before—at least not after that event.

"Is that so?" she asked. It wasn't sarcastic or rude but pleasant and genuine. Her eyes no longer held hostility, but a gentleness I recalled from long ago.

I smiled. "Yes. I want to live and see everyone again. Ashton, Father…you… I don't want to leave until I find out the truth."

She walked over. I didn't run. She cupped my face in her hands and kissed my forehead. "I'm proud of you, my baby. Don't forget your words. After all, when I wake up, the first thing I want to see is your smiling face."

And just like that, the darkness was overcome with radiant white light.

* * *

My eyelids felt heavy when I first opened my eyes. A small candle flickered at my bedside in this chilly, dark room, giving off ghastly shadow-like figures all around. I realized my top half was naked, although, thankfully covered with bandages as I lay on my stomach. I turned my head; an ache cried out in alarm around my trapezius area, causing me to revert back to my initial position.

I grunted; clearly, I was still _alive_. I don't know how, but I'll find out soon. I mentally called out Kamilla's name, trying to get an explanation from the girl. A chuckle was heard.

_Easy, there._ Her voice rang in my head. _For now, rest. Being in that world can definitely wear some people out. I'll explain everything later._ I sighed, believing her to have left, but her voice came out once more. _And kid, I'm proud of you._

A brief smile flashed across my face, although, I wasn't sure if she could see it or not. I rested my head on the pillow, snuggling into it, but something caught my eye. I turned to look out the glass windows, noting it was the one in Tear's room, and into the garden of luminous flowers, where two figures could be seen. I had my resolve.

No turning back now. No more chances. No more running away. I had to be strong. I had to find a way back home—for different reasons now.

"I can't die, not yet," I whispered. "Not until I see them again—talk to them. My family, my peers…Ashton: I can't let things end like this. I refuse."

I momentarily closed my eyes, letting everything sink in. And just like that, they opened.

It was time.

I may make mistake. No, I know I _will_ make mistakes.

I will cry.

And I will get angry.

I know people will be disappointed in me.

And I'll lose their trust.

And I will get hurt over and over and over again.

Both physically and mentally.

However, if I can stand; if I can look pass these faults, these situations I will face, if I can stand again and again and face the world with my head held high, even if I'm still grieving, as long as I get up again and try, I know I will be alright.

I know I can fight again.

I know I can win this internal battle.

And I know in the end, I can look ahead forwards the future with a smile knowing I can overcome these obstacles; I can change.

I can become stronger.

And I can cherish myself.

Because, that's what it means to be reborn.

And that is the path I will take.

I will live.

* * *

******A/N**: And now, back to the plot!

I promise you this, it won't take me _that_ long to update again. Again, I'm terribly sorry. I'll definitely make it _at the very least_, one chapter a month. I'm hoping more. This story's way too slow, and I actually want to start another one soon… If I do take longer, I'll let you all know, so you don't have to keep waiting like that.

Tell me what you think! I know it's a little boring being mainly just my OC's, but I could use some insight. What do you think will happen now? Please review! And as a gift, here's a preview of next chapter.

_Next Chapter Preview: Crisis_

"_Guy!" I called, rushing over to him._

"_Stay away!" he cried, pushing himself up and away from me until he hit the wall behind him._

"_Nice to see you, too," I rolled my eyes._

_I glanced over. He was rubbing his head, probably from accidently hitting his head on the wall. I noticed that he was shirtless with bandages wrapped over his shoulders and abdomen area. The bandages were a bit red with blood that was already spilling from his wounds, and I could see a layer of sweat around his neck and body. I blushed slightly before mentally slapping myself. _This isn't the time!_ I told myself._

"_Guy," Jade approached him, smiling to himself. "How's your wound?"_

"_He's bleeding," I commented._

"_I'm fine," he insisted._

"_You're bleeding!" I repeated, frowning._

"_Let's get you healed," Jade said, "now that we've gathered the manpower to rescue Ion. So Guy, take your pick. Milee or Tear?"_

_Guy's eyes went wide as he tried to back far away from him as possible._

Wow, talk about evil. He's probably enjoying himself… _I sighed._ Merciless, even with the wounded.

"_We don't have time for this," Tear said, walking up to Guy, to which he moved to the edge of the bed. "Milee, take the other side."_

Nevermind, Tear's even more merciless…


	16. Step by Step

**Forlorn Words**

******A/N**: Hey everyone! Thank you to everyone who reviewed! I'm glad you liked the previous chapter even though I was still a little sketchy about it.

So, it's almost the one month deadline, so I thought I'd update. Honestly, this chapter was _a lot_ longer, too long in fact. I know some of you like long chapters, but this chapter was a bit of an overkill—about 11k+ words before I finally broke the chapter into two. So here's part one of the chapter. And yes, part two is pretty much done. I'll update in a few days to add to the suspense. :)

P.S. I'm doing a mass edit of my story right now: grammar edit, fixing loopholes, adding/removing some things but don't worry, you don't need to reread everything. You can if you want, but it won't make any difference. The story is pretty much the same. I'm not sure if you'll get emails for updating chapters, but if you do, ignore it.

Disclaimer: I do not own Tales of the Abyss for if I do, I would make plenty of changes. :)

* * *

**Chapter Sixteen: Step by Step**

I eyed a piece of string that had come loose on Tear's pillow case. I blew on it, watching it fluttered, only to reverted back into its normal position. I would have continued this pointless action if not for this rather awkward moment I was currently experiencing. My body slowly sunk further into the mattress as two pairs of eyes stared at me in bewilderment. I shifted uncomfortably, waiting for them to speak up, yet nothing but silence followed. I glanced upward. Tear's eyes were wide, and Luke was opening and closing his mouth like a goldfish in desperate need of oxygen. I waited, but they just continued these irritating actions as if the past few minutes were looped into an endless cycle.

I sighed loudly, growing frustrated with the two, although oddly enough, that sigh caused the red-head to finally say something.

"Sh-She's alive!"

"No, really?" I mumbled sarcastically, coughing a bit at my hoarse throat. "I've been staring at you for the past five minutes!"

"Move!" Tear commanded, pushing Luke aside and coming to by bedside. "Milee, how do you feel?"

"I don't know," I admitted honestly. "How should I feel? Truthfully, I'm afraid to know even the answer to that."

"You are so lucky you're still alive!" she said, clearly worried. "You were so close, so close to death, Milee! What were you thinking?!"

I winced but averted her question. "What happened anyways? Why am I still alive? Didn't I fall in?"

Tear sighed, sitting on the edge of her bed. I frowned slightly, seeing as there was a limit to how far I could turn my head around. "I pulled you up when you were just about to fall in," she answered softly. "However, if only I had reached you a second sooner…" she trailed off. I saw movement as her hand lightly touched my back; I flinched. "Does it still hurt? I used my healing artes, and I applied some cream… You received third-degree burns after your back grazed the surface of the mud. The burns are extremely bad. Don't worry though; the injuries are pretty much healed by now. However… your back will probably be scarred permanently."

"Lovely…" I exhaled. _Another huge ass scar to add to this already messed up body. Well, at least this body isn't mine…_

_Hey! What about me?_ I heard Kamilla's voice in my head.

I snorted. _You're dead. You don't need a body._

I heard a bit of mumbling from her but disregarded it as Tear spoke. "I'm actually surprised you're even alive, let alone conscious," she added. "Burns—even the slightest—from the mud here can be excruciating, especially since you burned such a large portion of your body… Anyways, you'll most likely be able to get out of bed today, but your body will probably feel extremely sore from the position you've been lying on for the past several days—"

"Wait!" I interrupted, not liking the sound of things. "Just how long have I been unconscious for anyways?"

Tear glanced over at Luke, who looked back at her. Tear answered warily, "About a week."

I groaned. _So, I've been trapped in that hellhole for a week, huh?_ I tried to roll one of my shoulders, but I could unquestionably feel the rawness in my joints. Tear gently pushed my shoulders down. "Are you sure I can get out of bed?"

"It's healed," she said, helping me sit up. I winced slightly, feeling a bit dizzy, but Tear held me steady. "Go take a bath. Afterwards, I'm going to change the bandages and reapply some cream, okay?"

I didn't question her, but instead, I nodded as she began to unwrap the white fabric. Before she got any further, I gave her a sharp look before looking at Luke. She questioned my look before glancing at Luke and understood. We both stared at him. He stared back, seemingly a bit confused, but then he blushed and quickly left.

I tried to silence a giggle that threatened to escape my lips while Tear merely rolled her eyes. I gasped as cool air touch my back the moment it was exposed. It was like tiny bits of cold droplets being sprinkled on my back like water to a bad sunburn—refreshing yet painful at the same time. Once I was in the bathroom, I turned on the taps, soaking up as much of the cleanliness as possible.

As I applied some shampoo to my hair, I paused in mid-scrub, before twisting my locks into view after feeling something off about my hair. To my utter horror, about ten centimetres of my hair had been missing, and from the ends, it looked as if it was melted off. I shuttered violently. To think, my back touched the surface of that liquid. Tear was right. I could have died back there, but I didn't. Why?

"Hey, don't you think it's time you explained yourself?" I asked aloud to the freeloader in my head.

"Alright, alright," a voice came from beside me. I spun, seeing Kamilla sitting on top of the vanity. I screamed, whipping the shower curtains around me.

"Oh, chill. That's my body, in case you forgot," she said in an amused tone.

"Milee? Are you okay?" I heard Tear's voice on the other side of the bathroom room.

I weakly nodded but realized she couldn't see before reassuring her that I was fine. I faced the girl, who was looking at her fingernails in boredom. All of a sudden, she eyed me, smirking.

"What's wrong? Surprised? My spirit does live inside of you. Obviously, I can materialize in front of you."

"Can the others, you know, see you?" I asked, poking my head out from behind the curtains.

She eyed my skeptically. "What do you think?"

I blushed, lowering my head. "Couldn't hurt to ask…"

She sighed. "Okay, back to the main issue at hand," she began, and my ears perked up. "And don't interrupt me."

"'Kay." She glared, causing me to cover my mouth. "Sorry…"

"…So basically, after your little stunt—as according to Tear—your burns are very bad. The mud managed to burn through many layers of your skin, inflicting internal injuries in the process," Kamilla explained, and I shuttered, "Bad enough that you could have died. Sure, Tear, being such a great healer, managed to treat the damages, but it was ultimately your will that decides if you were to live or not."

"My… will…?"

She smiled. "Your mind was already a black slate but because there was still some light in your world, you still had a chance. Those faint bits of light you saw in your mind, it was a sign that you were still fighting—the old you that is—fighting to have another chance at life. However, the darkness was so powerful that it was able to conjure up forms to weaken your mental state even more."

I gripped the curtains tightly in my hands. The sounds of their laughs still echoed; the image of my father reaching his hand out to me: I was so close to letting them win. "And if I gave up? If I had stopped fighting them? Stopped running? If I took his hand back then?"

"…You would have been dead."

"…"

"But I believed in you," she spoke when I didn't. "You just needed a little push in the right direction."

"So you showed me what was happening in the real world?" I thought back happily, remembering my father's gentleness and wishing I could see it again.

"I can't do it again, if that's what you're wondering."

I looked up, distraught. "Why?"

"Do you realize how hard it was for me to show you that scene, even for a few minutes? We crossed the boundaries between Auldrant and Earth—something that shouldn't even be possible! It used up too much of my strength. After explaining all of this, I'll probably be gone for a while. I need rest."

It was true: she did look extremely tired. Her usual red eyes lost most of its shine, and she pale skin looked even paler—if that was even possible. She moved her hands, pulling back strands of hair as she approached me with a sadden look.

"Kamilla?"

"The same applies for your situation back on Earth. You need a strong will to live."

I frowned. "But I do."

She laughed. "Yes, your will is stronger, but it's not enough." Just when I was about to argue, she recommenced, "You wanted to see your family and friends again, but then what? What if it turns out that they actually despise you? Will you go back to the way you were? Or will you kill yourself?"

"…"

"Milee, you haven't discovered the meaning of life yet. Find the reasons you must live. Don't live up to other's expectations but your own. Rediscover yourself and embrace it. You are you and no one else. Step by step—no one's asking you to take such a huge initial leap—try a little to be yourself. Smile when you feel like it, frown when you're angry and be honest to yourself and others. They'll appreciate it. I promise."

I couldn't bear to meet her eyes anymore. I sunk back until my back touched the cold tile walls. It screamed out in pain, but my mind was so numb, I didn't care. Just then, a hand reached out, slipping her hands into mind. I found a smile on her face.

"I have to go now. You may find it a little tougher without me to guide you in battle, but I'm sure you'll be fine. You trained hard on your own, after all. Keep training, both your mind and body."

My eyes widened in fright. "Don't go! You still haven't explained to me exactly who you are—"

She released my hands. "'_RPG of Discovering the Meaning of Life'_," she unexpectedly quoted with a light smile, ignoring my latter couple of sentences. "It's perfect, don't you think? This is what this game is all about, and not just for Luke—it's your chance to discover as well."

* * *

"What's all of this?" I asked, looking around to see Luke stuffing our bags with items the moment we came down.

I felt like a brand new me. I was a lot cleaner for starter—both my body and clothing. Tear surprised me with an outfit exactly identical to mine, explaining that an elderly neighbour took pity and created an outfit for me after hearing about my little episode. Although, I was embarrassed, I was thankful for the new clothing as my old one now had a gigantic hole in the back. Not only that, but since my hair was burned off, I let Tear trimmed off the ends, leaving me with hair just a few centimeters passed my shoulders. It was a little disappointing, seeing as long hair was good for hiding behind when you didn't want others to see your expression, but I guess this was a new start. It was like a heavy burden was lifted, and I felt freer. No more hiding. I shouldn't be hiding. Kamilla was right: I should just be more honest.

I watched Tear as she called out to him after helping me to a chair. She grabbed her full bag and mine, dropping it onto the table beside me. I picked up my sword, strapping it to my belt while waiting for them to answer. They both looked at each other before Luke gave a simple but straight-to-the-point answer. "Trouble. We have to go back to the Outer Lands as soon as possible."

I tilted my head in confusion but recoiled from the pain, reverting it back to its upright position. I tried to remember what was going to happen next in the game, but my head was still hurting a little. Pausing, I racked my brain further, before a light bulb went off in my head. "St. Binah's going to fall?!" I cried out before slapping my hand over my mouth.

However, unexpectedly, instead of surprise that I had anticipated, Luke and Tear looked at me in confusion. "What do you mean?" Luke asked. "St. Binah's going to fall?"

I blinked. This time, I was confused. _This _is_ what's going to happen next, isn't it? Luke fines out through Asch that St. Binah's going to fall and then they go rescue everyone._ I thought. I was sure because I remember Luke and Tear talked to the mayor about St. Binah falling, but he didn't believe them. Looking back at the two, they still gave me baffled looks.

"Weren't you sleeping this whole time? Why do you think St. Binah's going to fall?" Tear inquired, sitting down beside me.

"Um… well…" I mentally groaned. I was obviously going to have to lie; definitely not a good start. "Think about it. There's only a few Sephiroths, right? Say, there's probably one on each continent. Chances are, the Sephiroth holding Akzeriuth is already gone." Luke winced out of the corner of my eye, but I ignored him. "And Akzeriuth is located on the southern Rugnician plains, right? That's near—err, close enough to St. Binah. Considering it's such a large and dense city, without the support of the Sephiroth from Akzeriuth, it's probably hanging on to the Sephiroths from other continents. So chances are it could fall."

The two exchanged glances, and I wasn't sure if they would believe me. Heck, I wouldn't even believe myself. I wasn't even sure my explanation sounded logical since I couldn't remember how the whole Sephiroth thing worked.

"Milee," Tear began, but I interrupted her, not wanting a further in-depth explanation of my failed explanation.

"So, what's the so-called trouble you two were referring to anyways?" I asking, changing the topic.

I paled, seeing their faces become serious. "Natalia and Ion have been kidnapped," Luke explained. I blinked. How did _that_ happen? "Guy is severely injured, Anise got shot… and Asch is… alive… I think… maybe…" he paused, studying me.

I felt my sword slipped through my fingers before I could securely tie it, and it clattered on the ground. "…What?!" I managed to choke out, only the last part echoed inside my head. My heart pounded against my chest, waiting for an answer from the red-head, yet fearing it at the same time.

"No, he's alive, definitely alive! I hope…" he muttered the last part very quietly that I almost thought I was hearing thing. He looked up at me unsure, shyly looking away. It puzzled me for a moment before realizing he probably saw my whole interaction with Asch just before he left. Luke saw me confess to him, kiss him and got rejected.

Blushing, I lowered my head. "How…?" I questioned, enclosing my fist around the hem of my new shirt.

"…"

"We'll explain on the way," Tear interrupted, kneeling so that we were eye to eye. "Milee, I'm sorry for pushing you so hard, even after you just woke up, but we need all the manpower we can get. We were about to leave but then you woke. I guess you could say you picked a bad time to wake up."

"Ah, no, it's okay," I said, forcing my legs to stand. "I didn't want to be left behind anyways."

She nodded, looking to see Luke finish packing. "Okay, the Yulia Road should lead us to the Padamiyan continent where Daath is located. Let's go"

They slowed their pace just a bit so that I could follow, making me feel smaller than usual. I gulped down some saliva before disregarding the pain and walking faster to show them that I was fine. Soon, the three of us went into a room with Tear leading the pack. It was a dim room with strange circular markings on the floor. Tear approached the centre of the circle. I saw Luke look back at me.

"Sorry," he whispered.

"Hm?" I questioned the swordsman.

"You know, about Akzeriuth." Even in the dim lights, I saw him blush. "I shouldn't have been so rough either."

That was when I finally noticed the haircut. I mentally smacked myself for that. Usually, I was much more observant than that. Although, I was glad the nice Luke was finally here. Nodding to the gesture that I accepted his apology, we followed Tear into the circle.

She studied me, and I returned the look with a raised in the eyebrow. She walked over and grabbed my hand before placing something inside. I stared, but she walked back to the centre. Puzzled, I felt that it was silky and thin, and upon opening my hand, I muffled a cry. It was the red ribbon: the one Asch gave to me. I glance over to the brunette.

"It seemed like it was important to you," Tear commented without looking.

I nodded. "It _is_," I whispered, bringing it to my cheeks. Even if it pained me to remember my unrequited love, I wasn't completely ready to let my first love go just yet. Since my hair wasn't long enough to require a ribbon, I wrapped the red silk around the hilt of my sword, hoping that the love I had would help me protect, and yet overcoming this love in hopes of leaving me stronger.

All of a sudden, the markings glowed as if she was activating a fonic arte. However, the light grew tremendously bright, and soon, my vision was enveloped with white. Before I could comprehend what was happening, we were outside, standing in a pool of water. Startled, I tripped over my own two feet and fell backwards.

"Whoa! It dumped us out into the water!" I mildly was aware of Luke's surprise as I rubbed my aching behind and mentally thanking Tear for giving me painkillers before we left.

"It's all right. You won't get wet," Tear commented, and that was when I noticed my clothes were still dry. She offered me a hand and pulled me out of the spring.

As Tear went on to explain the strange spring to Luke, I took in the scenery before me. There was simply one word to describe this place: breathtaking. Pale grey walls reaching high into the sky with many variations of natural green everywhere and sparkling, crystal waters weaved around the lands like an artist's brush skimming the surface with the perfect blue.

I took a deep breath, enjoying the feel of fresh air as oppose to the suffocating miasma air that occupied my lungs for the past several days. Unfortunately, it didn't last very long as we were forced to resume our journey. As we approached the cave, I felt a pit in my stomach. My hand slowly reached over to the hilt of my sword, slightly panicked.

I relaxed a bit, seeing as the inside of the cave wasn't as dark as I originally thought. Streams of light entered through the many cracks in the ceiling, allowing for a clear, visible pathway to emerge. I spotted a slope up ahead, frowning.

_This is the spot where Guy was supposed to meet us but…_ I inwardly sighed. _I just hope I didn't screw up the plot_ too_ badly. At least, let Guy be alive!_ I prayed.

"Milee, duck!"

"Where?" I whipped my head in time to have a blue blob tackle me, knocking me off the path and into a pool of water below. Never had I felt so stupid.

This truly was a bad start.

I tried to scream, but as bubbles came out, I quickly shut my mouth. I kicked my legs, attempting to propel myself up to the surface, but something was weighting me down. I looked, squinting my eyes at the string of the water. It was that blue blob—a monster.

I accidentally opened my mouth, crying in surprise before I reached for my sword, only to have the heavy water pressure stopping me from pulling it out. I struggled as its jelly-like body slowly wrapped around mine. Panicked, I pulled my sword along with its scabbard and swung. It easily dodged and retaliated with a strike to my wrist, forcing me to release my sword.

_What's going on? Why am I having such a hard time?_ I thought, flustered. _I've been through worst. _My heart froze, remembering Kamilla's words. _Was I really this weak? She said the training helped me but was I really lacking _that_ much in strength without her help? Kamilla!_ She didn't answer. I coughed, bubbles emancipating from my enclosed lips as my vision dimmed. I was drowning.

Unexpectedly, the weight released itself and someone grabbed me, pulling me to the surface. The moment my head was above, I coughed vigorously, gulping as much oxygen as my lungs could take.

"Milee, are you alright?" Someone gently patted my back.

"Luke, I—"

"It's alright, I killed it," he replied. "Let's get you out of there."

I finally managed to open my eyes, letting Luke lead me back onto solid ground where Tear was waiting, holding my blade.

"How—" I began, but she interrupted.

"It's shallow here," she pointed out. "Be thankful you fell into the deep end. You could have been killed. Be more careful."

Nodding, I retrieve my weapon. Shivering, I squeezed some of the water out of my clothing and hair as Luke did the same. The rest of my trip out of this cave was extremely uncomfortable. I cringed feeling my soggy socks against my wet boots, and the wet sand in my clothing irritated my skin with every movement. Although, thankfully, we made it out of there with no more enemy encounters.

I smiled, letting the sun warm my body. I shook my head like a sheepdog's, flinging water everywhere.

"Whoa!" Luke cried out, frowning.

"My bad," I said innocently.

"Now that we're here," Tear stepped in before Luke could get revenge. "We should probably start walking to Daath. That's likely where Ion and Natalia are."

Luke looked back. "But Jade's supposed to meet us here. At least, that's what he said before I lost my connection with Asch," he spoke before looking at me, slightly red. "Since I'm Asch's replica, we're connected, so I kind of saw everything through his eyes while I was unconscious," he explained, looking embarrassed.

I knew what he was hinting but tried not to let it get to me. I saw the look on Tear's face.

"Did something happen between you and Asch?" she asked me. "Now that I think about it, you did seem awfully worried about Asch from what Luke told you."

I bit my lips, trying to hold back my emotions, but they still flooded through me. His warmth, his gentleness… his rejection: I know I said I would be more honest, but these things took time, and I was definitely not really to show _these_ feelings just yet. Taking a breath, I flashed a sad smile.

"We're… acquaintances," I replied, getting the feeling that was probably what we'll end up being. "Since he did kidnap me a couple of times, I've gotten to know him…"

Her face hardened somewhat like she was debating whether to say something or not. As if mimicking, Luke, too, seemed to be debating whether to say something to me. It had dawned onto me that they probably knew I was hiding something. It surprised me that they hadn't brought it up yet. However, I had yet to find a good excuse for my actions, and I rather if I didn't have to explain myself. I mean, honestly! I can't tell them I was from another world. First of all, they wouldn't believe me. Second, I'd probably be sent to an asylum. That only leaves me with lying… again.

I sighed. My eyes trailed over to the base of the hill we were on. I spotted blue, and I momentarily discarded my problem. I nodded my head in the direction of the man running towards us.

"Jade?!" Luke shouted, startled.

"Oh, good. Just on time," he spoke, panting slightly. He looked around, pausing marginally at Luke with a frown to which I noticed Luke reacted accordingly. "Anyways, let's get a move on. I've assumed Luke explained the situation, yes?"

"Not really…" I muttered to myself, but I blushed having noticed everyone heard.

"Oh, right! You are unconscious when I explained," Luke uttered, and Jade gave me a questioning look. I coughed, embarrassed.

Jade shook his head as if he didn't want to know. "Anyways, if we don't rescue Ion and Natalia, there's going to be trouble. There aren't any Malkuth forces nearby, not to mention Guy and Anise obtained an injury."

"Trouble? What trouble?" Luke spoke again, and Jade answered, talking about the upcoming war.

I groaned to myself. I was so confused, and no one was explaining anything to me! "What happened with Akzeriuth anyways?" I asked, hoping to get some kind of information from them—anything! "Is it okay?"

He shook his head; his expression returning to its grave look. "We don't know. When we docked the Tartarus, and walked through Deo Pass, we found that a landslide blocked the only route to Akzeriuth. That was when Mieu came, warning us of an ambush… but it was too late," he announced solemnly. "We were surrounded, and the God-Generals overwhelmed us. They knocked out Ion and Natalia and dragged them off. Anise got shot on one shoulder by Legretta in the process, and Guy received a large slash to his abdomen area. We could only flee with the help of Asch keeping them at bay until we were safe."

I heard gasps escape from my lips as I held my hands close, quivering. "Then Asch…!"

He shook his head. "I haven't had the slightest idea of his whereabouts at the moment, assuming he's still alive that is."

I heard a whimper leave as I reach for the ribbon. I knew I was probably acting like a complete idiot right now. I mean, who cared so much about a guy who broke your heart just a week ago when there were two other injured out there? But I couldn't help it. I truly do love Asch, no matter what anyone says, and what hurts more than rejection was knowing he could be wounded or worst.

I felt a hand on my shoulder. Luke looked uncomfortable as he tried to comfort me. "I'm sure he's fine. He won't die that easily."

I nodded but was unconvinced. _Please be alright!_ I begged silently.

I was sure Tear and Jade were beginning to question my seemingly unexplained action when it came to Asch, yet, it seemed from the look on Jade's face, he figured out the git of it.

"We should get moving," Jade stated. "The faster we get there, the better."

"Milee, can you keep up?" Tear asked, and I saw Jade's look.

"Did something happen to Milee?" The three of us looked at Jade in a mix of uneasiness, guilt and uncertainty. Thankfully, Jade didn't provoke us. "Forget it, let's get going."

We made pace, rushing quickly to get to the city known as Daath. Unluckily, there were a lot more monsters on the way, and my sudden lack of battle skills was becoming unnervingly noticeable, not just to me but everyone else. I saw the look Jade gave me after another battle. I pretended not to notice as I put my bag on the ground. The sun had set, and we were preparing camp for the night.

"Milee?" Tear asked, approaching me and saw a scratch a monster inflicted on me. I rapidly covered it with my hands. "If you're still in pain, sit out. We can do the fighting."

"No, I'm fine! I'm just tired, that's all," I promptly lied, only to bite my tongue. _Shoot, I said I was going to be more honest… Although, it's not like I could properly explain the situation anyways. _She didn't look convinced. Thankfully though, she thought it was just my back injury.

As night fell, I volunteered for first shift due to Tear's dismay, since I probably wasn't going to get much sleep tonight anyways. I fell backward from where I sat, only to wince, noticing that the painkillers had worn off. My hand reached for my sword, pulling it out as the moonlight reflected the silvery blade.

Where was Kamilla when you needed her? She said I was going to be fine, but I clearly suck! Okay, I'll admit, maybe my burns were affecting me in some way, but I should still be at least somewhat better, shouldn't I? Who knows when she'll be back, and until then, I had to find some way to survive. I can't let it end like this, dying in the middle of Auldrant!

I groaned, pulling myself up. Firmly slapping my cheeks with my two hands, I came to a conclusion. "No, I won't let it end like this," I whispered to myself, picking up my sword. "All I can hope for now is to do my best. I'll keep practicing until I can master the sword. I won't be a burden anymore."

"Then I guess you'd need a practice partner?" I squeaked, completely startled, but my mouth was instantly covered. "Shh!"

I turned my head, looking at Luke as he glanced over to the two soldiers. He released me seeing as they were still asleep.

"Why are you still awake?" I hissed quietly.

"I thought this would be the perfect chance for us to talk."

"Right…" I frowned, having an idea of what he wanted to talk about.

"Let's go," he said, grabbing his sword.

"Go?" I questioned.

"You wanted to practice, didn't you? We can train while we talk."

I nodded hesitantly, following the noble out into an open field. He pulled out his blade, and I copied. In a matter of seconds, he charged. I grunted, feeling the force of his attack but stood my ground. I pushed back before jumping away.

"Still okay? It doesn't hurt, does it?" Luke began, charging once more. I stopped his attack again before swinging the blade towards his legs. He dodged.

"I'm fine! Please, don't go easy on me!" I told him, slightly biting my tongue for my unnatural habit of acting polite.

I rushed towards him, attacking. He ducked, hurling his sword upwards and spinning it in a circle so that my sword was now on the bottom. I glared and pulled back, readying my weapon as Luke attacked again. I skidded to the left, applying some force into my left leg and jumped at him. He stopped me in mid-flight, driving me to my feet. I stumbled, and he took advantage of that. I gasped as he effortlessly knocked my blade from my hands.

"Didn't have to be so rough with the injured," I pouted.

He laughed. "You're the one who said not to go easy. You're such a hypocrite."

I didn't say anything in response. It was funny how dead on Luke was but he didn't know it yet. He stopped laughing, taking note of my silence. With a sigh, he picked up my sword, handing it to me. In the moonlight, I could see the grim look on his face. His eyes held no laughter but seriousness in its place.

"Tell me. Who are you?" he breathed like he was afraid to ask. I smirked almost laughingly.

I took my sword. Returning the look he gave me. Step by step: that was what she said, but she didn't seem to understand just how big each step was. There were no little steps. I believed there never really was any. "What do you mean?" I know I shouldn't, but I wanted to play with him. Life really was easy like this, when you're acting like someone else. It was as if you didn't need to face the consequence of your actions. "My name is Milee."

Without giving him the chance to reply, I dove right in, thrusting straight, to which Luke blocked with the width of his sword, holding the two ends of the sword in his hands to steady himself. I took notice of the way his body was bent in the heat of my surprise attack. Sharply, I pulled away, and hacked at one side, forcing his one wrist to bend uncomfortably. He inhaled, dropping his sword. I grinned; it was my first win over him after all—even if it was a little unfair.

Luke frowned. "Are you bipolar by any chance?" I choked, coughing as saliva went down the wrong pathway. I eyed him. Luke blushed. "Well, I mean, at times you're acting all polite and then other times you're sarcastic. Well, when I saw you through Asch, you acted like a completely different person. I just thought…"

"You mean dissociative identity disorder?"

"Excuse me?" He gave me a funny look.

I rolled my eyes. "Not bipolar but dissociative identity disorder, formerly called multiple personality disorder. There's a difference!" I stated, not liking how he didn't used the terms correctly. I guess it was a habit after losing so many marks in psychology class for not learning the terms properly.

He stared. "You're doing it again…"

I slapped my mouth to my hands, red-faced. "Sorry." I saw that he was waiting for an answer. "I guess, you could say I'm having a bit of an _identity_ crisis?" I know, bad pun.

He laughed; I didn't expect him to. He waved it off and picked up his sword. His face showed a bit of sadness. "I know how you feel… Replicas don't exactly have an identity— just a stolen one."

"Luke…" I lowered my weapon. "That's not true!" I countered, briefly remembering the events of the game. "You are your own self, and Asch is Asch! You two are two different people."

He shook his head. "Ah, it's fine; you didn't have to say that. I'm sorry for even bringing it up. You always seemed like the least troubled one because of your calm demeanour, but I guess you have a lot more problems than I realized. Your amnesia, your strange personality disorder… Asch…" he mumbled the last part extremely quietly, but I heard regardless.

"Yeah…" I looked away. _More than you know…_

"But Milee," Luke spoke up.

Before I knew it, he was right in front of me. I staggered back, looking up. He stood against the luminous white moon, which framed his body in a light glow. His face was darkened, but I could see he had a soft expression on his face, one that remained me of Asch. I wanted to turn away. It was hard enough seeing Asch through Luke every day, but I knew I shouldn't. I even said it: they were two different people, yet the resemblance was uncanny.

"What is it?"

"I… trust you."

I blinked. "What are you talking about so suddenly?" A part of me was filled with guilt, but I kept my composure.

He didn't say anything but walked away, muttering a "Good night", before he returned to his sleeping bag. I couldn't do much but stare at his retreating figure. The darkness hid his face, blocking out his expression. The shadows on his face made the lines hard to read, hard to interpret. Was he suspecting something of me? My gut feeling told me he was. He had definitely been quiet this whole time, even though I caught him stealing glances at me during our trip to Daath.

I closed my eyes, remembering his look when he asked me who I was. From his tone, it didn't seem as simple as the question itself. It was like he knew, yet afraid of the truth.

I shook my head and prayed he would drop the topic altogether. Even though I knew it was wrong, I wasn't ready to face the music. Not yet.

Probably not ever.

My lips curved upwards. I sighed, laying down on the grass below and closed my eyes. The very thought of my conversation with Luke brpught me back. I mean, how many people actually know something was wrong? Guy knew, Ion knew, Tear probably suspects something after my suicide attempt, Anise was definitely suspicious of me, Natalia only recently joined, so I wouldn't expect her to caught on yet, and Jade—being Jade—probably knew from the beginning.

Basically, all-in-all, I didn't expect their trust level in me to be very high. I was going to have to come clean eventually, but how was I going to explain my situation? If it were anyone else, would they have told everyone the truth about being from another world right away?

Somehow, I seriously doubt it, unless they were a lunatic.

I pushed myself off the ground, mesmerized by the gigantic full moon above me. I reached out, wanting to take a piece of that light as a good luck charm. I needed someone or something to guide me on the right path. I couldn't do it on my own. Humans depend upon one another to survive: I had only learnt that recently.

Something red glittered in my peripherals, and I spotted the red ribbon sparkle against the moonlight. I smiled and crawled over to it.

"You'll be my good luck charm, won't you?" I whispered, bringing the ribbon close. The silky material slid off my hands. I frowned. "Oh, that's right, you failed me once." I spat but giggled afterwards, picking the ribbon up. "Although, conversely, because you failed me, I found the right path—I found a new light. So, a prize for a prize, isn't it? But I guess I shouldn't be too greedy."

I stood, placing my sword back to my side, letting the ribbon hang freely. I brushed the ends with the back of my fingers once before heading back to camp.

This ribbon was my guide. It was what I strived to be like.

To shine even in the dark.

To flow free in the wind.

And even if pieces were broken or cut, as long as the sun rises the next day, that little portion will keep shimmering, simply because it can.

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******A/N**: Most things are pretty much self-explanatory; next chapter will (hopefully) clear up any confusion. What do you think will happen at next? Review, please!

So, last chapter preview applies to next chapter as this chapter and next chapter was originally one chapter, in case you didn't read the beginning, but just to be a good sport, I'll give you another preview.

_Next chapter preview: Crisis_

"_Please let go. What you're doing could be considered harassment," I added._

"_It _could_," he emphasized the word, which irritated me, "if the receiver claims she feels uncomfortable with my actions. Tell me, do you feel uncomfortable, my dear?"_

"_I do," I spat, nearly growling._

"_Well, I guess that makes me a harasser." Okay, now he was just messing with me. Stupid, infuriating, pretty boys…_


	17. Crisis

**Forlorn Words**

******A/N**: Thanks everyone for the reviews! This chapter is a bit late, I apologize, but I wanted to make it a little longer than intended. I wanted to update it on Canada Day, but that didn't happen. Haha, then I debated on whether to update on my birthday (which is in a couple of days), but I didn't want to leave you all hanging, so here's chapter seventeen! Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Tales of the Abyss.

* * *

**Chapter Seventeen: Crisis**

The next morning I got scolded.

I forgot to wake Tear up for her night duty, meaning no one else woke for their shift either. That wasn't meant to say that no one was guarding our camp the whole night. I did, just… the entire night.

Honestly, I don't know how I forgot to sleep last night. I guess my mind was so preoccupied from what had happened between Luke and me. My mind was busy trying to put the pieces together, trying to figure the red-head out. Before I knew it, daylight had broken out upon our little camp.

I was tired—obviously. Though, I didn't seem to notice until Tear pointed it out that I stayed up all night. As we packed up camp, Tear continued her scolding, although I stopped listening near the beginning of her lecture. I was just way too tired. My eyes drooped, and I let out a yawn.

_So this is what an all-nighter feels like…_ I rubbed my eyes.

"Are you listening?" Tear's voice rang.

"No…" I murmured, feeling my eyes fall closed, but I forced them to open. I had no energy to lie.

She sighed. "Maybe that will teach you not to stay up all night…"

In the end, we were forced to keep moving regardless of my state. Thankfully, it was a fairly smooth day with little monsters in sight. If there were, the others finished it off before I could take out my sword. When the day ended, they clearly told me that I would be taking the last night watch from now on. I didn't argue and fell asleep.

After three days of travel, we arrived at the monument overlooking Daath. Thankfully, I wasn't as tired anymore thanks to Luke, who sometimes didn't wake me for my watch and let me sleep in since every day was nonstop walking, and I still had an injury to take care of. I was surprised though at his sudden kindness. I didn't expect him to change so much overnight. It undeniably made me feel more ashamed of myself for not trying as hard as Luke. Sure, I didn't act like a girl scout anymore, but I was still having difficulty with the honesty part. Then again, Luke wasn't from another world.

"Is that… Daath?" I exclaimed, seeing a huge city with a giant pillar-like structure at the centre. It almost seemed like a place from a sci-fi movie.

"Yes. Ion and Natalia are likely being held inside that cathedral," Tear answered.

I looked back at the city below me in a mixture of awe and fear. I wasn't so sure how this part of the game will play out considering only Tear, Luke and Jade were the only ones without any wounds, but they must have been tired from the travel from Aramis Spring to here, especially Jade who went there and back with little rest.

I followed the three as we snuck into Daath, trying to avoid attracting any attention of the Oracle Knights who were patrolling the city like hawks, searching for their prey. Jade wrapped a cloak over his uniform as we entered but took precautions and used the back routes of the city. We were going so fast, I hardly had time to take a look around and almost lost them through the maze of this enormous city. With no Oracle Knights to bother us, the inn appeared in front of us in a matter of minutes.

Once we were inside the inn, the colonel led us straight up into a room, opening it without knocking, causing Anise to cry out in surprise.

"Colonel! You scared me!"

"Anise, you really should keep this door locked," he sighed, closing the door behind him as we filed in.

"Mieu! Master!" I saw a blue thing tackle Luke, catching him off guard. I frowned. _Great, it's back…_

"Whoa! Asch?! You're okay! And you cut your cut too!" Anise said in awe.

Luke looked down, lowering his body slightly. "I—I'm…"

"Oh, no, it's Luke," she muttered, disappointed before a mixture of emotions was evident on her face. "Wait, what?! Why's the spoiled brat here?! I thought everyone _but_ Luke was coming!"

"We need all the help we can get," Jade answered, moving further into the room.

"Aww! Boo!"

"Anise… could you keep it down…?" A voice behind her whisper—a voice that was evidently cracking.

I immediately recognize that voice. "Guy!" I called, rushing over to him. I stopped just at the foot of his bed, clinging to the footboard.

"Stay away!" he cried, pushing himself up and away from me until he hit the wall behind him.

"Nice to see you, too," I rolled my eyes.

I glanced over. He was rubbing his head, probably from accidentally hitting his head on the wall. I noticed that he was shirtless with bandages wrapped over his shoulders and abdomen area. The bandages were a bit red with blood that was already spilling from his wounds, and I could see a layer of sweat around his neck and body. I blushed slightly before mentally slapping myself. _This isn't the time!_ I told myself.

"Guy," Jade approached him smiling to himself. "How's your wound?"

"He's bleeding," I commented.

"I'm fine," he insisted.

"You're bleeding!" I repeated, frowning.

"Let's get you healed," Jade said. "Now that we've gathered the manpower to rescue the two, we need to hurry. So Guy, take your pick. Milee or Tear?"

Guy's eyes went wide as he tried to back away from him as far as possible.

_Wow, talk about evil. He's probably enjoying himself…_ I sighed, rubbing my temples. _Merciless, even with the wounded._

"We don't have time for this," Tear said, walking up to Guy, to which he moved to the edge of the bed. "Milee, take the other side."

_Scratch that, Tear's even more merciless…_ I smiled to myself, walking to the other side of the bed, trapping Guy in the centre as he frantically looked between me and Tear. "Sorry Guy," I apologized, flashing a smile. "It'll be over real quick."

"No, please," Guy begged, giving me what I assumed was a puppy-dog look. "I'm fine!"

"Why so scared? You get two lovely ladies all to yourself," Jade added, clearly in amusement before directing his comment to the youngest female in the room. "Anise, did you get your wound fixed?"

"Yup!" she beamed. "And don't worry, Colonel, I was careful not to attract any attention!"

"How did Anise get healed while Guy didn't?" I heard Luke ask.

"I'm a local here, so it wouldn't be suspicious for me to go a hospital," Anise explained. "Besides, my wound wasn't that bad, unlike Guy."

"I'm fine!" he cried, but we all ignored him.

"Alright, Luke, Anise, let's check out the current situation."

Nodding, the doors opened and closed which marked their departure, and Guy's scream for them to come back. I grabbed his arm, trapping him from leaving the bed. He struggled, trying to throw me off, but I leaned my entire body weight on the man, digging my hands into his shoulders.

The door swung open and Anise came back in. "Sorry, I forgot—Ohhh, Milee. I see how it is," she giggled, as she pointed out my position on top on Guy. I tried to dismiss her accusations, but she quickly left while saying, "Enjoy yourselves! And Tear, try not to be a third wheel! Bye bye!"

I puffed out my cheeks in frustration, and Tear sighed. "This is going to be a long day…" I murmured with an unamused expression as Tear tore off the current bandages.

By the time we finished, an hour and a half has passed, and the three of us were completely drained of energy—for very different reasons. I watched as Guy slipped his shirt back on with only a scar to show the damages that was previously inflicted. He looked back at me, and our eyes met. I squeaked and turned away.

Although, I did smile lightly in relief that he was fine. I really did like Guy—as a big brotherly figure only. However, I guess I didn't realized how much I took him for granted before. I was glad he didn't die, not because it'll affect the storyline but because he had already engraved himself into my life. Looking back at him, a thought came to mind. A part of me wanted to take that leap and open up more—to take that first step, but I didn't know where to start, or rather, how. Guy already knew I was lying about my amnesia. Guy was caring and gentle; he would listen to me. I needed to talk to him.

"Milee? What's up?" I heard him from behind. "Why are you being so shy all of a sudden? If it's about what Anise said earlier…" We both blushed.

I coughed, deciding to redirect his attention from Anise's unnecessary comment. "I'm not shy," I protested with a slight pout as he sat down in a chair next to me—next meaning at least two chairs over.

"Is something on your mind?" I watched Tear go into the bathroom and heard the taps being turned on.

I smiled: chance! "Actually, yes," I said quietly. Even though Tear was in the shower, it couldn't hurt being cautious. "Guy, do you remember that night, just before we arrived at Fubras River? When you kind of found out that I…"

The spark in his eyes shown that he remembered as he leaned over, showing me that I had his complete attention. I wriggled uncomfortably, suddenly feeling self-conscious about myself. Was this really a good choice?

"You don't have to be nervous. I won't judge you." His voice was soothing. My shoulders relaxed.

I bit my lip. "Honestly, I don't even know where to start."

He laughed, a lovely laugh that made my spirit lift. "It's fine. Let's start easy. Tell me about yourself. Is your name really Milee?"

I nodded but then paused. "Well, it's short for Kamilla," I replied, feeling a funny taste in my mouth having said that. Having never been proud of my name before, I never told anyone my full name until now. "My dad gave me that name. It means… perfect…" The funny taste turned sour.

"You don't want to strive for perfection?" he asked curiously. "Isn't it human nature to try to be perfect?"

I shook my head; a tint of red apparent on my cheeks. "I used to," I admitted. "I wanted more than anything to be this perfect figure that everyone could be proud of… Only recently had I found that perfection does not exist, no matter how hard one tries. It's because we've human—flawed creatures that do not have the capabilities to break the threshold holding us down."

"…Are you sad?"

This time I smiled. "No," I spoke, laughing as I thought back to my stiff self, "perfection is boring always. I'd rather be different. I'd rather be Milee."

"You're smiling," he suddenly commented, instantly making me cover me lips as I gazed at him timidly. "I miss seeing your smile."

I blushed, biting the ends of my hair sheepishly. Guy really was a sweetheart, and I could tell that he truly worried about me. Knowing that, I felt a sense of duty to repay his kindness, tear down the walls I had built so high and offer him a bit of my vulnerability. I wanted his trust, and I wanted to give him mine.

I faced away from the swordsman, gently prying open the curtains behind me as I glimpsed at the city from above. I envied the people of Daath whom lived such a carefree life. From the reflection of the glass, I spotted Guy's harden face studying me. I didn't dare turn back around yet. I wanted to know more—more about what Guy was thinking. Was he confused? Angry at me? Curious? All of the above?

I breathed; there was only one way to find out after all. I took the chance and turned around, speaking, "Guy—"

Regrettably, he cut me off before I had the chance to ask. "Milee, where are you from?"

It startled me. I hadn't expected that question… at least, not yet. My body started sinking into the chair, not sure of how to answer that question. I didn't want to lie to him anymore, but how do I explain myself?

Glancing back, I saw that he was waiting for an answer. I bit my lips. My only choice was to be ambiguous and hope he wouldn't push.

"Far," I said, but the moment I said that, I felt like slapping myself. That sounded stupider out loud than in my head. Nevertheless, I continued, "Far, far away."

"Milee." I heard a warning tone in voice.

"But it's true…" I said lamely; my cheeks tinting red.

He sighed, sitting back in his chair. "Milee, if you're not ready to tell me, you don't have to push yourself." His voice was sincere, but I could hear the disappointment in his tone.

"No!" I protested. "I'll tell you… it's just… hard to explain… extremely hard…"

"It's just a simple question. How hard can it be to answer?" _You have no idea…_ I frowned. Guy continued, "Don't worry; I said it before, didn't I? I won't judge you." I smiled. _Maybe I can tell him…_ "It's not like you're from another era or dimension or world or something like that. After all, that's just silly."

I paled, almost choking on my own saliva. It took everything I had not to cough out loud. _So much for that plan._ I mentally frowned. As I ignored the dry feeling in my thought, I weakly replied, "Yeah… silly…"

Unluckily for me, Guy seemed to notice something off about my speech. "Milee, what's wrong? You look pale."

"Do you trust me?" I blurted out without thinking, catching both of us by surprise.

Unfortunately for me, the others had return from their excursion at that very moment. I saw Guy glance back at me, compensating what to say to me. In the end, he whispering something along the lines of 'We'll talk later' before addressing the rest of the party as the door closed behind them. My face scrunched up. That was not the best way to end a serious conversation, but I discounted that thought, knowing full well this wasn't the best time to continue our talk and approached the rest of the group just as Tear exited the bathroom.

"Whoa! Guy, you're standing!" Anise cried in awe, looking over at me and Tear. I mildly was aware of her as my eyes kept glancing back towards the blond. "You two heal such a deep wound already? Wow! Good job!" Anise praised, slapping my back in glee.

I froze. Tear and Luke paled while everyone else gave a puzzled look. Completely shoving all thoughts of Guy and my situation aside, I weakly flashed Anise a smile before grabbing the nearest pillow and excusing myself from the group as I made my way to the bathroom. The second I shut the door behind me, I held the pillow to my face and screamed as loud as I could, collapsing on the tile floors.

"Holy _fuck_! That hurts!" I cursed, followed by more strings of profanity into the fabric, letting it muffle my inappropriate language.

"…Did… I do something wrong?" I heard Anise ask from behind the door. "Is she okay?"

"…She'll live," Luke's voice sounded.

Tear sighed. "Just don't do it again."

I took the pillow away from my face and yelled, "Please!"

* * *

"What's the situation?" Tear inquired once I came out and took some painkillers.

"Ion and Natalia have been taken to Oracle Headquarters beneath the cathedral!" Anise answered, looking a bit worried before looking at the melodist. "That's why we need your help, Tear."

"Me?"

"Tear, you still haven't reported back that the Seventh Fonstone was fake, correct?" Jade questioned, and I knew where this was going, nodding to myself, but out of the corner of my eye, I saw Guy raised an eyebrow in question. I looked back at him with the same look. Did I do something wrong? I frowned as Jade continued, "Can you take us into the Headquarters as witnesses for its discovery?"

"Okay, I'll try asking the Minister of Affairs, Maestro Tritheim," she replied, and we all packed up, clearing all traces of our presence from the inn before leaving to go to the centre of the city where the cathedral lies.

The trip was honestly like a blur to me. Apart from wanting to get my serious talk over with, the odd look Guy gave me and my aching back, I was now faced with the fear of walking into a lion's den. Usually, if it was before the incident at Yulia City, I frankly wouldn't care since I was just following the group like a lost little puppy—for which, can I just say, wasn't completely off the mark. But now, I had so much to fear for and so much more on the line this time around.

I shivered. Maybe she was right; maybe it was better off not knowing how or why I was here. I positively did not need any more distractions right now, especially now that I had come to understand what real danger truly lies in this universe. When we arrived at the cathedral, I wish I could say that the sight of this breathtaking structure was enough to momentarily distract me from my problems, but no, it made it worst.

_I am going to die in a flipping church! The biggest, most beautiful one I've ever laid my eyes on, too! _I groaned. _This must be punishment for neglecting my religion for all of my life…_

Maybe I was exaggerating a bit about dying, but you can't blame me, can you? Two members of the party recently recovered from an injury, three were probably still tired from walking with little rest for days, I was _still_ injured _and_ tired from walking, and so, the only one who was probably the healthiest was Mieu. And unless he can suddenly light up an entire building with his flames, I doubt he'll be much use to us. Nevertheless, I was left without any choice but to shove it to the far ends of my consciousness—just like the rest of my problems—to deal with later. It would not be wise to head into danger while mentally preoccupied.

"There is no way we'll be able to find them in here!" I exclaimed the moment we entered the lion's den, pointing at the entire Oracle Knight Headquarters from above.

The room we were currently in was—for the lack of a better word—big… very, very big. The headquarters were dimly lit with many levels stack above one another accompanied by dozens of doors. It had the feeling of dread bestowed upon it like a haunted coliseum. Unfortunately unlike the game where the exterior was practically empty, the place was littered with Oracle knights roaming around.

Tear retorted, "I know this place looks fairly large, but I can assure you, it's—"

"Big? Huge? Gigantic?" I looked at her dubiously, and she sighed.

"Whatever the case, we should probably split up to cover more ground," Guy suggested, and I stared at him in a mix of fear and horror. He gave me a light grin. "I'll go with Milee."

Everyone stared at him—all with different expressions, naturally. I, for one, was touched that he would choose me out of all people, and I ended up completely forgetting about my past worry. The first to break the silence was Anise who praised Guy.

"Whoa! Way to make the first move, Guy!"

Luke's face contorted in mild disgust. "Are you serious? I didn't think she was your type…"

"No! It's not like that!" he protested without hesitation. I frowned; even if that was true, he didn't have to shout it out…

"I know you'd like some _alone time_ with dear Milee," Jade interrupted with a grin to his lips as Guy and I both started coughing, "but we best be thinking about the current situation."

I leaned against the rails, glancing at the blond. He caught my gaze and gave me a hard look. My insides turned, and I lowered my head, finally understanding his motive. He wanted to be alone with me, yes, but only because our earlier conversation was interrupted at an inauspicious spot. I sighed; had I wanted another reason for his choosing of me? I did, but it wasn't as if this reason was all that wrong.

_Step-by-step, remember?_ I told myself. "But… But he isn't wrong, is he?" I spoke up, hiding my hands behind my back so that no one could see my twitchy hands. "It's only a matter of time before they find out something's amiss if a large group wanders the headquarters for a long period of time. Splitting up is our best option."

"If we're going to split up, at least make it two groups: one with Anise and the other with me," Tear explained, "that way at least one Oracle Knight Member is in the group."

Out of the corner of my eye, Guy frowned slightly. I, on the other hand, felt a slight relief. Now I had more time to think about how I was going to explain things. Yeah, I knew I shouldn't be so happy about waiting so long to come clean, but I can't help it. Old habits die hard, as they say. Besides, it wasn't like waiting a little longer will hurt anyone.

"Sounds like a plan," Jade commented, looking over at Anise. "Anise, go with Guy and Milee."

"Aww!" she pouted, huffing out her cheeks before boring her eyes onto me and Guy. "I have to be the third wheel?"

"Think of it as supervision."

"There's nothing to supervise," I growled under my breath. He grinned, signalling that he heard.

"Wait! How will the other group know if we found them or not? For all we know, one group could be running around here for hours while the other group is already out with Ion and Natalia!" Luke pointed out, and Anise chuckled darkly.

"Don't worry! I have an idea!" She walked over to the rails and pointed to something in the distance. "We'll use those!"

I squinted my eyes to the direction of Anise's finger, but the headquarters had terrible lighting. I tried not to reach over too far in case I fell over, but I ultimately spotted something. It looks like some kind of square-like object with a frame holding it up. It was thin with strange markings on it, and that was when I noticed there were many of those objects placed around the building.

Tear paled slightly. "Oh no! We can't! The gongs are for an assembly call! We can't play with those!"

"It's not playing! It's strategic!" Anise protected, still crackling.

"Even though it looks like you want to ring those just for fun…" I muttered to myself before raising my concern. "It'll also alert everyone else in headquarters, won't it?"

"It's risky, but it's our only option," Jade answered. "If a group finds Ion and Nataila, ring the gongs three times and proceed quickly out the building. The other group will find their own way out. We'll regroup at the Forth Stone Monument."

"Alright, I guess we'll take the left side, and you can take the right," I quickly said. _If I remember correctly, they were on the left side somewhere. Hopefully, nothing has changed compared to the game. I'd rather not be around when the Oracle Knights come storming out._

* * *

"Milee, are you alright?" a girly voice asked from beside me.

I nodded. "Just… scared, but I'll be fine Anise."

Yes, that was right. My fear of dying here had come back after walking past Oracle Knights one after another. Anise said to act like you belong here, and they won't question you. It was nerve-racking to say the least. A few times I accidentally messed up, and they started attacking. Thankfully Guy and Anise dealt with them and hid the bodies before anyone else could be alerted. I decided it was best if I kept my head down to avoid looking at any knights.

"I see…" she replied, slowly nodding but stared at me. Her large brown eyes lingered on me for a while longer, seeming to be debating whether to speak up or not. Honestly, it felt distressing like the pit of my stomach tied itself into knots. A feeling of dread seemed to loom about.

"Hey Milee, can I ask you some random questions?" I raised my eyebrows but nodded. Anise looked up hopefully and spoke, "What colour is the sky?

A look of disbelief entered my façade. Did she really just ask me such a question? "Anise, are you okay?" I mean, really? What kind of question was that?

"Yeah! Just answer my question. Think of it like a game!" she exclaimed.

_A game? At a time like this?_ I wondered to myself although still hesitant about Anise's sanity. When she urged me to continue, I spoke, "Blue, I guess…"

"What city is this?" she asked another question. I stared. "Go on."

Sighing, I answered again, "Daath."

"What's my name?"

"Anise."

"What's my relationship to Ion?"

"You're his Fon Master Guardian?"

"Who's the princess of Kimlasca?"

"Natalia."

"Do you like Guy?"

"Yeah, I do—Wait! Anise!" I cried, blushing.

"So, you admit it. Ho ho ho," she chuckled, swinging her arm around my neck. I cursed silently that I was—unfortunately—short enough for her to reach my neck. "He _is_ good looking, isn't he? But you know… that relationship of yours isn't going to work unless you cure him of his phobia."

"Anise," I said firmly, pulling away. "I don't like him like that! He's like a big brother to me!"

"Sure he is…"

"What are you girls mumbling about?" Guy's voice forced us to turn in his direction. My eyes caught Guy's and I turned away.

_Stupid Anise! Now I can't even look at him properly!_ Fits of curses came afterwards as I ranted, but sadly, the look in Anise's eyes told me she was going to pry even further. "Anise…" A warning tone came out from me.

"Go get him, Tiger!" she shoved me forward.

And in a blur, so many things happened at once: I screamed, Guy screamed, I fell in his direction, Guy dodged, I saw a broken railing in my path, Guy didn't try to save me and I fell… a whole level down... onto an Oracle Knight.

"What in Lorelei's name?" he shouted, glaring at me.

My eyes went wide as I crawled backwards until I hit the back wall. The Oracle Knight drew his sword and rushed at me. Panicked, I drew my sword as well and propelled myself upwards towards his abdomen area, thrusting my sword up as hard as I could through the weak spot in his armour. A muffled scream was heard, and he lumped forward towards me. Quickly, I pulled my sword out and tried to move away, but I ended up tripping over my two feet, falling on my behind. The Oracle Knight fell in sequence on top of me. I screamed, pushing the body away, and his helmet fell with the impact.

I held my breath as I saw his face. Blood seeped out of his mouth as he coughed his last few breaths. His dark eyes flickered up towards me, and I felt frozen stiff. I narrowed my eyes as a spark of recognition fell in his eyes. I shook my head; there was no way he would know me, but when he glared, my thoughts felt superseded.

"I… ne-never thought… I would… see you again," he hissed, blood pouring from his lips.

"Who…?" I whispered. The lump of fear grew.

Suddenly, he laughed without warning. "Glory to the Order of Lorelei and the Score!"

I watched as he fell silent. I was cold, yet I could not move. This ominous feeling caused Goosebumps to travel down my spine. I gasped, letting the air that I didn't know I was holding escape. I shook my head over and over and over again. _Why do I have a _really_ bad feeling about this? …Kamilla! Kamilla, where are you!_ I cried for her, yet she did not come.

Alone. I was alone again.

I whimpered, having that feeling of loneliness resurfaced again. I was that scared little girl again. It was like my suicide attempt never happened, and I was continuing from where I left off. I told myself that I would change. I want to change, so, so badly.

But it never ends. The darkness never ends. It was just an endless cycle boring onto my life. The steps that I would take to reach the light were not enough. It would take a lifetime of steps and by then, it would be over. My life would be over.

"Please… Make it stop…" I curled up into a ball and sobbed into my knees. "Just make it stop…"

But I know it never will.

* * *

"I'm fine, really," I forced myself to smile. Smile… that fake smile again. _I'm sorry Kamilla. You must be disappointed in me. I'm sorry, but it's still too early. People can't change so suddenly. I need time…_ I looked at my two comrades. "It's been a while since I saw a dying human face," I lied.

Guy and Anise looked at one another, and my chest felt heavier for lying to them, but this wasn't the place to be sharing sob stories. Guy nodded once before moving up front to lead and Anise tailed the back. We had went through the door that knight was guarding, and as we moved further in, it seemed there were tighter security. However, after a surprise attack, mostly from Anise's part, we managed to clean the area of Oracle Knights.

I sighed, leaning back to inspect the work as Guy locked the doors to the entrance. Now that I briefly didn't have to fear for my life, I had the chance to inspect the area, which I'll admit, looks very familiar.

I wandered the halls as I let my two teammates check the beginning doors. I stopped just at the end, turning to the last door on my left. I paused for a second before reaching out towards the doorknob.

"If my hutch is correct…" I murmured.

"Milee?" Anise came to my side. "What are you doing?"

I stepped back a bit. "Oh, um… I just thought they might be in here. So, I was going to check…"

"Alright!" she cried, turning the knob and throwing the doors open.

"Whoa!" Two figures stepped back in surprise. Peeking inside, the Princess and the Fon Master stared back at us.

"So I was right…" I whispered to myself, signaling for Guy to join us.

We didn't prolong our stay. Grabbing the two, the five of us quickly fled the city but not before Anise had her fun ringing the gongs. I didn't pay all that much attention to where I was going as I let Anise find our way out of here. Luckily—well, unluckily for Jade, Tear and Luke—the Oracle Knights heard the sounds of the gongs and likely spotted the other group instead of us so we were able to make it out with minimal incidences.

I panted as I ran along the back alleyways of Daath. I grimaced a bit, feeling the effects of my painkillers wearing off, but I rammed the thought of pain away and focused on following the rest of the party members. I was staggering, but I pushed forward the best I could. There were many twists and turns and at times, we had to push our way through a crowd to get by. It was frustrating, and I felt dizzy. I stumbled, but someone reached out, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me up to my feet.

"Careful there." His breathe was hot in my ears. I noticed that my back was against his chest and his arms were still around me.

"Th-thank you," I said, blushing. Turning my head to the right, I spotted the face of my savour.

He was somewhat tanned with dark, coal black hair slicked back, and he looked to be in his mid-twenties. His most noticeable figure was an eye-patch over his right eye with a slight faded tail of a scar that ran down from beneath the patch. I won't lie. It looked a bit intimidating, but in a way, it suited him. It made him look mysterious and sexy at the same time. Also, the man was dressed in a gray outfit with black and gold trimming—not just any gray outfit, sadly, but an Oracle Knight uniform. Furthermore, from the looks of his uniform, he wasn't just any Oracle Knight.

I stared at him in horror before swiftly facing away. I prayed that maybe he thought I was just your average, clumsy citizen and not someone who re-kidnapped his leader and committed mass homicides to his comrades. I looked down, seeing his arms still around me, holding me firmly against his body.

"You look pale," he whispered.

"Y-You can let go now," I replied, trying not to show my uneasiness. My cheeks were definitely burning bright red as he brought his face closer to mine.

"But you look like you're going to pass out any second now. May I accompany you to your destination?"

"I'm fine," I snapped, before realizing my mistake and recomposing myself. "Please let go. What you're doing could be considered harassment," I added.

"It _could_," he emphasized the word, which irritated me, "if the receiver claims she feels uncomfortable with my actions. Tell me, do you feel uncomfortable, my dear?"

"I do," I spat, nearly growling.

"Well, I guess that makes me a harasser." Okay, now he was just messing with me. Stupid, infuriating, pretty boys…

He chuckled, and my blush deepened. "Did I just say that out loud?"

Before he could make use of another witty comment, an Oracle Knight ran over to us shouting. "Major! There's trouble—Oh…" The knight paused, staring at us awkwardly.

To my surprise, he released me and gently pushed me behind him but not before grabbing one of my hands, holding me to his side. I puckered my lips at him, growling, although he disregarded me.

"What happened, Private?" he demanded, looking serious. It made me realized for the first time that he wasn't just a harasser but a high ranking Oracle Knight—one that can kill me within a blink of an eye.

"Intruders in Headquarters, Sir!"

I blinked, not sure if it was a trick of the light but I could have sworn his eyes flickered towards me. I held my breath, praying silently he would carry on and pay no heed to my presence. Swiftly deciding on a course of action, he waved the knight away.

"Dispatch unit three to deal with it."

"…That's it? But Sir!"

He sighed. "If you had to run all the way here just to find me and report to me of this incident, it's likely the intruders had already escaped, and we can't raid the city without knowing their identities. Now, return to your post, Private."

"Yes, Sir!" the Oracle Knight replied, saluting before running off in the other direction.

"And I must be going as well," he flashed me a smile. Mentally, I cheered knowing this leech would finally be ridding himself from me.

Yet, to my surprise, he pulled something out of his pocked and placed it in my hands from below so that I couldn't see what it was. It felt cool and metal-like. I frowned.

"What is this?" I asked, but instead of replying, he curled my fingers over the object, and pulled it up to his face, placing a kiss to my fingers. Flushed, I attempted to pull away, but he held on tight. He flashed me a charming smile and spoke.

"Please do take better care of yourself, Kamilla Velandia. I _will_ see you again."

Without another look, he released my hand and walked off, leaving me to stagger back in complete dread and disorientation. It was like that time all over again back at the Oracle Headquarters. I didn't understand. I simply did not understand what was happening to me, and the one person who could help me find those answers had abandoned me.

I fingered the object in my hand, feeling a sort of dread, but at the same time, curious to this unknown object. Counting back from three, I turned my hand so that it faced upwards and opened my palm. It shimmered brightly in the sun, causing me to recoil my head away. Turning away from the sun, I held it up to my curiosity. It was gold, flat and shaped like the letter Y. It was a tuning forking.

Furrowing my brows, I turned it from side to side, trying to figure out his reasons for giving me such an object. "I swear I've seen this before," I mumbled to myself.

It was true. I had seen it before—repeatedly too. It was one of those things you would see so often that you would entirely dismiss the object like it wasn't even there. You know, that "Has that always been there?" kind of feeling. However, this was a _tuning fork_! When was the last time I saw a tuning fork? In the music room back at my school, maybe? But that was on Earth—that was a _long_ time ago, and yet, I swore I'd seen this before quite recently.

Someone gasped, followed by a yelp. My eyes tore itself away from the tuning fork and towards the sound where I found Anise on the ground. She groaned, rubbing her behind. Making my way to the girl, I called out.

"Anise! What are you doing here?" I bent down and reached out to her, but she slapped my hand away. I pulled back, shocked.

I placed a hand to my head confused, but I could have sworn I saw a certain look in her eyes that I normally never see in a girl like Anise—terror. Pure terror. Although, when I looked back at her eyes, it was back to its original look. She smiled, but for some reason, it looked fake.

"Um… sorry about that," she muttered, standing. "You caught me off guard… that's all."

"Anise, what is it? You look pale."

She shook her head but refused to look at me in the eye. "We lost you," she quickly changed the subject. "So Ion sent me back to look for you. We should go."

"Anise?" Now, I was just worried.

"Let's go." She didn't wait for a reply before walking off.

Not wanting to be left behind again, I followed the girl. Sadly, she didn't slow down for me, even when I called out. Finally getting the message that it was useless, I held the pain of my tender back down and ran. Though on the plus side to this horrid day, we made it to the monument hill in no time, where Jade, Luke and Tear were already waiting for us.

"Colonel!" Anise exclaimed upon seeing the man and ran up to him. "We need to talk," she said in a hush voice, likely intending for only Jade's ear, but due to the edginess of her voice, her words were heard among all.

"Anise, what's wrong?" Ion asked, and then I saw it. This time, I was positive. Anise glanced back at me slightly and the look of fear was right there. She was scared. She was scared of me.

She ignored Ion and looked at Jade. He nodded slightly to her, probably to indicate that they were going to talk later. Whatever it was, she only wanted Jade to know. For some reason, that only made me worry.

"While we are in public space, it's best not to linger here for too long," Jade announced. "Let's head back to the Tartarus and plan our next move from there. I docked it at Daath's habour."

As if by some unknown force, we were all compelled to listen to the eldest member of the group and set off towards Daath Port. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed everyone was glancing between me and Anise, probably wondering what happened between us. And in all honesty, I would like to know what, too.

By dusk, we stopped for camp. I watched Anise unpack from as far away from me as possible. Clearly, I was not content with her sudden strange behaviour, yet with one look from Jade, I knew I should keep my distance for a while. Nonetheless, that didn't stop me from watching afar as Anise and Jade began chatting amongst themselves. Anise's worried face; Jade's calculating one: I saw their faces change with each moment of Anise's mouth moving. Anise looked nervous, and Jade had one of those rare, serious faces. It was frustrating to be kept in the dark.

"Milee."

My head tilted upwards, seeing Guy's shadowed face. I turned away. "I'm tired," I said, curling up into a ball. "I'd like to be alone for a while."

"…"

He didn't say anything but continued to stare at me. Even though it felt rather uncomfortable, I didn't acknowledge his presence. A few minutes later, footsteps sounded and Guy was gone.

These actions continued for the next few days of travel. We would walk during the day, and when night fell, Anise and Jade would talk, and sometimes other members of the party joined, one by one, until it was just me left in the dark. Guy would come see me every night, and I would always dismiss him. It wasn't because I didn't want to continue our session, but it was simply because I was angry at him. He knew something; he knew what everyone else knew, and he wouldn't tell me.

I knew I was being a bit childish, but there was this nagging feeling from within that something seriously bad was going to happen soon if I didn't find out why Anise was acting like this towards me. So, all those times, I would sit from afar and watch them talk. I had never felt more like an outsider in my life. Just when I started to see some light being shed in my path, Fate decided to intervene once again. Just how many obstacles must I face to satisfy her greed?

It was then, on the last night before we reached Daath Port, Guy approached me for the final time.

"Milee," he began, just like every night since we left Daath.

"I—" I, too, began my usual reply, but Guy interrupted me for once.

"You asked me," he said, and I looked at up him for the first time in days. He looked hurt. "You asked if I trust you…"

"Guy," I whispered, standing up. My heart was pounding, although I wasn't sure if it was because of what he said or the look on his face.

"You asked if I trust you," he repeated, "but let me ask you this: _Can_ I trust you?"

Taken aback, our eyes met. Hurt, confusion and betrayal was written all over his eyes. I wanted to look away, but I couldn't break free from those ceruleans. Those blue eyes that I once thought was like the stunning, warm ocean was now a ridge pair of icicles, ready to let loose and harm someone from above.

He finally broke free, turning his back on me and walked away.

I couldn't say anything; I couldn't call out.

I couldn't move; I couldn't stop him.

I could only watch his cold back as he started walking away from me…

…And out of my life…

* * *

We reached the Daath Port early next morning. I was extremely drowsy and staying up all night didn't really do me much good. Go figure.

I yawned, rubbing my eyes as we headed for the Tartarus. No one was really in the mood for talking, and Guy avoided me ever since last night. However, I knew something was up with everyone, not just Guy. They were all hiding something—hiding something from me. It was like I was the plague itself—avoided and unwanted.

Watching, I saw Jade unlock the vessel and stairs descended. Frankly, I had never felt so relieved to see the Tartarus again and wasted no time ascending the vessel. I needed time to gather my thoughts. I needed space alone. Having eyes boring onto me every day was enough to make me snap.

I was only human. There was only so much I could take.

Taking the final step, I was onboard the ship, to a place where there was such thing as a closed door. Unfortunately, before I could take another step, someone knocked me from behind.

I cried out, falling and harshly hitting the floor below. Wincing, I tried to get up, but someone had their foot on my back and something sharp was at my neck.

I panicked. We were under attack _now_ of all times?! We weren't supposed to be attacked. The Oracle Knights shouldn't have followed us all the way here! Although, a thought came to mind, and I froze. _Did I really change the plot _that_ much?_

As much as my stricken panic got to me, I still had some sense in mind. What happened to the others? It was too quiet to be an attack. Someone should have at least shouted something. Was it just a one hit knockout? Were they all dead?

"What's going on?!" I finally spoke up, taking the risk and turning my head around. "Everyone—"

It was like my heart literally froze. The sight before me was never something I'd imagine would happen in all of my wildest dreams… or nightmare.

"Jade…" I whispered.

"Milee." He spoke my name.

"Why…?" I glanced at everyone else behind him. "Why?!" I shouted, tears blurring my eyes. However, his next words were not one that I had anticipated.

"Locrian Private Kamilla Velandia, forth platoon of the Oracle Knights, you are hereby arrested for assisting the God-Generals and conspiring against Fon Master Ion."

* * *

******A/N**: Cliffhanger! And I'm sorry to say that I won't be updating anytime soon either. I got a 20 page report due in less than two weeks, and I barely started. So the earliest you'll probably get a new chapter is three weeks maybe? If you're lucky…

Anyways, you know the drill! Anyone guessed that something like this would happen? Review please! :)


	18. Denunciation

**Forlorn Words**

******A/N**: Hey everyone… Please don't hurt me! I'm so, so, so sorry! Honest! So much has happened over these months, and I ended up pulling a Milee during that time (i.e. depression), but I'm somewhat better now. I meant to update for Christmas, but I got distracted with Christmas stuff, not to mention this chapter was extremely hard to write. (I basically had to reread all the previous chapters in order to write this one.) Again, I'm so sorry. I'll try extremely hard to update more frequency, especially now that I started another story. Sorry… I was so tempted.

On another note, thank you everyone for the reviews for last chapter. I know you all must have hated me for leaving you with such a bad cliffhanger. But on another note, this chapter's ending isn't too great either. Enjoy.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Tales of the Abyss.

* * *

**Chapter Eighteen: Denunciation**

Murphy's law: An adage that had been around for quite some time. You might have heard of it—no rather, you'd definitely heard of it; maybe various variations of it, but I can't imagine of anyone who hadn't heard of it. Basically, Murphy's Law states "Anything that can go wrong will go wrong."

In short, life was a bitch.

I wondered, just how many times had I said "It'll _never_ happen to me!", or waited, hoping all my problems will fix itself?

Too much.

And only now I'd realized how much it truly was. All my lies, all my dishonest actions, everything that I had done out of my own selfish whims had come tumbling down on me. I had waited too long; I had let all the chances I had until now slipped through my fingers.

I mean, what exactly was I waiting for? A knight in shining armour? Life's mercy and pity? Some kind of foretold plotline where I'll get my happily ever after?

Well, I was sorry I wasn't a Disney Princess.

Although on a serious note, I guess, we as humans, never really value the chances and things we had. We took so much for granted.

I took so much for granted.

Even when I was brought to this strange world, I had the kindness and care of the protagonists. They had protected me, held concern for me and offered their trust to me—to a complete stranger! They could have just abandoned me back at the beginning, but they didn't. And what did I do to repay them?

Lie, lie and lie some more.

Now, I wasn't—no, shouldn't be all that surprised when they finally had enough of me and turned against me. Even if it were for different reasons, reasons they had yet to discover, I felt that I deserved this unsympathetic treatment.

Was Kamilla shaking her head in disappointment? The promise to change was so far-fetched; I should have tried harder. The initiative to self-motivate myself was so heavy—suffocating even—but not impossible… never impossible.

I was just a coward: back then, after I said I would change… and even now.

Just how long will my disgusting cowardice dictate my life? Just how long must I wait before my mind was ready to be more proactive and not reactive—to take actions instead of simply saying "I can"?

If… If I was given another chance; if I could get through this blunder…

If only…

I wonder, would I be ready?

* * *

One hour, forty-seven minutes and thirty-seven seconds since I had been locked in here—or at least, that was what I would have said if I had a watch on me. In all honesty, it felt like an eternity.

I shifted my body slightly after starting to feel my legs cramping from my current sitting position. At the moment, I was hunched over the bed in my jail cell. My arms rested on the bed, cushioning my head as a migraine had started to form from what had happened earlier that day.

The shock, the confusion, the feeling of hurt as I had been betrayed… again.

After getting arrested—and none too gently either thanks to a certain sadist—I got shoved into this cell without any explanations, and I had yet to get any explanations about their sudden strange regards towards me.

However, if they were right, then Kamilla really was with the Oracle Knights.

I grind my teeth in anger. How could she leave such an important information out? Did she _want_ all the party members to turn against me? Well, if she did, then she got what she wanted, and my future seemed to be getting dimmer and dimmer.

My eyelids began to drift closed bit by bit; the boredom of waiting was finally getting to me. It would have been a smart idea to get some rest before what I assumed would be a long interrogation. Unfortunately for me, Jade stepping on my back didn't appeased my back's cries of pain and taking the risk of possibly rolling off the bed as I slept didn't sound too appealing either.

Shivering, I pulled my knees up closer. My eyes leaned into the hole formed by my arms. Out of my peripherals, I spotted a large stain of brownish red on the ground. Quickly, I averted my gaze, knowing exactly where that came from. After all, it didn't take me too long to figure out that I was thrown back into the same cell that I was previously locked in before the collapse of Akzeriuth; the same cell where I killed that soldier.

Goosebumps clawed at my back like a madman's taunts, never letting me be at peace. I scrunched my eyes and turned away, inhaling the thick scent of musk and mold to distract my guilty conscience.

I wonder, was his ghost laughing at me?

A sad smile formed on my lips; probably, he probably was, and probably everyone else that I had killed as well.

The sounds of keys rang throughout the room, but I didn't try to find the source of the jingling. I knew from where it came from. The doors opened, and footsteps stopped in front of me.

"So it's time," I whispered to myself. My stomach clutched, and my breathing paused.

"Get up," Jade ordered, and my body reacted accordingly.

My eyes turned upwards slightly, spotting that the man had averted his eyes from mine. Tear and Luke were outside the cell; one emotionless and the other had a look of uncertainty. I met his eyes. I could see so much from those emerald orbs of his, but the one that stood out the most was that look of plead, a sort of hopefulness that all that was happening was just a dream.

I couldn't understand why he looked at me that way, but I responded with a light smile before following Jade out of my cell. The colonel led the way with Tear and Luke trailing behind, probably to make sure I didn't fight back and run away. After several minutes, I found myself inside a room where everyone else was. They all held serious looks on their faces. A few of them didn't bother to look at me as I came in—Guy included.

"Sit," Jade commanded, pointing to the chair at the back of the room.

As a situated myself into the hard wooden chair, I regarded all the faces around me and stopping at Guy's face. He didn't bother to look at me, seeming more interested at the darken skies outside. My heart throbbed as a rush of memories flew by, especially Guy's disappointed face.

Guy wanted to give me a chance—he wanted to trust me despite whatever evidence was presented to him, but I ultimately let him down. I should have been more honest before. Now, I probably lost my only ally.

"Milee," someone spoke, forcing my attention to the speaker. I bit the inside of my bottom lip hard, trying not to show my emotions. Jade's eyes met mine, and he narrowed them. I recoiled slightly but held my gaze. "No rather, Kamilla."

"To think we were fooled for so long," Tear shook her head. "We should be thankful Anise found out before anything else could have happened."

"No," Jade interjected, "I always had my suspicions about her from day one, and they grew with each passing day. I continuously made sure I kept an eye on her."

My ears perked. "Suspicions?" I accidentally asked aloud. My blood boiled. "Okay, I know you must have had some suspicions about me, I mean, who wouldn't? I was just a stranger back then, but what reasons do you have for your suspicions of me to grow? Did I not earn your trust after all the time we spent travelling together and helping all of you? I didn't do anything to such an extreme that would result in being arrested and now interrogated! Or are you just naturally paranoid?" I spat, finally releasing all the bottled up emotions within me. "If your only eviction towards me is because you _assume_ that I am this Kamilla person, then it isn't just on your part."

They all looked at me hard, but Anise was the first to step up. "Hey, you're not in any position to be questioning us right now!" she said, anger evident on her face.

"Now, now," Jade said causally. "It's alright Anise. After all, I would _love_ to enlighten Miss Velandia of a few _several_ reasons why we have reached this conclusion."

"Oh, spare me the act." I rolled my eyes, crossing my hands over my chest.

I wouldn't be too surprised if the only reason he was agreeing to my request was to see me break under pressure. However, I refused to give into the man's game. I mean, how badly did I screw up to end up in this situation? I'll admit I did act a bit suspiciously at times, but again, how bad can it be?

"Let's start at the beginning, shall we?" Jade smirked. "An amnesic girl was found onboard the Tartarus during an attack by the Oracle Knights, whereas she was never there before the attack commenced."

Oh, I hate where this was going already. "I thought we already settled this problem," I spoke.

"No, you _claimed_ amnesia, and our conversation ended there."

"But maybe—"

"Comments anyone?" Jade asked again, ignoring me.

"There's no amnesia," Guy stated clearly; his voice was full of hostility. I looked at him with large, sad eyes, almost begging. Not begging him to lie for me and keep my secret, but for him to return to the once gentle Guy who cared about me. "There never was."

"From what I gathered in Yulia City, I agree with Guy," Tear added, and Luke nodded.

"Yes, I believed you admitted to Guy there was no amnesia back by Fubras River," Jade concluded.

"You overheard us?" I asked, almost surprised. "No, that's a stupid question, of course you did. Why bring that up _now_? Why didn't you question me earlier?"

"I needed to know _why_ you lied. Thus, I made sure I kept tabs on you throughout the journey," the colonel explained. "I must admit, it was entertaining while it lasted, but you need to work on your acting skills. An amnesic person is supposed to ask a lot of questions, while you acted like you knew everything—things you shouldn't and accepted it without being told _why_."

I scrunched my face. "Maybe it's because I didn't want to be too nosy! And since when did I act like I knew something?"

He raised an eyebrow and nodded in Natalia's direction. "Who is she?"

I stared at him. Was he treating me like a retard? "Natalia, Princess of Kimlasca-Lanvaldear. What exactly was the point of this question?"

He smirked, and Natalia suddenly gasped. "How… did you know I was the Princess of Kimlasca?"

I blinked. "What are you talking about?"

"I never introduced myself as a princess, and I specifically told everyone not to treat me like a princess. You shouldn't have known…" she muttered with an unease look.

I paled slightly. "Not only that, but you knew her name," Jade inserted. When I open my mouth to protest, Jade quickly added, "That was back at the entrance of Zao Ruins. You said her name when you were never introduced to her yet, and no one called her name during the time we rescued you and Ion to when you spoke of her name. But somehow, an _amnesic_ girl knew the name of a stranger."

"And besides, it just seems too unrealistic," Tear voiced her opinions, "that you placed so much trust in us—strangers. For all you know, we could have been the kidnappers, not the Oracle Knights, and the Oracle Knights were only trying to rescue their missing leader. You never question our motives and seem uninterested when we plan our destination, as if you're willing to risk your life to follow us even to the ends of the planet."

"Yeah, I did think that it was strange you wanted to following us," Ion mumbled. "You would have been safe if we left you back in St. Binah, but you came along despite of it."

"You said I could." My eyes glance to the middle-age man's.

I was running out of ideas, and I hated the attention of everyone in the room.

The light felt extra bright.

The heat felt extra hot.

And I felt extra small.

"I only said that to see if you really wanted to stay with us, or you just needed protection until you get to a city. I needed to find out your motives: whether you're actually a lost and confused girl, or one with the purpose of befriending the group. Obviously, it seems like the latter. Not a choice a normal _civilian_ would have made."

"Speaking of civilian, there's also the fact that the God-Generals seemed to be kidnapping a 'civilian', quite frequently," Anise began, crossing her arms across her chest and glared at me.

"That was only twice," I stated bluntly.

"Three," Tear corrected. "According to Asch, you were kidnapped outside Akzeriuth, which, I may add, is more than enough times for a civilian. Besides the three kidnapping, the Oracle Knight released you without much opposition."

"In the first attempt, Asch handed you back alive even after all the trouble of kidnapping you," Luke stated, frowning.

"And you didn't seem to be fighting back during the second attempt either," Ion pointed out. "Now that I think about it, you did seem to come and go and wander around the Tartarus as you pleased during your supposed kidnapping… Also, you seemed unafraid of the God-Generals, even talking back to Asch. It didn't seem like a captor-hostage relationship at all…"

"There's a reason for that…" I blushed slightly, feeling a bit flustered upon hearing 'Asch' and 'relationship' in a single sentence.

"Honestly, I believe the whole 'kidnapping' thing was just a hoax," Anise admitted. "A disguise in order to meet up with the Oracle Knights and share information about our plans."

I narrowed my eyes. _That's you, Anise. Not me._

"Furthermore, as a member of the Oracle Knight, it was likely you would have met many clients of political background—which I noticed you avoided… _All_ of them: Field Marshall McGovern, General Goldberg, King Ingobert, Duke Fabre…" Tear started to list. "I assume there was a possibility that they would have recognized you if you had been present."

_All purely a coincidence… _I mentally sighed. "I was a private according to you," I tried to argue back. "I believe a private is the lowest ranking for a soldier. There was no reason I could—"

"Oh just stop trying to deny everything," Anise rolled her eyes. "You know you were a lieutenant before Mohs demoted you six ranks in a single blow."

_I'm sorry, what?_ I felt all eyes stare at me, probably asking all the same question I was. _Kamilla, what on Earth did you do to get demoted _that_ badly?_

I groaned, slapping my hand to my face. "This is stupid…" I murmured under my breath.

"Additionally, Ion saw you talking with Legretta at Shurrey Hills," Jade stated. "Leaving with enough time to head to the Tartarus and pretended that you were a lost, confused girl."

"You ditched Mieu back at Akzeriuth," Natalia accused, and Mieu agreed in the background. "Purposely."

"You knew about replicas long before the truth surfaced," Ion added. "Especially about Luke and Asch."

"You knew Van was trying to destroy Akzeriuth, according to the information I received from Asch," Tear interposed.

"You knew which room Ion and Natalia were in," Anise commented. "You led us right to the room and even stood right in front of it."

I slammed my hands on the table, causing everyone to draw their weapon. I bit my lips hard, trying not to cry or get too frustrated, but the pressure was really getting to me. "I get it… okay? I get it, so stop accusing me of stuff." _Stuff where half of it wasn't really my fault… Knowledge… is a truly scary thing._

"Do you? Because I don't think you do," Guy finally spoke, having been quiet for most of the evening. "What the Oracle Knights did was inexcusable. Thousands of lives were lost, and soon more lives will be taken once a war starts. You knew that, and yet, you're still helping Van—"

"I. Am. _Not_. With the Oracle Knights!" I emphasised, interrupting Guy. So many emotions were flickering back and forth inside of me at the moment. I didn't know how much more I can take of Guy's disappointment.

It hurt.

I released all the rage out. My eyes melted into a gentle look as I stared at Guy. That malice look doesn't suit Guy in the least. He was supposed to be such a sweet character—no, he wasn't a character. He was a person. A sweet, warm, caring person… and I should have treated him like a real person and considered his feelings. I should have trusted him and leaned on him for help. He deliberately opened up to me so that I could let him reach out towards me and protect me… from myself. But I never did let him in—too much more afraid of the outside world than the own unremitting tortures from within. I abused his trust.

And that must have hurt a lot more than how much I was hurting now.

"Guy…" I whispered his name. I could feel the teardrops plummet down my cheeks, but I undeniably did not care at that moment. All I could see was Guy. I had so much to say to him—so much my heart wanted to say. However, I whispered the only thing I could think of to say to summarize my feelings, "I'm sorry…"

I could be imagining it, but for a split second I saw the ice over his blues thawed, and he was back to the same caring Guy. He understood my apology as a sign of regret over the betrayal of our friendship. And for that split second, he wanted to go back to the way it had been between us.

During that split second, I dared to hope.

But alas, it was _only_ a split second.

His blue orbs froze over once more, and he narrowed his eyes at me before turning away, seemingly disgusted with me.

I knew. I wasn't forgiven.

And probably never will be.

It was eerie quiet in the room. About half the people in the room seemed confused as to what was happening between me and Guy, while the other half seemed to misunderstand our relationship as one that was simply more than friendship.

An air of melancholy loomed over us as the temperature in the room began to plummet. The taunting came back, hollering and tugging at my insides. The laughs echoed as everyone in the room seemed to turn into devils before me. Closing my eyes, I could feel the slight rocking of the ship as fearsome waves crashed against it. A storm was brewing—and not just outside.

It was like all my senses increased six folds.

I could feel the stiffness of the chair to the chills of the evening air from the window against my back.

I could taste the dryness of my mouth as if it were saw dust and the flake of dried blood from my lips—the saltiness that only makes my mouth drier.

I could smell scent of wood and ocean air as it filled the room, disturbed by a hint of metallic from the slain that forever will haunt this vessel.

I could hear the sounds of the violent waves integrated with the harsh breathing around the room… with mine being the raucous.

I opened my eyes, and I could see the eight pairs of eyes looking down on me.

And even with my height, never had I felt so… so little.

Jade suddenly cleared his throat, bringing everyone's attention back to him. "Well, if we are all done with the melodrama, I would like to continue."

Melodrama: that was what he called my problems, my sorrows… and my regrets.

Yet, truth be told, I couldn't deny that there was a ring of truth to his malice.

The boy who cried wolf wasn't spared from the aftermath of his continuous deceits towards the villagers, so why would I? After all, no one will believe a liar, even if they were telling the truth. A liar was a liar. That was the scary thing about fables: they were more than just simple children's stories, the moral of these fables knew how to haunt the very core of your being.

"Anise," Jade continued, instructing her to end the discussion.

Anise sighed heavily and stared directly into my eyes. I looked away in an instant. I knew I shouldn't, for it basically reinforced the idea that I was guilty of being a spy, but I couldn't help myself.

Shame and guilt were the worst combinations.

"We knew there was something fishy about you, but we were still missing one piece of information to expose you: who you are," Anise explained, walking over to me. "I knew that I've met you somewhere before, which ultimately led me to believe you must have been someone from Daath. Coincidentally enough, when I went back to look for you in Daath after we thought we had lost you during our escape, I saw you with someone a civilian normally wouldn't be hanging around with."

Flashes of the uniformed man from Daath burned in my memories, and my hands closed over the fabric of my pants forcefully.

"I was feeling dizzy at the time and was about to faint, but he caught me. What's wrong with that?" I muttered under my breath.

Anise gave me a hard look.

"_That_ man wouldn't care if you were getting beaten and raped in front of him, let alone 'about to faint'," Anise replied in an extremely blunt way. "That man is Slayde Hazlitt, a major in the Oracle Knight, and the last Fon Master Guardian for Evenos before he died. He's a jerk and a sadist, and I heard that the only reason he's still serving in the Oracle Knights is because it was Fon Master Evenos' dying wish."

"I've heard of him from Major Legretta," Tear added, pondering for a second. "A callous man who doesn't like to involve himself with the affairs of the Order. Even so, the Ministers all put up with him due to his relations with the former Fon Master."

I puffed my cheeks a bit, frustrated. "Okay, so he suddenly had a change of heart—"

"He has a lover," Anise interrupted.

"So what? It's not like that lover is—" I abruptly stopped myself. _I really do not like where this is going…_ I mentally groaned.

"From the rumours about him, there were only two people whom that jerk will show his kind side to: Fon Master Evenos and his lover. Her name is Kamilla Velandia, former lieutenant of the Oracle Knights, now a private under Major Legretta's command. Although, two years ago, she suddenly disappeared from a mission, but it seems you were just in hiding in order to do Van's dirty work without being noticed by the Oracle," Anise concluded, glaring at me. "But, apparently, you really need to brush up on your undercover skills, cause man, you suck. You didn't even hide yourself very well in Shurrey Hill where Ion spotted you."

"I don't even know what to say anymore."_ Considering that you won't believe anything I say anyways._ I banged my head on the table.

"From what I remember and confirmation from Guy that Kamilla _is_, in fact, your real name, the only logical conclusion is that you are Kamilla Velandia, a spy for the God-Generals."

Anise smiled, seemingly content with her deductions before turning to Jade—probably to let him have another stab at me.

"My, did you run out of excuses already?" Jade mocked, smiling cheerily at me.

Oh, how I wish I could just slap that grin off his stupid mug.

Taking a deep breath, I skimmed through all of my options—which were _very_ few by the way. One, I could lie again, but I quickly shook off that thought. I didn't want to dig myself a deeper hole than the one I was currently in right now. Besides, it probably won't do me any good anyways. They'll see through me and then kill me. Two, I could just accept the accusations thrown upon me, but that would definitely get me killed. Or three, I could tell the truth… but they unquestionably won't believe me, and they'll think I was lying to them _again_ and then kill me.

Either way, I was going to be killed as an alleged spy and traitor.

Just fantastic.

"Can I say something?" I spoke without thinking. I quickly got the feeling that someone was about to say no, so I continued without waiting for an answer. "I know you won't believe me, but I may as well say this… the truth," I paused slightly. My eyes flickered over to Guy. My words seemed to have caught his attention. A bittersweet smile spread on my lips. _…Because you deserve the truth at least…_ I mentally added before looking back at Jade. "Yes, my name is Kamilla, and yes, this is her body, but I am not Kamilla Velandia. She's dead… dead for months now.

"I am not from Auldrant. I'm from another world called Earth. I guess you could say it's a parallel world to Auldrant. Earth is a place where fonons do not exist, where magic and monsters do not exist and where the Score does not exist. In fact, this whole world—all of you—are just some made up entities of some guy's imagination, brought together to make up a plotline for a video game called Tales of the Abyss."

I heard muttering among the group, sounding unable to believe my words, but nevertheless, I continued, "One night, I went drinking, and I didn't realize someone spiked my drink until I started to fall unconscious. At the time, I guess it was when Kamilla died, somewhere between when Ion saw Kamilla at Shurrey Hills and me waking up onboard the Tartarus, that I was supposed to have died as well, but I didn't. She saved me—Kamilla did. She somehow pulled my soul from my body on Earth and placed it into her own dead corpse. I don't know how, but she did. So now I'm here, being blamed for suspicious stuff that isn't even my doing. Yes, I lied, but because no one would believe me if I told the truth. I don't mean any harm; I'm not here to deceive anyone. I was just… lost and confused and… afraid of being hated. I'm sorry."

A large sigh escaped my lips. It was like this heavy burden suddenly lifted itself off my shoulders. The pressure against my chest was practically non-existent—as if it were a distance memory. The air smelled fresher. The room felt warmer. The light seemed brighter. I never felt so light before in my life.

Never had I felt so… _free_.

I would have been beaming at that moment if not for the murmurs all around me.

"I heard she had a few screws loose; should have been locked in a psychiatric ward…" I heard Anise whisper to the others, and I saw some nods in agreement.

My heart dropped slightly, but I knew that they wouldn't believe me. Regardless, it was still heartbreaking to know I gathered all that courage to finally tell the truth and this was the reaction that I get.

A liar was a liar… and I did more than just cry wolf.

* * *

I was back again in my dirty, smelly cell and waiting for my final verdict.

They questioned me a bit after my supposed insanity moment, although Anise did suggest that they throw me back into jail as it was pointless to talk to an insane person. Whatever the case, I was sure I got put back in here for they didn't think I would give them any information about Van, and if I did, I would likely get suspected of lying again.

I guess they were deciding on what to do with me now, but the answer seemed pretty obvious. To them, I was an enemy; a member of the Order. They had never hesitated before, and I was sure they wouldn't now.

I was going to die.

I leaned against the cold stone walls and breathed deeply. My air had been polluted once more, but I no longer held that feeling of regret—lest, not as much as before.

I told them what I needed to tell them. I had been true to them and to myself. There was nothing more I could do now except let Fate take its course… no matter how much Fate was against me.

"Hey," someone called out, and I opened my eyes, surprised to have a non-threatening visitor.

A sad smile surfaced. "Luke…" I whispered his name, getting off the bed and making my way over to the red-head. I reached out between the bars, and he took my hand. All light in his emerald eyes had died, and he looked like a kicked puppy. "What's with that look on your face?" I asked, trying to lightened the mood. "Anything but an arrogant look doesn't suit you."

He didn't get angry. He didn't smile. He didn't react in any way.

He just looked… dead.

I sighed exaggeratedly, not liking this mood one bit. "Geez Luke, I didn't think you cared so much," I forced a laugh.

"I do!" I flinched, surprised by his sudden emotional response. He looked about as surprised as I did before glancing to the side—away from my eyes. "I… have always thought of you as a friend."

"Luke…" I whispered again, feeling his hand squeeze mine. Blinking for a few seconds, something caught my attention. "Have…? Not had?" I asked; a small smile spread. "You… still think of me as a friend…?"

He didn't look at me, but I could see a small blush line form across his cheeks. I giggled, and he shot me a glare, opening his mouth to reply, but instead, he pulled me closer, slipping his other hand between the bars and wrapped his one arm around me. I froze.

My hazel orbs were right up against his emeralds. His eyes were soft, yet stern—confident. I couldn't break away. Those were the eyes of a real protagonist.

"I trust you," he whispered quietly, so quiet that I thought I was reading his lips for a second. "No matter what… I trust you… So… trust me."

Before I could reply or get my mind together, he released me and left.

Blinking, I wasn't positive of what just happened. Luke actually trusts me? Or was he just being naïve again?

My mind steered towards the latter, but I couldn't shake off that feeling just now. That unfounded confidence that left me stunned: it started pulling me towards the former.

I bit my lips and stared at my hand those was still warm from Luke's touch. "Luke…"

* * *

Footsteps echoed sounded from down the hallway. I froze slightly, anticipating that someone was going to announce their conclusion so soon. Yet, as someone's shadow came into view, I could spot a slim figure of a woman. Relaxing slightly, I gradually walked over to the front where I noticed the melodist.

"Tear?" I questioned, unsure of whether to be relieved or not. Relieved that it wasn't Jade, and not relieved because it was Tear.

She stood in front of be with her arms crossed as she held a stern look. "Let's chat."

Feeling compelled by her tone of voice, I nodded shakily. "Y-Yes, Ma'am."

We stood in pure silence for a few minutes as I waited for Tear to say something. Being one of the more strict members of the group, I honestly didn't mind that she was taking her sweet time to talk—no, _'talk'_—to me. She glanced down on me, studying—judging. I twiddled my thumbs nervously behind my back as she did so, turning away so that I didn't have to make eye contact.

"I…" Tear finally began, "…don't understand you," she admitted, catching me off guard.

"I'm… sorry?" I replied awkwardly, puzzled by her statement.

"At times, your acting seemed perfect, but at other times, it was obvious that you were lying. Were you trying to make it obvious, because if you were, I don't see the benefit of revealing your true identity to us."

"What's the point of asking me, if you're not going to believe me, regardless?"

She sighed. "Whether I believe you or not is my decision alone. I just want to hear the story from you."

"I already told my story," I stated, walking away from her and sitting down on the bed, studying the grime and dirt as if it was so much more fascinating than her. Looking up, I spoke, "What more can I say?"

"Let's just say you aren't in league with Van, but that doesn't mean I can just believe your story. I mean, coming from another world is just—"

"Unbelievable. So I've heard," I interrupted sarcastically.

"Kamilla, don't be difficult."

"Don't call me that," I fired back angrily. My chest constricted, and my breathing became challenging. "I'm just… Milee…" I whispered.

My minds suddenly raced back to my time in the real world. What did my parents expect to gain by forcing me to live up to the expectations of that name? I wasn't perfect, and when I tried to be, look where that ended up: in a jail, in another world about to be executed for a crime I never committed. In all honesty, if I were to die, I would want to die with a name befitting who I was: Milee. Just Milee, and not the girl Kamilla who couldn't live up to her name.

"Milee…" Tear said my name. Her face softened. "Tell me… what do you think of Auldrant?"

I raised an eyebrow. "Is this a trick question?"

The brunette shook her head. "I'm just curious about how you perceive this world and its current affairs."

I pondered about this question for a second. What _did_ I truly think about Auldrant? "It's beautiful… yet terrifying."

"How so?"

"This place is so… clean. The air is fresher, and there is so much green, even in the biggest of cities. There's just so much culture that sculptures each place into a uniqueness of its own. Not to mention you all have something you follow: the Score. You can live in peace knowing exactly how you will live your lives—never afraid of the unknown. Yet, on the other hand, it's scary knowing that is the outcome of your life. Is there no way to diverge from the foretold path? Will you just live and die exactly as you are told—caged like a bird with no freedom to choose and explore of your own free will? I wonder, is the Score really what's in the best interest of the people?"

"That is a good question… The Score has been around for so long that everyone depends greatly on the Score for everlasting prosperity. A life without the Score is just… unheard of."

"If you say so. I guess the Score also predicted her death, huh?"

"I'm sorry?"

I shook my head, smiling. "No, it's nothing."

Tear frowned as she studied me before stepping closer. "You know… something has been bothering me for quite some time now. That day when you first came to Yulia City… did you actually try to kill yourself?"

"…" I regarded her. "Why do you care?"

Tear's hands reached out, and she grabbed the bars tightly. "The guilt, the anger, the regrets, the pains… the relief that I saw in your eyes that night… It was too real to be an act."

That was right. It was all an act. The things I had been though, and all the things I had forced to stay bottled up, to them, it was all just an act.

My tears, my worries, my depression, my fears: it meant nothing to them—to anyone. No one believed me, and no one can see through my real acting. After all:

No one cares.

"However," Tear looked at me, conflicted, "was it really just an act?"

* * *

"Are… you hungry?"

I looked up and spotted the golden haired princess with a tray of food.

"Not necessarily," I replied. "Besides, there's no point in wasting food on a dead girl."

Natalia frowned for some reason and fished out the keys to my cell. I watched as she unlocked the doors and walked in, placing the tray beside me before sitting down on the other side of the tray, smiling. I raised an eyebrow at that.

"What are you doing?" I questioned, not understanding the girl.

She tilted her head slightly, confused. "Bringing you food? Don't be so quick to jump to conclusions. Eat."

"I'm not talking about that," I sighed. "Why aren't you leaving? Better yet, why are you sitting beside me, with the key less than a metre from me and the door wide open? I could knock you out and escape, you know."

She smiled at me. "I'm sure you could, but I know you won't. Besides, there really isn't anywhere to escape to onboard a ship in the middle of the ocean." I slumped a little in my seat from her seeming act of pity, and Natalia took noticed. "Oh, I didn't mean it like that. Rather, I know I haven't known you for as long as everyone else has, but from what I can see, you seem like the type of girl who thinks things through. Trying to escape will just add fuel to the fire and will further agitate their trust towards you."

I raised an eyebrow, almost laughing. "What trust? I've completely lost their trust. There's nothing further to lose!"

"…" Natalia looked at me silently for a moment before placing a hand on top of mine. "Trust," she began. "Trust is a funny thing. It can be lost in an instant, forever or slowly coming back. But it can reappear just as quick if the situation calls for it. Don't be so quick to judge; you might be surprised at the little things that happen to change someone's opinion about you."

Now it was my turn to look confused.

"Just what are you trying to imply?" I hesitated to ask.

She just smiled back. "Trust those who have given you their trust."

* * *

"So, it's your turn now, eh? I feel like everyone's coming just to say their final goodbyes," I exhaled a fake laugh, trying to lighten the atmosphere that the young Fon Master was grooming. Ion frowned as if something was bothering him. His brows furrowed, which caused me to raise an eyebrow. "Something wrong? Ion, are you okay?" I asked, worried.

"Kamilla, you can drop the act now," he called, startling me from the use of his authoritative voice. Unexpectedly, he dropped his eyes, saddened by something. "It's my fault. I should have recognized you from the beginning…" he said more to himself than to me before lowering his voice. "…Especially you…"

"Fon Master?" I questioned, feeling uneasy about his strange behaviour.

"I know about it—I was told the day I was born, so drop the act already," he commanded. I was sure a startled look was evident on my façade because Ion continued firing his words. "Don't act as if you don't know. You know who I am… You know that I'm not _him_…"

"…You're Ion's replica," I uttered, knowing exactly what he meant by not being _him_. "Yes, I know," I confessed as I walked up to him.

"Did you think I didn't know about you?"

Frowning, I answered, "I don't know what you're talking about, Fon Master."

"I said drop the act already," he yelled, shocking me that the kind and gentle Ion could use his voice like that. I took a couple steps back. "You've done enough damage. You have done _enough_."

"F-Fon… Master?" I took another step back, more and more until I hit the wall behind me.

This wasn't the sweet boy I knew.

This wasn't Ion.

Looking back at him, I could see the changes in him. He had matured a great deal. His clothes were worn, which matched his tired looking face. The heavy, dark circles around his eyes were more apparent against his ever paling face. It was alarming to know that only two months of traveling could change someone so drastically.

"Ion! There you are!" A shilled voice entered into our conversation. Running up to him, Anise grabbed his arm before turning to glare at me. I recoiled and pressed myself further into the wall. "She didn't hurt you or anything, did she?"

"Like I can stuck in here and all…" I muttered under my breath.

"I heard that!" Anise snapped, approaching the cell. "You're finally getting your just dessert!" she yelled at me with all her might before lowering her head so that I couldn't see her face. "Finally…"

Through the dim lighting, the slight shook of Anise's shoulders notified me that she was crying. A pang of guilt hit me, even though I wasn't sure why. It was clear that Anise knew Kamilla, yet with the way she was crying, it seemed there was so much more to their relationship.

"Anise," I whispered her name softly.

"Don't act like you still care! You're just the Commandant's lackey!" Our eyes met, and I could see the tears looming around her eyes, about to fall. "Why did you have to join him? I know you don't support his ideals. I didn't want to believe it but… Why? Why did you change?"

"…" I glanced at Ion, and he, too, seemed confused by Anise's relationship with Kamilla.

"For the longest time… I wanted to meet you face to face—to say thank you for everything you've done… but this isn't how I wanted this meeting to go!"

"Anise, how do you know her?" Ion asked, seizing the opportunity to fill both our unanswered questions.

I held my breath, hoping Anise would listen to Ion and tell him—and thus telling me. I needed to know more about this girl whose body I was currently residing in. I needed to be able to understand her and why she was doing the things she was doing. I needed to relate to this girl if I ever have the intention of finding myself and returning home.

"…It was five years ago, when I first joined the Oracle Knights," she stated, hesitating at first. She looked back at me and then to Ion. "The Score predicted that I would be a part of the Oracle Knights and do some good. However, I was only eight back then, and I was scared of being thrown into such a foreign place. That's when I met her… Kamilla Velandia.

"It was one night, about three days after entering the Order, when my parents got mad at me because I told them I didn't want to be a soldier anymore. Back then, I just ran into a random room, so I was surprised to find that someone was sleeping inside. It was dark, and it startled me when she woke up. I couldn't see her face… all I saw was a dark figure approaching me. I thought that she would get mad at me, too, but instead she comforted me until I stopped crying. She didn't turn on the lights, nor ask me who I was or why I was crying. After I calmed down, we talked for a bit in the dark. I didn't want the lights turned on, afraid that if we run into each other again, she'll know me as the crybaby. In the end, I ended up spilling all my worries and frustrations to her, and you know what she said in return?" Anise looked at me sadly. "'Smile! Everything will be fine if you keep smiling!'"

I looked away. It was the same thing I said to her in Deo Pass. _Keep smiling no matter what, huh?_

"It was her way to tell me not to worry and continue to live my life to the fullest, despite the Score changing my entire life," Anise explained sadly. "After that, I never did meet her again, but somehow, she found out who I was. I would always find encouraging letters from her as if she knew exactly what I was going through… but after I was appointed Fon Master Guardian, all letters ceased, and I never heard from her again."

My eyes quickly shifted to the Fon Master as his body tensed as if he knew exactly why Anise lost touch with Kamilla. He relaxed his face a bit before he placed a hand on Anise's shoulders. Nevertheless, his body was still too stiff.

"Anise, you don't have to go into so much detail—"

Anise ignored him and looked at me as she said one last thing. "It was on this journey that I finally figured out who you were. I thought it was you after you said that to me in Deo Pass, but there was just something off about you. When I finally put a name to your face… do you realize how badly you destroyed the last five years of my life? For so long… I wanted to meet my idol… but this is what she turned out to be."

"Anise," I called, panicked.

"I'm disgusted," she finished.

* * *

I stared at his lips from start to end as he spoke—slowly and hauntingly.

My knees gave out, and I broke down into painful sobs as he departed.

* * *

The doors noisily opened along with my gaze. The necromancer stood menacingly over me. The light of the hallway flowed eerily, casting a shadow over the man's features. He stood emotionlessly, as still as a statue, but that definitely set the atmosphere for what was to come.

No Goosebumps came, no chills, no racing heart—nothing. I could no longer feel. My breath was shallow. My blood froze over. I was numb.

So, so numb.

I couldn't shake with fear or laugh at my situation. The light in my eyes were probably dead. I knew what the decision was.

No one else was present except him—just me and my executioner.

"Just get it over with," I whispered; my voice was hoarse and heavy. I could no longer fight; no longer hope.

Because I was going to die. Fact.

No one was going to save me this time. I was stranded on a ship in the middle of the ocean where everyone onboard has come to a consensus on my execution.

I had hoped for something different. I didn't think my story would turn out this way. After all, I was the protagonist—the protagonist of my own story. Everyone was with their own stories. The protagonist always prevails… and I couldn't even survive my own story. Some protagonist I was.

Or rather, I believe the term anti-heroine was a more suited term for me.

Maybe if I started this journey a little differently: more open, more trusting and more honest with who I was, maybe things would had turned out a little differently.

Maybe.

I guess I'll take that into consideration in my next life.

In the dark, Jade summoned his spear. The tip reflected from the light of the hallway: bright white at first and then I could see my face.

Pale, dirty… ugly.

Never had I looked so ugly before.

"Any last words?" he asked, approaching me. His face showed no emotions.

My eyes relaxed, staring at him sadly as a thought came to mind. "No, but I have one request."

"Not going to beg for your life now, are you?" I couldn't tell if he was joking or serious, but either way, I shook my head.

"No, because I already died long ago," I replied as tears streamed down my face. "I doubt you'll be able to grant my request, but… Kamilla Velandia. If you ever see her, please tell her 'I'm sorry'."

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jade lifted an eyebrow; confused by my request, although, determination unwavering. He didn't reply to me but instead said, "I promise this won't hurt a bit."

I couldn't see his eyes over the shadows, but I knew he was being sincere for once. Lifting his spear, he signalled for his intent.

My lids fell and so did the sound of his spear falling. My body tensed as his spear connected with my chest.

_Sorry… and thank you for everything._

* * *

**A/N:** Cliffhanger 2.0! I'm sorry, but I couldn't help it. :p

On a side note, how many of you actually caught some of these things I mention about Milee's acts of suspicions? That is not all of it; I made a list that filled two pages, but I didn't know how to incorporate all of them, so I put down enough to create tension and pressure for our protagonist.

Again, I'm sorry about the long wait. I'll update the next chapter soon.

Please review!


	19. Kamilla Velandia

**Forlorn Words**

**********A/N**: Hey everyone! Thanks so much to all that had reviewed. I love reading about your reactions to my cliffhangers. ;)

Don't worry, I'm going to be done with cliffhangers for a bit. So relax, and enjoy chapter nineteen.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Tales of the Abyss.

* * *

**Chapter Nineteen: Kamilla Velandia**

It was black.

My world was black.

It hurt.

My world hurt.

Was I suffering in hell? Probably, but still…

My chest burned, throbbing more and more with each passing second. I couldn't move because it will only worsen the pain. I couldn't breathe either because that, too, will worsen the suffering.

Was this what the phrase, "suffer for all of eternity", means?

To carry the pain of your death to hell and beyond?

I tasted blood. The saltiness filled my mouth as I bit my lips, but I ignored it regardless and drank in more of the saline taste to rid myself of the pressure upon my chest. I didn't know how long I'd been biting it, but I was at my very limit.

I couldn't ignore it any longer. The pain in my chest cried out, completely drowning out my blood-stained lips. My lips parted as I screamed.

"Oh sweet fudge!" I gasped, clutching my chest. "Jade, you fucking liar! It _hurts_! Holy—Oh my god… Ow!" I hollered, rolling over. "You said it wouldn't hurt one bit! To think, I actually believed you for a second!"

My eyes flashed opened as I glared at the man standing above me. _That flipping sadist wants to torture me before killing me, huh? Asshole…_ I cursed him over and over again in my head while still trying to deal with the pain in my chest.

I gasped for air but found it hard to breath. The pain was like a coil of fire, burning brighter and being spread faster by the second. I shook hard, but I felt a hand grab me by the arm and roughly pulled me up.

My hazels met red. A look of disbelief surfaced over Jade's eyes. He frowned. Something told me this wasn't a part of his plans. He pushed me against the wall and roughly pulled down my tank top until my bra was exposed. I tensed but blushed as well. If this was any other moment in time, I would have slapped him across the face and called him a pervert, but my intuition told me that probably wouldn't be a very smart idea.

Looking down, I tried to see what he was looking for, as I was quite sure—at least, I hope—that Jade wasn't planning on raping me. It was there that I saw it: a piece of gold was sticking out of my bra.

The tuning fork.

I mentally face-palmed, feeling my face heat up more and more. _I forgot that I put it there!_

Jade instantly reached for it and pulled it out. I sat with wide eyes that he just did something so embarrassing without a second thought. He stared at it with mild curiosity as to what this object may be and why I had it. Suddenly, he paused at one side of it. There was writing on it.

I remembered from before when I was inspecting it, but it was written in fonic language; thus attempting to translate it was pretty much a waste of time back then. Yet, now that I'd seen all these emotions floating in and out of his eyes as he read it, I desperately wished I knew what it said.

"This—" Jade began, but a sudden tremor interrupted him. It knocked us both down as the ship violently shook from a few seconds before it was calm again. Jade swiftly got up, frowning. He ran to the door but paused briefly to glance at me. "My apologies, but it seems your execution will have to be postponed. Whether that's a good thing or a bad thing, I'll leave it up to you to decide."

He shut the door and locked it before making his way out of the jail with the tuning fork in hand. I stared at the place where Jade once stood, blinking.

_Did that piece of metal just saved my ass?!_

It took another minute or two for me to snap out of my daze. I pushed off the wall that I was leaning against, but the pain in my chest forced me to kneel over, groaning. I laid in that state for who knows how long, but long enough that the throb was weakening. Counting back from three, I pushed myself off the floor and crawled over to the bed and rested my head on the semi-comfortable mattress.

I grasped the fabric of the thin blanket and turned my head sideways so that I faced the countless number of vertical bars that had separated me from freedom. The material felt stiff and rough in my clutches, causing my fingers to numb a bit, but I only held it tighter as I tried to relaxed my hyped up body.

Once my mind could focus on something other than pain, I searched my memories to recall where exactly I was in the game and what was going to happen next. St. Binah was going to fall soon. But how soon? I had no idea considering I played a part in the delay of Akzeriuth's collapse. But what happened before that?

I furrowed my brows. I couldn't recall what was supposed to happen between the rescue of Ion and Natalia and St. Binah's collapse. I know there were a few events in between—after all, it just seemed too soon if St. Binah fell all of a sudden.

I pondered for a few more minutes, before I tried to call Kamilla out. Nevertheless, it seemed that she was still unresponsive.

It really made me wonder: just where the heck can she possibly be?

I mean—fact—she was dead!

I groaned slightly as a thought came to mind. _ Please don't tell me she moved on, and her spirit let this world or something like that!_ I prayed silently, hoping that wasn't the case. I desperately did _not_ want to be left to defend myself _now_ or all times.

The sounds of echoing footsteps silenced my cluttered mind. My eyes leered towards the direction of the doors, waiting, but the footsteps unexpectedly stopped just before I could see who it was. Again, I waited, but no one came forth into view.

Pulling myself up against the bars, I tried to peek around the corners to see, yet the restriction was too much; I was forced to pull my face back as the metal bars started to imprint onto my façade.

"Hello?" I decided to be more straightforward. "Why are you hiding? I can't do anything from in here."

The sounds of foot slipping cause my head to turn once more. I didn't expect my call to surprise my visitor so much that he or she would slip. Nevertheless, I cut off my slight giggle and took this opportunity to get a look at my visitor, but the person quickly got up and ran for the door within seconds from the time of the fall.

I tensed. My back stiffened as I pulled away from the bars. My one hand grabbed a hold of the other as it started to shake.

I was not able to see the face of my visitor. However, I did see one thing: a flash of blond—beautiful and radiant like the sun.

I tightened my hold on my hand, bringing it to my chest to cease the trembling.

"Guy…"

* * *

I wasn't sure how long I had sat here for, but eventually, I found myself asleep during the duration of my boredom. It was only when the Tartarus stopped moving that I jolted awake. I could only assume that we docked somewhere. Jade hadn't come back, nor Guy, nor anyone else for that matter. This confused me very much. What exactly happened anyways? And why did Jade let me live? He could have just killed me before he left to check what was happening, but he didn't… Why?

It was only moments later that the doors opened and about half a dozen Malkuth soldiers entered my cell. I tensed and pushed myself back into a corner. I spotted Jade walking in, looking at me with a stoic face.

"Take her," he ordered, and before I knew what was happening, two soldiers grabbed me by the arms, one on each side of me, and roughly shoved me forward.

"Ow! Wait! What's going on?" My voiced cracked as the fear of being thrown into the unknown caused an alarm to go off in my head. I looked at Jade with a desperate plea. "Jade?"

But Jade ignored me and nodded to the soldiers to take me away. I tried to struggle, but the overwhelming strength of trained soldiers was more than enough to restrain my petite body.

I soon found myself outside, where the cold, frosty air slapped me violently. I shivered, trying to enclose myself into a ball to keep in the warmth, but the soldiers' refused to loosen their grip on me. I panted, feeling the cold air putting pressure on my still swollen chest. I grimaced slightly seeing how thick the clouds were that formed as I exhaled.

It was cold.

It was frighteningly cold.

I knew where I was, and I was definitely _not_ dressed for the weather.

The city of Keterburg was like a real life winter wonderland. Delicate layers of pure, white snow covered the city like a blanket of soft cotton. Some of the buildings looked slightly worn and old, out of place within newer, fancier structures, but that only gave it a sense of nostalgia and revived history. The children were playing in the snow, and people roamed about the streets, going about with their lives. It looked so peaceful—cut off from the outside world like the city was its own snow globe.

I gasped as a soldier tugged my right arm, causing one of my foot to accidentally lodge itself into a pile of snow. With my center of gravity being shifted into an awkward position, my body fell forward. I guess it was due to the surprise of my fall, but unfortunately for me, the soldiers lost their grip on me as well. I yelped and closed my eyes as I shielded for a rough impact.

As soft as snow may be, I didn't expect this kind of softness. Well not really soft—firm but plushy, like flesh. As I gripped the fabric of the owner's shirt, I opened my eyes to the colour white. Although before looking at my saviour, someone caught my eye.

Looking through the space between the person's arm and torso, I spotted a worried looking Guy. He had one step forward, looking as if he was going to break into a run towards my direction. Did he want to break my fall, but someone else beat him to it? Though I doubt he would have in the end due to his phobia.

But it was the thought that counts.

A part of me fluttered at the thought that Guy might still care about me. That explained why he came down briefly to check up on me when I was in the jail cell of the Tartarus. He was worried. He still cared.

And that was all I needed to know.

My eyes met his, and I flashed him a sincere and gentle looking smile. A startled look surfaced, but he quickly looked away. A hint of red was evident on his face—though I couldn't tell if it was because of the weather or something else.

"Are you… alright?" A voice whispered to me, although a hint of malice could be heard from him.

I froze slightly; my body trembled as I dared to look at the face of the person holding me. I gulped. "Yes… Fon Master, thank you," I whispered back, paling slightly.

_This is wrong! All wrong!_ I mentally screamed. _Ion was supposed to be the nice, sweet, gentle, naïve boy! What the hell did she do to him?!_ I couldn't forget the way Ion spoke to me those hours ago. It was apparent that he was not pleased with me—or rather Kamilla for something she did. No doubt it _must_ be something severe if it could force sweet Ion to make a face like that.

I quickly looked down, not wanting to ruin the image of Ion I have had. I felt hands grabbing my arms, and I instantly knew it was the soldiers. It was then—just as they were pulling me away from Ion—that I saw it.

"Ah! That's it! That's where I saw it!" I accidentally yelled out in surprised as I pointed at Ion's chest—or more precisely, his necklace: a golden tuning fork.

I wanted to slap myself silly. How could I have _not_ noticed until _now_?

"Saw? What are you talking about?" Luke inquired, walking up to Ion.

I blushed from my outburst and looked down, shaking my head. "No-Nothing… It's nothing." _That's right. So Ion wears the same thing around his neck. I'm sure it's just some kind of fashion statement the people of Daath wear to respect the Order._ I told myself, but something told me it was much more than that.

I perceived that Jade had caught on to what I was talking about. He fidgeted with something in his pocket for a few seconds before leaving it alone. I frowned; I got a feeling Jade was hiding the item from everyone. However, I cannot find a reason for his behaviour except that he must have already found out the meaning behind the words on the tuning fork, and it wasn't something that should be openly discussed.

He made his way over to the group, completely bypassing me as if I was nothing.

"We need to explain the situation to Viscount Osborne," he announced, before briefly glancing my way. "Lock her up in the station until we're done."

"Yes, Sir!" the soldiers saluted before lugging me forward again.

"What do you think you are doing?!" A voice shouted from afar.

We all looked to the source, which was a woman in her late twenties to early thirties with blond hair. She was gorgeous to say the least. Her blonde hair was nicely put up in a bun with brown glasses framing her pale face. Her long, grey coat swung side to side as she walked over to us—furious, may I add.

"Nephry?" Jade murmured to himself.

"Release her," she commanded once she was within talking distance.

"But the Colonel—" the soldiers began, but a scowl on her features told them not to question her orders, and they immediately released my arms.

I didn't realize my legs were so unsteady until I fell to my knees. Nephry ran up to me, worried.

"Kamilla, are you alright?" she asked, placing her hands on my shoulder. I stared at her, blinking in utter confusion. This was Jade's sister. Jade's sister saved me from another round of imprisonment, and she was being extremely nice to me. As stupid as this may be, I didn't wonder why she knew who I was, or why she opposed Jade, but all that went through my head at that moment was, there was no way Jade and Nephry were related. "Kamilla?"

"I—I…" I shut my mouth. How was I supposed to answer her?

She just smiled kindly at me. "You probably don't remember me, do you? My, how you've grown into such a beautiful young woman."

"Nephry, what's going on?" Jade questioned, approaching us.

She stood, staring at Jade with a firm resolve. "Brother," she whispered, and in the background, I heard the murmurs from the party about Jade having a sister. "I've been informed that you had docked in Keterburg. I couldn't believe my ears. I've heard you died in Akzeriuth, so I was glad to hear that you were alright. However…" she frowned, glaring. I winced slightly, finally able to see the resemblance between the two siblings. "I have also heard that you have a prisoner onboard: a young woman by the name of Kamilla Velandia. Now, I don't know what crime you are accusing her of, but whatever it is, she is completely innocent!"

"She just told Jade off," I heard Luke whisper to someone in awe.

I couldn't help but agree. Either she was very brave or extremely ignorant.

"Nephry," Jade began, but Nephry cut him off.

"No, Jade," she spoke, standing in front of me.

"This isn't your call to make."

"I'm not going to let her be thrown in a cell."

After a moment of a tense standoff, Jade finally sighed, relaxing his shoulders. "At the very least, please listen to the whole story before deciding things on your own, Nephry."

"… Fine," the woman accepted, "but she stays with me throughout the whole ordeal."

Reluctantly, Jade agreed, and we all headed towards Nephry's place. Every now and then, I would steal glances at the woman, curious as to what Kamilla did to earn such a strong, devoted trust from the governor of Keterburg, and more importantly, _Jade's_ sister. However, she would just flash me a smile every time her eyes met mine, which caused me to feel self-conscious.

I waited patiently for Jade to explain the situation to his sister, all awhile feeling flustered for the fact that Nephry's resolve may change. There were many times in which I wanted to interject my opinions on a few matters, but one look from Jade told me to keep quiet and let him speak. Throughout the whole ordeal and as he concluded, I noticed that he did not bring up the subject of the tuning fork. It really made me wonder just what Jade was planning as I was positive that the tuning fork wasn't nothing.

As Jade concluded, he glanced over at me before turning back to his sister. "Do you still doubt what I said?" he asked.

Nephry paused, "…While it does sound suspicious, there still isn't enough evidence. I cannot unfairly hand her over to you, Brother."

I silently thanked her and wondered if she was an angel sent down to save me.

"You seem to hold an endearing amount of trust for her. Tell me, Nephry, just what is your relationship with her?"

At that point, we all looked at the older woman as she took a sip of her tea before setting it down with a playful smile. "Would you believe me if I told you that our relationship is that of strangers?"

* * *

"If you don't mind me asking, where are we going?"

I fell a few steps behind Nephry as we continued our trek around town. I shivered a little, pulling the cloak I wore tighter around me. It had started snowing a few minutes earlier, and I couldn't help but feel a bit of nostalgia of the winter times back on Earth. I shook my head a little, dusting some snow out of my hair before hurrying to catch up to Nephry. This wasn't the best time to get homesick.

I had to be strong.

To be honest, I was surprised when Nephry said we were strangers. She didn't elaborate much on the details even when an explanation was demanded. She only looked at Jade with strong eyes—the ones that you couldn't argue with and said: "No matter what relationship I have with her, whether it's as friends or as complete strangers, intuition is a person's strongest source of dependence. And my intuition tells me that this girl whom I have only talked to once in my life is a noble and honourable girl those ideals and beliefs are pure and justified."

After that, Jade seemed unable to fight back which shocked me. Nevertheless, I had this strange feeling that Jade gave up _too_ easily. I didn't understand him; he was a smart and calculating man. His silence disturbed me.

For a moment, I almost had hope that I wasn't going to be branded as a criminal and be executed, and yet, Nephry just _had_ to drop the bomb on my head as she declared that although this was her belief that I had done nothing wrong, she had no power to stop Jade about his final decision about me. In a sense, I wanted to smack her senseless—I could have gotten away, too, if she hadn't said that.

"I believe that no matter the outcome, this is what was meant to be. If you are truly righteous, the Score will lead you to safety," was all she said to me, and my only response was a stupid look on my face.

Nephry wanted to speak to me in private afterwards. However, there were a few protests among the group that I could hurt her and escape. Although, Nephry was trusting, it wasn't enough to convince anyone else of this fact. With a bit of persuasive power, Luke took the role of tagging along in order to watch over me.

I didn't mind. If anyone I was glad it was Luke.

_Trust me_, he said. I glanced over at the red-head beside me. If anyone, I think Luke would be the most trustworthy at the moment.

"Cold?" Nephry asked, falling back to join me. "There's a café up ahead. Let's warm up."

The three of us headed up the road and to a place slightly on the far side of town. Nephry led us to a cozy looking shop with a red roof, but I couldn't help but noticed the shop was such an anomaly among its surroundings. Opening the door, a bell rang, and we were greeted with welcomes from a store employee.

"Wel—Oh my! Governor Osborne!" A girl about my age stared at Nephry in shock. "W-Welcome! Please come in!"

"Thank you," she replied, smiling. "For three."

"Yes Ma'am!" the waitress acknowledged before looking over at me and Luke. The moment our eyes met, she gasped and dropped the plate she was carrying, shattering it all over the floor.

Everyone in the café stopped what they were doing and stared at the scene. I blushed slightly, not liking this centre of attention. I looked over at Luke, and he, too, had the same expression, yet, when I glance at Nephry, she had a pleasant look on her face, as if she knew this would happen.

"What happened?" A couple of the staff came out: two boys about the same age as me. "Hey, are you alright—Kamilla?" one of the boys gawked at me, paling as if he had seen a ghost.

The other boy had the same reaction as well. "No way… It can't be… but…"

"Is that… you…? Kamilla…?" The waitress who had dropped the plate started to tear up, taking a hesitant step forward as if afraid that I would disappear if she got too close. But, when she saw that I was still there, she flung herself at me, locking me in her arms as she sobbed.

I tensed, completely confused as to what was happening. I immediately thought of Nephry and turned in her direction, but she only had an amused smile on her face. My eyes widened slightly.

She plotted this.

Oh God, she really _was_ Jade's sister.

We gave the girl a few minutes to calm down before they closed the store. Thankfully, business was quiet today so they didn't have to worry about the sudden closure.

We got seated at a table near the windows and waited patiently as they served us some hot drinks. I took a sip to preoccupy myself but pulled back instead while staring at the drink. It was sweet like apples.

"Apple cider?" I questioned. It had been awhile since I had this drink. A plate had been place before me: a multi-layered cake with cream and strawberries. I glanced up at the freckled faced boy who served me the cake.

"Strawberry shortcake; it's your favourite," he laughed before pausing in mid-laugh. "Wait—don't tell me you don't like it anymore?"

"No, no!" I quickly replied, shaking my head. "This looks delicious, thank you!" I cried a bit too enthusiastically as I noticed the boy's crimson face before running off behind the counter. I stared for a little longer before sharply turning to Nephry. "What's going on?"

"What do you mean?" she asked, perplexed. "Don't tell me you forgot your childhood friends?"

"Childhood… friends?"

"I remember that you used to play together: the four of you, plus one more—I think his name was Gavin," she commented, taking a bite of her cake.

_Gavin? Wasn't he the guy I met in St. Binah who knew Kamilla?_ I lowered my head. _So these people were her friends?_ My eyes shifted as the three came out and took their seats around me. The girl took the seat to my left, and a dark-haired boy took the seat to my right and flashed me a flirtatious smile as he did. I squirmed uncomfortably in my seat.

"Oh Kamilla! I can't believe you're here!" the girl cried, gripping my arm. "I've missed you so much! I thought I'd never see you again! Oh wow, you've gotten even prettier. I'm jealous!" she exclaimed, but I had to completely dismiss the latter comment. This girl with the hourglass figure was blonde with large blue eyes, full lips and a heart-shaped face. There was no denying she was gorgeous.

The boy beside me snickered. "Too bad her chest didn't grow at all."

Acting reactively, I narrowed my eyes dangerously. Yes, I was still sensitive to that subject area, and I hated it how everyone always points out that fact. However, instead of cowering under my gaze, he looked shocked… and so did the other two.

"Geez Kamilla, that's sure an ugly look on your face," he joked once more.

"Yeah, as ugly as my non-existent chest," I said sarcastically, clearly pissed. Yet, when I noticed the three exchanging glances, I knew I said something wrong.

"He was just joking," the girl whispered. Her enthusiasm died a little. "Usually, you would have laughed alongside us and secretly plot some kind of revenge later. You usually never have such a… _scary_… look on your face…"

"I know it's been seven years, and I bet being with the Order has put you through a lot of struggles, but I never thought _you_ out of anyone would change in a million years," the boy who brought me the cake commented, appearing a little down. He looked up and smiled gently. "But hey, we're all human. Humans change. And we were young back then, ignorant of how the future will end up."

"But just know," the dark haired boy spoke. "Whether it's now or in fifty years or when we're dying on our deathbeds, we'll always be friends."

"Friends…" I let that word roll off the tip of my tongue. _I had friends too… Olivia and the others… but why does the feelings they omit give the impression that it is something entirely different…?_

We chatted for a couple more hours. I felt lost when they retold past stories of their times together. The more I listened to them talk about Kamilla and the adventures they shared together, I couldn't help but feel this bit of bitterness welt up inside of me. Kamilla had everything: good friends, status within the Order, and a boyfriend who loved her dearly. We had the same face and body, yet why weren't we the same?

Like two apples that looked big, red and beautiful on the outside, but on the inside, one was perfect and the other was rotten.

I was the rotten one… and I felt like it, too.

As we were prepared to leave, I almost thought they were going to tie me down to prevent me from leaving, but with a reluctant look and a promise to come back, they waved us goodbye. Walking along the streets of Keterburg, I watched as the sun began to set. I had thought Nephry was going to take us back to her place or the inn, but she just led us farther from downtown.

I began, "Umm… Governor—"

"Those children were shunned," Nephry interrupted.

"Pardon?"

She looked at me sadly. "They refused to follow the ways of the Score."

Both Luke and I stopped dead in our tracked, staring at her as if she had horns growing out of her head.

"But, that's unheard of!" Luke gawked. "Even a replica like me knows that it's a sin to derive from the path foretold by the score! And I don't even have a place in the Score…"

"Luke…" I reached out, wanting to comfort him, but at the last second, I withdrew my hand and looked away.

"Exactly, but they insist that they shouldn't allow their lives to be controlled by a mere piece of stone. One could say that they are completely foolish or extremely brave," she explained. "I, for one, am jealous of them…"

"…" _Not wanting their lives controlled… it sounds like something Van and the God-Generals would say._

"Tell me Kamilla, do you know who gave them the idea of abstaining from the Score?"

Surprised, I spoke before thinking, "Someone gave them the idea?" She nodded. "Who? What crazy person would do that?"

Nephry laughed. "You, Silly. It's you," she said. She locked her brown eyes into mine. "No… rather, it was Kamilla."

My heart skipped a beat as my eyes widened a bit. "You… knew…? When?" I demanded. I hardly noticed the strong wind that just went by, whipping my face as if I had just gotten slapped. Obviously, that was how I felt right now.

"Since the time when you were in my manor," she replied. "Did you know? Kamilla hated the Score with all her heart and soul. When I mentioned the Score, you didn't react… at all. No retorts, no anger, not even a look of irritation. You were quiet… too quiet for the girl I've had heard stories about."

"You believe she's not Kamilla Velandia?" Luke asked, butting into the conversation.

"I _know_ she's not Kamilla Velandia. What about you, Luke?"

"…I don't know…"

"It's fine. There's no need to rush things. Let's go." As Nephry began to leave, I stopped her.

"If you knew that I wasn't her, then where are you planning to take me? Why did you bring me to see _them_?" I frowned.

A piece of hair fell over my face as the wind shifted again. The streetlights began to flicker on as night dawned upon us. Nephry sighed and walked up to me. She knelled a little so that we were just about eye level, and she brushed the piece of hair out of my eyes.

"Because… I thought you would like to know about her."

"…Her?"

"Kamilla Velandia. I believe you have the right to know about the girl known as Kamilla Velandia and her story."

* * *

"Kamilla Velandia was born in Keterburg City in N.D. 1999 along with her twin sister, Chaela," Nephry began as we seated ourselves at a park near her manor.

"She has a twin sister?" I cried, bringing my knees up to hug it.

"Had," she corrected. "At the time when Kamilla was born, she had a weak heart, while Chaela was the healthy twin. The two were born to parents who were extreme devoted followers of the Score—parents who will live and die for the Score. Everything they do in their lives, they plan exactly as foretold in the Score. What they ate, where to go shopping, when to clean the house! It was to the point where it seemed absolutely ridiculous to outsiders, but to them, it was… law.

"When Kamilla was young, and as with any child, she listened to what her parents told her and followed the Score as her parents did, but one day, when she was only four years old, she asked 'Why? Why do I have to do what the Score says?' It was astounding really. It was a simple question, yet it turned her whole world upside down. Unfortunately, her parents, being such devoted followers, did not appreciate their daughter questioning the religion of the world."

"I guess that makes sense," Luke commented from beside me. "My parents would get mad too if I started questioning it."

Nephry's lips formed in a firm line. "But would your parents beat you because of it?"

I paled. "They… beat her?" I choked on my on saliva.

"…Yes…"

"And you didn't _do_ anything?" I demanded angrily.

"It wasn't our place to question how a family raises their child. Besides, at that time, we thought it would be a one-time thing. You know, a way to reinforce a child to behave… but little did we know, it soon snowballed into something more.

"N.D. 2004, Kamilla and Chaela were five at the time, and it was evident that they were the best of friends. However, all the citizens of Keterburg City couldn't help but… pity the two and their family. Kamilla's heart was dying… Kamilla was dying, but there was no heart donor that had a heart that was small enough for her as well as had the same rare blood type that she possesses. Even though Kamilla was stuck in the hospital, she was mature about it. It was as if she had already accepted her death. We all gave up hope for the girl until _that_ day…"

"That day?" Luke and I exchanged glances, not liking the sounds of that.

"The Velandias were listening to their Scores one morning. One prediction for little Kamilla was that she would be saved by someone dear to her. Conversely, the only way Kamilla would be saved was if she got a new heart, and Chaele was her closest friend and her twin sister…"

Cold sweat tear down my neck as I sharply stood, moving away from Keterburg's governor with hands over my mouth as I stared at Nephry with horror. She didn't react when I did that, which only confirmed my fears.

"They… didn't…" I whispered, desperately hoping that Nephry would laugh it off and tell me everything was fine in the end, but she didn't.

She shook her messy blonde hair those strands began to fall out of her bun. She looked at me sadly as she continued. "The next day, Chaela was mysteriously found dead outside of Keterburg—attacked and killed by monsters."

"Mysteriously my ass!" I shouted while feeling enraged. "Her parents had something to do with it, didn't they? Those suck ups for the Score would beat their own children, so why wouldn't they kill her because the Score pretty much told them to? They didn't care…"

I gritted my teeth, thinking about the girl called Chaela who was the same age as me when everything began—or rather, ended. Flashes of my childhood with my mother surfaced as the girl and her tragic story was played out before me: memories of neglect, memories of vituperation, memories of those last moments with her before she disappeared into flames…

I shook my head violently. _No! It wasn't like that… She loves me… She does…_ I tried to convince myself, but then again, my mind could have been playing tricks on me back then—it could have been trying to convince myself that my mom truly does care…

It could have been only in my mind.

"No, you're wrong!" I snapped my head towards the red-head that spoke, steering my mind away from that sensitive topic. Luke shook his head. "I can't believe a parent—or any human being for that matter would intentionally kill a child. Besides… logically speaking, why would someone kill the healthy child just to save the sick one? It just doesn't make sense…"

"It doesn't have to make sense," Nephry explained. I shifted in my seat—not because I was cold again, but because this conversation was taking a dive into unwelcomed territory. "You don't seem to understand just how far devoted followers of the Score will go to satisfy every possible prediction, as long as it will lead to happiness and prosperity."

_Yes, I think I do…_ I shuddered at the thought of Mohs, the man who started a _war_ just to fulfill a prediction.

"But will death lead to prosperity? Further, I thought the Score wasn't supposed to predict misfortune and death!"

"It didn't. The Score predicted that a sickly child would be cured. Nevertheless, I guess under a darker pretense, yes, the Score foretold death." Her tone sounded strained and tired. She waited for Luke to continue arguing, but he didn't.

No—he couldn't. In a world where a single religion was an unwritten law among the people, it was hard—almost impossible—to fight back.

"They… really killed her?" Luke asked, sounding defeated.

"…There was no evidence, but that was what the townspeople suspected. We couldn't do anything, not for Chaela who died unjustly, and not for Kamilla who gained a life but lost herself.

"She went hysterical when she found out what happened. I guess you could say that, that was the event that set off the trigger for something much more to come." Nephry unexpectedly stood. "Let's go. It's quite cold at nights. I'll walk you back to the inn."

"But that can't be it!" I cried. A parted of me refused to let it end like that, especially when there was that feeling of a story being left too open-ended—incomplete.

"I'll tell you the rest on the way," she chuckled lightly, leading the way as Luke and I followed after her.

Falling snow danced under the lights of the lampposts. Enclosing my hands around my mouth, I blew hot breath into them, hoping to thaw the coldness the chilled my fingers. A part of me wondered if Kamilla did this too as a child living in Keterburg. A part of me wondered what she thought about having Nephry spill out her entire life. That girl's life was full of secrets and certainly wouldn't like it if I knew too much.

"Kamilla started to detest the Score more and more as she grew," Nephry continued. "It was obvious that the Score gave her parents the idea to murder their daughter, and she could never forgive it. Kamilla's name became known throughout Keterburg as she would always stir up trouble when the Score was involved. On the other hand, she grew up to be very strong, independent… and admired by many of her peers. She opened up a new way of thinking for the children of this city—helped expose them to a new way of life, and yet because of this, many adults feared her and her influence. They kept their distances and ensured that their children did too. Kamilla was left with few friends, but those few friends held a strong belief similar to her. In the end, I knew she would be alright—she was a girl that knew how to forge her own path."

"But she eventually became a knight of the Order, isn't that right?" Luke inquired. "If she hated the Score that much, why did she join?"

"Let me guess, her parents?" I hissed with venom in my tone.

Nephry nodded. "Yes… but there's more to the story than just that. A rebellious child wouldn't simply join just because she was told to—her parents received help to…_ persuade_ her to join."

"Help?" I raised an eyebrow, confused. "Just how powerful were these people if they got someone like Kamilla to join the very organization that she despised? The Emperor?" I joked.

She smiled sadly. "Close, but not quite. It was the Grand Maestro, and the entire Maestro Faction."

Both Luke and I suddenly coughed, having choked on our saliva as both of us faced the blonde in a look of pure, utter disbelieve.

"All for a single girl?"

"I told you she was special," Nephry explained, shrugging off our surprised looks. "However… back then, we didn't realize ourselves just _how_ special she was until that day. If only I had dealt with the situation more calmly back then, maybe, just _maybe_ things would have been different…"

"Governor Osborne?" She brushed her hair behind her ears as she stared into the night sky with a far-off look in her eyes like she was reminiscing something of the past.

"It was then in N.D. 2010," she spoke softly; a hint of pain in her voice. "On my twenty-third birthday, I got my Score read. I was told that I would be married that year to a man by the name of Viscount Osborne. At that time, I was… in love with another man… and even though a part of me knew that we were never meant to be, I still couldn't accept the fact that I was to be married off to another!"

_Another man…? If I remember correctly… wasn't it Emperor Peony?_ I thought, regarding the bittersweet look upon her face.

"Buried by piles of mixed emotions, I ran from the church towards the outskirts of the city. I didn't know where I was going, but I knew that I wanted to just get away—most likely to clear my head. Yet, little did I know that a small portion of the walls around that area had been broken, and a monster had gotten inside the city."

"Monster!" The very word sent chills down my spine, and a sense of dread loomed in the air as I started putting the pieces together. "You got attacked," I whispered, shivering.

"And I would have died too if Kamilla wasn't in the area. I was surprised—and I bet she was too—when she casted a barrier around us and healed my wounds. She wasn't a fighter, so we waited until one of the soldiers found us and chased the monster away. But it was at that moment that she discovered her gift—the rare gift of seven fonons. She discovered it—and so did everyone else in Keterburg. Rumours got around fast—we hadn't had someone who could use the seven fonons since Professor Nebilim.

"Ironically, the next day, Kamilla's parents got her Score read for her. I still remember it exactly to this day: _'She will lead the Fon Master to a new justice.'_ It was incredible, really: to have a future predicted that involves the Fon Master directly. Something like that only happens in one in a million people!"

"Wait! What does that mean?" Luke asked, crossing his arms in puzzlement. "It's like it's saying she'll help the Fon Master change the world or something like that, right?"

"Yes, that was basically how the prediction was interpreted by her parents and by the Order. We were all very excited for her, but Kamilla couldn't care less. Unfortunately, with a prediction like that and with the sudden discovery of someone who could use the seven fonons, the Order wouldn't simply wait for something to happen—they enforced it."

"They forced her against her will!" It wasn't a question that I shouted out. "That's wrong!"

"It is the way of the Order. Think of it this way: if the Score predicted who will be the new Fon Master—they aren't going to simply wait for the child to grow older and decide if he wants to be Fon Master or not. They'll bring him to Daath and train him to succeed his predecessor, just like what happened with Fon Master Ion and all of his predecessors—Oh, don't look sad! It's a great honour, really!" she commented, looking my way.

Was I frowning? Probably, but I mean who wouldn't? To be forced from your home against your will to the very place that worships the entity that led your sister to her death?

I knew what it was like to be dragged to some foreign place, yet this definitely made my being here to be very small and insignificant.

"It's not fair…" I whispered as we reached the inn. My hazels met her browns, and I waited—hoping she'll suddenly laugh and tell me that everything was just a joke. Alas, the woeful look she held made it very clear.

This was the tragic tale of a girl who couldn't change her fate.

This was the tale of Kamilla Velandia.

"Life usually isn't," Nephry replied softly. "But we all knew that she would be alright. She was strong, and the Order would have treated her well because of that prediction."

_She's dead. _I wanted to shout, but when I saw a slight tear formed at the corner of her eyes, I stopped myself.

She knew… She knew that Kamilla was gone—forever.

"But she just ended up becoming a regular soldier, didn't she? That was what Anise said back in the Tartarus. She was… a Private?" Luke made an observation. "I thought she would have some more special position…"

"Private?" Nephry blinked, frowning. "She wasn't a Private, at least that wasn't what I heard when they were talking about her position within the Order."

I glanced at Luke and he looked back at me. I couldn't shake off this strange feeling. "And… exactly what position _was_ she supposed to get?"

"She was to be trained to serve the next Fon Master, Ion, directly. She was to be his first Fon Master Guardian."

* * *

"Did you enjoy your little chat with my sister last night?"

I glanced upwards to meet red eyes. I sighed and turned away from him, bored. "It wasn't as if you weren't eavesdropping on us," I duly noted.

I yawned and rubbed my eyes, stretching my arms to the morning sun as I exited the inn. Last night, I barely slept at all as my mind was filled with visions of a young, crying girl lost in a world of politics and blood. A part of me wondered if Luke felt the same or if it was only me, considering whose body I was currently residing in.

I sighed and rolled by shoulders, hearing a couple of crack noises. I shivered, not liking the sound of that, especially after my crazy adventure killing people after people—the sounds of tearing flesh and bones was an everyday occurrence now.

_Speaking of killing…_ "Tell me," I glanced at the Necromancer with a slight caution. "Had my conversation last night changed your mind at all about the… um… plans you had for me?"

He simply smiled and drew his spear. I flinched. "Oh, thank you for reminding me."

"Wait! Wait! You're not going to do it _here_, are you? We're in the middle of the city!" I protested, backing away, only to have him move forward.

"It's the early hours of the dawn, I'm sure no one will be awake to witness, and I'll make sure I don't spill _too_ much blood."

"Seriously?!" I cried, moving away, but my back eventually hit the side of a building, and I was trapped. "Wait! The tuning fork! There must be something about it since you could have killed me before you went to check on the Tartarus, but you didn't! You let me live, and it was because of the tuning fork! Right? Right?"

He paused slightly. "I'm not going to entirely dismiss the fact that it could be plausible that you may have been Ion's Fon Master Guardian once upon a time, but now, you are an enemy, and I apologize if I sound blunt, but we cannot let you live."

"But—"

"Goodbye… Milee."

I closed my eyes and quickly turned away as Jade brought his spear down, but sounds of metal clashing rang out in front of me. Daring to peak, I squinted my eyes opened and colours of red filled my vision. My eyes flashed opened, and I felt my heart suddenly skipped a beat as my entire body began to radiate a warm, fuzzy feeling. I felt faint, but I didn't want to for fear that he would disappear the moment I turned my eyes away.

"Milee, what are you doing?" A hand grabbed me and started pulling, yet I still did not want to turn away. "We have to run, or you'll be dead!"

"What's going on here?" Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw Tear, Anise, Ion and Guy coming out of the inn.

"Milee!" The owner of the voice roughly pulled me to the side, and I reluctantly had to face away from the beautiful colours of red.

I stared into emerald eyes. "Luke?"

"We have to move!" he shouted.

"… Why?"

He blinked. "Why? Are you stupid? You'll get killed!"

"No! Why are you helping me?" I demanded, looking between the party and Luke. He didn't answer, but suddenly threw me over his shoulders. I cried out, grabbing onto his shirt for fear of falling. "The F?"

"I told you to trust me… Didn't I?" he whispered.

"There you are!" I turned my head around and found Nephry running towards us. "The ship is ready! Natalia is already there! You must hurry."

"What the hell is going on?"

Luke flashed me a grin. "Jailbreak. You can thank us later."

"Stop!" I heard Jade order, but his opponent refused to let up.

"You're crazy!" I officially declared, before seeking someone for help. "Governor?" I looked at her, panicked.

"Humans need a friend—a single person they can trust. As long as there is a single person one can depend on, they will thrive. They can rise once more," she whispered. "Go. Do what you must."

"Let's go!" Luke declared, running forward.

"But him—"

"He'll be fine."

Feeling a slight panic attack coming, I looked between the two red-heads. A part of me wanted to stay with him, and another knew I must leave. Taking a deep breath to calm myself, I set my eyes on Jade and the rest of the party. I knew I couldn't leave things as it is. I had to warn them at least.

"St. Binah!" I shouted. "St. Binah will collapse! Save the people of St. Binah!" I cried, before whispering softly to myself. "Please save them…"

"Milee, snap out of it!" Luke snapped. "If you want something done, do it yourself. We'll go to St. Binah!"

"No!" Suddenly, I cried, and he stopped for a second, staring.

"Why? You said St. Binah's going to fall, so—"

"Sheridan!" Closing my eyes, a rush of memories finally came back to me. "We're going to Sheridan. There's something we must get—just as a precaution. Trust me."

Luke nodded. "I trust you."

As we arrived at Keterburg Bay, Natalia waved over to us. We hurried onboard a Malkuth vessel Nephry had prepared for us. I didn't question why Natalia—a girl who hadn't known me for very long—had decided to help us, my priority right now was saving the people of St. Binah.

No. My priority was survival.

I must live if I want to save others.

I must live if I want to change the outcomes of this world.

Little by little—I won't let Fate toy with me ever again.

The girl named Kamilla Velandia lost to Fate, but even then, she still tried to oppose it—oppose it by handing me the torch—the heart to stand up to my own self-generated ideals of life and destiny.

I won't give up again.

I won't let the girl's efforts be wasted.

And I certainly won't forget the miracles that had come from those who have given me their trust.

Because I'll forge my own destiny, and I'll create my own outcomes.

I'll create my own future.

Just watch.

* * *

**A/N:** Hope this chapter wasn't too cheesy. On another note, the person who saved Milee was obvious, right? (I hope so…)

Please review! =)

_Next chapter: My Prince_ (working title—may change)

"_No." I stated bluntly before she could even ask._

"_But I didn't—" she began again, but I interrupted her once more._

"_Absolutely not. Period." _If there was one thing that I will ensure, it is that I will _not_ let her convince me to_—I shuttered at the thought. "Anyways, let's go. We wasted enough time here."_

"… _Oh, I get it. You're embarrassed, aren't you?"_

_I paused dead in my tracks, and my face flushed a bright crimsons. "Why on Earth would I be embarrassed about something like… like…" My voice suddenly grew quiet. "…that…"_

_I pulled the trench coat and disguise tighter around my face and body, feeling slightly ashamed. I glanced up and couldn't help but think it was… pretty, I guess. My hand blushed along the silky materials as I started wonder what I would look with this on. I wonder what _he_ would think._

"_Oh, hey guys! We're over here!" I briefly saw Natalia waved the guys over to us._

"_Wait! Stop! Don't wave them over in _here_!" Panicked, I didn't notice that I accidentally knocked my sunglasses off of my face as I threw my hands up into the air and shouted the first thing that came to mind. "I'm not a pervert! Really!"_


	20. Cinderella

**Forlorn Words**

**A/N: **Hi… I'm alive! ;) I'm really sorry about that. Thanks to all who waited patiently! I love you all! Don't worry, I don't have any plans to drop this story. My goal is to at the very least finish one of my stories…

Anyways, this is my longest chapter yet (10K+), and it mainly focuses on Milee's relationship with the other characters, and yes, for all you fans, this includes Asch as well. Enjoy!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! :)

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Tales of the Abyss.

* * *

**Chapter Twenty: Cinderella**

"_May I have this dance?"_

_I looked up to the smooth, calming voice of my guest. I squinted my eyes, but his face was still a blur to me—shrouded as if Fate did not wish for this meeting. Looking away shyly, I smoothened my evening gown: one of the rich colours of crimson. I didn't understand why I felt this way to a mere stranger but something about him made me feel oddly warm._

_Warm in a good way._

_He still waited for an answer, and hesitantly, I took his hand. Smiling, he gently led me out of my seat and towards the majestic dance floor. All around me couples danced. Men wore their elegant tuxedos as they took long strides and twirled their partners who drown themselves in fabrics upon fabrics of colours and arrays of sparkling jewels. The music flowed around the room; its soft yet compelling melody was like a spell-bounding sound: temping, and once entranced, can never be broken._

_And I easily fell into its spell._

_The man slipped his right hand around my waist and entwined his left fingers with my right one. Before I knew what happened, my body felt like it was floating._

_Never before had I danced the waltz, but the strong arms ensured that I would not stray from his set tempo. Briefly, I glanced at him again. He was still smiling at me. Quickly, I looked away upon feeling a blush creep up towards my visage._

_Suddenly, he twirled me._

_I gasped, but just as his right hand left my waist, it was suddenly back in place._

_I stumbled a bit, but he pulled me in closer towards him until I felt my body pressed against his. Blood rose to my cheeks once more, but I rapidly hid it from sight._

_He chuckled—a very rich sound—as he gently tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear. Again, that just made my face warmer._

"_Kamilla," he whispered my name. It was odd. Usually, I would hate it if someone called me by that name, but strangely enough, I quite liked the way it rolled off his tongue._

_Like ecstasy: everything about him made me crave for more._

_I was _drowning_._

_Deeper and deeper into the spell—the music's, his, both… I don't know anymore, nor did I really _care_ at this moment._

"_Say it again," I requested, flashing a lazy smile._

_He returned my smile. "Kamilla."_

_Again, the warm feeling came. He unexpectedly beckoned to the balcony that led away from the bright, dazzling room and towards the dark, soundless night._

"_Yes," I whispered without hesitating. At this instant, I would go anywhere with him._

"_Come… Kamilla." He tugged; his hand still entwined with mine._

"_Yes," I felt dizzy for a second. Maybe it was all the heat going to my head, but I could feel the cool breeze from outside. I glanced up; beyond the doors were completely black. A small alarm went off in my head._

"_Kamilla…" The alarm disappeared—destroyed._

_I nodded, following the man without any more thoughts—bounded to his captivating voice._

"_Stop!" Someone yanked on my arm, pulling me back and out of the trance. I gasped and turned just in time to see strands of crimson red hair before my luminous world disappeared_.

I blinked, staring at the wooden ceiling above my head and groaned, rolling over in my bed as I clutched my head to prepare for a sudden ache. And as I predicted, not a moment later my head felt as if it was banging against a steel pole. Groaning again, I rolled into a fetal position.

"For the love of God…" I whimpered. "Being stuffed in a dead girl's body is bad enough, at least spare me the aftereffects."

When I finally got my act together, I exhausted a loud, drawn-out sigh and rolled onto my stomach. I closed my eyes and recalled my dream from last night. The room, the gowns, and the music: it just felt so _real_.

All of it.

"And… him…" I whispered, narrowing my eyes almost dangerously. Just who was that guy?

Reaching up, I touched the back of my hand to my forehead and cheeks. I sighed a bit in relief that they weren't warm, but I definitely remembered.

In my dream, I was crushing _hard_ on that man.

I meant, if it wasn't that, what else could it possibly be? My face felt _burning_ hot in my dream, and I doubt it was because the room was hot or something stupid along those lines. However, the thing that really irritated me most was the feeling I got from him near the end of my dream. I knew I was completely smitten by him, but I also knew at the same time that something was off about him.

_Way_ off.

I shuddered, thinking about what could have happened to me if not for whoever called out and stopped me. I blinked a couple of times, trying to reach into my hazy memories. After all, it happened just so fast. I couldn't see my saviour's face, but I did see something.

"Red hair…" I frowned. "Luke? Or maybe…" Closing my eyes, I unconsciously thought back to five days ago—back to when another red headed man saved me. I almost whimpered—almost—as I mouthed his name.

"Milee? What are you doing?" Abruptly, I found myself staring at a pair of emerald eyes.

Immediately, I sprang back but got tangled in my blanket and fell off of my bed together with my blanket as a result. "A-Asch?" I stammered, throwing the blanket over my head as I flushed a deep red to match his hair.

He sighed irritatingly, crossing his arms. "Will you stop mistaking me for Asch already?" Luke inquired, frowning. "It makes me feel as if cutting my hair didn't make _any_ difference at all."

I blushed again, but this time for different reasons. "Sorry…" Mentally, I smacked myself. _You need to forget about him already!_ "In my defense, I only did that that one other time in Deo Pass."

"One too many times if you ask me," he remarked, walking over to offer me a hand in untangling myself.

"It's not my fault… If only I didn't have that stupid dream…" I pouted, before turning my attention to a random knot around my foot that I had no idea how it got there.

"Dream?" Luke questioned. "You were dreaming about Asch?"

I frowned at his tone of voice. I could imagine Luke sighing after that question. "I don't know if it was Asch or not," I muttered, finally pulling the knot free. I grabbed the blanket and threw it back on top of my bed. "I just saw red hair. Someone with red hair saved me…"

"Saved you? From what? A hoard of monsters? Falling down a cliff? Jade?" I heard I little snicker from the last remark.

I puckered my lips "…My crush."

"Crush…?"

I paused. Something wasn't adding up. This dream was much too real to be some fantasy conjured up by my imagination. Maybe, just maybe it was… "…her memories…?" It wasn't a far-fetch conclusion considering whose body I was currently inhabiting, and it certainly wasn't the first time I saw her memories before.

I shuddered at the thought of what happened a month ago when the curse seal took over my body for that instance.

"Milee?" I pushed myself off the ground before flashing Luke a smile.

"It's too much to think about right now. Man, am I hungry!" I stretched my arms almost too exaggeratedly before skipping to the door, leaving the poor replica in a state of confusion.

Turning the doorknob, I pushed my way out of this suffocating confinement and breathed in the aroma of the all-too familiar blood-scented wood that I'd been used to every time I boarded the Tartarus.

Yes, the Tartartus.

I know that Nephry prepared another ship for us—a non-military ship—but I vaguely remembered that Iemon and the others needed some of the Tartarus' parts at some point in the plot. I wasn't exactly sure whether it was now or later.

I sure hope Jade wouldn't be angry once he found out that his ship was… ahem, let's just say _borrowed_.

Okay, it wasn't as if I stole it! I just needed it so that some mechanics can smuggle some of its parts for the greater good of the world, and if he still wanted his deformed ship back afterwards, who was I to deny his rights to his err—altered— belongings?

I groaned. "Jade's going to kill me! No—" I paused as a thought just occurred. "He's going to torture me until I'm begging for him to kill me, and then he'll torture me even more! Then he'll kill me in the most gruesome way possible, and then he's going to revive me and repeat the process over again!"

"I think you're exaggerating just a little," a voice commented from behind.

I shrieked loudly, jumping up a few feet before landing in the most painful way possible. I moaned, not liking the sounds of something cracking. Turning, I glared at the swordsman.

"Luke!" I snarled, before grimacing in pain at my fractured ankle. I hissed before moving my left hand over top of it and muttering, "First aid."

Luke apologized before offering me a hand—to which I shrugged off with a pout. I lifted myself off of the floor, testing my once injured foot first just to be sure before marching up to the red-head.

"I said I was sorry!" Luke insisted, seeming to know what I planned to do.

"Well, if you're sorry, you shouldn't have startled a girl having a frenzy! Especially, if that frenzy is about—about _him_!" I shuddered. "Do you want to give me a heart attack? And trust me, it doesn't take much considering this body is pretty much dead anyways!"

Luke tensed, and an awkward silent atmosphere befallen us. A flush of red crossed my cheeks as I recalled my words. Opening my mouth to break the tenseness, I was interrupted by the swordsman.

"Sorry," he apologized again.

"No, I'm sorry," I quickly said, awkwardly looking away. "I've been stressed lately. Let's just change the topic, okay?"

I gave him a small smile before walking towards the kitchen, but Luke abruptly grabbed my wrist. I unexpectedly found his eyes on mine as a hard look was thrown in my direction. "Yes, let's. Actually, I've been meaning to ask you, Milee," he began. "I think it's about time you told us what's really going on—with Van and the connection between you and Kamilla."

I shrunk a little, frowning. _What is there possibly to talk about between Kamilla and I? I already explained all the abnormalities, and no one believed me. Besides, I actually don't know a lot about what's truly going on. I guess Kamilla's dead; she was killed by Legretta, right? But there's still so many things left unexplained. Dear God, where is she when I needed her the most? Useless traitor! How could she abandon me at such a crucial time?_

"Luke, we had this discussion," I went with this statement—which was technically not a lie.

"When Jade interrogated you, I know," Luke commented. "But back then, that wasn't everything, was it?"

"…" I looked away, puckering my lips in agitation.

Luke noticed and gave me a light pat on the head to my dismay. I scowled. "Let's talk about it over breakfast with Natalia," he grinned, probably enjoying the reaction he caused.

I nodded, knowing I couldn't put off the inevitable. It was true that I didn't manage to tell them everything that day, but considering that the disposition they held for me at that moment was anything but civil and sympathetic, it wasn't difficult to know why I was reluctant to tell them. Glancing at Luke, I definitely felt it in my heart that I could trust him with what I wanted and had to say.

Making our way to the main control centre, I noticed at we were steadily approaching land. I thanked whatever deity up there that allowed for this world to possess auto-pilot and a workable technological compass—not exactly a GPS, but something that at least pointed us in the right direction.

Luke and I took our seats behind the controls along with Natalia who was already there and started piloting the Tartarus towards Sheridan's docks. I briefly glanced over at Natalia whose face tightened as we approached. From what we'd heard, the war between Kimlasca and Malkuth hadn't started yet, but things were quite tense between the two sides ever since Natalia's supposed death in Akzeriuth. Also considering the fact that the princess was sitting here with me instead of in Kimlasca sorting out this whole mess, I got a feeling things were going to get even worse than as foretold in the gameplay.

_Please, for _once_, let things go smoothly!_ I mentally begged, but in the back of my mind, a shallow laughter rang out followed by a sneer of disappointment.

_Begging and pleading again, huh? Pathetic._

_I know…_ I frowned. _I know._

* * *

"What do you mean 'not here'"? I demanded, inching towards the poor blonde named Noelle in hopes that she'll laugh and tell me her grandfather was still in Sheridan.

"You're scaring the poor girl," Luke sighed, grabbing me by the rear of my jacket and pulling me away from Noelle.

"H-He's in Belkend, looking for parts for the Albiore," she replied nervously, backing away from me as if I would jump her the moment she turned away.

"But that was a week ago," a young man commented, coming to stand beside Noelle. "They should be heading back soon; if not, today—so that means they'll be back in a few days."

"Ginji?"

"I don't think it'll be a problem for you to borrow the Albiore if the situation you claim is true," Ginji explained. "But, it is far from complete, and even after it is complete, there's still many tests we have to run on it to ensure it's safe to use."

"So that means it will take weeks, maybe months," Natalia noted as I frowned.

I shook my head. "We don't have that long! If we don't hurry—"

"Anyways," Luke interrupted, trying to calm me down, "let's wait until after they get back."

I bit my thumb, not liking this turn of events. It was true that it was still too early for the fall of St. Binah.

But that was in the game.

_And because of me, I caused the situation to deviate from the foretold storyline. _My frown deepened. _Okay, let's think this through slowly. Maybe, since there was a delay in the destruction of the Sephiroth, there will also be a delay in the fall of the surround area. Hence, we still have _plenty_ of time until St. Binah falls._ Grinning like a maniac before mentally slapping myself. _Fuck, optimistic views! I'm assuming the worst case scenario! The Sephiroth wasn't destroyed completely—at least at the time we were in Akzeriuth, and let's assume Van probably finished the job already. However, because of me, the areas around Akzeriuth—slowly, but surely—weakened from that bit destroyed, and without the full strength of the Sephiroth supporting it, factors such as gravity have been constantly tugging and damaging the surrounding area supporting the land above. Now that Van destroyed it, without the support of the Sephiroth and with the land already weaken, I'm pretty sure the fall will happen at a much faster rate!_

"There's nothing we can do for now," Natalia gently said, placing a hand on my shoulder. "Let's wait. We can plan our next move as we wait."

I nodded hesitantly, following the them out. We headed back to the inn where we ate breakfast, but every morsel of food I swallowed tasted like sand.

Dry and painful.

I could see the worried looks on Luke's and Natalia's faces from my peripherals. I wanted to smile at them like always and tell them everything was fine while throwing in a fake giggle, but I can't. Not because I said that I was going to change myself, but simply because I _can't_.

Not anymore.

My nativity was gone—shattered as I discovered the truth of the world around me.

The deceitful land that humans had created and nurtured for centuries upon centuries: it had and will continue to destroy the lives of future generations, plundering the world into everlasting obscurity. This world, that world—it was all the same everywhere.

There was simply no peace.

Ever.

_But you don't truly believe that._ A little voice inside my head whispered.

I bit my lips and pondered. _Do I?_ I wondered that. The memories I had spent, the happiness I had obtained, the pain I had suffered, and the love I had felt: all of that was what made me who I was today.

The goods and the bads.

_Especially the bads._ I sighed sadly, poking my eggs with my fork.

Luke coughed, trying to get my attention, and when I stopped poking my eggs as a signal that I was listening, he commenced, "Cheer up. I'm sure everything will be fine. St. Binah will be evacuated, and no one will die."

"You are _way_ too optimistic," I panned.

"Well, someone has to be…"

"Only because you don't know what's going to happen like I do," I grumbled, sliding the plate away.

Closing my eyes for a moment, I wondered what everyone else was doing at this exact moment. Where were they right now? Did they end up going to see Emperor Peony? More importantly, did they take my warning seriously?

Whether they trusted me or not, I sincerely hope they'd at least get an evacuation order just in case. Not for my sake, but for St. Binah's.

"Ah, speaking of knowing." I heard Luke say, which caused me to groan. "Milee, I think you should tell us what's going on with Van."

I flickered my eyelids open with a tiny pout. "Fine… Ask away."

Luke and Natalia exchanged glances before setting their meal aside to give me their full undivided attention to my dismay.

"Well," Natalia began. "I believe the first thing on both of our minds is what is Van planning to do by destroying Akzeriuth?

I sighed, knowing this was going to be asked at some point. I took a deep breath as I tried to construct the best way to explain it to them. _Okay, so Van destroyed Akzeriuth as a way to—_ I suddenly paused, blinking. _Wait a minute…_

I slowly looked up into the eyes of Luke and Natalia who were patiently waiting for an answer. My eyes widened painfully as a sudden realization hit.

"I—I…" I uttered as my face gradually flushed.

"Yes?"

"I… forgot…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Milee! You promised!"

I sunk in my chair as two angry people glared at me. I shook my head. "Honestly, I forgot! Well, not forgot, forgot, but I don't remember the exact details. Something like world domination, I think? World domination with replicas, or something like that. I'm sorry! I really _don't_ remember! I swear!"

I sunk even more knowing they probably won't believe me. I inwardly groaned. _How could I forget such an important detail! Stupid, stupid! But it's not really my fault, is it? It's been so long since I've finished Tales of the Abyss, and I had to rush it since I had to finish it within a week…_ I bit my lip as my shoulders sunk. _But, really, what was Van planning? I remember it had something to do with replicas and something about taking over the world… right? Was it to build a large army of replicas to over throw both kingdoms and rule? No, that doesn't sound right._ I frowned; my eyebrows knitted frustratingly. _What was it?!_

I could feel the disappointment radiating off of the two and the desire that they held to pressure me, but alas, they let it slide. The two continued to ask me other questions. I did my best to answer them; some I managed to answer, while others held very vague responses.

After that long period of interrogation, I finally grasped how much I had really forgotten over the course of five months. I groaned, wanting to belittle myself for having such a terrible memory. _Why is it that everything I _want_ to remember, I don't, and everything that I _don't _want to remember, I do—with perfect detail! Stupid, horrid life!_

"So we were supposed to go to Grand Chokmah…" Luke paused.

"To get permission from the emperor to evacuate the people of St. Binah," I finished. "Well, before I came into the picture and screwed up the plot."

"And we didn't make it in time, so we had to go to Sheridan to get a flying machine to save the people that didn't make it?" Natalia inquired, and I nodded. She sighed. "This sounds quite surreal. Not that I don't believe you, Milee, but being able to see the future is just… just—"

"I know," I whispered. "Sometimes I wish I didn't know how this would play out so I wouldn't have to feel so responsible about it. If I don't change things, I would feel guilty about letting something happen, but on the other hand, if I do change things, I know longer know what will happen next—whether that would help or worsen the situation."

"…" We all sat in silence for what seemed like an eternity. I could tell that they were thinking, but I felt uneasy as I waited for their judgement against me.

"And that's all you know?" Luke broke the silence.

"For now," I admitted. "I know you all go around to the Sephiroth and try to lower the land or something like that. I'm sorry, but the latter half of the story is extremely foggy."

"Well, it's not like we can do anything about it," Natalia said, resting a hand on my shoulder. "Don't look so nervous. You're trying, and that's all that matters. Even if we do change our foretold story, at least we will be saving more lives at the cost of knowing the future. And even then, we wouldn't have known the future regardless. So it's okay, Milee."

Luke nodded. "Yeah, chill out Milee. Anyways, we have to wait until Iemon comes back, which won't be for another few days. Why don't we relax a bit and restock on supplies?"

"Good idea," Natalia answered before looking at me. "Let's go into town together! We passed by a shopping district on the way here. Let's look."

I frowned a bit. "Aren't you being a little _too_ relaxed?"

The princess paused before giving me an almost bittersweet smile. "Once we leave for St. Binah, there won't be any more time to relax. A war is coming and the lands are being thrown apart by a madman. We need to mentally prepare ourselves for what is to come. I can see that more and more bloodshed will befall us."

"…Sorry," I whispered, seeing Natalia's downcast eyes.

She shook her head. "There's no need. Now come," she grinned, pulling me up. She glanced at Luke. "We'll see you in a bit okay?"

He nodded. "Okay, we'll come find you when we're ready."

I glanced between the two of them before Natalia dragged me out of the inn and towards downtown.

"'We'll'?" I questioned, raising an eyebrow. "Who's we?"

Natalia blushed lightly, yet smiled. "Asch."

"Wait!" I froze in mid-step, and I felt my heart drop. "_Asch_ is coming? _Here_?! How? Wasn't he—"

"Calm down, Milee. He's fine. He managed to escape somehow. Luke said he is coming here, and that he and Asch are going to meet up with us in the marketplace."

"No, no, _no_!" I shook my head ferociously. "He can't! We're shopping!"

Natalia raised an eyebrow. "What's wrong with shopping?"

"He'll make fun of me!" I pouted, sinking to the ground.

"…Asch?"

"Who else?"

Natalia slowly lowered herself so that we were somewhat eye-to-eye. Perplexity was clearly written on her face. "Why would Asch make fun of you for shopping?"

"Because I'm rough, foul-mouthed, ungirly—both inside and out," I explained. _Because he doesn't see me as a girl._ I wanted to add, but I kept my mouth shut.

Natalia frowned. "I think you're overthinking it. He doesn't judge people like that." Our eyes met, but I couldn't hold my gaze as I lowered my eyes and chewed on my lips. Out of the corner of my eyes, Natalia's frown deepened. "Is there some other reason why you're trying to avoid Asch?"

_Yes, yes, there is._ I thought.

"Then tell me," she spoke as if she just read my mind.

"…Because… Because I'm… I'm…" I stared back at Natalia, at the Princess of Kimlasca-Lanveldar.

I stared at her beautiful golden hair with beautiful, long white lashes to match. I thought of my dry, coarse dirt-coloured hair.

I stared at her tiny, heart-shaped face and stunning green eyes. I thought of my round face and eyes that faded into the background compared to hers.

I stared at her to-die-for hourglass figure that women would kill for. I thought of my flat, rectangular-shaped figure that would get me mistaken as androgynous.

I stared at her elegant posture that matched her air of royalty and kindness. I thought of the fake personality that have distorted who I once was, turning me into a monster that no one would truly love—not even myself.

I stared at the girl who I'll never be.

I looked back at Natalia, knowing exactly the reason why I didn't want to see Asch.

…_Because I'm not like you…_

* * *

"Is that _really_ necessary?" Natalia asked for the umpteenth time.

"Very," I panned, fixing my oversized sunglasses around my eyes.

I could feel the stares of people as we passed, but I ignored them. I was currently wearing an oversized long grey trench coat with a matching grey fedora. It was hot and heavy underneath the thick layers, especially in this desert-like city, but it was worth it.

At least, that was what I kept telling myself.

"You look extremely suspicious. I wouldn't be surprised if you got arrested."

"On what grounds?"

"You look like a drug dealer."

"S-Shut up…" I flushed, pulling the coat tighter around my face.

The blonde sighed. "Asch isn't going to make fun of you."

"This isn't about Asch!" I lied. "I—I just don't want to get sunburned!" I hastily replied.

"Uh-huh, right."

"It's true!"

"Sure… Anyways, let's look in there!" She pointed to a store to her right.

Being dragged into the store, I could see that it was a typical high-end clothing store. A part of me wanted to groan at being dragged into one of those stores again. I cringed from remembering the long hours I had spent in the mall with my so-called friends and sister as they did nothing but squeal over unbelievably thin pieces of clothing that cost a fortune.

"What do you think of this?" Natalia held up a white top against her body. I wanted to sarcastically reply, but I could tell that it would look amazing on her.

"Good," I replied, trying to ignore the welling of jealousy that was begging to erupt from within.

"Why don't you try something on?"

I furiously shook my head. "It's okay. I don't really look good in anything."

"That's not true!"

_You can say that because you never had this body._ I mentally murmured.

"You know what? I'll find you something!"

I groaned before grabbing onto Natalia's arm. "Please don't."

"Trust me." She shook off my hand before going deeper into the store. "Milee, try these!"

Before I knew what happened, a stack full of clothes were tossed in my direction. Clumsily, I managed to catch them all while stumbling, and before I could recover, I was hastily shoved into a dressing room. I turned back, wanting to reiterate my argument, but the door was slammed in my face. I pouted irritably before tossing the clothes into a corner.

_May as well get this torture over with._ With a last sigh, I stripped off my clothes and began trying them on.

One by one, all I could do was grimaced and shuddered as I stared in the mirror. I was right: I did look horrible in everything. I was nothing but skin, bones and scars with hair and eyes that didn't match any colour or type of clothing. I could tell that Natalia agreed with me even if she hadn't said it out loud.

"Just give up! I'm too ugly for these clothes anyways," I painfully voiced out my opinions.

"No, you're not. You really shouldn't belittle yourself like that. You're gorgeous," Natalia said firmly.

However, I rolled my eyes once she turned away. _Said the beautiful, golden hair princess_."You're only saying that to be nice."

"Did someone say that you were ugly?"

I diverted my eyes from her and picked up a sweater, pretending to examine it. "Not really, but he probably thought it." A red-headed man came into my head, but I shook it away. I felt my cheeks suddenly became rosy at the mere thought of him, and a sad smile appeared on my lips as I thought of his rejection.

"…You loved him, didn't you?" she inquired quietly.

"Love—still do unfortunately, but he doesn't feel the same. He said he was fine with my personality, so it must be the way I look, right? After all, I'm nowhere near as pretty as—" _You._ I abruptly slapped my hand to my lips. _God Milee, stop blabbing about your sad love life, especially not to the girl he likes!_ I heard my inner voice sigh in frustration. "…this girl… he likes…" I altered the end of my sentence.

The princess gave a loud sigh, crossing her arms. "If that's the case, you're too good for him! I'm positive you can find a guy much better that someone who's shallow enough to judge others based on appearances!"

"He's not shallow!" I argued, before lowering my voice. "He just… doesn't like me."

That left a bitter aftertaste in my mouth.

However, I couldn't deny that what I said was true. He doesn't like me and never will. It wasn't my personality, and no matter how much I said it, it probably wasn't the way I look either.

It was just… me.

"Milee…" Natalia began, but I just shook my head.

"You know what, I'll wait for you outside the store. Take your time," I whispered before leaving.

Conversely, the second I left the store, the door opened once again and Natalia came out empty handed. She gave me a soft smile.

"Shopping isn't fun by yourself," she grinned.

I flashed her a grin in return. "I didn't think princesses went shopping."

"…I don't. Usually everything is custom made for me so I don't get to shop all that often. Especially with a girl my age—a friend."

I nearly choked seeing the princess shyly look away. It wasn't every day you see a bashful Natalia. I smiled lightly—it just goes to show that these were in fact real people with their own personalities, secrets, hopes, and feelings. It was nice being able to see this other side to a character that wasn't normally shown in the gameplay.

I reached over and squeezed her hand. "Yeah, me too."

For the rest of the day, we laugh, ate and hit every store in Sheridan. Yes, I finally gave into her pleas to try on more clothes, but I didn't end up buying anything. It was strange; I didn't think I would enjoy Natalia's company so much—especially knowing her relationship with the man I love.

As we walked, I could see out of the corner of my eye that Natalia had spotted a store that had caught her interest—and my horror.

"Hey, Milee—"

"No." I stated bluntly before she could even ask.

"But I didn't—" she began again, but I interrupted her once more.

"Absolutely not. Period." _If there was one thing that I will ensure, it is that I will _not_ let her convince me to_—I shuddered at the thought. "Anyways, let's go. We wasted enough time here."

"…Oh, I get it. You're embarrassed, aren't you?"

I paused dead in my tracks, and my face flushed a bright crimson. "Why on Earth would I be embarrassed about something like… like…" My voice suddenly grew quiet. "…that…"

I pulled the trench coat and disguise tighter around my face and body, feeling slightly ashamed as Natalia dragged me to the display in front of the store. I glanced up and couldn't help but think it was… pretty, I guess. My hand blushed along the silky materials as I started wondering what I would look like with this on. I wonder what he would think.

"Oh, hey guys! We're over here!" I briefly saw Natalia waved the guys over to us. Swiftly, I turned to see two red-heads walk over. "They're faster than I thought."

"Wait! Stop! Don't wave them over in here! This isn't a store for males!" Panicked, I didn't notice that I accidentally knocked my sunglasses off of my face as I threw my hands up into the air and shouted the first thing that came to mind. "I'm not a pervert! Really!"

Both Luke and Asch gave me a bizarre look. One of them looked like he wanted to say something but the other one looked at me and turned away with a flushed face. Glancing over at the other red-head, he, too, looked away, seemingly embarrassed. I looked over to Natalia who was indecisive on whether to shake her head or laugh.

"Miss," a store attendant cleared her throat. "It would be much appreciated if you didn't wave our products around like that."

I froze, and slowly, my eyes ascended upwards until I realized exactly what I was holding. I shrieked and launched it away from me. A large red mark streaked across my face. "I-I'm so sorry!"

"Although, if you would like to try it on, I would be more than happy to show you to the change rooms."

"What! No! I—"

"Oh, that's right," she suddenly commented, furrowing her brows as she picked up the bra I threw before staring at my chest. "This bra may be a _tad_ bit too large for you. May I suggest we head over to the training bra section?"

I gawked at her. _She didn't—!_ My eyes narrowed dangerously at her as my face turned bright red. "Excuse me?" I tried to control my anger, but it probably showed in my tone of voice.

"Oh, are you her older sister?" the store attendant faced Natalia, completely ignoring me. "How sweet of you to help your little sister to get her first bra! You must be very excited!" She flashed me an employee smile. "Tell me sweetie, how old are you? Twelve? Thirteen?"

_Don't kill her! Don't kill her!_ My inner voice screamed. _Calm down, Milee! She's just ignorant! Calm down! _"Yeah, somewhere around that age," I replied sarcastically grinding my teeth in the process. "You're just off by… I don't know, _five_ years!"

"You're eight? Really?"

"Eighteen, you dimwit!" I snapped. _Think of a calm blue ocean. Breathe Milee! Breathe! Breathe! Breathe!_

She took a step back as her brows furrowed. As if she didn't catch my insult, she replied, "Quite a late bloomer, aren't you?"

_Screw calm blue oceans! _My hand rested on the hilt of my blade as she still grinned idiotically.

"Miss!" a customer called, waving her hand.

"Excuse me for a moment," the employee, again, flashed me a smile before departing.

"Don't you dare leave—Ahm!" I found two pair of strong arms wrapped themselves around me with one of their hands over my mouth and another placed over top of my blade.

"Milee! Don't cause a scene!" Asch scolded.

"She just… didn't know any better…" Luke muttered quietly.

"Then she shouldn't be working here!" I retorted when I finally managed to break free of the hold over my mouth. "I hate Auldrent! Why does everyone _always_ make some kind of remark about them?! They're not _that_ small, are they?!" I bawled, limping in the arms of the two red-heads. I looked up to see the eyes of the two boys slowly lower. I frowned and snapped, "It was a hypothetical question! That doesn't mean you can stare at it!"

Luke opened his mouth, but I quickly interjected.

"And don't say there's nothing to stare at, you lowlife! If I could flash you to prove that I do indeed have bumps where I should have them, then I w—" I abruptly shut my mouth, not wanting to finish the sentence that I realized that I was about to say. I sighed, following a loud groan. "Come on. We wasted enough time here. Let's go. …Please."

I left in a dejected state, not caring whether they followed after me or not. A burning sensation overcame me and left an extremely bitter feeling from within. My chest constricted, and the air felt hot and heavy. It hurts.

Never had I been so humiliated before.

"Milee." Someone caught up to me and grabbed my shoulder, turning me towards him. I stiffened at the sight of Asch. "Don't get worked up over something like—" he abruptly stopped as he stared at me. His eyes softened. "Milee…"

"I'm not getting worked up over what she said," I panned, avoiding eye contact. I knew my eyes and face had betrayed me. _Only what she said in front of _you_._

"You're crying."

"No, I'm not."

"Not yet, but you look like you're about to."

I faced him, trying to bring out my smugness—though probably, I failed. "Please. If I couldn't care less about how much _you_ insult me, why should I care about what some dumb blonde said?"

"Milee…"

"Why are you even _here_?!" I sharply glared at him.

Asch turned away with an uncomfortable look. "I… saw what happened through Luke: your arrest and imprisonment. I was worried—"

"Yes, because I'm a civilian girl that needs to be pitied, after all," I interjected sarcastically. "Sound familiar?" I rolled my eyes before walking away, leaving him behind.

Just like what he did to me.

On the other hand, the effects weren't nearly the same. He left me hurt that day, and now, I left myself hurt.

I could never seem to win.

I brought the back of my right hand up to my nose and mouth as I tried to silence the sobs that came from within. Lowering my head, I maneuvered around town as a means to escape from the eyes of the others, especially his. Yet, I knew they were all following me behind closely. I didn't stop until I reached my destination, and it wasn't the inn. The Tartarus.

The place where I felt most at home.

I hurried as I made my way to my room, but before I could close the door and lock everyone out, someone place their foot in as I slammed the door.

"Ow!"

"Yes, ow because your foot's in the way," I deadpanned.

"Milee, let's talk," Luke said, pushing at the door as I pushed the other way.

"We're talking, and now we're not. Good night, Luke."

He pushed harder as a result of my pushing. We both frowned at each other as we pressed against the door. I knew it was a stupid idea to play this game with Luke—with anyone considering my size. Before I knew it, I was pushed along with the door, and he came right in. I frowned and sat down on the bed.

"Okay, what do you want?" I sighed in defeat.

The bed sunk a little as Luke sat down beside me. "I know you're a little sensitive to… _that_ subject, but there's no reason to completely shut yourself in this room, and—"

"This isn't _just_ about what happened at the marketplace," I said, playing with a piece of loose string on the hem of my shirt.

"Okay, so it's Asch as well, but that doesn't mean—"

"It's not _just_ Asch as well…" _Although, he's the biggest reason._ I sighed. "It's everything, Luke. Everything. The arrest, distrust, imprisonment, almost getting killed, losing my best friend here, Kamilla's crazy memories—_everything_!" I cried, facing him before lowering my voice to barely a whisper. "I'm tired. I'm so, so tired right now. These past few weeks had been so stressful; there was no time to sort out my feelings. However, now that we're here, away from the war, away from Van, away from any danger, really… and I've been told to relax—it's just… I guess everything suddenly came crashing down on me the moment I lost all control of my emotions."

I felt Luke shift a little closer to me, and my head naturally leaned down on his shoulder. Luke pulled the blanket from behind and dragged it over my shoulders.

"I'm… not really good at these kinds of things," he admitted; a hint of red scarred his face. "But… if you want, you can cry. I won't tell anyone."

I couldn't help but roll my eyes. In a good way. "Thanks, but I'll pass. What I hate more than crying is crying in front of someone. Don't worry, I'll probably end up crying myself to sleep anyways."

"That's not exactly reassuring…"

"You wanted me to cry, and now you don't? God Luke, make up your mind," I said as I pushed him with my arm, and he returned my action. I laughed.

"You're laughing," he stated with a smile.

"Is that so surprising?"

He shook his head. "No, it's just you look better with a smile. When you suddenly looked like you were going to cry back then, I panicked—I think we all did to a degree. You have always shown us your tough side; I never seen you look so… hurt before. I didn't think such a comment would suddenly cause you to break down."

"Well, it's insulting," I stated, hugging my knees to my chest. "You may think those comments are innocent or funny, but every time someone utters some kind of joke about it, it hurts, Luke. It hurts! You and everyone else may not think of it like that, but to me, it's different. It hurts my pride and self-esteem to know people make fun of me for how I look."

"Milee—"

"I'm flat-chest, short, baby-face—I look more like I'm twelve rather than eighteen. I get it—I know. I don't need people pointing it out to me over and over again."

"…"

"…"

"…Sorry."

"…I know…"

"I mean it. I'm sorry for everything I said back then," Luke whispered. "I know I was kind of a jerk back then, but it still wasn't right for me to make fun of you. It's not your fault you look the way you do—not that there's something wrong with the way you look!"

I covered my mouth as I giggled before saddening a little. "I'm not so sure about that," I admitted. "It's not exactly normal to look like a pre-puberic girl at the age of eighteen. I guess this is Fate's funny way of telling me that my time has stopped." I could see him giving me a confused look, and I chuckled. "You know, my mom tried to commit suicide when I was five."

Luke stiffened. "I—"

"She's in a coma now. But back then, I just couldn't get over that fact—no, even now. I have always blamed myself for what happened," I whispered sadly before giggling. "I don't even know why I'm telling you this."

"…What are you trying to say…?"

My lips slowly curved up. "I'm trapped, Luke—trapped in the past. I was never able to move on, never able to get over it. The way I see it, my body is a reflection of my heart. If my heart cannot move forward, I guess… my body cannot either."

* * *

I covered my tummy as a loud growl erupted, and I blushed. "Don't laugh."

Luke grinned. "That's what you get for not eating breakfast or lunch."

"I did eat!"

"Barely."

Rolling my eyes, I quickened my pace. "Yeah, yeah, let's just find Asch and Natalia and go get some food."

It was just a few hours before sunset, and Luke and I were walking along the Tartarus in hopes of finding our other companions. We talked a little afterwards to break the serious atmosphere. It wasn't hard to tell that Luke felt a little uncomfortable about comforting me, but he was trying and that was all that matters.

Unexpectedly, I halted. "I hear voices."

Luke paused as well and we listened. "…Yeah, me too. I think they're on the deck."

As we made our way closer to the deck, their voices became clearer.

"...Some day, when we're grown up, let's change this country. Change it so that no one has to be poor. Change it so that war never happens."

I slowly pushed the door open, and we both peeked at Asch and Natalia as they stared out into the distance.

The princess glanced over at him, seeming surprised for a moment before continuing, "...Let's work to change our country. For the rest of our lives. Together."

_Together…?_ A part of me sunk at the use of that word between the two of them. I sensed Luke's hand on my shoulder, and he gave me a small squeeze for comfort.

"...I didn't say that because you were a princess. Your birth doesn't matter to me. Just do what you can," Asch spoke with a gentle look on his face. They both stared at each other.

I didn't like it; I didn't like the way he looked at her. He looked at her the way he'll never look at me.

And I can't stand that.

Before I realized what I was doing, I opened the door noisily. "There you are!" I exclaimed with faux cheeriness.

Their gaze broke and turned to me. Natalia blushed a little and looked away. Asch quietly sighed, seeming a little embarrassed and a little annoyed.

"How long were you watching us?" he demanded.

I tilted my head innocently. "What are you talking about? We just got here. Heard your voices from down the hall so we came up."

"Milee…"

"Come on! Let's get food! Food! Food!" I chanted as I ran up to Natalia and linked arms with her. "Come on, let's ditched the guys," I giggled, pulling her along. From my peripherals, I saw Luke frown at me as I passed him, but I kept up my façade regardless. Once we were out of hearing distance, I spoke knowing full well I was going to regret this. "So, you and Asch seemed awfully cozy."

Her face immediately turned red to my dismay. "It's not like that…" _I wish._ I thought sadly. She continued. "He was my fiancé, and I knew him since he was born…" She unexpectedly shook her head and turned to me. "But enough about me, what about you?"

"Me? Don't change the subject," I accused.

"I'm not. I think I found out who you like," she smirked triumphantly.

I halted completely and paled as I stared at the princess. "It-It's not what it looks like!" I tried to explain myself as I backed away. _Oh, no, no, no! _I shook my head. _This _cannot_ be happening!_

I knew from years of experience of hanging around girls that they can be pretty territorial over the guys they like. I didn't want to group Natalia in with them, especially after finally considering her a friend, but if she was really serious about Asch, there was no way I could compete with her.

_She's not like that!_ I told myself, feeling ashamed.

"Red hair, green eyes and has a kind heart," Natalia spoke stepping closer to me.

"It's not like that." I casted my eyes downwards.

She laughed—it wasn't a wicked laugh, but a kind, soothing one. I glanced upwards, curious.

"Why do you look like you've done something wrong? I'm not angry. In fact, I want to help you."

What? "Huh?" I said dumbly.

"You should tell him how you feel!" She grabbed my hands into hers and looked at me thoughtfully. "You said he doesn't like you because of the way you look, but I'll prove you wrong!"

_What is she even talking about anymore?_ I furrowed my brows in utter bewilderment. "Why… would you want to help me…?" I slowly asked.

"Because you're my friend!"

"…"

"And friends help each other," she explained. "I know Luke had some difficulties in the past but—"

_Hold on a second!_ "Wait! Luke?" My jaw dropped.

"Yeah, I was surprised as well. I didn't think you like him, but after seeing you two cuddle up today made we realized how much you two really suit each other. Meet me in my room in three hours! I'll give you the chance to talk to him."

I shook my head. "Wait, I think you're misunderstanding—Where are you going?" I asked when Natalia started walking away.

"Back to the marketplace. I have to hurry before they close!" She winked. "I'll show you that you truly are beautiful."

* * *

"Dammit, Natalia…" I muttered in dissatisfaction as I walked along Sheridan's port towards my designated spot.

I shivered a little as the sun slowly started to set on this tiring day. Unfortunately, my day wasn't done.

Not yet.

I tugged on the dress I was forced in, trying to make sure I didn't get it dirty. It felt strange; not often did I wear dresses, especially ones like this.

It was a soft turquoise colour made of chiffon and taffeta. It cling to my body with its strapless A-line style, defining my waistline and chest area. The bottom was layered with more chiffon and glitter that bunched upwards along the dress, leaving the bottom layer with an off-white colour. My hands were wrapped in evening gloves made of the same off-white colour, and my neck was wrapped with a small gold necklace I had borrowed from Natalia. My hair was bunched to one side with blue hydrangea flowers and jewels twisted into it. My eyes felt a little heavy as it was decorated with black, brown and gold around them with a dash of pink on my lips.

I felt embarrassed walking around like this, but for once, I felt pretty.

Not sexy like the red dress in my dreams, but innocent, sweet, and pure.

I felt like Cinderella.

"…Milee? Is that you?" I broke out of my trance as I saw Luke walking up to me from the port. "You look… different…"

I raised my eyebrow, trying not to laugh from his expression. "Different?"

"Not a bad different," he blushed. "You look… female."

I immediately punched him in the gut. "Thanks," I muttered sarcastically. "I didn't notice."

He groaned as he tried to recover. "I didn't mean it like that! You look beautiful, Milee. I'm sure even Asch would be impress."

My heart stopped. "Asch?"

He grinned. "He's waiting," he said, pointing to the meeting place I was told about from Natalia.

"But-But! Natalia told me—" I began, panicking.

"Yeah, I know," Luke chuckled. "When I heard from Natalia, I knew she must have misunderstood, so I told Asch to come instead. Don't worry, I didn't tell him that you would be there."

"But!" I stopped, not sure of what excuses I had not to see Asch. "What do I say to him?"

Luke gave a comforting pat. "I think you know," he spoke before pulling something from out of his pocket.

My red ribbon.

"That's—" I began but shut up when he handed it to me. I shook my head, refusing to take it. "I don't need it. In fact…" I paused and leaned into his ear, whispering something.

Luke frowned. "Are you sure?" I nodded. "Okay... Good luck," he whispered as he made his way back to the Tartarus.

I pouted as I turned my gaze over to a lone figure standing some ways away. I slowly made my way over. The closer I got, the louder I could hear my heart thump. Making a silent prayer, I took a deep breath, gathered up my skirt and took a step forward.

"It's about time," Asch murmured angrily before turning with an angry cry. "What took you so long, Moron—" he sharply paused and stared.

I could feel my face heat up with every passing second he stayed quiet. He slowly approached me with hesitant steps until he stopped right in front of me.

"…Milee…?" he asked, sounding unsure. I didn't look into his eyes but nodded shyly. "You… look like a girl."

I punched him in the gut as well. "God dammit! What is with you two?!" I yelled; my scarlet face turned redder. "Do I really look that weird?"

"N-No!" Asch protested as he tried recovered from the punch. "I was just… surprised. Where's the replica?"

"Not coming," I said, still a little peeved as I made my way over to the railings that overlooked the ocean.

"What's going on, Milee?"

I sighed. _You can do it, Milee. Believe!_ I mentally cheered myself. _Three, two, one…_ "Asch, let's talk," I spoke, facing him. "About… us."

Asch stiffened, looking extremely uncomfortable. "I should go."

"Asch!"

He gave a loud sigh before walking over to me. "I already told you my answer."

Piece by piece, I heard my heart breaking. "I know."

"Then, why are you here?"

"I love you."

He scowled. "I thought you said—"

But I quickly interrupted. "I love you, Asch. I love you so much that it hurts to breathe, to live. I can't stand the sight of you, or your voice, or your touch, or anything about you because it hurts to know that you will _never_ be mine. I understand that perfectly."

He didn't say anything as he waited for me to continue.

"That's why, instead of living like this. I… I want to forget," I hesitated, flicking up my lids to look at him while keeping my head down. "I want to move on."

"Then do it. There's no need to tell me," Asch snorted, sounding indifferent, but I could see the agitated look in his eyes.

I flashed a bittersweet smile. "I wish I could," I whispered, turning towards the ocean and leaning my arms on it. "I wish I could finally bring an end to this… all of this."

I clutched the area over my chest, wanting to cry at that exact moment.

But I won't.

If there was ever a time where I had to be strong, it was now. I glanced shyly at the red-head whose hair had a tint of gold against the backdrop of the sunset. His distant eyes watched me—my every movement as if he was trying to find some kind of hidden meaning behind my words.

I tilted my head and _smiled_.

He flinched, not expecting my latest action. Turning, he stared out to the horizon along with me.

For what seemed like an eternity, we stood there as if frozen in time. As cliché as this situation was, I honestly wouldn't mind it if we were trapped in this moment for all of eternity: the two of us gazing out into the sunset—together.

Forever.

"I… understand," Asch, at long last, replied. "Stuff like this takes time to get over. I'll be sure to keep my distance from you and make sure I don't do anything that will cause you to misunderstand—"

"No."

"…I'm sorry?" The confusion was evident in his tone.

"No," I repeated. Abruptly, I whipped my head towards him with a sudden fire burning from within. I gave him a look that was torn between anguish and obstinacy. "I don't want that."

He frowned. "Milee…" His voice held a sort of warning to it. "You know this is for your own good," he tried to explain. "It was my fault for accidentally leading you on in the first place, and if I continue to—" I laughed, interrupting him. "This isn't a laughing matter, Milee."

I wrapped my arms around my torso as I doubled over with uncontained laughter. "S-Sorry," I managed to say as I grabbed onto the railings and attempted to pull myself up. I coughed to get rid of my sudden amusement before placing a serious look on my face. "Sorry, but I didn't mean it like that. When I said no, I meant that I didn't want to wait. I…" I bit my lips, wavering a little before continuing. "I want to move on as quickly as possible… as in tonight."

He heaved a breath. "Milee—"

"It hurts," I uttered; my eyes stringing at I continued to observe at this man. "But I know it'll hurt that much more if I continue to hold onto this unrequited feeling. So please," I begged. I reached out my hand slowly and hesitantly before brushing it along Asch's cheeks. He didn't move away. My fingers traced slowly to his lips before stopping. I flashed a bittersweet smile. "Just once more… before I end it all. That's my only request."

He quietly met my eyes, studying, judging, contemplating on whether to go against his better judgement. "Milee," he finally spoke. "I really don't think that would be a good idea—"

"Please." I held my gaze. My heart thumped madly, pleading with all its might for me to look away before it hurts even more. As much as I wanted the pain in my chest to disperse, I held my head high and refused to show any more hesitation. "Just one last time. I promise I'll never seek you out again after this. Please… it's the only thing that will calm my crying heart."

He frowned, seeming uncomfortable under the pressure of my eyes. He reached towards my hand that was still stationed on his lips and gently took a hold of it, forcing it back down to my sides.

A sob threatened to surface. "Asch—"

"Just make it quick," he said hastily to my surprised. He looked away into the distant. He wasn't frowning or upset… he just looked distressed.

I held my breath, hoping it'll stop the tears that pressured to fall. _So he hates being kissed by me that much, huh?_ I felt low—unwanted. Staring back at the face of my first love, a sense of hopelessness gloomed. _But, if I don't do this now, I'll never get another chance: a mutual consensus to share an act of affection._ I paused. Was it truly mutual?

I reached my left hand up to cup his face. He slowly closed his eyes.

I stared, feeling my heart fluttered at seeing such an angelic face. _He's actually letting me kiss him!_ A feeling of glee overwhelmed me, but it was quickly overshadowed by another thought. _But would I sincerely be able to forget about him by doing this?_

The battle raged over my desires to be with this man and the logical side of me telling me to end it now.

_Decide Milee… Now!_

I counted back from three with the answer clearly evident in my mind. There was no going back now.

I reached my right hand over to his face while standing on my tippy-toes, trying to reach his height. I stopped just as my face was a few inches away from his. His eyes were still closed, awaiting my actions.

"Asch…" I whispered his name softly and leaned forward.

"What the heck?" Asch suddenly cried, pushing me away before I could complete my masterpiece.

I stumbled, but thankfully, didn't fall. I pouted. "Awww, stupid God-General-like reflexes." Sighing, I waved my permanent marker sadly while staring that the word "Losx" on his face.

"What did you write on my face?" he demanded angrily.

"Well, I wanted to write 'Loser', but you moved so suddenly on the 'e' that it just became 'Losx' along with a long line from your cheek to your chin when you moved," I replied casually as if this was a normal occurrence.

He rubbed his cheeks, seeming to be in the midst of trying to wipe it off. "What the heck? I thought you wanted a kiss!"

I blinked, paused, and then gave a loud snort. "Who me? Kiss you? Ha!" I exclaimed, surprising him. "Why would I want to kiss you?"

"But—"

"Oh, Aschie, Aschie, Aschie, why so disappointed? You didn't fall for me now, did you?" I winked playfully, laughing. "Besides, now that you look like a loser with permanent marker scribbled all over your face, why in the world would I fall for someone like you? Oh wow, who knew it would be so easy to get over a heartbreak. Guess it wasn't actually love, was it? Hahaha."

"Milee!"

"What?" I pouted again, puffing out my cheeks. "I got what I want, and you got what you want—freedom from a crazy fangirl. Perfect, huh?" I flashed him another grin at his faltered look. "Anyways, we have a long day tomorrow. I don't know about you, but man, am I tired!"

"Milee—"

"Good night, Asch!" I waved as I skipped away, but stopped momentarily before looking back and grinning. "By the way, it should wash off in a few days. Cheers!"

I laughed as I brought my legs into a full force run to get away from the angry God-General.

My laughter quickly died down as I rounded the corner and peeked back at his lone figure standing under the dying sun.

My cheeks flushed.

My body ached.

My heart panged.

My eyes cried.

My knees gave out as I fell onto the cold, hard ground, sobbing quietly.

My memories rang out to what I had said to Luke moments ago.

_Burn it._

I silenced myself with my hands as the tears fell.

Cinderella ran away from the ball.

Cinderella lost her only chance with the prince.

But she was stronger than this. She would make it through the night. Yet, for now, just let her cry.

Cry, cry and cry some more.

Cry to release herself from this agonising method of torture called love.

After all, Cinderella couldn't leave anything behind for her prince to find her.

Nothing but a broken message signalling what he had lost.

* * *

**A/N:** Yes, it's finally over. Sorry, all you AschxMilee fans. It had to be done. I might draw the dress I described in this chapter. I got the inspiration from googling Cinderella themed dresses.

Let me know your thoughts! Review and happy 2014!


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